Hello world. Its 00:59 and i cant sleep so i shall blog.
I went out to a house warming today.
Stanley's uncle house. Its a condo near serangoon - woodleigh if im not wrong.
His uncle house was at the top floor. The highest level - 15th.
Didnt really have a nice view. The uncle said that right upfront used to be a while stretch of graveyard which has been cleared and its now a nice green patch of land.

The unit itself is cozy its a 2+1 unit meaning one master bedroom, one small bed room and i guess the plus one is a study room. The size of the house is patheticly small. BUT it has a long stretch of balcony and i have to admit that its cozy. Well having paid around 1mil for that condo. There has to be something good about the house right? So yeah nice small cozy place. I wouldnt mind staying there. But i wouldnt pay 1 mil to buy a condo here. I'd rather build my mansion in indonesia. :p enough for 3 generations to stay in. Haha.
Ok anyways,
Like many other condominium, each of the settings is almost the same. Swimming pool garden playground.. Its a new condo so everythg is new, everythg is nice and beautiful. Hope it remains that way.

His uncle is an inspiration. He went to ite, poly then uni and now an engineer bringing home a 5 digit paycheck every mth, so THATS something. Proven that if we work hard anythg can be accomplished?
And the best is his uncle is a humble man :) I guess he is really quite wealthy? To own a hdb and 2 condos in spore. There's very little of such ppl ard - rich but humble.

And since i am very free. When i m packing my thgs to shift into cousin's i guess i will snap photos and show how i organize my stuffs to prepare for shifting and to also make it easier for unpacking. :)

Alrighty, good nights! I shall go try to catch some zzz. Its already 01:13 now.

Nighty nights! Hope it'll be a better day when everyone wakes up. :)

Actually i feel really stress. Rather maybe i am stressing myself. Cuz i want to be better than everyone else. My two cousins they r about the same age as me. In fact they always say that the 3 of us are of the same age.

Look at them and then look at me. They already bought a house in Singapore. while i am still in deficit. They already started giving their parents better life. But mine is still working hard. I came to spore way earlier than them but they r already a citizen and a pr. While i am still struggling to get a work pass to work here. Sometimes i ask myself whats wrong with me. What did i or my parents do wrong. Maybe i shouldnt even come here. Maybe things would have been better. And i get really frustrated now when my family at home asks me when am i going back. They miss me, but i miss them alot more too! And i do wana go back and stay for a while to let all these steam off.
I flared up yst when dad keep asking me when m i gg back. Cuz i am irritated with the qns. Just like when my mom ask me whats the plan now. I also brushed her off and said no plan and stop asking me that. Perhaps, ask the one who has grasp of all these. Dont ask me cuz i know nothing!!!
I am waiting aimlessly. I hate all these waiting. But no one understand. Ppl always think that i can just go to MOM ICA and blabber but who cares abt me really, i am just a foreigner, they dont give a damn about whether i have been here for 15 over yrs or just 1 yr. i am just a foreigner to them.
It doesnt matter to the govt agencies whether all the employers who offered me a position in the company all gave me the same remark as of why do i still need a work pass when i have been here for so long. To them i am a sporean. More spore than many sporean.
But does it matter to the relevant parties processing my pass or my pr? Bcuz what matters to them is the money i am getting per mth. What matters to them is how much tax i have paid. And what matters to them is whether i will be of value here. Whether i can contribute much in their so called economic bla bla bla.

I am shifting nx week. As much as i am excited about staying with cousins cuz i will feel more at home. No more waiting for toilet. No more being alone. No more hvg to tolerate outsiders nonsense.
But i feel inferior. Cuz thats their house, not my house.

Sometimes i probably just think wayyy too much. Maybe? But arent all my thoughts real?

Oh and i just got offered another job in another company. Signed the employment offer yst. Applied for pass. The most AWESOME news is, well.. The current status of my pass as of this morning is... "...expected outcome is 2 months" LOL.
Lets just wait and see. What will happen again. I guess history might just repeat itself. Lets clap. somehow those intelligent ppl/ system think that companies CAN wait 2 months to hire someone. Awesome. Brilliant and clever people..
Too much of such talent here.
Their talent and intelligence cost me to lose the job offer at a rather big MNC located at Bugis!!!!! That job i lost, comes With awesome job benefits and awesome prospect. Thank you awesome, talented and intelligent people for taking THAT away from me.

Tuesdays

I began to wonder if its really every tuesdays that i m feeling such.
I wake up, again with no sense of purpose. I have nothing in mind and nothing up my sleeves. I wana get away. I wana travel!
Or just let me just start working already.

M"**% replied my so called email. It was a useless reply. In my mind its a might-as-well dont reply email.

Why?

Being. They didnt tell me something new. They told me everythg i already know, in short its just for formalities that they reply. Just because the email sent to then was forwarded from the P+++ office.

Lol. Sorry for the blanks and all.
But yeahs i am frustrated. :(

And weird enuf this time i am also hoping that my monthly will come soon. Its wayy too delayed!! I need to have it soon. Pimples have been popping every single day!!! Shucks!! Scars here and there :(

I guess i should just stop stressing and just live.

I have been spending money like crazy.
Got to stop!!

...

I woke up this morning not knowing wat to do. I wana escape from this place, i dont know what to do. I have no plans for the day except wasting the time away. I want to do something productive. But i dont know what it is.

I hate this situation. The unknown. I have been waiting for very long. Have wasted more than enough time. I dont want to continue anymore. I m tired. Not from walking not from running. But from doing nothing. I m sick of thinking. Planning. When in the end the outcome never fails to disappoint.

I cut myself yesterday. I didnt really know how i got the cut either but for there's one instant that I wish the cut was deeper, so that it overwhelms the pain i feel elsewhere.

The biggest wrong decision i have ever taken in my life is to come here. This place. Its nothing but an empty hole. A hole that i guess i wont be able to stay in any longer.
Maybe it is predestined. Maybe i shouldn't even be here at all. Which is why there is so much obstacles.

This place is just nice on the outside. But inside its rotten.

Im currently very sensitive to the word and action, waiting. And i hate waiting. If u wana meet me and u made me wait for u. Thats it. Goodbye. I dont want to wait anymore!!!
And stop asking me why is it like this? Why i am saying this. Why i am asking. I wish someone can answer all the whys i have in my mind.

Okay. My attitude is getting worst. No excuse to blame it on the pms cuz its late again this mth and still havent come yet.

25!

This is super random. But being 25, i cant help but feel really OLD.
I have asked myself times and many times wht i have accomplished.

Erm.. Not much.

But i have always wanted to travel! Thus, i have a dream job in mind which WILL allow me to travel. But i really dont know why again and again i failed the interview.
That sucks. :(

I really hope and wish and hope that i will be able to nail and get that dream job by this year! I really wana travel!!!!!!

I hated being at the same place for too long. Doing, nothing.

I have been mei shi Zuo for 1mth+ and trust me, the feeling is really 很烦!
Its not like i have a big bungalow with a inhouse swimming pool or a big garden or a squash court or a gym room where i cn 消遣 when im bored! :( i have nothing. Except four walls and a novel!

Yea i am picking up reading! Lol! After all these years!!

Dear God, i really wish my PR will be approved soon. And sorry for being greddy but i do want to get that dream job, i hope in this life, that can be accomplished.
Thank you in advance :)

waiting. planning. shifting

So I have been waiting for my NEW Employment Pass as well as PR appeal to be approved. been waiting for weeks now. I hope results will be out soon. good or bad, whatever it is, just let it be out soon. so i can move on. i have been very positive. I HOPE THEY WILL ALL BE APPROVED. of course, humans, being greedy us. we hope something even better will happen. like, i am hoping more for my PR appeal to be approved, so i don't have to go through all the hassle of waiting for my work pass to be approved, so on and so forth..

money in the bank is slowly depleting. so i really NEED a job asap. :(

and cousin bought a house. I went to view it for the FIRST time yesterday.
and yes, initial, first time look, i didnt really like the place. cuz, its just second floor. big rubbish house is just probably 20 steps away. its pretty rather quite far from the mrt station. the house is OLD. needs a lot of fixing. if its me, i probably wont buy it. :/
BUT then again, as i have been practising positivity recently, i shall hope that, after all the renovation, like scrapping off OLD paintings, OLD cabinets, put in a fresh set of painting and fresh set of beds and cabinets. the house will look NEW!
I am looking forward to that!!! so i will definitely love the place!
happy for cousin that she finally got her dream come true! she has an asset in her hand now! congrats cousin! :D
being 26 and has a property under her name, thats just awesome! :D

so i am having my plans now. i wana do something new, at least towards the end of this year, i need to accomplish all the plans i have in mind.

1) LOSE weight!
2) DO better make up! on my face! at least know which foundation & concealer works best for my face.
cuz gone are the days where my face is perfectly polished and clean without any scars.
current face condition is just, not suitable to step out of house to meet people.
3) start saving towards my 2nd 5 digit figure!
4) Being happy that i lived! throw away all the negativity in life :)

Its a brand new week! have a great one! <3 p="p">