I am supposed to go to sleep. but I honestly cant sleep. and here i am typing all these, and.. crying..
I really don't know what i should do.
I feel so lost. so empty. so confused. so stressed. and so sad.
i feel like giving up and just.. i duno. go and die or sth. I am so sick of this life. so sick of living this life. i feel liek ending all these. i know i shouldnt be saying all these, cuz... people in other countries are fighting so hard to try to live.. and here i am, thinking of wanting to end my own life.
all this while.. what i worked hard for.. what i always dreamt of... what i always wanted.. to fly.. together with my job... its all gone now..
it's just so impossible. so maybe.. because, i lost that so called dream... i feel really lost now..
think f my future? lol. what will it be like?
i dont know.
i feel like i am going crazy anyttime soon... its been so so long... since i break down and emo like this...
but the emptiness just sink in.
i know i dont belong anywhere.. i always know.. because.. there is no place i can even call a home... well.. maybe my parent's place is what i call "home"?
but i dont really belong there, do i?
neither do i belong here..., this is for sure...
so i thought, by landing myself in that job.. i could just continue with my "no-sense-of belonging" and fly around. at least i wont feel so bad.. i wont feel so empty....
ohwells.. just wana rant..
shall try to close my freaking eyes and sleep.. and wake up to a brand new day tml..?
hopefully, it'll be good to me.
in d end.. im still fine.. i'll be fine.. how can i not.. i need to make sure the mask i put on will tell everyone that i am good. i love studying. i loveee my life...and my life is so freaking good...
nights life.
