i duno if that orientation thgy on the 14th is impt not..
cuz i dun wana go back sg that earli.. =(


now i have sth else to worry about.
PLACE OF STAY..
thanks arh.. i always have endless thgs to worry about...
school is no longer a problem but now.. place of stay...
wth...


i hope my bestie girl is doing very fine..
bestie girll...
miss talking n crapping with u...
& oh my god... i am the one who actauli says i dont wana stay there.,.. will tell u more yea1!!
tc!

life hasnt been good...
it's expected.. those letters... most of u have received yea???
im now landed at SIM...
good thg or bad thg...???
i also duno... im still having second thoughts about studying there...
msg me... to tell me if i shud just study there nots... =XXXX
really still having second thoughts...
blahhs... so ma fann...


anw.. hope mad girl.. is well already...
girl... dun tink so much k??
got anythg just msg me lo...
im just a phone call's away... =)))


hope bestie girl & ade is doing fine too... =)

so many people are falling sick.. =/
my dear yik ping & mad are not well too...
get well soon yea!!!
yst was the very 1st time in almost 2 years that i talk to yik ping again..
its not tt we quarreled or what...
just din really contact each other d past 2 years...
we are busy girls u see... =/


she still dare ask me... "u noe u how long din talk to me ald not?"
i shud ask her d qns back also ryt...
y must i be d 1 to contact her??? LOL... *childish*
in friendship it doesn't matter who contacts who first...
what matters is...
no matter how long we din get to talk to each other,
as long as when we get together again and the bond, spark is still there...
u can be sure that u will have this friend of urs for LIFE.... =)))
I'm glad i have these wonderful girls in my life...
just like my bestie n me... after primary sch..
we practically din meet up at all for the whole of sec 1 to sec 3..
its onli until sec 4 after we had our prelims that we meet up..
but our Friendship is still so strong.. =)))
so fast.. 3 years has passed... =X
and we've known each other for how long???
about 8 years le.... =p
meet up soon k bestie!!! =)))
dont always sooo sian!!!! =p
anyway talking to her has always been fun..
we reali can laugh at anything... =)))


well well..
those who have been busy with work + projects + exams..
My dear pig girl... dun overwork yeahs... take care!!! dun stress up..
divide d work.. dun do EVERYTHING urself...
for goodness sake u r not a superwoman who can finish everythg urself...
dont stress yea!!!
take care! =)


She who is having relationship problem..
u noe who u r... get over it soon yea!!!
believe me u can do it derhs!!!! =)))
jia yous!!!
hope u will get over it soon!!!


Mad girl... get well soon yea!!! drink more H2O... =)))


lalas.. btw.. there is altogether 20 songs in my blog..
those who are too free..
hehes.. enjoy it!!! =)))
have a nice day!!!

had a great talk with Dewi just now..
its nice when u have friends who supports what u says.. =p
hahas..
tuition later... =/
i guess... letters wont be coming in again today..


this cousin of mine gona have her house renovated next monday n tuesday...
new sofas.. new cabinets.. new look..
their house seriously need a new look...
as in..
like this is d 1st time i c a house whose paint has the same colour as the whole block's colour.. =X
a change is definitely good... =)
hope it'll look more homey.. more cozy...
so i'll be homeless for monday and tuesday.. =/
hmm...
mayb i should just go back on thursday.
to avoid all the unnecessary troubles...


should i or should i not??


my heart still wants an answer...
bestie girll... i din succeed in THAT... =X

I scribbled a lot of stuffs on my diary today.
A LOT.
super emo again.
i am super scared that i can't get into any university (including SIM)
i called dewi, but it doesn't help.
then bestie sms-ed me.
but when on msn.
i am really sorry, i just wasn't in d mood to talk
i hang up d phone on my parents.
i was very upset.
and my sms reply to dad didn't help much.
i practically ask my dad not to reply my messages.
i'll know what i should do and not bother them with my stuffs.
i was really upset.
i just sit down there at one corner, crying and crying. like what's d use??
i so upset that i really don't know what i should do.
i promised my mom that i'll never utter the word "suicide" again.
yet today, i had the thought again.
i even had the thought of not schooling anymore.
this whole thing is really freaking me out.
now it's not bcuz of this house.
it's me.
i'm at it again.
i'm so sick of myself.


remember during outing night.
mr sim was saying, i looked very stress and
everything on my blog is either complaints or posts that scolds people.
i think my whole life is so screwed up.
the only thing i wana do now is.
go back HOME.


i knew and know all along that life IS very very unfair,
but is there really nothing that i can do to change anything?
there are a lot of W-H-Y-S in my mind now..
i duno who to ask.
cuz i noe no one will know the answers.
we've been guessing and guessing, we'll never know the right ans.
unless i make the move to ask him myself.
i cant beliv that i actually told his friend about it.
i am grateful that he din blurt it out when they met up on sunday.
i just hope he'll stop pairing me up with him.
cuz yeaps.. im almost there in forgetting about everything.
not onli this.. there are other questions. not just this thingy..
family politics?!?! *crap* i duno y they care so much..
is money really the root of all evil???
are those alphabets really THAT important??

Damn.. i really wasted 3 months here doing CRAP.
all those stuffs that i put up with..
all those tears i shed for..
all those stress i put myself into..
all the money i earned all gone down the DRAIN.
In short, i just shouldn't be here.
I made a grave mistake..

yesterday's class dinner.. was OKAY... =)
at least a number of us turned up...
mad, bash, ying, gerald, mervin, idhzuan, shawn, ttc, calvin & Izwan...
plus Mr Sim too..
thx 4 coming guys!
thanks to Mad.. for sending out all the sms-es too..
We should go eat sth else next time k? no more fish & co... =X
more varieties of halal food please.. since our class is so multi-racial.. =p
I duno when i'll get to see all of them again..
anyways.. was glad we had gathering yesterday..
I miss the OAC camp, class chalet and S71.. =X


Mr Sim says i look fatter... =XXX
lalala.. but ppl been saying i lost weight... =X
haha.. watever the case.. im so going on a diet... =p


my cousin passed me 2 free spiderman 3 tix todae...
she asks me if i wana watch not.. bring my nephew along..
and i immediately rejected her offer... =X
1stly: i wasn't interested in Spiderman 3..
2ndly: watch a movie with my nephew while they go shopping?? NO thanks!!! and i have to take care of him... NO thanks... =X


believe it or not... i'm really over it... not 100%.. but at least 80% over it.. =)
just don't let me get reminded... i guess everything will fall back in place.. =)


I really hope i can go back this week..
I miss home...
i need to receive more love... =p

eeee!!!! i am soo free...!!!
cant the letters come in faster?!?!?!?
i wana go back..


went dewi's hse todae.. =)
hehes.. went gym with her..
it's more healthy, counting that i haven exercised for half a year???
BUT i've been walking a lot...
still i am FAT...
DIET please.. =p


i guess someone's playing a prank on me..
it's always like this.. always like that!!!
when i am about to be all well and everything...
something needs to pop up, out of nowhere to pull me back again..


anyway,
CONGRATULATIONS to my BESTIE!!! =))))
i knew u can do it...
i shall go brush up on my driving skills too..
i hope i still remember how to drive.. =p
then i can finally drive when dad allows me to..


i dropped my dear mp3 player!!!! =(((
*saddedddd*
it's now scratched...
the paint is off!!! *sighs*


i don't know what i am feeling now..
neither sad nor happy..
there are certain things that i really wana say out..
i really wana get it off my chest..
doesnt feel good to have it inside me for THIS long.. =((


hope mad girl will get well soon! =)))
saturday's class outing... those who wana come, COME..
those who doesn't want.. den dun bother... =X


urghsss... what should i do tomorrow????
less work = too free = sian-ness = sadness = lifeless

so happy!!! =)))
thank you bestie & family!!! =)))
nice chat!!!! super nice!!! thanks thanks!!!
thank you for ALWAYS listening!!!! =D
i am really happy...
thanks for making my weekend MEANINGFUL!!! =))


HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL MAMAS!!!
THANK YOU MAMA FOR EVERYTHING!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!! =))


life is so unpredictable..
its really so dangerous. we'll never know what happen.
hope no accident like yesterday will ever happen again.
loss of life due to human error is really hais..
just don't ever let such things happen again.
guys, please take good care of urself and keep a lookout for all ur mates too k?


all these happenings makes me treasure life and people around me a whole lot more.
i don't like losing things, whats more losing people who are dear to me.
i don't like separation.
Please cherish everyone around you.
we'll never know what happens tml or even the next second.
what is important is today.
live with no regrets.


Pig girl, hope trip to Aust will be meaningful & fun!!! I know U nid to work, but dun overwork yea!!! have fun during the whole process. dun stress! bon voyage!!! =)


i'll try to let go.
stop thinking.


p/s: oh yarhs.. does anyone uses Firefox 2.0 to view this page??? if yes, pls leave me a msg.. i want ask u sth.. thx thx.. =)

--09052007--
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR MOMMY!!!!!!!!! =))))
Hope Mommy will be blessed with good health, free from all worries and may she receive endless happiness... =)))))
Love my MOMMY!!! =)))
Ma's bday is tml.. a few mins later..
BUT i cant wait to wish her Happy Birthday!!! =p

it's reali nice to be rich yea??
like seriously RICH people don't count, don't care about any amount of money they spent each day..
to them THOUSANDS are like CENTS... oh my..
well well, i shall stop being envious of ppl..
i guess, every1 has a different life..
i should count my blessings.. =)
i must be blessed and bear in mind that i am already leading a life much better than many others..
at least, i onli started working at the age of 19+++, 2-3 mths b4 i turned 20.. =p
a life of luxury.. mayb i'll get to enjoy that in years to come or perhaps in my next life.. =p
simple is beautiful ryt?? yes it is.. =))


Class Outing on the 19th is almost 99% confirmed k?
so S71 ppl, even IF it's not FULL attendance.. we'll still go ahead with it.. =)
so pls try to come.. full attendance.. i dun think we'll have another 1 anytime soon..
should i invite our CT??
anyone wants to invite our "dear" civics tutor?? =XXXXX


was talking to my dear brother about uni stuffs..
i told him tt, if i reali cant get into any university here and hafta go somewhere else to get my degree.. i think it'll change me quite a lot.. maybe a whole brand new lily. =p
oh wells, again kor ask me go US.. =X
i would love to.. but i guess i can't..
i still prefer to continue my studies here..
y? FRIENDS..
like almost 90% of my friends are all from singapore... =XXX
so if i were to leave here.. i really have to start making new friends..
**which i hope won't b a problem.. =p**
oh wells, still i wana stay in singapore for STUDIES... =))
so please.. LETTERS FROM UNIVERSITIES.. let me have some good news.. =))


should i thank YOU for ALWAYS taking me on a ride, only to dump me halfway?

Dilemma

The rain fell hard on my head...

coldness I felt from the top of my head...

spreading slowly down to my feet...

along with the rain water...

I must be crazy...

No matter how many times I thought of it...

I still came up with that conclusion...

I must be out of my mind...

Let the rain wash it off of me...

Let the wind bring this feelings away...

Let the thunder scare me...to awake me...

Let the dark sky hides all my doubtness...

The sad music placed a bucket full of tears in my eyes...

If not, how could I possibly cry over a song?

I guess I've let myself get too close again...

This time... I have to let it go...

-anonymous-

Sometimes you take what you can get, but other times, you need to go out and get what you want.

I apologize for my "rudey-ness".. =X
tt's y i took out the prev post.. =X


i'm looking forward to 19th of May..
i hope it'll be a successful S71 gathering.. =)))
I AM organizing.. so FULL attendance please...
i hope none of the guys will be confined in camp..
hope all of them can make it on that day.. =)


i realize i dont earn that much money lehs..
like after i plus minus, pay rent & everything..
i think i din earn anythg..
and maybe, i think i spent more than i earn.. =X
so what am i doing here the past few months??
*sufferings*
they are not efficient enough.


it's even worse than i thought

i realize i only have like abt 3 weeks left here..
that is also IF i am gg back before 24th..
sth tells me that i might not be able to go back b4 24th..
ah wells, i hope the letters will come in soon..
really really hope..
i really want to stop thinking about it..
like when ppl keep asking..
i'll just say "aiya no nid think, what is coming will come."
but then, these words i said doesnt seem to work on me.
craps.
i want to stop thinking.


yesterday went TTHS to visit Mervin..
he having fever got admitted to hospital.. i saw those needles on him..
YUCKS!!! just dun like that kinda feeling!!!
my 1st trip to hospital..
not nice. i dont like the feeling. everything seem so weird.
even the air there seems so blah! .. i duno..
and whenever i see people being pushed in using wheelchairs or those "beds".
i really feel super uneasy and i dun even dare take a look at them,
the whole feeling is just really weird larhs.
i hope NO ONE will ever get hospitalized anymore.
PLEASE take good care of ur own self. i will take care of myself too.
i dun wan to stay there..
the air is NOT FRESH.
i received a bad news this morning. =X
It's Dengue fever. i told him i will go down visit him again sometime soon.
Please get well soon!!!


I hate this place.
I hate my niece.
she even hit me!!! and now my hand is bruised!!!!
shit her! where got niece hit her aunt ryt???
how many times must i sae this?
stay away from me. dont come and irritate me. i dun like d two of u.
mama always tell me "aiya they r just kids dun care them.."
the thg is..
They are not normal kids, they are adults in children form. (wat m i talking abt?)
ah wells, i just dont like this place larhs.
i wana stay out as often as i can.
i reali can just go anywhere as long as its not here.


i miss mad girl!!
i miss shopping with her..
i just went with her yst.. went novena and amk hub.. =)
nice..
thanks 4 the company yea!! =)
thanks 4 d pressie too...
even tho my name is spelt wrongly!!! or was it on purpose?? hahas..
anw ur pressie will be done soon..


i wana go back..
damn it..
i dun feel good at all..
there are so many things on my mind..
university.. place of stay.. family.. myself..
which i can onli tell bestie.
cuz onli she understands.
i miss talking to bestie.


~not at all fine~
i feel like crying again

HAHAS!!!
NOW i only have FOUR more LEFT!!! =)))) *smiles*
i don't know what i am happy over..
lesser kids means lesser stress!!! BUT BUT BUT.. i have to stay here more often...
AND I DONT WANT to stay here most of the time.
then when i dun have any lessons i have to think of where to go.. which is really irritating..
and going out means spending money.. =(


AND
those letters.. cant they find their way to my house faster..
i have to make plans whether to go back or not..
i can only stay here till 24th..
if i have to stay longer den got to renew the visitor pass..
which is TROUBLESOME!!!
the reason why i stay here is only to wait for those letters la.. !!!!
so PLEASE.. pretty pretty PLEASE.. find ur way here quick!
if i stay here after 24th.. i gota move out.
i told mama liaos.. she agreed.. if i stay beyond 24th i want move out!!!
but
i dont like finding places to stay.
damn troublesome.
so many butsss.. bleaghx!


poor Mervin is admitted to hospital.. =X
Y so many ppl kana fever?? =X
take care k peeps..
i shall go visit mervin later..
for my whole TWENTY years..
i've never been to hospitals... (can u beliv it??)
as in i've never gone in to visit ppl or even stay there.. =X


yay! later can meet maddy girl.. =)))
it's always NICE to have FRIENDS who understands!!!
That is y i love them.. =)))


i fell for it,
i am trapped yet again.
Is there no escape?

pls understand that i cant control this.
pls understand that i dun want this to happen too.
pls also understand that i am really trying my best.
but certain thgs.. i really don't know..


things doesn't always go in our way, tt's y it is called life isnt it?

Happy Birthday to ME!!! =))
Happy Birthday to Amelia!!! =))
Happy Birthday to Yu Jian!!! =))
Happy Birthday to Wee Teng's Brother!!! =))
Happy Birthday to US!! =))


hehes! i had a very very different bday this yr!! =)
oh wells, sort of enjoyed it... i ate lotsa stuffs.. *FAT!!!* =X
it's really a LOT!! =p
Thank you to all MY beloved friends for remembering..
really touched tt u guys remembered..
those very very simple message made me smile!! =)


oh wells, thank you for making my day memorable, everyone! =))


thank you to you

1ST OF MAY!!!
My Favorite month!!! =)))
it has always been!!! =)))
oh wells!
Hope this month will be full of great surprises, happiness and love!!! =))


went Ade house to slack today!!!
Ok la.. better than slacking at home.. It's better to have a companion.. =)
Thanks girl for opening ur hse 4 me.. =)
& also thanks really THANKS for listening to my complaints... =X
the prawn noodle is NICE!!! =)))


i just went to read what i blogged last May & April!!! =X
I realise.. i haven carried out what i said...
so i HOPE.. REALLY hope that... i can carry out all of those before i go back Indo.. =p
1. stay over at bestie hse..
2. stay over at ade hse..
3. meet yik ping up..


It still holds...
i hope i'll stop having dreams from tonight onwards..
having similar dreams for a few days in a row is not good.. =((


Y is it getting more and more complicated???