I've been on my own for the past few days..

Dad flew over to Penang for body check up.. I hope it all goes well and i really hope this time round he will listen to what the doctor said and please... heed his advice... I just want him to be healthy and all....

So while I am all alone... to prevent my mind from "wondering" off... i spent my whole day watching TVB drama and continue to watch it till i sleep...

That is the only thing i can do... i dont want to think so much... I got tired of thinking... I think i did promise.. no i mean.. i did tell him that i will do what he told me to do.. but then.. i really cant bring myself to do it.. thing is i really dont know how i should do it..

Life has been... really weird.. maybe humans are weird.

those not in a relationship are dying to get into a relationship, while those already in it are dying to get out of it..

and then those already having almost everything in place, still think that their life is not so complete and still asking for more..

WE are weird, aren't we?

Sometimes i really hope i am alone.. so that no one and hurt me and i wont hurt anyone...

the last thing i want to do is to hurt people who are already so dear to me...

It would have been much easier, if i am hard hearted... if i am selfish and i am ignorant..

right from the beginning of this all... i already told myself... IF.. this dont work out in the end, i wont blame anyone.. i wont push the blame to anyone.. I am the one who chose this path. no matter how disgusted with the way things are now... no one is to blame. because, i chose this path. i am responsible for this. yeahh... so this is it...

I've decided... i'll just wait and see.. Till the day i dare to do anymore things... I guess.. i'll just wait and see... because.. i really dont know what to do...

Results are coming out soon. I am really SCARED. I dont know man! I am really scared. I know i need to pass. I need to and i must. so please... really.. Bless me and everyone, so that wie will all be happy with our results.

and then... i am going to Bali next week! =D

Like finaly after so many years.. I can go Bali and i am going for a week! I am really looking forward to this trip. PLease let it be fun. please allow me to forget everything during the trip and let me enjoy myself. =)))

it's been 3 days? since i last talk to him as in really talk...
I've been thinking if i should or i should not. Ah mir, gave me some advices which i really agree with.
He is probably right, i did not spare a thought for him. What i have been doing is thinking of what to say correctly, so that I wont hurt him and i wont lose him as a friend. and yes... I know that, if one day we do break up, he will go his way and i will go mine. I must be prepared to lose him, even as a friend. And, i haven't lost any close friend, since young, and if i am to lose this bf, whom i see as a bf, a brother, a family and a best friend... it'll be ... I don't know man... i don't know how to react even...


The days that we haven't been talking, i feel really weird, because, i am a quite random some time, i can just P.m him silly stuffs, talk to him about silly things and all, but now! i need to restrain, because i cant talk to him, not that i can't but he did say that he wont disturb me, while i am doing my thinking. even when we do talk on msn, the feeling is really different, it's like 2 strangers talking to each other.
I really don't know what i should do. should i continue to believe and protect myself... or should i just carry on and see what happen in the end. Being In a relationship, can really.. in simple terms... make you happy or sad.
I really don't want to lose this friend. Furthermore, really, 15 months is not very long, but it is not very short either... I mean, all the feelings, all the things we've done together and all the silly things we know about each other.. it's a lot.. its all memories... memories to keep? or to be thrown away? I don't know mannn! I feel really confused and i know, i need to make my own decision and accept whatever consequences there is...


It's like, even when i know he is studying, my mind can drift to.. how i wish i am there studying together with him, because i've studied the stuffs he will be studying in October...
Its getting really frustrating... I don't want to let him go, but something inside me, is scared about what might happen, what will happen and all...


me, and every girl, hopes that the guy... the man.. they will meet in their life will be that correct man for them.. the so called.. my prince charming... of course we want to meet the correct man and settle down with that guy, we hope, we wish and we pray that this will be the right guy for us... but how many of us, found the right one and settled down...?



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I am going Bali next week! YAY! =D
with my cousins! I'm looking forward to it! i hope it will be FUN!
Please let it be fun! It has to be...... please let it be... it'll be my last holiday.. before i go

i haven't been blogging for quite a few months now..
and i am still at home in Jakarta now! =))


life has been...
i don't know what is the correct word...
messy? complicated? I dont know mann! everything has been really.. urgh!
i dont know what to say...
ad there is another thing i have yet to settle.
and i am really lost as to how i should settle that stuff...
i dont know.
its might sound silly, it might sound stupid.
BUT. well, yes.. i dont know is all i can say now...


hope all's been well over there! school is starting! and my result is gg to be revealed soon.
pray for me.. i hope i pass everything...


Bless me. Bless us. =)