y couldn't it be simpler?
y can't i just live through this and when the time comes, just take it away from me, without me knowing? at least it wont hurt that much.
I really don't know how i should go about doing this.
u tell me.
someone tell me.
i really don't know how.

back in Singapore.
the feeling inside kind of sucks.
everything i have down here since then, seems wrong.
i know i need to do certain decisions. i need to carry out that decision, but i cant bring myself to do it.
lets wait and see, lets see what happens.
it's something, which, i need to bear the consequences if i dont follow or whatsoever.
lets see how.
the sight of the school makes me sick.
whatever.


i need a saturday and sunday job. any job lobangs?


anyways... i now have a PINK mouse to match my PINK lappy. how nice. at least this made me happier a little bit.


i miss home.
i miss BALI!


arghs. whatever, got to start tidying up my stuffs.
got to start tidying up my notes.


p/s:
if u don't like me updating my blog, don't like reading whatever shit is in here... then please KINDLY, don't come anymore. That will be better than, you reading and then coming to me to kbkb..

5 more days. I dont feel like going back there. HOW?
Ade girl once told me that, since i dislike staying in SG so much, have i ever thought of leaving there and come back to jakarta with my parents.
Actually, yes, i ever thought of that before.
but i know the place here and everything, dont really suit me. I cant go out on my own, I cant do much here. well, yes yes, if i really have to stay here, i will learn to adapt to the situation here. WHatsmore, i have learnt how to be more independent here. i dare to go out on my own ald. so, it's really, yeahhs.. sooner or later i will learn.

sometimes, i really ask myself, what is it about singapore that i dont like.
actually there i sonly one reason why i hated that place, why i hated going back there.
It's all because, i hate being alone there.
I dread having to do everything on my own.
I have said this a lot of times. So yeahs.. I just dread being alone there, not staying in my own house and everything.
I hated being alone.


whatever it is, no matter how much i hated going back there and having to fend for myself alone..
i know i have to go back by the 23rd and that is it. I just have to go back..


I know in the end, no matter how i dislike certain things, when it comes my way, i just have to do it. I have no choice at all...


wish me well bahss...

sometimes, its not really about what people say, how people want me to do this do that, it's what i want to do and how i want to do it.
I also wish, i could pick up the courage to do things i want to do and face whatever outcome. It's funny how certain things can happen and then POOF! everything is gone again.


what my cousin said is right. I can only choose between A or B.
If i choose A, i will lose B and vice versa.
Its the rule of the game. No one can have the best of both worlds.
So now, i need to do that, no matter how heavy my heart feels, no matter how sad i am, no matter how difficult the situation will be, I know, i will need to go through this again.
I haven't been honest with anyone, i haven't been honest with myself also. Deep inside me, I really know what I should do and how I should do it, but I am afraid, I am scared of the consequences. I cannot afford to fail again.