I am still very tired. HA.
I think i got too used to complaining that i am tired.
BUT
i really am very tired.
Yesterday esp. 3 Modules. 9 hours of lessons in a day!
ok la. 9 out of 24 hours is not a lot.
BUT still who can absorb so much.
AND my attitude was freaking bad yesterday.
Oh wells, yesterday is history.
I am now down with sore throat & slight flu.
Soon, fever will come and join the other two.
bOo.

I'm still A L I V E.
lol. my fav reply to people who ask me, "how are you doing..?"
lol.


I am very sian of people assuming of things that they think I thought and thinking that what they think is what I thought. *whatever*


Money is the root of all E V I L.
Money is the root of all P R O B L E M S.


Let me struck a lottery or 4-D or Toto or whatever.
I am not greedy.
I only need enough winnings that can last me till the day i graduate and get my degree. after that i will have my own career. my own income and i don't have to even think about money anymore. It has given me enough problems. enough headaches. this sucks.

I just came back from X-mas cum Thanksgiving BBQ organised by my Dearest boy! =)
I enjoyed myself. I think I have seen almost everyone from PJ AO3 class already. haha.
Oh wells, they are a bunch of nice people! =))
Here's the exchange gifts I got! =)) *happy*



I went to get this gift with Dearest yesterday! haha! and I like it also! and then! ta-da!
I GOT IT!!! =))) Such a coincidence right!!! =)) But he din get the present i bought.
Sathiya got it instead. haha! anyways, I'm glad sathiya like the pressie I bought!
I am glad it is useful! =))



Vipul got this as a ONE DOLLAR pressie. But wells, it doesn't cost $1 la! but it's disqualified! otherwise, it'll be one of the best $1 gift u can get la! =x



Jason got this as the $1 pressie.




Pei Jun made this. It's a $1 gift too. A heart filled with 10cent coins.
One of the best ONE DOLLAR GIFT of the day. :)
My one dollar gift was the other best one.


So anyways, me and Pei Jun, scissors-papered-stoned. and I got the above 3 ONE DOLLAR gifts. and she got the others. :)
FUN ACTIVITY lehs. Meaningful! =))


When I got back, I was thinking. I know most the people from AO3 class. As in I've seen most of them. I am wondering why the class is so split up. They are a bunch of very fun people. I mean, as a class, I think they'll make a very united, fun and outgoing class. It's weird that they have their own cliques here and there.... hmmm...


Anyways! Thanks Dearie for the nice gathering! I made new friends! I had BBQ! I had a nice day! & It's time to sleep now! Tomorrow will be a better day! =))

Auntie was talking to me about the video she watched at my cousin's house yesterday.
It was my another cousin who got married last year. It was her wedding video.
She told me that the wedding held was very grand and she was like "wow-ing" away throughout the whole video! because she never expect, such wedding ceremony to still be held today.
And every part of the wedding is just yeahs! very grand, very spectacular, like those on TVs.
But what I know is mostly, from all the weddings I have ever attended in Jakarta.
All of them looks very luxurious to me.
And that is the kind of wedding etched in my mind since I am a small small girl.
So probably my cousin's wedding will just be one of those.
I'm happy for her.
Because, I believe every girl, deserved to get married in an elegant, glorious & luxurious way.
It'll be after all, once in a lifetime event.
don't you agree with me? =)


and then, when we finished talking, Auntie shoot me with a million-dollar question.
"So, will your wedding be like hers?"
A very good question! I also want to know!
Of course! I have a picture of the kind of wedding that I want.
My elegant, spectacular, luxurious, princessy wedding!
And I still do have and wish and hope for that kind of wedding.
And I still do have a picture of my own dream house.
It's a once in a lifetime event lehs!!! =D


Oh well, don't think so much la huh.
lols. It's too early to even think about it now.
I was shocked! when Auntie asked me. -.-''
Maybe she was wondering, how my wedding will be held IF i get married here. LOL.
which until now is still, 八字都还没一撇...


Let's now get back to books. =))

i am very sad. :(
because my most beloved creative mp3 player pouch is now destroyed. :(
it was very dirty and i tried to wash it.
BUT
now.... the whole pouch is damaged. :'(
the texture of the whole skin of the pouch is.. hais.. just destroyed lar! ='(


i'll never. i really mean, never ever let my beloved things to ever get dirty ever again. :'(
the damage is awful. it breaks my heart! ='(


hais.


anyways, i'm thinking of doing something! hopefully. i can finish on time! =))


I am super confused toO!
I don't know if i should go back or not. I am super stress! i have so many things to do in my hand. i have so many lessons. i really dont know if i should go home or not! :'((

Mr Wong! your IBM assignment qns paper! =))

Last weekend was great!
I get to go West Coast (very long never go already)
I get to enjoy the night breeze. :)
I went shopping on Sat.
I went Kalang with Dearest for some driving thingy & i got to witness on-going marathon running people, on Sunday.


SEE those people running??

MY FAVOURITE guy of that day!!! =))) He is super cool cannn!!!



My fav car of the day!!! the VROOM ! VROOM! sound is NICE~~~~ :DD


My 2nd FAV car of the day! :))


I went shopping for BBQ food at giant, and went Qian Hu to look at fishes on Monday.



I went to meet Mad girl and shopped around AMK HUB with Mad girl on Tuesday. :))
Very nice weekends! BUT i have a BIG pile of work waiting for me to finish! =(((


Speaking of marathon. any one wants to accompany me run the next marathon? next year? 10km? on 30th May? If you want. call me! msn me! text me! Facebook me! or friendster me! as soon as possible! =)))


& wana thank Ade girl for inviting me to Kukup last Sunday!
But i backed out last minute! I so much feel like going 1!! really! Cuz it's really nice in Kukup there! But i feel weird.
I guess I'll get another chance to go Kukup with her again as long as Ade girl invites me again. :) hehes!


AND...
I might be going home next WEDS! =)))


Thank you dearest boy for the nice weekends! =))

I am very happy! I still am happy now. Just that yeahs, there is something else bothering me.
BUT overall, I am still happy. Thank you Dearest for coming, even to just accompany me for 1 hour. It's been very long since I laughed like that! :))
Actually, I am easily contented! not like what you all say! haha! oh wells! I am a happy girl today! :)


I talked to a lot just now.
I hope I din unknowingly offend you or something k?
If I did I am sorry girl. :(
It's really hard being a human being.
We have to care about this and that. We have to make sure our words don't hurt others. But oh wells, this is part of courtesy and part of being polite and everything.
So sometimes, we really have to put ourself in people's shoe and think. I hope I can be the middleman to help clear things out, but, I can't. I am not a saint. Neither to i want to be a busybody to "chap" into people's family affairs. I can listen, provide opinions when needed, but I don't think i will "chap" into it la. I believe in every family, there will be a time when everyone will come to their senses and realise what they have done. so for the time being where they have been doing wrong, all we can do is, to understand and to forgive and forget. If you can forgive you friend, an outsider, then why not your family? :)
So yeahs. I hope the family will come into an understanding soon. :)
I've learnt to put myself in others shoe and think about things, which is therefore why, I am now no longer so 冲动, i don't make impulsive or superficial 判断. Sorry! couldn't think of the english word. =p


Oh wells. Let's be happy! =))


Good nights world!
I hope every single day will be as happy as today! =))

I am very happy today!
Because Auntie cook Fried rice!!!



I was feeling neutral the whole day. Not sad or what k?
just normal. i went to school. then come back, watch show for 1 hr then studied MM. :)
and then ta-da!! at night i had fried rice + nuggets + yong tofu for dinner!
Its happiness can!!!! :)
(click on the picture, it shows the enlarged view!)


It reminds me of my mom's, aling ie ie and ci ching ching's fried rice tho!
My mom's fried rice is the best followed by Aling ie's.
Then auntie's 1 also nice! really! her fried rice brightens my day up!!!!


next time got party or what, just give me fried rice and i'll be happy!!!
hahaha. Oh yeahs, it reminds me a few of my frens who loves fried rice too.
If I am not wrong, i think Ade girl also like fried rice! then my last time the room mates also. :)




This is my boring lect hall. -.-
it's a torture having to face this lecture hall 2.08 every single tuesday, because the lecturer always talk nonsense. =x and you know what, such big lecture hall which i think accomodates 100++ students ,there is only 45 students present inside. and the number keeps decreasing after every single lecture. =x


I dreamt of Bestie girl and her whole family today. :)
The dream was very very long.
I dreamt of my parents too.
So it's like i also don't know how, but my parents and Bestie's family are somehow at the same place. SO my house is there and Bestie's house is also there.
It's not like, hers is in Sg mine in Jkt. It's driving distance away. :)
I was reluctant to wake up from that dream.
It's been very very long since i dreamt of Bestie girl and my parents! :))
Seeing them in my dream, makes it as if i am seeing them from near. :)
oh wells, Bestie girl's having her last paper tomorrow! Jia you & all the best girl! =))

was supposed to have a gathering with the girls today but as expected it's canceled.
i somehow expected it la.
because after so many years, old habits die hard. =x
and i don't blame anyone.
with our current schedule, it's really very hard to meet up.
many disagreements. and everyone is busy with their own company of friends.
i think what makes things worst is, there is only 1 or 2 person who decides on the place and timing.
i was wondering if we all will ever discuss together over msn or facebook or maybe phone conference to decide on a date, time and venue.
Because i think this will be so much better.


and, sorry girl to have to turn you down so flatly over sms just now.
Same as you, I am sick or rather very sick of having to think about the place and date and timing to meet up.
Then in the end, the answer we always get is, "er.. lets meet up another day.."
it's very irritating and yeahs. i don't like it. And i guess this is also why, there's very few of us who bother to initiate an outing. oh wells!
I shall wait for the Big class gathering.
It's not that I don't want to care, but I just can't care so much.
I am taking SIX modules this year and I HAVE TO CLEAR them all.
I need to. I have no time to think think think. and when i really decide on it, the answer i get is, "er..lets have it another day.."


I am one person who will get super irritated when someone tells me something.
Plan this and that, make me reserve the whole day for that event, but in the end, only to tell me that the whole thing is canceled. I can accept excuses, but only sensible excuses. not excuses like, er.. i need to meet my other friend last minute. er... you know.. i am not feeling very well.. er... i woke up late, so i will reach late, so i guess i not gg le, since it wont be nice having all of you to wait for me.
it's just very irritating la. if you look it at another point of view, the above can be quite a sensible excuse, that's why, i already get used to it and i'll usually just say, "ok lo.. i'm fine. lets meet up another day when you're free.. :)"
BUT i think what's worse is, when you've made a promise to someone, only to back out on it in the end.


stop giving me hopes and hopes. I hope i could meet my friends soon. I hope I can do this do that. I am looking forward to this and that.
see? look at all the hopes? in the end, all these hopes will just break my heart.
which is why, i am now learning NOT to have H O P E S.
learning to.

phew! so fast end of the day le!
yst was quite great!
I am grateful, i have companion for my lecture on Monday. :)
And i got to meet Ade girl at Ling Hui hse yesterday.
BIG THANKS TO LING HUI'S MOMMY!
for preparing so many dishes! I hope they did finish d dishes. Cuz they tastes great! :)
Thank You Auntie! :)
And I'm glad to meet with Ade girl after so so LONG!
she's still as pretty as always. :)


hope to meet more of my darlings soon! :)


And today!
I fell asleep on the bus way to school and on the bus home. -.-''
I don't know why lehs! But i am very tired. =x


kkx. Off to pom pom now. :p

I had a very very fruitful Sunday.
I stayed at home and sleep the whole day.
I woke up at 9?
Read my POA,but nothing gets in.
So i decided to just read through it.
Then I had my lunch at 1230.
At around 2? I went to sleep and i slept all the way till 5.
went to shower, watched tv awhile and i went out.
I was thinking where i should go to.
the first place that comes to my mind was west coast. =D
but i didn't go. I had a feeling that something bad will happen if i go alone. so I walked to plaza, walked slowly and went into the library. I sat there till the library closes at 2100.
And I found out that, the library is a very good place to escape to. :)
Then i walked around plaza, when all the shops are closing, I walked home.
Switched on my lappy, chatted with Ade girl and lay down on my bed at 2300??
then I decide to call mom at 2305. =)
talked for one hour and decided to sleep.
BUT
I couldn't sleep.
I was tossing and turning for a number of times but i still couldn't get to sleep.
so i woke up, went to the toilet and walk around my room until i don't know what time.
I had the urge to change up, take my keys and go out for a walk.
but I didn't have the courage to, I don't want to invite unnecessary troubles for myself by putting myself in a dangerous situation.
basically, i just couldn't sleep.
I wasn't thinking about anything.
I promised Mom that i won't think.
Mom said that I am very stupid & silly.
She advised me to just follow my feelings, do what i want to do and not torture myself in this way.
She wants me to take care of my eyes, don't be silly and suffer in silence, because no one will care and no one will ever know.
So anyways, why she asked me to take care of my eyes..?
Apparently, I once cried almost every single day when I was in sec 1 or 2, and my eyes hurts a lot. And it reached a point when I was very very sad, but I couldn't shed a single drop of tear. and it's simply because, my eyes have run out of "water".
And according to my Mom, she said. It's possible to go blind, when you cry too much.
So I listened to her. I cried my last tear out and I immediately stop.
I do hate myself a hell lot, when I cry.
Because It only goes to show how weak i am.



I told her certain things. and she was surprised. She never thought that I will say such things, with such strong determination. Yeahs. She didn't know her girl actually have her own mindset.
She didn't know her girl wanted such a life in future. She heaved a sigh of relief. She told me that, no matter what, who I will be with in future, make sure that person can bring me happiness. Find someone who can really really understand me, have time for me and someone whom I really can communicate with. Because, the first and only reason why you want to get married is, you want to be happy in the next stage of your life and you want to build a happy family with the person who loves you and whom you love. It takes two hands to clap. A relationship is not built with only one person. It needs two. No matter what problems I am facing. I need to find the correct timing to sit down and talk to the person about the whole thing. I cannot solve this on my own. But of course, you need the other party to want to talk about it too la. As she said, it takes two hands to clap.


Recently, there's too many people asking about how are things between me & Stan.
I gave everyone the same answer with the exception of 2 people.
So anyways, please i beg you all.
STOP asking me about how are things.
I don't want to talk about it neither do i want to think about it.
Everything is fine. When you believe it's fine, it is.
Don't worry about me. I will be fine and I am fine.
In the end. Life still goes on. It won't stop just because I am sad or whatever.
I know what i am doing now is not healthy.
I know I need to find a solution to whatever i am experiencing now.
But really, NOT now.
I am drained and I am very tired.


I still do want to continue with this.
I once see a future to this.
I still hope there will be.
still,
It takes two hands to clap.


and, to everyone out there,
haha.
i just feel like saying this.
which is what my Mom, Ade & me agreed on.
If you're not ready for a relationship, then don't get yourself into it.



& you think i don't want to be happy? HAHA.


lastly, please, i don't know i've said this how many times, please don't come to me and tell me about what i blogged, question me, bla bla bla. I know very well what i typed, I don't need you to come and remind me about the things i typed and worst, JOKE about it. I won't tolerate even if you are my buddy or whatever. Because if you don't show me respect, neither will I. Thank you. If you are unhappy about the things i write. you can jolly well. DON'T READ. you don't get any benefits when you read.

i just want enough strength to bring me through this.
i want to continue with this.
in the hope that.
things will be better.
i will be happier.
everything will fall back in place.
and everyone will really be happy for me.
i want us, all to be happy.
because i made the right choice.
it's not the time to shed tears now.
it's not the time.


i needed happiness, remember? :)

my heart still feels heavy every single time it happens.
i know it's going to happen. but then i still can't help it.
my heart still ache, every single time.
i don't want to care. yet it's not right.
because if i no longer care, then what's the point of this all.
but i know if i don't care, I'll be happier. definitely.
because i don't have to think about it.
maybe not happier, but at least, my heart won't ache as much.
yeahs. can someone tell me what to do?
because it's very.
torturing.
tiring.
and.
saddening.


and i am very
unhappy.

bored with studying and studying.
bored with this thingy.
haha.
i don't know if i am doing right or wrong.
but oh wells. 走一步算一步吧！
don't want to think.
or rather. there is no use thinking, because in the end, there'll be no outcome.
yeaps.


the only thing i'm looking forward to now is .. gatherings with the 71s. =)
nothing else because meeting ups with them is somehow confirmed.
the rest are not confirmed, just pure bullshitting. which is equivalent to wasting my time and brain cells, by even telling me in the first place. =x

i am still very tired.
still the talk till 3am in the morning did damage to me.
for TWO days straight i can't concentrate in doing a n y t h i n g. not even in lessons ok?!?! =(
and. JFYI i am not talking to my bf on the phone.
it's not him.
it's a her.
ok la. i dun blame her. haha. lols. nvms.
just that. no more kate night talks when i have school the next day please.
thank you very much.
i mean there are 24 hours a day. choose a time which is better? haha.


i hope i could say something nicer.
i hope i could say more nicer things.
but don't know why.
i can't.
oh wells.
i don't want to think.
i don't want to think.
i don't want to think.


i hope Bestie girl, will come to SIM to study with me one day! :D
everyday also can la! =D


and that day, i went Mad hse right?
Mad girl, u noe. i am still thinking WHY WHY WHY.
I know the whole matter ended like SIX MONTHS ago!
But i don't know wth he did or I did that make her so unhappy?!?!
i still can't think of any.
sian.
it hurts. :(
anw, good luck and all d best for ur last paper on Thursday yeahs!


but oh wells,
i still don't want to think.
don't want to think.
don't want to think.


and oh yeahs. i went to catch Madagascar 2 with him yesterday.
it's quite nice. Funny. should go catch it if you haven't.
It's a pretty nice movie. haha. :D

i am always having that feeling these few days.
haha.
neverminds.
oh wells.


anyway, i went to visit Mad girl.
NICE~~
finally.
after so long, i see her and i talk to her again.
Jia you for the last paper girlie! :)
and thanks for entertaining me just now. :)


i want to go holiday lehs.
i am jealous.
eh no.
not jealous.
more of i envy them
Ade girl & Lh gg to HK at the end of Dec.
Bestie girl is gg to Jap.
Mad girl is gg to cruise.
so nice.
all of them are gg holis.
Oh wells. enjoy yourself girls! :)
but i also wana go for a holis. :(
haha.
have a happy weekend people. :)


oh wells.
.n e v e r m i n d s.

I feel bitter.
no no. i am not emo-ing.
it's just that yeahs.
I still can't get used to it.
I am scared i will make things worst.
I hope i won't make things worst.
I really hope i won't.
I was telling Lh that, now,
in my mind, in my heart, i am forcing myself to accept the fact that.
yeahs. things aren't the same anymore.
now, in my heart, in my mind. i keep telling myself..
If got meet then good, if don't have also nevermind.
so it's like. if he comes to find me then YAY! he is here.
If not then too bad.
Lh say that it's unhealthy.
LH say that, that was like her r/ship with ks.
Its unhealthy.
I know it's unhealthy.
But that is the only way to make myself feel better.
no expectations = no disappointments.


you see, if i let myself have the mentality.
"after school go home. nothing else. weekend just stay at home and study."
isn't it better?
rather than thinking..
"will he come and find me later? after school go meet him or go home? weekend he have anything on? are we going out? am i meeting him?"
thinking about the latter is so. yeahs.
i am sorry. but i don't like the feeling. all d uncertainty.


i don't want to feel all happy and then get thrown down.
i don't want to have any hopes.
because hoping leads to disappointment.
expectations lead to disappointments too.


but i have to understand that.
he is not like me.
he is not me.
because, i meet my friends only once in a while.
and i mostly only meet those who are close to me.
other than that it'll be class outing.
my close friends.
Mad girl, she stays in AMK. that is quite far and she is busy with school and work.
Bestie stay in BP but yeahs. she is busy with school work n her own personal stuffs.
Ade girl is working almost everyday and she has sch and a bf. so like, yeahs. i rarely find her also.
LH i meet her in school every monday. and we grab every chance we have to talk. ask me why i dont want to go her hse when she stays only at CCK. because i feel guilty. i cant go. i kept thinking people are studying hard now. and there u r playing wii?!?! that is why i dont want to go.
Yik Ping. haha. this girl is available. i just need to find time and then yesh i can go meet her.
Heup seng! lol. my neighbour! lols. hahas. can anytime jio him out at night during weekends. but then, go out = spend money. =(


there is another reason why i din take the effort to go meet these close friends of mine up too.
there is a reason. and this reason is the big problem and its the main reason actually. another is i just can't bring myself to go out and have fun. I don't know why. but i just can't do so. i just feel that, sometimes, it's better being alone. because now, i feel that i am a burden to him.



and please. readers. don't come to me and repeat what i typed to me. i hate the feeling of being reminded. i blog because i want to rant. i don't need you to remind me what i rant about. thanks.

i actually created another account at wordpress. LOL.
but then, i decide to come back to the simpler blogger. =D


i am starting to study le.
yeahs. i cannot keep procrastinating le.
i keep telling Shane i will stay in library and study. but never really did so.
today i did stay back to study but for a teeny while only. from 1130 till 2pm.
whatever the reason is, it's no longer important now.
for the next few weeks and probably till exam period?
my goal is clear, to pass all the subjects with flying colours.
I really mean nice nice colours.
I know maybe like, a bit too much if i say i want to get FCH?
is it possible? nothing is impossible right?
whatever it is, i will continue, i will work harder, i need to work harder.
i need to get FCH. I need to. :D


suprosingly, the IBM lecturer inspired me and make me to want to study more lehs. =D
yeahs. no more time to waste.


I am happy that Dearest is starting his work tomorrow.
It'll mean, I know i am not meeting him after school or whatever.
So i'll stop having any hopes of meeting him or going out to have fun during weekdays. :D
So is like, I can fully concentrate on my studies. no distractions.
Of course, i still want to spend time with him la.
After all, it's one of the ways to help me de-stress. :)


and, Dearest ORD-ed today. :)
Happy for him, finally he is a civilian again. Got his PINK IC back ald.
we went Sixth avenue there to have ice cream just now. :)
NICE~~ :)


K le.
Off to do read ups for tomorrow's lecture. It'll be another long day again.
Jia you bahs! :)


To my dearest girls who are having exams now.
JIA YOU & ALL THE BEST OKIES! :)
NO STRESS! :)

this will be my last entry.
m not going to blog anymore.
until i feel like doing so again?
take care people. :)

I am starting on my IBM assignment. :D
Before that, I need to compile and make my IBM notes more study-able.
I just want to get things done, don't want to keep procrastinating.
Year 2 will pass very fast. now is already October 26.
School has started for almost 6 weeks now.
and Final exams is in May.
a few more months only.
no time to waste.
hopefully, hopefully, i can and i will persevere.
i cut down on meeting bf already.
somehow, i am glad that he has his other commitments.
cuz if he is very free, my mind tend to travel over to his.
so it's actually good that he has scouts, archery and other other stuffs. :)
I am glad i am not a "sticker". =p


yesterday was talking to a few people.
hahas.
i feel good lehs.
thanks for talking to me. :)
and
thanks for the short and meaningful conversation. :)


hopefully, LH girl, is feeling better already. :)
let go, life will still go on as usual. I'm here for you okayss.. :)
then Bestie girl, sorry, have to turn u down..
IBM assignment due on tuesday ar!
meet u some other time and we'll go shopping. :)
you, please take care in the mean time.


y am i like "begging" people to meet me.
that's sad right??
Mad girl, Bestie, Heup.
When i ask to meet them,
they ALWAYS turn me down.
WHY?
because. they don't want to disturb me n bf.
-.-''
LET ME SAY THIS ONE MORE TIME.
YOU ARE NOT DISTURBING US!
=(
mostly, if i turn u all down, it will be because i have sch work to finish,
and not because of him.
but i've never turned down any of u. because
u all also never come and jio me out. :'(


okays. lets now..
continue with IBM..

sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
enjoying the present is what matters.
there is no point in making everyone sad, just because you are unhappy with something.
so yeahs, treat as if nothing happened.
if this can make everyone happy,
i'll gladly do it.
everything is fine. :)


they don't like it when we keep repeating and doing the same thing again and again.
to them, it's stupid and not important.
they don't like it when we cant make up our mind, because to them,
if you can't even decide on something trivial, what else can you make decision on.
they don't like it when we request them to do something,
they think that we are treating them as our maids.
they don't like it when we are overly worried,
to them, we are just like their mom and
they can never imagine themselves going out with their mom holding hands on the streets.



don't know is the weather stupid, or i am just weak.
i fell sick again. :(
fever, flu & cough.
this sucks.
the last time i fell sick was at home.
Mama & Papa was there to take care of me.
Mom & Dad would either cook or buy porridge for me.
my maids was there to take care of me.
but i am here now.
i miss home. :'(


and..
this might sound familiar... -.-''
"please last for at least 1 year?! I made a bet" -.-''
haha. let's laugh.


i am not too pampered.
i just want to feel the warmth, being concerned and being loved.

Love wandered inside
Stronger than you
Stronger than I
And now that it has begun
We cannot turn back
We can only turn into one

Chorus

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

Verse

And I'm truly inspired
Finding my soul
There in your eyes
And you
Have opened my heart
And lifted me inside
By showing me yourself
Undisguised

Chorus

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
And I'll always remember
The part of you so tender
I'll be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

Bridge

And I will breathe for you each day
Comfort you through all the pain
Gently kiss your fears away
You can turn to me and cry
Always understand that I
Give you all I have inside

Chorus

I won't ever be too far away to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call

Chorus

I won't ever be too far to feel you
And I won't hesitate at all
Whenever you call
I'll always remember
That part of you so tender
And be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

Whenever you call x2

It hit me quite hard during IBM lecture yst when the lecturer sort of "lectured" me.
yeahs. he is right.Am i sacrificing IBM for my other modules?
my answer to him was a NO and a NO and a NO!
I am very sure of my answer and it came fast, straight from my mouth.
I really didn't sacrifice IBM for my other modules.
I just need the time to rest. That is all.
But in a way, I really am sacrificing IBM for something else.
that is how you will think, how others will think.
and not, how i think.

The conversation.
made me think.
I really am very confused now.
I am scared. Really.
It's scary when you cannot even trust the person whom you think you can trust.
It all boils down to the word T R U S T. again.
yeahs.
I don't know who to trust, who to believe, who to listen to.
The only person/persons,
whom i can believe, always, without any feeling of doubt is/are my
Dad & Mom.
and then as i grew up. the list adds on.
but now. i really don't know who to trust, except my parents.
I know i can trust my Bestie girl.
I am very very sure about this.
She, like my parents, wants the best for me too.
I trust and believe that her care and concern for me are genuine.
Straight from the heart.
This is why, when she said something.
She made me think.
She made me think very hard.

There is something which i hated most apart from many other things i always complains of.
I hate to think.
because when i start thinking, i get worried.
I will think of the most negative outcome anyone can ever think of.
I will think about why is this like this, why and why...?
I will think of, what ifs...?
I will think of, what will happen to me... then...?
In short, I will get very sad, worried and unhappy.

But then, yes.
I need to start thinking.
I need to wake up from my silly thinking of,
"no lah..u think people very free meh..they always think about very complicated things that will make u unhappy. who are u, what benefits them if they hurt u..?"
I cannot stupidly live my life, thinking that, I am very safe at where i am now.
I am very safe. No one will hurt me.
I cannot stupidly take in what everyone says.
You know why i hate to make new friends? Because I don't know their heart.
i don't know what they are thinking.
I only make friends with my friend's friend.
My friends know what kind of person i am, thus, they will think before they introduced any person to me.
When i first got to know one of my friend in SIM.
He used to introduced me to every new friend i met of his.
Now he no longer do so.
I guess i know why.
Because out of 10 of the friends he intro-ed to me.
I never talk to any of them for the second time.

I really don't know what to do,
except, start to be wary of things happening around me?
start to open my eyes and heart bigger so that i could see better.
Human minds are complicated.
Human minds are not simple.
It's sick i know, but it's a fact of life.
Lily girl, needs to wake up from her silly thoughts about life and start to grow up.

You know why i am always very happy when i go home to my parents?
You know why is it, i don't like to go out when i am in singapore?
You know why i hate changes?
I feel safer when i do these things.
I feel safe when i am home with my parents.
I feel safe when i am facing the four walls in my shelter in singapore.
I feel safe when i am doing the same thing again and again.
I feel very very S A F E.
Even when there are unhappy events that happen along the way.
In the end, I just feel S A F E, to be with my parents, to be home.

I have one secret. One little secret that has been on my mind since years ago.
There is this person inside me, whom i haven't been able to let go off.
I still don't know the answer to the question i have in my mind.
I am still wondering if this person exist or not.
I've been waiting for a few years now, 7 years?
I wanted to throw all the memories away.
I threw all the letters already.
The little notes and letters which you said we will pile them altogether when you come back.
BUT certain memories just can't be erased.
all i want is an answer to the question i have.

In three words I can sum up everything i've learnt about life: IT GOES ON..
-Robert Frost-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERALD NG BO RONG!!! :D


tomorrow is the day! =(
i'll be having 830am lesson all the way till 1000pm.
in between, i have no class at 1130 till 330.
but it doesn't help.
i don't know how i am going to survive tomorrow.
bless me bahs. wish me luck.
Wish me lots and lots of luck.
hopefully i will sit through all the lesson and not miss any of the lesson.
yeahs. please. :)


I am getting super irritated with myself,
for always making you angry.
I am so sorry.
Very very sorry.
I know action speaks louder than words.
no use saying sorry, if i keep repeating the same thing over and over again.
yeahs.
i'll try not to irritate you that often ok?
I am sorry........

it's been very long since i last talked to Mad girl.
and she made me smile when she talked to me yesterday.
i miss her a lot.
but i din really talk much. haha. sorry la.
I've been keeping a lot to myself recently.
probably because i am always in school alone.
and after school when i come home, i face the four walls, locked myself in the room.
and again i am alone.
when i am having dinner, i eat dinner on my own,
again i am alone.
when i go to school.
i travel alone.
what else?
maybe this is why, i don't really know how to communicate and talk to people now.
i am weird.
let's accept it.
i really think i am weird.
i want to talk to my friends, but i just can't get the topic to talk about.
i want to be the bubbly, talkative, lame, crappy and cheerful lily again.
but i can't.


i know he is really sick and irritated of me now.
i don't know what to say.
it's not that i don't want to take in what he said.
it's not that i don't want to heed his advise.
it's really not that. i did try.
i want to be happy too.
i hate to cry.
i want to smile.
he is really nice to me.
but me, always so emo emo. always make him angry, worried, frustrated, etc..
i know i can't be pardoned.


oh wells,
wait till i find back that girl..
i don't know where is she hiding..
i don't know who is she hiding from..
i don't know why is she isolating herself..
let's just wait for her to come back again..
i hope it won't be too long..

i am very very tired. but i don't want to rest.
again. there's still alot of things on my mind. and i am super sian.
there is a lot of things waiting for me to do also. :(
my week is almost always full.
and when i reach home, all i wanna do is rest.
nothing else. of course i want some other relaxation la. but then. i don't know.
my days is always books n books n books.
luckily, i have new things to play with now. my new hp & driving lesson is coming up soon too.
hopefully, these stuffs can bring me away from lecture notes and school.
i hate school a lot. :(
oh wells, another 2 more years? almost everything will be over. hopefully.

i get very envious when people are with their family.
I super hate it when i see people take their parents for granted.
i got very envious when i see groups of people sitting together to eat, relax and have fun!
it reminds me of the 71s peeps.
it's been very long since we all hang out together as a class.
hopefully there'll be an outing coming up soon. :)


still very worried for my girls.
Bestie, Mad & Lh.
I don't really know how they are doing now. Cause i don't see them often.
hopefully they are doing fine bahs.


I don't like this kind of feeling.
I don't want to get used to it.
I don't want things to change.
I really hate changes.
Is it always this way.
Is it really like this all the time?
Things do changes as time goes by?
But I can't do anything except adapting to these changes? :(


i wish and i really hope i could get away from
E V E R Y T H I N G
and i really mean E V E R Y T H I N G.
even if it's just for one pathetic day.
i'll still be happy.
but
i am broke now.
and i can't go anywhere. :'(

meaningful song lehs... =)


「稻 香」

　　词曲：周杰伦

　　对这个世界如果你有太多的抱怨
　　跌倒了就不敢继续往前走
　　为什麼人要这麼的脆弱 堕落
　　请你打开电视看看
　　多少人为生命在努力勇敢的走下去
　　我们是不是该知足
　　珍惜一切 就算没有拥有

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡 随著稻香河流继续奔跑
　　微微笑 小时候的梦我知道
　　不要哭让萤火虫带著你逃跑 乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
　　回家吧 回到最初的美好

　　不要这么容易就想放弃 就像我说的
　　追不到的梦想 换个梦不就得了
　　为自己的人生鲜艳上色 先把爱涂上喜欢的颜色
　　笑一个吧 功成名就不是目的
　　让自己快乐快乐这才叫做意义
　　童年的纸飞机 现在终於飞回我手里
　　所谓的那快乐 赤脚在田里追蜻蜓追到累了
　　偷摘水果被蜜蜂给叮到怕了 谁在偷笑呢
　　我靠著稻草人吹著风唱著歌睡著了
　　哦 哦 午后吉它在虫鸣中更清脆
　　哦 哦 阳光洒在路上就不怕心碎
　　珍惜一切 就算没有拥有

还记得你说家是唯一的城堡 随著稻香河流继续奔跑
　　微微笑 小时候的梦我知道
　　不要哭让萤火虫带著你逃跑 乡间的歌谣永远的依靠
　　回家吧 回到最初的美好

YAYS! MY DEAREST BOY IS BACK!!!
Finally after so so many months of not seeing him at all. =)
Spent quality time together. the past 2 days. That's why i went MIA-ing. =x
Cuz when i am with him, i seldom touch my phone. =p
so, i am very sorry, if i din pick up calls or whatsoever the past 2 days. =p
forgive me okies?! =D


Anyways.
HAHA. I am still very happy that he IS surprised and touched by my very very small act. =D
And I am touched by his too! =D
that's why i learn to dote on him more too.
i feel blessed. =D
I must thank Ling Hui girl for lending me her house to make my surprise possible. =D
Thanks girl!


It's great having him back after so so long.
I know, it'll mean, i'll get even more busy.
Because i have to still do my everyday revision. plus.
i know i have another commitment.
But, all will be well. I know things won't go wrong.
Our main goal, is still the same.
I will study hard and work hard.
No problem man.
I know that, even when i am very very tired.
There are still people around me who will give me their support. =)
Thank you!
I will try to be happy at least.
I no longer think much.
Everyday will just be, school, revision & my personal life.
Life's like this. No point whining and crying over it. It's life. =p


I am still worried for my dear girl.
I don't know how she's doing actually. I know she is a strong girl and she has her other sisters with her. but still, i cant help but to feel worried for her. Oh wells, hopefully, she'll get through this soon. PLease do take care! =)


Tomorrow's Shane's Birthday!
Happy Advanced Birthday Shane!
Shall wish you first, before i forget!


and here's my very first time baking cookies with the help of lh girl! =D
and i did make 1 full recipe on my very own without anyone's help. =D
haha! I do have the talent actually. =p

this is nice. :)

Haha! I had fun talking with him yesterday.
Duno why la. just that, i was especially happy when talking to him yesterday. =p
and he is coming back in FOUR days time. =D
then i realised his friend is also from Innova. And i know who the guy is.
As in not my friend but, i know who he is.
Cuz Heup used to hang out with Vic, and this Jasper guy is Vic's friend. Haha.
Singapore is so small. and if he is hanging around with Jasper in Bangkok.
I am more or less "fang xin", not so worried. I don't know how this Jasper guy is like.
But my impression of him, seems to be good la. =)


and my cousin. -.-''
she yesterday 11++PM msn me..

i don't why people have d impression of, when my bf comes back le, i can't go anywhere le.
NO NO NO. all of you are terribly WRONG!
even when he comes back.
I STILL CAN GO OUT LOR!
i have my freedom one ok?!?!
so wanna go anywhere. just text me, give me a call, msn me.
If i am free i will definitely go. =D
because school's schedule been really. *sighs*
i dun wan to say.
next week still ok. i have a little bit of space to breathe. =)
so yeahs. if want to date me. just text me or whatever ok? =D


*arghs*
I have a lot of things to do today.
POA lecture 4 readings. Tutorial 2 & 3.
PBF lecture readings. Tutorial 2.
HRM & IBM readings.
ECONS tutorial 1 and lecture 2 readings.
and lastly BTT memorising.
see see.. i doubt i can finish la.
but i'll finish up BTT, HRM & IBM first. =D


jia you bahs! =D

I knew today won't be a good day. =(
The past few weeks, haven't been so bad.
I thought everything is fine.
I thought I could handle it.
I was right, until today.
I suddenly feel the pressure.
I got very scared once again.
What if...?!?! What if... the same thing happens again?!?!?
the same thing keep repeating on my mind since HRM lesson starts. :'(
I am not confident.
my confidence level is really ZERO now.
I really don't know if i can handle it.
I am very scared.
I really don't know if i can do it or not.
I really don't want to cause anymore disappointments.
I really don't.
I am really scared.


I wanted so much to tell you.
I wanted to pour everything out.
But I don't want you to get worried.
I want you to enjoy yourself.
You need to.
I don't know what you'll be facing when you come back.
All I want is, for you to enjoy yourself, now.
I still hope that you won't betray my trust.

*roar* stomach is still feeling pain! :'(
How am i supposed to go school later, in this stupid state. hais.
Pain pain please go away! :(


i'm done with econs tutorial.
still got to do Econs & IBM readings. :(


I can foresee that today will not be a good day.

Happy Birthday Koko Edi! :)


I am very very tired these few days.
and, what makes things worse is.
I still have so many things to do.
But all i want to do is lie down and rest.
I don't know why, but my whole body is very tired. :(
And I still have such a long day tomorrow, class from 1530 to 2200. :(
God Bless Me.


I am now wondering how am i supposed to carry..
800 pages of HRM notes back from lecture hall to my shelter tml.
anyone willing to volunteer to fetch me from school tomorrow, FRIDAY night at 10pm?
Location: anywhere near SIM building. :D
just give me a call OR you can text me! =D
I'll treat you to supper after that. =D
I am serious, I'd rather treat you to supper than donate the money to taxi-drivers. =p


and I am determined to go on a diet.
I'm getting fatter and fatter each day. :(

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri! :)
Happy Birthday Bashirah! :)


This year's Hari Raya. Got to stay at home. :(
No longer like previous year's hari raya season, when the S71 will go house visiting.
Shall accept the fact that everything changes.
Yeaps.


Primary school friends.
I am only in contact with Bestie, Dewi & Sooyan now.
The rest we still talk once in a blue moon.


The usual clique i'm with from sec 1 to sec 4, I don't really keep in contact with them now.
Yes. I miss them, I miss talking to them. I miss the fun i had with them.
But, I guess as time passes, everything will just pass.
I just find it weird to blend in with the group again after a few years.
Will try though. Hopefully, will get a chance to mix with the group again. :)
But surprisingly, I am now still in contact with my neighbouring schoolmate, like Hb, Jor, Yz and some others. =x

My dear S71s.
Now, I am only in contact with Mad, Mel, Mirna, Touty & Gerald.
It's sad isn't it? We used to be a big group of people.
Had phone conference once in a while.
Crap on msn once in a while.
Now, we don't even sms each other. Let alone phone conference or msn.


Now in Uni, I only have FIVE pathetic friends Ling Hui, Shane, Hendra, David & Zhen Yi.
And another 2 "hi-bye" friends Jesline & Shrada.
Maybe i am too anti-social la. =x


And one good news is, finally they are willing to return him back to me next Thurs and so i can stop worrying and everything. :)


No offence ar, but i think that place is scary.
I mean, how could you do light exercise and die?
how could u walk and die?
Isn't it weird.
Maybe it really has got nothing to do with the training and stuffs.
Maybe it's just that their time is up and they have to go.
Maybe God wants to take them away at that point in time and so how they leave us doesn't really matter anymore? They just have to go? Without saying goodbye?
I am always wondering if people who are leaving will have any premonition.
Did they actually say their last words to their family.
In the case of the old, I think there is. Because they'll want to make sure every single one of their family members is there ald, then they'll leave.
But for the young? Did they bid their parents and everyone goodbye beforehand?


Oh wells, no matter how sad and unhappy we are, ultimately.
Time heals almost everything. Just give time, time.