The CNY wasn't as bad as i thought it will be.
Thank you for the companion! =)


so the past few days of CNY was...
Chinatown, Fireworks, visit to Stan's Grandma hse, Roti Prata, Changi Airport, Inkheart movie & Bowling!


NOT bad. at least, i didn't spend it alone.


AND


I am very proud of myself, because I didn't cry today.
i was very upset and was kind of irritated because i was jealous and i almost cried, because i feel very terrible inside.
due to the fact that...
while i am in d room A L O N E, they were laughing and having fun outside.
NO! it's not wrong for them to be happy. But i was jealous.


However...
A smile from within my heart, made the day a bit more happier. :)

i seriously feel that.. i am the biggest fool alive.. -

Am i the only one who feels this way, or is it..
really, the festive mood is just not here?
can you feel it?


I can't.

SOMETHING is still a little bit wrong inside there...

SOMETHING made me reluctant to text my friend. 

haha.

it's funny isn't it?

I really find it amusing, ridiculous and so.. weird and i am actually a bit unhappy about it. 

there is no doubt that i put *...* dear in my heart.

but, there are a lot of moments when, i get really frustrated, to the extent that, i don't even feel like text-ing or even call. Because, I get really tired. It's not once, its not twice, it's everytime. there is always NO reply.

So i guess, what i can do now, is just.. wait.. 

THREE more days to CNY.

I don't feel a single tinge of happiness in my heart.

I can't even feel the festive mood.

there is ONE thing on my mind now.

only one thing.

S T U D I E S

yeahs.

that is the only thing on my mind now.

other things.

relationship..

friendship..

kinship..

I'm putting them all aside.

Not that i don't care.

I'm just trying to 大事化小，小事化无..

so in short, I will take it as if nothing happen.

i'll forget about everything the next day.

I always believed, 

if quarelling doesn't solve the problem then, don't quarrel. 

yeahs.

what will be, will be.

what's coming, will come.

just do it! :)

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went for a musical concert yst at Singapore Conference Hall with Stan!

IT'S very nice! the whole concert was GREAT!

I enjoyed every moment of it!

It's like, the band ( Sparks Wind ) is really great!

especially, when you see how happy they were bringing music to the audience!

you can't help but to enjoy every single moment of the concert with them! 

Thank you Sanjay for the tix!

Thank you Stan for bringing me there!

The next concert will be on the 28th June 2009, Sunday at 3pm at Esplanade.

Anyone interested?

It's FOC!

I suddenly have an idea!

S71 peeps, lets make that our class outing! HAHA! =p

I'm really bad, selfish, lousy, ugly, idiotic and probably the worst girlfriend on earth.
I mean.... yeahs...


All along, I've been telling people, that it's not that i hate them or dislike them.
It's I'm scared of them. I really am very scared of them and i really am scared of them.
The thoughts of having my own dogs running after me is really scary.
It's like, they can't wait to get a bite of you...
In the midst of me being scared, and very unwilling to try to have anything to do with them, somewhere deep inside me, i told myself. I need to try. I need to give it a try.
I don't know how i am going to do it, but I know I have to try.
But then, somewhere inside me, I also know what will or what might happen if he really adopts the Husky.
I am already scared of a Chihuahua, now u want me to get near a Husky?
Its a little bit, way.......
I really don't know what to do.
I am scared of what will happen, but at the same time, I want him to do what he loves.
What I had in mind is, I hope he'll just go ahead with the adoption and do what he likes.


I don't want everyday to be so bitter.
I don't want everyday to be so sad.


I want everyday to be happy filled with quality time spent.

I bumped into him on the bus to school this morning.
I was surprised.
at the same time, I am angry.
I don't hate him, but I can't accept what he had done.
Then, it brings back memories again.
Luckily, he didn't shift in and he probably don't recognize me, or maybe he do recognize me but, he don't want to say hi.
because, if he did recognize me, said hi to me.
i know i won't be nice and i would probably just ask him questions after questions...
why? why? why? and more and more why?
maybe probably, he didn't think what he has done is wrong, which is always the case with them.
but then, i want to make it known to him, that he is wrong.
you know what i think..?
if he really did say hi to me just now and talked to me, i think i wont make it to school.
i think i would just want to clarify everything.
I want to know why he did that, why he did something so hurting to my dear girl.
i cannot take it.
especially when, i've seen how happy she is when they are together.
I was grateful of his presence then. because he did something constructive to my dear girl.
I never thought he could be like every others who in the end just break people's heart, with no proper ending.
I mean, if you want it to end. at least end it properly.
Maybe, probably and again maybe, the hurt won't be so deep and she could have gotten on with her life.


It's not easy for two person to be together.
you really need to understand each other very very very well and you need to take in all their short comings, accommodate each other, commit to each other and a lot more.
I realize it is really not easy.
It is even more difficult to get into the stage of marriage.
I guess, until I am certain I am ready and i am very certain that my partner is ready, only then, will i take the courage to step forward. Otherwise, I won't.
Because we know, marriage is not a one month or 1 or 2 years thing.
It's a promise between two people which will never end.
and when , i realize that, even now, we don't keep our promises.
how on earth are we going to keep a promise that needs to last forever?

no amount of explanation will help.

no amount of talk will help.

i haven't done my best. 

its getting very confusing and complicated.

i wish i didn't get myself into this.

i wish things doesn't have to be this way.

It's pretty sad, when u realise that, it's all just talks. 

nothing but talks.

talking for the sake of talking.

saying things for the sake of saying it.

I don't know if u ever mean what you said, but I must say, as your friend. 

I do, am very disappointed with the things you do. 

I asked myself several times, if u r really my friend, do you see me as how i see you. 

If so, why is it, i feel that, we can be very close friends one day and stranger in most of the days. 

but, like what i've said before, i'll take a step backward from your life. 

I'll be happy as long as you doing nothing to hurt yourself. 

I'll be happy as long as you are happy.

It doesn't matter to me anymore, how you see me. 

Whether or not you take me as your friend. 

It doesn't really matter. anymore.

Lucinda added me on fb!
and FB
brings back alot of memories.
of pri school, lower sec and SJAB!
some unhappy and happy memories!
I realise i only have a teenny weenny bit of memory of my upper sec life.
nothing about the class. just mine and a few others.
pictures really speak a thousand words!


last year, i bumped into Dinie!
last week, i bumped into Shuang Ai at Clarke Quay!
I am happy that she recognized me and called me! thanks girl!
I realize, i am happy when people recognize me on the streets and called me!
it shows that I have friends and i am worth remembering! =)))
Really! I guess certain things just can't be erased from our mind.
I have a lot of friends, whom i don't usually keep in contact with, but when we bump into each other on the streets, a simple smile, a hi! and a bye! makes a lot of difference.
It doesn't really matter whether or not we are close friends, fact is, we did ever were classmates, if not school mates! and that is enough! =)


I am happy today!
Because, i felt that I actually, do have friends! =))


and


HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TRICIA! =)

I realised, this year is a very important year to me. 

1) I need to revise & study well and get good grades for my final exam in May.

2) All my girls and buddies are turning 21!

3) I am turning 22, getting older and older, so i must get wiser and wiser too!

4) I need to pass my driving test.

5, 6, 7 ,8, 9.....

a lot of decisons need to be make and I need to make the right decisions.

I can't believe I am turning 22 this year! this is not good! 

真的不知道前面的路像什么。。
可是还是得勇敢的往前走。。
一直以为，我需要依赖一个人。。
但是， 我发觉到， 有时候，
独立并不是一件不好的事。


今天的我鼓起勇气， 自己离开了他的家， 心理所想的就是，
不想要打扰他休息。。
以前的我会，怕这，怕那。。
今天我不一样了。。
不想那么自私，不想太自我， 不想要只顾虑我的感受， 忽略你的感受。。
两个人在一起， 毕竟就是要互相体谅，互相爱护。。
很抱歉如果我的所作所为伤害了你。
我并不想的。


我不知道，我会坚强到何时。。
我只想要， 一步， 一步的走下去。。 :)

I AM PISSED!
There is something REALLY WRONG WITH MSN!
Before i went back to Jakarta some of my contacts are auto deleted.
NOW, TODAY! ALL MY CONTACTS ARE DELETED!
I really mean ALL!
like what the hell!
So, NOW, I can't talk to anyone on msn!
Because I don't have their email address!
So I can only talk to you, IF YOU TALK TO ME.
then I'll add you back to my msn.
SO yeahs. TALK TO ME on MSN. Thanks!
I'm so pissed lar!
Duno is BO LIAO & STUPID ppl hack my acct OR there is something wrong with the whole MSN!
hmphs! :(
who the hell wana hack my acct right?!?!

I'm back from home! :)

the past 12 days were GREAT! =)

SHOPPING! FIREWORKS! DINNER! FAMILY BONDING!

I'm happy and i'm glad i went back home!

and. haha. i am now back here again. got to study study well for exams!

a bit sian. but i got to do what i need to do. =)

will be fine. 

soon exam will be over and its break time again! :D

I know i am late! but Happy New Year! :)

I know it's not easy to get out of someone's life. it's really not easy.. 

but that is what i am going to do now... 

I think i am now trying to get out of my friend's life.. 

I think that you are already doing well. and i think you no longer wants me to bother you and stuffs. so i guess, i will take a step backward. when you need me i'll be here. but i guess i won't take the initiative to go find you le. I'm sorry, i guess all my friends know me le bahs. 

When i called my friends, i only let the dial tone ring for FIVE times. you don't pick up, i won't call again...

When I msg my friends, you don't reply.. then.. you won't hear from me until u msg me again. haha. i know sometimes there's connection error and stuffs. heee.. 

haha. yes yes! i am THIS weird! who on earth go calculate how many times the dial tone rings right? LOL. I think only me lehs! haha! yes I AM THIS WEIRD. Don't blame me. I've been like this since I don't know when. and... I am rather straightforward ba. 

If I don't want means, I don't want. 

because I myself HATED waiting and waiting for answers, so, when you want an answer from me, i'll give u a reply as soon as possible.

So it's the same for me too, if i ask u a qns i expect an answer.. and when there is no reply, i usually take it negatively.. NO its not having negative thoughts about you. It's just that, i take your answer as a no.. yeahhs.. :)

i hope and i always hope that you'll live your life happily. 

no more cries, no more tears. Just smiles and happiness.. :)