I had a very very fruitful Sunday.
I stayed at home and sleep the whole day.
I woke up at 9?
Read my POA,but nothing gets in.
So i decided to just read through it.
Then I had my lunch at 1230.
At around 2? I went to sleep and i slept all the way till 5.
went to shower, watched tv awhile and i went out.
I was thinking where i should go to.
the first place that comes to my mind was west coast. =D
but i didn't go. I had a feeling that something bad will happen if i go alone. so I walked to plaza, walked slowly and went into the library. I sat there till the library closes at 2100.
And I found out that, the library is a very good place to escape to. :)
Then i walked around plaza, when all the shops are closing, I walked home.
Switched on my lappy, chatted with Ade girl and lay down on my bed at 2300??
then I decide to call mom at 2305. =)
talked for one hour and decided to sleep.
BUT
I couldn't sleep.
I was tossing and turning for a number of times but i still couldn't get to sleep.
so i woke up, went to the toilet and walk around my room until i don't know what time.
I had the urge to change up, take my keys and go out for a walk.
but I didn't have the courage to, I don't want to invite unnecessary troubles for myself by putting myself in a dangerous situation.
basically, i just couldn't sleep.
I wasn't thinking about anything.
I promised Mom that i won't think.
Mom said that I am very stupid & silly.
She advised me to just follow my feelings, do what i want to do and not torture myself in this way.
She wants me to take care of my eyes, don't be silly and suffer in silence, because no one will care and no one will ever know.
So anyways, why she asked me to take care of my eyes..?
Apparently, I once cried almost every single day when I was in sec 1 or 2, and my eyes hurts a lot. And it reached a point when I was very very sad, but I couldn't shed a single drop of tear. and it's simply because, my eyes have run out of "water".
And according to my Mom, she said. It's possible to go blind, when you cry too much.
So I listened to her. I cried my last tear out and I immediately stop.
I do hate myself a hell lot, when I cry.
Because It only goes to show how weak i am.
I told her certain things. and she was surprised. She never thought that I will say such things, with such strong determination. Yeahs. She didn't know her girl actually have her own mindset.
She didn't know her girl wanted such a life in future. She heaved a sigh of relief. She told me that, no matter what, who I will be with in future, make sure that person can bring me happiness. Find someone who can really really understand me, have time for me and someone whom I really can communicate with. Because, the first and only reason why you want to get married is, you want to be happy in the next stage of your life and you want to build a happy family with the person who loves you and whom you love. It takes two hands to clap. A relationship is not built with only one person. It needs two. No matter what problems I am facing. I need to find the correct timing to sit down and talk to the person about the whole thing. I cannot solve this on my own. But of course, you need the other party to want to talk about it too la. As she said, it takes two hands to clap.
Recently, there's too many people asking about how are things between me & Stan.
I gave everyone the same answer with the exception of 2 people.
So anyways, please i beg you all.
STOP asking me about how are things.
I don't want to talk about it neither do i want to think about it.
Everything is fine. When you believe it's fine, it is.
Don't worry about me. I will be fine and I am fine.
In the end. Life still goes on. It won't stop just because I am sad or whatever.
I know what i am doing now is not healthy.
I know I need to find a solution to whatever i am experiencing now.
But really, NOT now.
I am drained and I am very tired.
I still do want to continue with this.
I once see a future to this.
I still hope there will be.
still,
It takes two hands to clap.
and, to everyone out there,
haha.
i just feel like saying this.
which is what my Mom, Ade & me agreed on.
If you're not ready for a relationship, then don't get yourself into it.
& you think i don't want to be happy? HAHA.
lastly, please, i don't know i've said this how many times, please don't come to me and tell me about what i blogged, question me, bla bla bla. I know very well what i typed, I don't need you to come and remind me about the things i typed and worst, JOKE about it. I won't tolerate even if you are my buddy or whatever. Because if you don't show me respect, neither will I. Thank you. If you are unhappy about the things i write. you can jolly well. DON'T READ. you don't get any benefits when you read.
