Bitter sweet. Closing chapter Singapore.

Going back home tomorrow after being away for 17 years. 

Its a bitter sweet feeling. 

This place is full of memories for me.

Best friends, close friends, buddies, boyfriend, friends, colleagues, good times, bad times. 

Now that i have to say goodbye, its a bitter sweet feeling.

Im happy im leaving here to finally go home to a place i can call my home. 

I have never been really really super happy over here. Simply because i dont have a home of my own and i have to "看人家脸色＂ cuz this is not my home i cannot do anything to my own liking. 

Humans are funny people. Sometimes friends are closer to me than relatives. Its somewhat true. Or maybe its just my relatives who r this type of people, ok i cannot say all my relatives are such. At least the one i know is. Whether u mean it or not, it hurts when u say i have to clear my things fast and dont leave anything behind and its better for me to go back and move out fast so that you can use the room fully for yourself. And u want to start redecorating the room as soon as i am gone. 

I mean why treat me like that? Its not as if i dont pay rental. Its not as if, i create a lot of trouble for u. Or maybe i do. Now that i am out of the way, i hope u'll live better. Whatever.

I will be single officially once the clock strikes 2215 tml. Very sad. I always hoped that Stan will be the one. Sadded that he is not and we have to break up. Oh wells, i can only hope that both of us will be able to really find THE ONE person who has been paired to us by God. Is there such a thg? Do u believe in it? 

Lastly i really hope that, i will be able to love and live well and good things will come to me once i am in Jakarta. 

Dear God, please have some mercy on your child, forgive me for all my wrong doings and show me towards the right path. 

This should come very surprising. And i am in fact, also quite surprised with this feeling i have. 

Its a definite that i am going back to Jakarta for good. No more changes. 

Whats surprising is, i actually feel the sadness of leaving. Having to leave Stanley, my bf of 5 years. My friends from school, college and just friends. And lastly, having to live Spore. I practically grow up here. Its been 17 years.

Now that i am leaving this place. I feel scared, its like leaving a comfort zone. Well not exactly very comfort comfort zon, but yeahs, i have been independent for 17 years, and now i am going home to be dependant on my family, i can only hope that things will turn good and turn for the better. 

I cannot believe that my relationship of 5 years is going to end up, busted. Its like i got into a relationship for nothing. 

I am sad. I will miss him definitely. Then again i know, i have to let go, this time round. 

Plan-less

So im going back home to Jakarta for good. Its been decided. Have told my cousin. Told most, if not all of my friends in Singapore. All those that will be affected has been informed. Kind of.

Next thing to do is to wait for big boss to come back from India, then i can resign proper.

And then pack up my things. And then meet up with all my friends before i really pack up and go.

And then off i go home.

Honestly, i dont know what im gonna do at home. Most probably will learn how to bake. Yesh, no joke. BAKE. I will try to grow to like it, hopefully it is in me, the baker in me will be revealed. Then bake something out. To sell at Mommy's shop. And then if it turns out well, i will open my own outlet :)


It will be a very FRESH start for me. Totally NEW.

I only have my family at home in Jakarta. No friends at all. So yeahs, HOPEFULLY, it will out turn good. I will get to make some new friends, open new shop and have new income.

Dear God, please let this turn out well!