it's been 3 days? since i last talk to him as in really talk...
I've been thinking if i should or i should not. Ah mir, gave me some advices which i really agree with.
He is probably right, i did not spare a thought for him. What i have been doing is thinking of what to say correctly, so that I wont hurt him and i wont lose him as a friend. and yes... I know that, if one day we do break up, he will go his way and i will go mine. I must be prepared to lose him, even as a friend. And, i haven't lost any close friend, since young, and if i am to lose this bf, whom i see as a bf, a brother, a family and a best friend... it'll be ... I don't know man... i don't know how to react even...
The days that we haven't been talking, i feel really weird, because, i am a quite random some time, i can just P.m him silly stuffs, talk to him about silly things and all, but now! i need to restrain, because i cant talk to him, not that i can't but he did say that he wont disturb me, while i am doing my thinking. even when we do talk on msn, the feeling is really different, it's like 2 strangers talking to each other.
I really don't know what i should do. should i continue to believe and protect myself... or should i just carry on and see what happen in the end. Being In a relationship, can really.. in simple terms... make you happy or sad.
I really don't want to lose this friend. Furthermore, really, 15 months is not very long, but it is not very short either... I mean, all the feelings, all the things we've done together and all the silly things we know about each other.. it's a lot.. its all memories... memories to keep? or to be thrown away? I don't know mannn! I feel really confused and i know, i need to make my own decision and accept whatever consequences there is...
It's like, even when i know he is studying, my mind can drift to.. how i wish i am there studying together with him, because i've studied the stuffs he will be studying in October...
Its getting really frustrating... I don't want to let him go, but something inside me, is scared about what might happen, what will happen and all...
me, and every girl, hopes that the guy... the man.. they will meet in their life will be that correct man for them.. the so called.. my prince charming... of course we want to meet the correct man and settle down with that guy, we hope, we wish and we pray that this will be the right guy for us... but how many of us, found the right one and settled down...?
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I am going Bali next week! YAY! =D
with my cousins! I'm looking forward to it! i hope it will be FUN!
Please let it be fun! It has to be...... please let it be... it'll be my last holiday.. before i go
