Thursday, August 26, 2010
PASSED
ok. d worrying is over. i passed everything. now i have one more year to go. 5 core modules to clear.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
when will it be our turn?
went to meet Irene girl 2 days ago.. half way through the shopping and resting and lunching. both our minds wonder off.
she was telling me, one of her classmate just got married and i said, my Bestie is getting married too, in a few weeks.
there and then both of us went really quiet.
i know what i was thinking, i know what i was wondering about.
sometimes, we just can't help it, maybe, like i said, in sg, people dont usually marry at a very young age, but over here, in indonesia, its normal to marry at 20+.
if u marry at 30. its considered, weird.
so, i really hope, i don't get to that age then marry, at least 25 or 26, will be good.
speaking of that, in fact, we really don't know when we will actually settle down.
no one is perfect and no one is , considered really good, good. because even the most "perfect" person has his flaws. No one is perfect.
at every of our relationship, we always ask ourself Is he/she THE ONE? how do you actually define THE ONE?
if u really already got married, blessed with Kids, then if later on you found out that she/he's not the one, you shouldn't and never should even think about getting a divorce. You just have to keep the marriage going, find back that feeling that tied the two of you together, find back the bond that made you say YES back then.
so, Mom's friend at the temple, actually is helping a friend matchmake her son. HAHA. that was the 2nd or 3rd time she asked my mom if she could bring the man to meet me. if we could meet and be friends, she even asked my mom what business is my bf in. in short, is my bf rich, have a factory or whatsoever. which is a norm here. and my mom said, nopes, they are just still friends. haha. good answer mom. I know what she meant by that. =)
so sometimes i really ask myself, when will it be my turn. when will i meet the guy, (serious), with whom i will spend the rest of my life with.
and like i said, it's really a blessing if you've found your partner early, someone willing to spend the rest of his/her life with you. It's really a blessing and you should be proud and be happy about it. Everyone has their own thoughts as perceptions about certain things, sometimes we agree to them, sometimes we don't. Just accept every single comment with a "big" heart, ultimately just bear in mind that, everyone has the freedom to say what they want to.
It's actually pretty tired getting into a new relationship after every single break up. I might not have tasted that kind of feeling, but i am pretty sure, i will soon. So, you really should feel happy, if you are already settling down. you'll be starting a new life. =)
Yeaps. oh wells, random. have a great weekend! =)
she was telling me, one of her classmate just got married and i said, my Bestie is getting married too, in a few weeks.
there and then both of us went really quiet.
i know what i was thinking, i know what i was wondering about.
sometimes, we just can't help it, maybe, like i said, in sg, people dont usually marry at a very young age, but over here, in indonesia, its normal to marry at 20+.
if u marry at 30. its considered, weird.
so, i really hope, i don't get to that age then marry, at least 25 or 26, will be good.
speaking of that, in fact, we really don't know when we will actually settle down.
no one is perfect and no one is , considered really good, good. because even the most "perfect" person has his flaws. No one is perfect.
at every of our relationship, we always ask ourself Is he/she THE ONE? how do you actually define THE ONE?
if u really already got married, blessed with Kids, then if later on you found out that she/he's not the one, you shouldn't and never should even think about getting a divorce. You just have to keep the marriage going, find back that feeling that tied the two of you together, find back the bond that made you say YES back then.
so, Mom's friend at the temple, actually is helping a friend matchmake her son. HAHA. that was the 2nd or 3rd time she asked my mom if she could bring the man to meet me. if we could meet and be friends, she even asked my mom what business is my bf in. in short, is my bf rich, have a factory or whatsoever. which is a norm here. and my mom said, nopes, they are just still friends. haha. good answer mom. I know what she meant by that. =)
so sometimes i really ask myself, when will it be my turn. when will i meet the guy, (serious), with whom i will spend the rest of my life with.
and like i said, it's really a blessing if you've found your partner early, someone willing to spend the rest of his/her life with you. It's really a blessing and you should be proud and be happy about it. Everyone has their own thoughts as perceptions about certain things, sometimes we agree to them, sometimes we don't. Just accept every single comment with a "big" heart, ultimately just bear in mind that, everyone has the freedom to say what they want to.
It's actually pretty tired getting into a new relationship after every single break up. I might not have tasted that kind of feeling, but i am pretty sure, i will soon. So, you really should feel happy, if you are already settling down. you'll be starting a new life. =)
Yeaps. oh wells, random. have a great weekend! =)
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
happiness
I've been diligently going to Temple to read Scriptures, 地藏经 to be exact, for about 4 to 5 days now...So usually and most of the time, our 法师 / 师傅 will give us a Dharma talk. and I am loving it. I didn't go today, as i need to look after shop. and I am kind of missing it :(
Today, this morning, those Taiwan "shi fu" went back to Taiwan. I actually teared yesterday, because, it was her last Dharma talk with us, until probably, I don't know when she will be back, or when will we ever see her again, or when we will have the fate to see here again.
Before she left, she said,
"Whether in life and death, no matter where we are, we are bound to meet again. We still don't know who belongs where and whose place exactly this is. We are all just passer-by, so enjoy the walk while you are here and don't worry about anything else. Count your blessings and continue to save up those blessings, whether it is for future use or now."
I've never had such "connection" with anyone before, I mean, to be exact, i don't even know her, i;ve only seen her THRICE. and i don't even talk to her. Because yeah, you don't just anyhow go to a "shi fu" and talk to her. so yeaps. to be exact, i don't know her at all. So this connection and the fact that i actually teared, amused me.
I still, question myself, the same question she asked us that one day.
"what is happiness to you?"
"do you think the line between life and death is clear or is it very blur?"
To me happiness, is being contented with what you have, count your blessings. Be happy that you have what you have now, cause, whatever you have today is already saved up for you. And whatever you have now is the fruits of your own labor.
and by asking for more, you are just making yourself and everyone else around you unhappy, so why make life so miserable.
and in actual fact, we are all really just passer-by we all have our own story here, when the time is up, you'll just go. You will have to move. So yeah, just live it, live for the day, make sure the day is fruitful, the day is happy. =)
and.
the line that separate life and death is in actual fact really thin and blur. You wouldn't know when and where you will leave. Just like when God wants to take you away, you won't be able to ask him to give you some more time because you have unfinished matter. So yeahs, just live your day as if it's your last day on earth. If you can be happy, why choose to be sad and miserable?
and I really believe there is something called Karma. 有因，必有果。
Good will be re-payed with good and evil with evil.
The uncle who has been sending me and my Mom to the temple. I've seen how he drives and how most of the time, he lets other vehicles pass through when they are turning and when he feels that letting them go first will allow the traffic to flow much more better. Point is, he always let others go first, instead of wanting to be the first in everything.
and you know what, there is a really bad traffic jam yesterday when we were on our way to the Temple, and guess what, while we were trying to "cut" into the other lane, a car miraculously just stopped for us to pass through, even though he could just move forward.
Okay, i know this might sound "silly" in a way. Maybe i don't know how to put these into words. =/
幸福就在眼前，放下所有欲望和名利。
无人能改变常言道：人生犹如南柯一梦。
okay.. i don't know if i am making any point above. but i am a much happier person now.
I still pray and still hope that i could finish what i started. and whatever is going to happen, will happen eventually. so yeaps. i'll just be contented for now. just watch and see where and which path i will be going towards.
We will all leave eventually, with nothing. =)
活在当下
Today, this morning, those Taiwan "shi fu" went back to Taiwan. I actually teared yesterday, because, it was her last Dharma talk with us, until probably, I don't know when she will be back, or when will we ever see her again, or when we will have the fate to see here again.
Before she left, she said,
"Whether in life and death, no matter where we are, we are bound to meet again. We still don't know who belongs where and whose place exactly this is. We are all just passer-by, so enjoy the walk while you are here and don't worry about anything else. Count your blessings and continue to save up those blessings, whether it is for future use or now."
I've never had such "connection" with anyone before, I mean, to be exact, i don't even know her, i;ve only seen her THRICE. and i don't even talk to her. Because yeah, you don't just anyhow go to a "shi fu" and talk to her. so yeaps. to be exact, i don't know her at all. So this connection and the fact that i actually teared, amused me.
I still, question myself, the same question she asked us that one day.
"what is happiness to you?"
"do you think the line between life and death is clear or is it very blur?"
To me happiness, is being contented with what you have, count your blessings. Be happy that you have what you have now, cause, whatever you have today is already saved up for you. And whatever you have now is the fruits of your own labor.
and by asking for more, you are just making yourself and everyone else around you unhappy, so why make life so miserable.
and in actual fact, we are all really just passer-by we all have our own story here, when the time is up, you'll just go. You will have to move. So yeah, just live it, live for the day, make sure the day is fruitful, the day is happy. =)
and.
the line that separate life and death is in actual fact really thin and blur. You wouldn't know when and where you will leave. Just like when God wants to take you away, you won't be able to ask him to give you some more time because you have unfinished matter. So yeahs, just live your day as if it's your last day on earth. If you can be happy, why choose to be sad and miserable?
and I really believe there is something called Karma. 有因，必有果。
Good will be re-payed with good and evil with evil.
The uncle who has been sending me and my Mom to the temple. I've seen how he drives and how most of the time, he lets other vehicles pass through when they are turning and when he feels that letting them go first will allow the traffic to flow much more better. Point is, he always let others go first, instead of wanting to be the first in everything.
and you know what, there is a really bad traffic jam yesterday when we were on our way to the Temple, and guess what, while we were trying to "cut" into the other lane, a car miraculously just stopped for us to pass through, even though he could just move forward.
Okay, i know this might sound "silly" in a way. Maybe i don't know how to put these into words. =/
幸福就在眼前，放下所有欲望和名利。
无人能改变常言道：人生犹如南柯一梦。
okay.. i don't know if i am making any point above. but i am a much happier person now.
I still pray and still hope that i could finish what i started. and whatever is going to happen, will happen eventually. so yeaps. i'll just be contented for now. just watch and see where and which path i will be going towards.
We will all leave eventually, with nothing. =)
活在当下
Sunday, August 15, 2010
tongues
I know people will talk behind people's back.
It's like that, when people start to question, they often gossip behind your back first, make guesses about their so-called truth, before they pluck up courage and ask us what's the real truth. life's like that. I have to get used to it. I see how they point their fingers,, i see their facial expression, when we said, we have someone to drive us home, a guy. it's been only 4 days. what do you think will happen after 5 full weeks?
I often say that people's tongue are even sharper than the knife.
When we got cut, it bleeds, that is all. Full stop.
But words that come out from people's mouth, will leave scars.
I've been going to the temple to read scriptures for 4 days now, I'm sure its good for me. It takes a whole load of things off my mind, it brings me peace.. :) SO i will continue going as long as i don't have anything for the day. It will take 6 weeks. Last day will be on Sept 19th. :)
by going to the temple, it made me think, made me understand, made me a happier and a better person.
All the Dharma talks. The Readings. I believe they've changed me in one way or another.
It's like that, when people start to question, they often gossip behind your back first, make guesses about their so-called truth, before they pluck up courage and ask us what's the real truth. life's like that. I have to get used to it. I see how they point their fingers,, i see their facial expression, when we said, we have someone to drive us home, a guy. it's been only 4 days. what do you think will happen after 5 full weeks?
I often say that people's tongue are even sharper than the knife.
When we got cut, it bleeds, that is all. Full stop.
But words that come out from people's mouth, will leave scars.
I've been going to the temple to read scriptures for 4 days now, I'm sure its good for me. It takes a whole load of things off my mind, it brings me peace.. :) SO i will continue going as long as i don't have anything for the day. It will take 6 weeks. Last day will be on Sept 19th. :)
by going to the temple, it made me think, made me understand, made me a happier and a better person.
All the Dharma talks. The Readings. I believe they've changed me in one way or another.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
still very confused.
when people ask me what i will do when i get my results. i told them all my 3 plans. all the 3 plans i have in mind.
but then yesterday, it suddenly struck me that, after wishing and hoping for my results to turn out good, i suddenly stop and think, if it turns out good, am i going to just go ahead and study full time and then die die be a 24-hour university student. Be a good "dog" and eat the books and eat up everything and then go through same freaking THREE MONTHS, worrying over the outcome? But this sounds like the best plan. it's just another year to go. I just have to slog like crazy and make sure I do well. Don't you think so?
IF i don't do well, it will be worst. I will need to "open" up my tiny weenny brain and think really hard what's the next step and never regret that step. Hmm.
I don't know. these 2 weeks towards results release, i will try my best, to enjoy myself as much as possible. yups.
Wish me luck. Pray with me. Hopefully, God will lead me towards the correct path =)
Have a great weekend.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
angstyyy
i have been feeling really really bad these few days. always so "angsty". always get angry really easily.
so i re-organized my living room yst, (again). =x
Oh byw, results will be released by end of AUGUST. i don't know which date, but end of august, means a few days away.
which means, i am going back to Singapore soon. =) for.. well... see the results first, then, i will announce. =))
i know we all hope it will be good news. GOOD GOOD news. =)
I am missing a lot of my friends in Singapore. to be exact, I miss having a friend to talk to, to sms, to call.
I really miss having friends by side..
and i also hope i can go back to sg fast. BUT, I need to wait for results, so that i could arrange whether to book a one-way ticket or a return ticket. yups.
so 2 more weeks. around 2 more weeks, everything willl come to light.
that day will be a big turning point in my life. its where I need to stick to whatever plan i have.
Its the time when, there should not be any more regrets. I just have to move and look forward to everything. and make sure that everything turns out good. no more regrets.
and i am loving this quote now..
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Dr Seuss.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
tears
its been a long time since i actually have tears welled up in my eyes every single hour.
i am really worried. i hope someone could end this worries now.
i cannot take it anymore. its one more month. but its really taking forever.
i cried myself to sleep yst. i opened my eyes this morning and cried again. and i am practically crying almost once every hour now that i am staring into the computer looking for "back-ups".
and discussing things with cousin, ade and lh..
maybe all i wish now for now is, i get my results immediately so it will end all these "uncertainties", so that i know exactly what i should really do.
or someone rich could actually take me in. ask me to be his god daughter or anything and fund my degree.
or someone dependable could actually support me for the rest of my life while i seek the path towards happiness.
or someone could actually offer me a job now, so that i could have an income and not depend on my parents, on anyone ANYMORE.
or God could just take me with Him any minute, in any way He wants, now.
I am willing to go now. to end all these. cuz i am really really sick of this now.
i am really worried. i hope someone could end this worries now.
i cannot take it anymore. its one more month. but its really taking forever.
i cried myself to sleep yst. i opened my eyes this morning and cried again. and i am practically crying almost once every hour now that i am staring into the computer looking for "back-ups".
and discussing things with cousin, ade and lh..
maybe all i wish now for now is, i get my results immediately so it will end all these "uncertainties", so that i know exactly what i should really do.
or someone rich could actually take me in. ask me to be his god daughter or anything and fund my degree.
or someone dependable could actually support me for the rest of my life while i seek the path towards happiness.
or someone could actually offer me a job now, so that i could have an income and not depend on my parents, on anyone ANYMORE.
or God could just take me with Him any minute, in any way He wants, now.
I am willing to go now. to end all these. cuz i am really really sick of this now.
Monday, August 2, 2010
dresses!
alright...
so I don't have any decent dress. the last time i wore a skirt was when i was in JC. I believe that was the last time. SO now. I need to get a decent dress that i could put on to a wedding.
Having Bestie's wedding as the 1st one i will wear a dress to. =)
I am not exactly a tomboy or a chor lor girl. but honestly and really. i don't like wearing anything too girly or yeah.. whatever, i don't feel comfy in them. haha. im more comfy and feels more confident in my jeans and pants! =p
but i will start wearing dresses to go out, if that makes me more feminine, then, okay.. i will start wearing those. but first, i need to go find and get a decent and simple and elegant dress first. that would make me look pretty and not like a dumbo. =p
oh wells, i believe it won't be all too bad or anything. i will learn not to be so chor lor from now on. =)
I am happier today. maybe because i have decided to let it go and leave everything to the one above. can't do much also. so yeaps... i will just wait for time to tell me what's next. I am leaving it all to Him.
and i am going to get back my Iphone tml! Dewi's coming back JKT so im gg her place to get my iphone tml! =))
and i am probably going to shop for dresses tml too. hopefully i can get a decent one. =D
and i am also going to get busy. with the cakes. =))