i am jealous. i m not envious.
it's always like this.
our conversation always ends up with.
you must work hard.. this and that..
it's bad enough that i am not leading a life like the rest.
it's bad enough that i don't get to get what most of the 20 year old girls get.
it's bad enough that i have to tolerate all the shitty things.
It's bad enough that i have to work to feed myself.
what else?
why must i still listen to all these nonsense?
why aren't they doing their part?
sometimes i am really pissed.
i know that certain things cannot be undone.
i tell you.
i still haven come to terms with certain things.
i still can't let go.
i still don't understand why things would turn out this way.
i am always very jealous whenever they talk about it.
they have bla bla bla who works very hard.. this and that...
me? i don't know what to say.
i don't even know if bla bla bla is making the effort to make us happy or not.
i am pissed,
i know they love me and i sure do love them too.
but if they aren't making the effort? why should i?
why should i be leading a life that is actually equivalent to emptiness?
why should i?
i am only twenty years old.
i should be able to enjoy what the other youths are doing.
i should be.
i must be.
why am i not?
i am sad.
i am very sad.
i miss home.
i miss that kind of life.
i do.

1 year ago at around this date. this time, we were all mugging for A's.
This year this time, many of us are leading very different lifes. -changes-
anyways, many good lucks to all those taking A's. =)
all the best. jia you!


I think i am falling ill soon.
blahs.
I've been feeling very and super lethargic and all i want to do is lie down and sleep.
but then i still have so many undone work. =(
and my mind is filled with a lot of stuffs.


have been trying to call home.
but no one is picking up the phone.
sighs.


两年前的今天， 我们说的话我还记得。
你对我的诚实。
让我明白了一些事情。
我选择了相信你。


记得忘记

Phew! i survived today.
I thought i would drop dead once i reach home.
but no!
i still have bits of energy left.
I started my 1st lesson at 8.30am and ended my day at 9.15pm.
almost 13 hours of non-stop working.
I mean it. Non-stop.
was schooling from 830 till 3.00pm with half an hr lunch time in between.
from 4.00 till 9.15 i was working.
and the above excludes traveling time.
so timing not stated are all my traveling time.
goodness.
i cant wait for 16 Nov to come faster.
cuz that will be the day when i will have my break
no work at all.
this also means no income. =(
anyways its good to take a break and catch up on my school work.
I need to catch up.


relationship problems are confusing.
hopefully her problems will be resolved soon.
all the best.
i can only give advice on what i think. or rather
we can only give our opinions.
the rest is up to you.
you are the one who is in the relationship. you should know very well the situation.
make the correct decision and don't regret okies? =)


It's scary that in some of my conversations with my girlfriends now, we are talking about marriage and not just being boyfriend and girlfriend.
is it a bit too early?
or are we on the right track?
Are we going to meet the right guy? Are we going to have a happy life in the future?
who has the answer?
Oh wells, I shall just leave it to whoever that someone is who is in control.
All along, i know i don't get to choose.
and many a times, i regretted what I did.
I regretted not carrying what i planned.
I regretted not following what my heart says.
regrets
when it's time to let go, just let it go.


for every single time we conversed,
i fell deeper.

came back from celebrating Jor's birthday.
some people should really be very grateful.
they have people who celebrates their birthday for them.
I'm not jealous. I'm just envious. =)
Today's actually Windy's birthday.
I'm celebrating Jors birthday on Windy's birthday.


It's weird eh?
such cute little girls.
yet, they know nothing about what happened before.
it left a scar on another party.
left a deep scar on their so called "family".
Adults should really think twice before they do things.
what you guys did would left a great impact on the younger ones.
You know what. I know too much.
Sometimes i don't know if it's right.
Every time i meet them. Every time i see him. all those feelings just came all back to me.
all that they've told me just stays in me.
I think they owe them something.
yes. i really think so.
Life is really cruel.
This is how life goes.
Some people appears to be very happy in front of you.
Yet, you wouldn't know how they really feel inside.
Life is just so unfair.
Humans are selfish.
They want the best for themselves.
I am also one of them i guess.


Many people celebrated Halloweens today (Saturday).
and thanks ar. thanks for scaring me. you guys succeeded in scaring me on this very day.
Luckily i din cry or scream. -_-''
they look very real.
I know they are fake. They coloured their faces and their costumes are all made up.
BUT then, somehow, somewhere deep inside me. I just refused to believe that. I still got scared.
So when i saw them walking past i immediately hide behind heup and grabbed his shirt. Then those ppl. tap me on my back. -_-"


I know no one would believe me.
Cuz when even I don't believe myself, how can i convince others?
Impossible.
I guess i should just let time do all the talking.
Let time convince myself.
Let time convince them.
Let time convince us.


Smoking is bad for health k?
If you can quit then please quit since u haven got really addicted.
Alcohol is bad for health too.
Don't go crazy after drinking please.
lastly cheer up. =)


Girls protect yourself.
when i hear stories about this.
sometimes i don't know if it's the guy's fault or is it the girl's.
Cuz apparently it seems to me that the girl is a willing party and the guy benefits from it.
So is the girl a beetchh or the guy a bustard?
Please practice some self control.


I love my different bunch of friends. =)
I always love their companion. =)
Thank You. =)


Lets just stay in the line.
don't cross over. =)


do you know that actually i am very scared of not meeting target? =X


for the many times i said u vul i, i mean it.

u know the time is passing by so fast that i got very scared.
day after day weekends after weekends.
so scary.
as lh expected i really din go down to get the cap changed.
haha. i am lazy. =X


yesterday was the LAST class for MATHS-1, good bye to my boring and lame lecturer.
i shall say hello to another super boring lecturer. =(


from next week onwards.
there is only a day in which i am going to school in the morning.
for the rest of the week. i got to go in the late afternoon.
shucks.
dun like. some more. is THAT another boring lecturer. hais. =(((


ah wells, i shall just bear with it.
should now enjoy my weekend. =)
enjoy everything.
i will not be so rich from next month onwards.
as i am only working for only one single day in the center in a week.
plus school holis is coming. (those pri school holis)
NOT mine.
In fact i have no holidays. =((
hais. so less income. means no shopping spree. =(


it's weekend. enjoy yourself.
hehes.
be happy.


forensic heroes is a nice tvb show. =)


.bukan cinta biasa.

nice nice nice.
thanks ar mad!!!
thanks for the sweet little note. =)
Thank you! =D


i went shopping with mad girl as planned.
finally this time round we get to go as planned.
and no one backed out last minute because of whatever reason. =)
walk until i am so tired and had headache.
blahs. maybe i saw too many caps.
cannot decide which 1 to buy.
i like the "Stussy" 1 very much.
it's so simple and nice.
BUT if buy for a guy. Confirm within 1 day, it'll turn dirty.
and i don't like it when things i bought turned dirty.
hehes. so i changed my mind.
went another place to buy 1 for him.
anyway thank you girl for accompanying me.


and i so spent lots of money today. =X
nvms.
money can be earned 1. =X
just dun go over the limit can liaos. =)
the feeling is very different when you are spending your own money and not your parents. =)


i miss home.
i miss my friends too. =X


i am turning 21 soon.
hais. sadded. scared lehs.
some of my friends just turned 19 only. wth.
and i am turning 21 very very soon. =(
watever. tis is not impt.


(= .living happily is most important. =)

yesterday, there is this fire accident somewhere near my block.
It's the usual route i took to the bus stop.
i smelt some burning smell when i was in d shower, but i convinced myself that there is no fire.
then when the smell got stronger.
So i went to check out what happened.
I got very scared. Mad & Bestie will know why.
I keep praying & praying, hoping that the fire will be put out soon.
I guess Singapore and Indonesia is really different.
within minutes the fire was out.
Thank you to all the fire fighters.
Anyway, i heard 2 cars got into fire.
Don't ask me why, it puzzled me too.
Like how come the cars can get into fire.


I made a new friend yesterday in Econs too. =D
Another Indonesian friend. She is VERY clever.


I am so going to go back.
very soon. =D
how many more days? =D


Am going shopping today!
with my dear crazy girl =D.
see you see you soon! =D


不开心也要活，开心也要活。
我选择了开心的生活。
不论你有多不开心， 把它忘了吧。
学着开心的笑。 开心的生活。 =)

Ehs! this phone is NICE!!! it's PINK!!!!!
I shall consider this as my next phone. =D
very nice!!!!!! =D
anyone wants to get it for me? =p

i went accompany cousin to embassy today ( tuesday ).
applying for visa is very troublesome.
well at least for Indonesian.
they need this and that.
i think after the whole process, if i were them, i wont feel like gg anymore. =x


anw, after embassy went to botanic garden walk walk.
my 2nd time there. hmm. nothing much lehs.
those that got things de. must pay money.
and i pro. i wore cousin's high heels.
so i was like walking up and down slope on heels. li hai bahs~ =p
she la. duno wear high heels 4 wat. den complain pain. hahas.
actually all also bcuz of embassy.
anw,
so being her lovely, sweet and caring cousin, i offered to change with her. =)
cousins should love each other you see.


botanic garden looks the same to me in its every part.
i dont know how ppl there managed to find their way around.
and how do they actually survive looking at the plants whole day long. =x
haha. they shud have perfect eye sight. cuz they always see green things mahs... =p


anw, din get to go get his prezzie today. another day den i go get it.
since he say no rush, prezzie can wait. lolx.


poor cousin is down with flu.
poor her. hehes.
take care girl! get well soon!


.love is cinta.

stupid stupid rain.
made me lose sth i like so much.
hais.
hmm. i duno if i shud go back indo in december.
i also don't know if i should go nots.
sians.
talked a lot with lh today.
matters of the heart are so troublesome.
so complicated.
dun feel like getting involved.


is tt called being a real sticker or just being lovey dovey?


i found new way of revising for lectures.
hahas.
i tried recording the lesson today. =)
not bad. its very clear. just that. a bit soft. =p


and you better take care.
i don't want to look down the next time i see u.
hahas. i prefer looking up. =p
take cares! =)

surprisingly. i miss those secondary school days at BbSS
and i miss St John training.
and i miss the school camps.
the competitions.
the changing of classes.
the bus rides.
the post exams activities.
the running around the school.
yes i miss almost everything.


time to sleep.
tata. have a nice week ahead people.

hehes. i love my blogskin now. lolx. no longer black.
i guess i need to take a break from my dark world. =p


I love my current font.
if u realise, my msn font is also this 1. =p
so nice.
and my whole lappy is using this font too.
hahas.


i am currently so so in love with mickey mouse.
not that i don;t like them last time.
i love them since i was a small girl girl.
just that. haha.
now. currently i'm so in love with their stuffs.
look look! this is soo nice. this is how one of the room in my house will look like in future.
maybe i'll place evrything in pink instead of blue. =p blue is also nice actually. see how. =)




look look! it look so delicious right?? =p
so cute so nice!





i love my mickey mouse! =D

[On the Outside]

Name: Lily

Birth Date: 03 May 1987

Current Status: Single

Eye Color: Black

Hair Color: Brown-ish black

Righty or Lefty: Righty

[On the Inside]

Your Heritage: Chinese

Your Fear: being alone & darkness

Your Weakness: Too gullible

Your Perfect Pizza: Cheesy pizza

[Yesterday, Today , Tomorrow]

Your First Thought This Morning: I need to do laundry

Your Last Thought Before Bedtime: Got to study tml

Your Most Missed Memories: Family gatherings

[Your Pick]

Pepsi or Coke: None

McDonalds or Burger King: Burger King

Single or Group Dates: Group

Adidas or Nike: Nike

Tea or Nestea: tea

Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate

Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino

Smoke: NEVER

Curse: Can't remember

Take showers: Twice a day

Have a crush: Not currently

Think you are in love: Not now

Go to school: yeps

Want to get married: yesh

Believe in yourself: Sometimes

Think you are a health freak: Nopes

[In the Past Month]

Drank alcohol: nopes

Gone to the mall: yeaps

Been on stage: hmm... think so.

Eaten sushi: Of course

Dyed your hair: NO

[Have You Ever...]

Played a stripping game: NO

Changed who you were to fit in: No

[Age]

You are hoping to be married at the age of: 25

[In a Girl/Guy]

Best Eye Color: Suitable

Best Hair Color: Hmm.. anythg as long as its not too over..

Short Hair or Long Hair: short / not too long

[What Were You Doing]

1 Min Ago: Typing

1 Hour Ago: reading accounting notes

4.5 Hours Ago: doing laundry

1 Month Ago: Studying

1 Year Ago: Studying

[Finish the Sentence]

I Love: nice stuffs, i am a girl of perfection

I Feel: STRESSED

I Hate: "tik-kos"

I Hide: when I'm crying

I Need: My family

[Tag five people]
1,2,3,4,5 : anyone who wants to de-stress. =p

bestie picked me up from work on fri. =)
it's nice to have a car.
anyways.
stayed over at her house.
we talked a lot as usual.
life is really. hais. i duno what to say.
anyways, am glad to see that she is doing rather fine.
hopefully time heals.
let's jia you tgt for school work yeahs. dun stress. =)
meet up with u again some time soon. in d mean time do take care. =p


i booked my tix back to indo lerhs. =)
i cant wait to go back.
sunday is my rest day. got to stay at home and mug though.
cannot go out.


i miss home.

today is a nice. =)
facial + shopping + no school = great day. =)))
thanks Dewi for accompanying me. =)
i spent a lot of money today. around $300. it doesn't hit 300 though.
the 250 i spent is a long term investment for my face la. so its not counted. =x
my mama gave me permission de hors. =p
but then i thinking, i one day also din earn so much. and i spent it all just like that.
LOL. nvms. i am happy can liaos. =p


tired and long day too.
but overall. i am happy. ate ice cream. drank watermelon juice. then i ate "bao".
when i was eating it. it reminds me of days at Innova.
when we were having break, how we would go down to canteen to buy "bao",
asking people who went down to canteen to buy all sorts of food.
i miss sitting down in the canteen with the class to have our lunch together.
and how we always wait for each other to buy our food den we will start our meals together.
i miss those days. =(


i miss having friends around me.
when we can talk crap. laugh together, gossip together. everything. blahs. i miss those days.
do you think i still have feelings for him?

finally got news from bestie girl le.
i'm glad she is doing rather fine now. =)
time do heal


i am going back home in December. =)
and hopefully for Chinese new year too.
i don't care. i just want to go back home home home.
I'm hating the life i am leading now more and more.
not the place i am staying at but the life i am leading. =X


Econs is NOT easy. =(
who can help me in econs? hais. i dun wan to repeat bcuz of this freaking subj.
hais


when everyone is putting on a mask,
it's hard to see who is actually sincere.
Use your heart.

i think this is very true.
"no one will understand unless they are experiencing it themselves"
applies to almost everything.

songs are up. haha. but gt sth wrong. when i feel lyk doin sth abt it then i do k? =)
in d mean time, do enjoy d 1st song. NICE! =)


PBF test over. =D
can la. i can pass. =D


tml no school! =D
VERY Good. =D
hehes. but working tho. =p


betrayal hurts.

I helped myself.
i realize. haha. i no longer think of him that much now. =)
as yeahs. i guess it has become a routine that whenever i goes online i will check if he is there or not. i used to get rather disappointed when he isn't online. but now, no longer. whether or not he is online doesn't really bother me. =D
Congratulate me!! =)
I'm getting OFF his hook soon enough. =)
I know some of you will be like.
"yeahS! like real.. as if.. everytime also fake fake 1."
I'm telling you this time it's for real. =)
for the many sweet-nothings, the many crappy conversations, the many endless sms-es, the phonecalls, the many concerns, the many i-miss-you, the many i'm here for you. thank you.
let them all be memories. be my sweet dream. yes we were once close. closer than anyone can ever imagine. but it's all in the past now.
I should look forward to tomorrow and stop living in the past right???
We will be continue to be close FRIENDS though. we always are. =D


PBF test tml. do they call it a test? i Don't know. anyway, i know how to get the calculations right ald. =) I studied! for almost one whole day today! =D
*great sense of achievement lehs!*




Do you know that we are NOT allowed to use scientific calculators in the UOL programme??
like what the right!?!?!
I'm so used to just punching in all the "to the power of 5" -"to the power of ten" bla bla bla in sec sch n jc that, now i have problems using the SUPER SIMPLE calculator. =X




this is my 2nd bed sheet of the month. =) nice? i din buy it. the auntie whom i rented the room from bought it for my bed. =) I prefer mickey mouse still. =)


I'm missing home. i can't do anything about it. but I'm keeping myself busy so that i won't have time to think of the unnecessary.


A normal & plain Sunday. A happier me looking forward to a brighter tomorrow. =)
It's a NEW week again. =)

Hmm... i don't know what happen. I really don't. They told me not to be so impatient. I am being very patient already. hmm. thing is. I don't understand WHY. They told me. They even asked me.
"HUH? How come? Thought you girls were VERY CLOSE?"
Oh. okay. i really don't know what happened. If you understand this. Do reply yeahs. at least i know that you are feeling much better already. then yah. i won't bother so much anymore. or rather i won't bother you anymore, by sending sms-es which irritates you which is why you are not replying. yeaps.

Got this from a mail forwarded to me recently. I'm not into forwarding emails. so yeapx. this is it. I learnt and I'll try to change. Hope i got the message across. =) Enjoy your Sunday. =)
Read through this and get the meaning. =) Enjoy. =)















Understood? Make changes. I'm trying to do so too. =)

Selamat Hari Raya to all those celebrating. =)


there are certain things i haven't come to terms with.
money is not easy to earn.
just to earn the 15 dollars, i have to put up with so much nonsense.
I have to bear with all the facial expressions of those unreasonable parents, who think that tuition teachers are fairies sent from heaven. who will be able to improve their child's result after one time meeting. very good. It's not east being a teacher.


Should i go back indo in December or February?
i want to go back on both months. can?
December cuz I miss home and i want to see my parents asap.
February cuz I want to celebrate CNY with MY family, i don't want to spend it with them.
I can't feel that i am being loved. yeahs. i have a cousin who don't seem to be so.
i need some family love.
the only family i have here is my dearest cousin cum sister cum friend.. cousin Lowie.


he once asked me whether i feel very lonely here. and i said. NO.
fact is i do feel very so.
i miss home. =(


have a great weekend people.

today.
delicious spaghetti.
delicious chicken soup.
nice manicures. =)
i guess i am stupid enough to think about THAT again.
I know we are not possible. [before u think that its the same person. NO it's not.]
i don't why. recently i've been brought back to the past very very often. i miss him and i love him. yes i do. when our eyes met. i don't know how to describe that feeling. it's sweet. and it's nice. i am that foolish girl who have rejected him. yet at this point in time, when we were both talking again and when our eyes met. somehow. yeahs. i am brought back. and i'm reapproaching myself. why did i tell him that he is foolish enough to like me? why did i tell him that we are always impossible? dumbo me! why did i? why? why? why? anyhow, yes la. we are impossible. hope this is just some stupid thgy that is happening to me just every now and then.

blahs. he & she have been asking me.
ur sms replied? and my answer has always been NO.
and to think I've been deceiving myself, telling myself, oh wells, maybe somehow the message wasn't sent. HAHA. and the shoot me!
"how possible is that, lily? HOW possible i ask you?"
now i know how it feels when ppl dun reply ur sms. the feeling sucks.
well, to tell you guys the truth. i don't have 500 or 1000 FREE sms-es like some of you do.
i don't have free incoming calls like you all do. cuz i am not that attached to my phone. THUS, i am using prepaid card instead. and i am not as busy as some of you do to have phone calls and sms-es coming in every single minute. i am not that popular. so prepaid cards are more worth it. =p
so i chose the people and the sms-es which i should reply to. sorry.
but hey. if you have 500 - 1000 FREE sms. like. cant you at least give me a reply?


my whole body is aching due to yesterday's badminton session. =(
and i fell down today!! so paisehs!!! so unlucky!!!
cuz the ground was too slippery then i just slipped and fell. =(
i am like trying to do a split. Lucky i wear jeans. IF not, confirm bleed de. =p
so.. seee.. there is nth wrong in wearing jeans to campus everyday. =p
leg's bruised. ='(


i am still very very very confused. =(

went cousin house. so nice. went for lunch. chit chat. and we went for badminton.
lousy me. i sort of sprained my right hand. shiet. not really sprained la. i just cant lift it up. very pain. =(
i din go work today. =X
cuz, me n my cousins went for dinner after badminton. this time is really cousins. =)
Wendy came here to further his studies too. cousins gathering. always so nice. =)
i am even more sure of my feelings when we met. when we talked face to face, when we look at each other. i want to tell him, but i can't. after all i am the 1 who persuaded & convinced him out of this. i am so retarded. why didn't i just carry on with it back then. i miss talking to him. i m so retarded. =(

I've finished watching One litre Of tears.
a very touching show.
it's real life story.
it's a very cruel disease.
who would have thought about it?
who would have thought they would contract this cruel disease?
(spinocerebellar atrophy)
i didn't know such a disease actually "exists".
Is there a cure for it? hopefully yes.
throughout the whole show, i kept thinking of the many what ifs.
i know i am dumb.
shan't think so much. since no one will ever know and i guess only He knows and i will always be the second 1 to know and never the first.


watched the show. taught me a lot. real lot.
TREASURE YOUR LIFE & THOSE AROUND YOU.
what's important is now and as long as you've given your best to it. then everything is ok.
everything will fall in place one fine day. the truth will be known. maybe the truth hurts, but no matter how hard you fall, as long as you are able to stand up. you will be fine. I will be fine.
i believe all the W-H-Y-S will be answered one fine day.


it's very very sad whenever i called my parents or when they call me.
I am happy, yet at the same time, i am also sad.
it's especially sad when my dad asked me yesterday.
"how are you? are you fatter or thinner? have you eaten? got drink water? got eat fruits? got school tml? got work?"
Why can't i be like the rest? who have their parents by their side, watching them grow?
Taking care of them when they are sick. welcome them back from school. Hear their complaints. hear their nagging? know when their kids are in trouble. know when their kids are sad and everything.
oh wells. this is my life. life of being alone in this cruel world. maybe in future i will get to know the answer. =)
however i am glad i have a bunch of friends. this bunch of very great friends whom i don't meet often, yet whenever i talk to them they are able to bring that smile back on my face. Thank you girls and guys! love you all! i don't know how close is close. i don't know how best is best. i don't know how sisterly or brotherly we are. i only know you people are a part of my life and i wouldn't know what to do without you. it's sincerity, that friendship, that bond. =D


this is the reason why i'd rather keep it to myself than let it out of me and hurt our friendship. and i would never allow anyone to say it out without my permission. i trust you and you have to hold on to that trust.


Don't dwell on the past. Live on.

1 litre of tears is a very nice show.
and its a super sad show. =(
go and watch.


what is F A T E ?

i still have so many things to do. =(
.sian.
i can't be bothered with other things anymore now.
i am waiting for October to be over then. i will see how things go.


don't ask me why i don't want to go out la.
i only go out with people i am comfortable with.
and if i am comfortable with the person. no matter how busy i am, i will squeeze out that teeny weeny bit of time for him/her. =)


time to do work. =)


I'm letting go

Happy Birthday To Edison! =D

i have PBF test on tuesday.
yet i am now doing USELESS stuff like FINDING MEANING OF WORDS.
to prepare for tuition class on monday.
i growing to dislike her as the days goes by.
just like yesterday.
i end my class and i 1...2...3... take my bag and just leave the place.
i don't like her. up till now i still haven't receive my pay yet. I really don't like her.


maybe our friendship wasn't as fantastic as wonderful as i thought it is.
maybe we are just deceiving ourselves.
i think we are.
gah! not important.


i want my mommy.
mad.. i not guai. i din go out. =X
i munched on biscuits for dinner though. =)

i am really really really VERY lazy.
i am very lazy to eat.
i'd rather sleep than eat. =X
time to feed myself.
kekasih gelapku

there is an accident by the roadside this morning. i don't what happened. only saw the damage of the car. din see any ambulance around so i supposed no one was injured.
have been "seeing" lots of accidents recently.
just that night i was telling heup n gerald about the accident that happened to my dear friend's friend.
hais. hopefully he is getting along fine on the other side.
i realy don't know who he is.
many people leave us every single day. and many people are also born on the very same day.
is it a cycle?
when one person is taken away another is brought into this world.
is it a good thing to leave this world or is it a bad thing?
i used to have suicidal thoughts.
and my mom keep telling me to stop thinking about this kind of thing.
cuz "those things" will come to you and disrupt ur life and finally you get ur wish.
be careful what you wish for.


how do you give comfort to those who lost their loved ones?
the best thing is to leave them alone.
for me. i have been staying away from her.
cuz, i noe nothing i say is going to make sense. cuz i am not her. i am not experiencing it.
i know how it feels to lose someone. but it's a totally different feeling.
i am not them. i don't know how they feel.


i am now very careful when crossing the roads.
from experience of almost getting knocked down by car. it taught me to be more careful.
i still rmb that incident near innova. when me n mirna & i don't know who, were going home from school. i dont know what i was doing back then. but i tried crossing the road when the cars were still coming in from the opposite direction. i really saw the green man light shining. that was why i walked. luckily mirna pulled me back and this lorry was horning so loudly. then i finally woke up.
you know the scar on my right hand wrist? that scar that i have been telling people that i tried to commit suicide. =X but no i did not try to. it's just a cut. 1 cm to the right of all the veins. lucky me. it din cut through the veins. if not i don't know what will happen. {Anw, how many of you actually know i had this scar on my right hand? }
most of the time, i guess when mishaps are about to happen, you wont know what you were doing. and you don't know why you did that.
and this incident is only one out of the many times i am lucky enough to be able to reach home safely.
so i was thinking, when it is time for me to go, i don't think anyone will know. not even myself.
i am not trying to be emo. i am just trying to bring the message across that,
please don't take people around you for granted, they are there beside you for a reason.
life is really. really. fragile and unpredictable.


treasure those around you? PLEASE. stop taking them for granted.

is the weather very hot?
how come i cant feel anything?


gastric found its way back to me le!!! =(((
soo sickening.
throughout the 3 hrs of lecture in the morning i was hugging my bag. pressing it against my stomach.
cuz its damn pain!!
and so i guai kia. learnt my lesson.
d pain is unbearable. so i ate my lunch and dinner today =)
but still no mood to eat. asked d man to decrease d rice by a whole lot.
but better than i dun eat anything right?
tml duno will eat not. see how. =p


my uncle says he is sending his daughter here to study,
haha. hopefully really will send.
then. we can rent a whole flat. and we can have cousins chalet le. LOL.
imagine all the gina stay together!!! WAH!!!! good!!! soo cool! =D
i'm looking forward to that day. =)


gastric shooOoooooooooOOOOoooOOoOOOoOOooOo!!! i DON'T like gastric!


OH! and i finally called mad girl yst! HAHA! nice chat! haha! hope to see you soon! =D


transportation fee increase le!! =((
i miss him! but i'm trying to get over him! =D

.tired & sleepy eyes.
but i can't sleep.
there is something about us.
i don't know what.


sorry. i can't be bothered.

i love him.
i want to go back home.
possible bo?

i am getting lazier and lazier as the days goes by.
don't mistake me for being lazy to do homework or go school k?
after moving in to here,
i am lazy to open my mouth to eat. =X
just like today.
I haven had any proper meal up till this time. 5.49. =/
reason being, the food center is so damn far.
but then again i think even if d food court is anywhere near. i think i am just lazy to step out from the house la. =X
i am so damn lazy to walk.
how i wish i had a car. =(
days when i am eating are days when i am at my cousin Lowie house.
cause she is a very free girl now. no work.
with only school and assignments and exams coming up.


lazy me is off to work now.


.hidden words. hidden meaning.

i guess recently i have been very weird?
but everything seems fine to me.
ling hui keep asking me,
"lily, today what happen? why you weird weird 1..?"
hmm.. fact is nth happen. i also duno why. i am sorry if i offended you in any way okies?
but i really don't know what is wrong with me la. =X


tml, Friday, Saturday. working. =(


do you realize?


no talk. since you don't understand. and i don't wish to talk to u.
do whatever you want to do. i can't be bothered.

TODAY'S KOKO EDI BIRTHDAY!!!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR BROTHER!!!
SEMOGA SEMUA IMPIAN LOE CEPET TERCAPAI YAH! =D
LOVE YOU KOKO!

i'm not fussy ok.
i'm staying here till i graduate, i guess. =D
very funny. very weird. we stay in the same house. YET we are talking through msn.
i don't like this.
not that i want to talk to you in person.
we should cut short on this kind of stupid thingy.
NOT healthy.
.PROTECT MYSELF.


i have so much things to share with you.
yet i guess, i should just forget about it.


i know the things has passed for quite sometime.
to you, it means nothing, but to me, it changed me a lot as a person.
after that "happening", i am sort of traumatized.
i know people will say,
"Don't be stupid la. Also nothing happen lo. U trauma what."
seriously, I've become a little bit anti-social. i choose people whom i should talk to.
I became wary of people.
for guys, i only talk to those i know, those whom i don't and i don't wish to make friends with i will just heck them. treat them as invincible.
i don't dare to stay out late anymore.
Just like the supper i went with heup, ger & hl.
i tot after ger drop me off at least someone will acc me up to my block. at least to the lift la.
but! OMG! no 1 acc-ed me.
know what i did? when i got off d car after they left, i ran all the way to the lift.
cuz i got very scared.
i see guys around and it's so dark.
now, i often imagines bad scenario. YES. FRIGHTENING scenario. i am not some stupid freak, but yes. after that incident, i am scared of almost everything.
everytime i walk, i will look back turn around to see of anyone is following, anyone is around.
In the past, i can just stay out late until 1 or 2 am, without worrying about anything. i only need a person to keep me accompanied through sms, he/she doesn't have to be physically there beside me, just keep me accompanied through sms and i will not be afraid of anything and just walk back home.
Now, i can't do the same. even though i see two policeman patrolling that night, i still got very scared. i just ran all the way to the lift.
the bad thing is. I love staying out late. =(
rmb how i used to ask ppl not to go home and ton the night away.
NOW, i will say, I'm going home latest at 9.
I prefer night time than day time.
But i can't do that anymore. i can't unless someone is seeing me home.
making sure i reach home safely.
I am like freaked out at the slightest happening now.
and i am afraid of the dark even more now.
i switched on the night light to sleep now. when usually i will pester and force my mom to switch off the night light, cuz its too bright and i can't sleep. now, i myself, needs the night light.
Cuz i can't sleep in the dark. I am just very scared. I am scared that someone will somehow get into my room and i won't notice him/her. I am scared.


.一路好走.

.finally talked.


today second day staying at new place.
everything is fine, except that. HAHA.
i don't know how to open the woody door and the metal door. =X
yst was the metal door. today the woody door.
so paisehs la. they keep laughing at me. -.-''
they say i bo strength don't know how to open door. =X
i will familiarize myself with the door. =)


it's a very nice feeling to get certain things off your chest. =)
thank you for not making me feel so disappointed. =)


i don't know him personally, nor have i ever seen him.
still i hope.
hope he will pass on peacefully.
一路好走