Hurdles

Pr got rejected.
Got asked to leave the coy.
Work search began. Employers only wants sporeans/prs/msians.
Job search went for weeks.
Finally a kind employer wana hire me.
SUPER HAPPY AND GLAD!
Then..
Apply for EP.
Waiting for EP outcome...
EP got rejected!
AWESOME MUCH?

It sucks it really sucks!
Just when i thought everything is finally turning for the better for me.
EP outcome is that my employment pass application has been rejected! Which means! I cant start work so soon. Or rather i cant even start work at a new job cuz the freaking work permit just isnt approved!

What else..? What else is going to be thrown at me? What else..?!

Drama series

So watching drama series has always been and is still is my escapade. Dont know if escapade is the right word.

I have been back in singapore for a few days now. And i havent been exactly happy.

Today took half day leave for an interview. Who knows the interview cock up. Make me even more down.

I have been suicidal. Ok suicidal can be rather too extreme. I Have been very negative. I still am. Actually i do know what i want. But i cant do it. I can be suave about thgs. No job here? Sg dont want me? Neither do i! Pack up and leave this place. But. I have been asking myself, whats next? All my frens are here. Even my bf whom i have been with for almost 5 years. Want me to let go of everythg and start a new somewhere else? Its really very very difficult. I dont know how to go about doing it :s

I am such a loser! Whatever. Lets see what happens next..

Hate finding jobs!

Got sick of finding jobs.

Went for one just a while ago. I took leave and travelled 1hr30 mins to the interview place waited for 45 mins for the interview time at 3. (i reached at 215) and at 3 the person tell me the person supposed to interview me is in a meeting and she wants me to go home and come again another day. seriously. Wth!

U made an appointment to meet me for an interview at 3! And at 3 u asked me to home and come back again another day!?

Best. Dont expect me to turn up when u asked me to. Its just very frustrating.

Wasted my money and time!

Nationality gone wrong.

I have reached a point where really i am quite desperate and about to give up anytime soon.

So far.. Every since i tender my resignation and looking for jobs, sending countless of resumes for jobs.
About 6 people have called to show their interest.

But when it comes to them asking about nationality. They are sorry that its only jobs for citizens. Its really sian to the max.

Its like a tiny glim of hope when they call me. Then i end up being disappointed.

Kind of funny also. When i go back indonesia to attend job interviews. The indonesians there actually thought that i am not an indonesian. They think im from another country. Because i guess i speak like i am singaporean! Simply cuz i have been here almost my whole life. And i grew up here, in singapore. Away from parents away from family. N what do i get in the end?

Confusions by people from my own country Mistaking that i am not from there.
Rejections from another country and making me unable to get a job so i can settle here, because i am not a citizen here.

Weird isnt it? nationality gone wrong.

Missing home

I miss home. This is bad, real bad. :(
I miss my mom my dad n my bro. I miss home period.

I am in a sort of dilemma now. Should i just hop on any job that comes my way? And get stuck and be repeated in the whole whining and complaining cycle?!

Or should i follow what my heart desires? Wait for the right job, preferably the one i have always wanted to get into?

Shucks. I miss home.

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more for myself,less for others

i was chit chatting with mom a while ago. it suddenly struck me that.. i thinj too much for others too less for my self.

or rather i dont know how to solve my own problems but can give advices to others, advices which i can never give myself.

just like my bros, my parents and everyone else, i am getting old and older as the day passes by and as the clock is ticking and every seconds pass away. but honestly, i dont know and doesnt have the slighest idea on what to do to my life.

i am lost. the kind of life i want is simple. i just need my future husband to love me more than he loves his friends and career.
its ok he can love his parents more. hehe. but he has to love me more than he loves his friends and job, at the very very least.

and then he has to be able to provide me a shelter, in short a house, a nest of our own, a house a home i can call it mine.

i dont need to be very rich i just need to be able to live without hving to worry about money. i also dont have to keep going for holidays cuz if my home is good enuf why wud i wana travel elsewhere.

is that simple enuf? thats for my personal life.

externally, really i am not really a (nv qiang ren)

so as long as my monthly salary is enuf for me to spend and save and give my parents its enough.

are these simple enuf a life i want? or is my simple too complicated and too expensive a life to other people?

this is what i want in life. i just wana be happy & can stop worrying about money money and money. it kind of suck the happiness out of me.

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homed

im back at home. :)) feelss damn good!

things happening in singapore.. i went for two job interviews. one has rejected me another one pending but the one pending i dont know but i didnt really like it. but the working hours is unique. talk more about that when they wana hire me and i wana accept them if i am haooy with the pay.

last weekend i went kukup-malaysia with stanley and his grp of colleagues + gfs. it was a rather good trip. i would say, anywhere is good as long as being able to get away from singapore. the slow paced life where it feels like u have more than 24 hours to ur day!

i am rather stressed up actually. finding jobs, thinking abt next mth, whther or not i will be landing myself a job. but then i kept telling myself no pt thinking.. what i can do is to just continue applyimg for a job. the rest i have got to leave it to outside forces. nothing else i can do. :)

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Happier

I have been a happier girl ever since i drop the resignation letter and all the more happier when i know that i am not really sacked, reason being i have been an awful worker here in this company.

Cuz in one of those meetings, auntie actually did bring up to keep me and let the other one go. But i guess thinking long term and thinking for me too. Since i have totally no room to grow in this company. She raised it up in a nice not so nice way of asking me to leave.

But even before i know my pr got rejected. I already had the intention very very long ago that i want to leave this company anyway. So its not counted that this is all not planned. Its just that when it hit me in the face that this is reality now, i just find it difficult to accept. Cuz today i got rejected, next day auntie tell me the plans and i have to decide within a 3 day span how long more i wana stay in this coy. So yeahs.

This is my last month here in this company. Its not all bad, but its not all good either. Shit happens. Happy days happens. Good and bad. Up and down. Even though there is more bad than good. But i've learned. More or less. The not so human side of humans. The selfish part of humans. Its all for survival. Cant blame them really.

I dont know whether i'll be able to get a job soon or not. I hope i will get one soon! Like real soon! Cuz i needed the income! And i will be a happy girl this last month here. I'll try hard! I will be!

And big auntie hasnt been nice to me. Delay by More than one week! Caused alot of ups and downs in emotions! + Pimply face. Emotions gone wrong! No good! I wish someone can tell me how to handle this big auntie better.