Emptiness

I am supposed to go to sleep. but I honestly cant sleep. and here i am typing all these, and.. crying..
I really don't know what i should do.
I feel so lost. so empty. so confused. so stressed. and so sad.
i feel like giving up and just.. i duno. go and die or sth. I am so sick of this life. so sick of living this life. i feel liek ending all these. i know i shouldnt be saying all these, cuz... people in other countries are fighting so hard to try to live.. and here i am, thinking of wanting to end my own life.

all this while.. what i worked hard for.. what i always dreamt of... what i always wanted.. to fly.. together with my job... its all gone now..

it's just so impossible. so maybe.. because, i lost that so called dream... i feel really lost now..

think f my future? lol. what will it be like?
i dont know.
i feel like i am going crazy anyttime soon... its been so so long... since i break down and emo like this...

but the emptiness just sink in.

i know i dont belong anywhere.. i always know.. because.. there is no place i can even call a home... well.. maybe my parent's place is what i call "home"?
but i dont really belong there, do i?
neither do i belong here..., this is for sure...

so i thought, by landing myself in that job.. i could just continue with my "no-sense-of belonging" and fly around. at least i wont feel so bad.. i wont feel so empty....

ohwells..  just wana rant..
shall try to close my freaking eyes and sleep.. and wake up to a brand new day tml..?
hopefully, it'll be good to me.

in d end.. im still fine.. i'll be fine.. how can i not.. i need to make sure the mask i put on will tell everyone that i am good. i love studying. i loveee my life...and my life is so freaking good...

nights life.

68 days!

the 70 days mark is over.
now i'm left with 68 days!
actually not really 68 days.
minus off the 21 days of revision classes in school. that will be 47 days.
so i am left with 47 days to first paper.
kind of hating it. but when i think of freedom. it does get me motivated. =D

I cant wait for exams to be over.
for now, i need loads and loads of determination to stay focused and just study damn hard so that.
i will do well!
can't wait! can't wait!

anyways, deleted twitter, cuz there has been weird people, adding me and i cant delete them away. i dont really know how that works, but anyways, yeahs. twitter is deleted. got to make another acct, cuz in a way, twitter does help me in keeping up to date with stuffs i want to be updated in. =D