Happy Birthday Koko Edi! :)


I am very very tired these few days.
and, what makes things worse is.
I still have so many things to do.
But all i want to do is lie down and rest.
I don't know why, but my whole body is very tired. :(
And I still have such a long day tomorrow, class from 1530 to 2200. :(
God Bless Me.


I am now wondering how am i supposed to carry..
800 pages of HRM notes back from lecture hall to my shelter tml.
anyone willing to volunteer to fetch me from school tomorrow, FRIDAY night at 10pm?
Location: anywhere near SIM building. :D
just give me a call OR you can text me! =D
I'll treat you to supper after that. =D
I am serious, I'd rather treat you to supper than donate the money to taxi-drivers. =p


and I am determined to go on a diet.
I'm getting fatter and fatter each day. :(

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri! :)
Happy Birthday Bashirah! :)


This year's Hari Raya. Got to stay at home. :(
No longer like previous year's hari raya season, when the S71 will go house visiting.
Shall accept the fact that everything changes.
Yeaps.


Primary school friends.
I am only in contact with Bestie, Dewi & Sooyan now.
The rest we still talk once in a blue moon.


The usual clique i'm with from sec 1 to sec 4, I don't really keep in contact with them now.
Yes. I miss them, I miss talking to them. I miss the fun i had with them.
But, I guess as time passes, everything will just pass.
I just find it weird to blend in with the group again after a few years.
Will try though. Hopefully, will get a chance to mix with the group again. :)
But surprisingly, I am now still in contact with my neighbouring schoolmate, like Hb, Jor, Yz and some others. =x

My dear S71s.
Now, I am only in contact with Mad, Mel, Mirna, Touty & Gerald.
It's sad isn't it? We used to be a big group of people.
Had phone conference once in a while.
Crap on msn once in a while.
Now, we don't even sms each other. Let alone phone conference or msn.


Now in Uni, I only have FIVE pathetic friends Ling Hui, Shane, Hendra, David & Zhen Yi.
And another 2 "hi-bye" friends Jesline & Shrada.
Maybe i am too anti-social la. =x


And one good news is, finally they are willing to return him back to me next Thurs and so i can stop worrying and everything. :)


No offence ar, but i think that place is scary.
I mean, how could you do light exercise and die?
how could u walk and die?
Isn't it weird.
Maybe it really has got nothing to do with the training and stuffs.
Maybe it's just that their time is up and they have to go.
Maybe God wants to take them away at that point in time and so how they leave us doesn't really matter anymore? They just have to go? Without saying goodbye?
I am always wondering if people who are leaving will have any premonition.
Did they actually say their last words to their family.
In the case of the old, I think there is. Because they'll want to make sure every single one of their family members is there ald, then they'll leave.
But for the young? Did they bid their parents and everyone goodbye beforehand?


Oh wells, no matter how sad and unhappy we are, ultimately.
Time heals almost everything. Just give time, time.

Good Morning!
I'm slowly getting back to my "normal" sleeping time. :)
I don't know why, but I got tired as early as 10 yesterday.
And I finally turn in at 11, because I can no longer stand it.
So there I go. Lily's land. :)


I've been thinking and listening a lot.
Some good some bad.
People provide me with their opinions.
In the end, I just have to make the decision.
All decision lies in me.
People can only give pointers.
In the end, it depends on how I want everything to start, progress and end.
I used to say that. We don't get to choose, because God planned everything and everyone probably have their own story book in His hands.
I'll tell you all if it's true or not when I get to know it one fine day. :b
I don't know why, now I think that, even though everything is planned.
I guess He still allows us to make our own choice in certain things. yeahs.


Yesterday, someone told me something, quite hurting, yet i must admit that it's a fact.
it's a fact that my life is like this.
no. i am not complaining.
I am accepting. When she said it, I just smile and let it go.
Because I can't do anything. What am i supposed to do?
Sit down, cry and moan? Asking WHY is everything like this?
No I won't. I am starting to grow up. I am responsible for my own actions.
I need to be responsible for the decision i made 12 years ago.
It's my own decision. No one to blame.


BTT later at TWO.
Please don't rain.
I still need to rush for lecture after that.
Let's hope that I will pass. :)
I've read the book like.. 2 times already?!?!
So i'd better pass.
Bless me. :)


& you are coming back in 9 days. (hopefully) :)

Dad sms-ed me this afternoon.
I realized i missed home a lot.
I miss chit chatting with Mama.
I miss disturbing her before she sleeps.
I miss looking after the shop with Dad.
I miss calling Dad to tell him that I'll be bringing food over to the shop for him.
I miss making fruit juices for Dad & Mom.
I miss helping Mom & Dad with the shop.
I miss everything at home.
I don't know how things are going on now.
I hope everything is alright.
Everything is very fine.
I miss home a lot. A real lot.
I miss home. :(


In the end, no matter how many times of unhappiness happened, I know I still have a home.

so much for being honest.
I never liked to be honest about certain things.
because I know when i am honest there are people who will get hurt because of my honesty.
That is precisely the case yesterday.
i finally cannot keep them all in me anymore and i just yeahs. let them all out.
because it's either you say it or you don't.
say it now or never.
or perhaps.
say it now or let the problems accumulate then explode one fine day.
I don't want to let things turn worst.
so yeahs. I'd rather be honest.. Whether or not you are happy, it's another case already.


Life's full of problems.
which is why we get new problems each day and everyday.
It's up to us to solve to problem or make it worse.


I heeded their advice.
Thank you.
If i didn't consult anyone yesterday, I guess the outcome won't be as good as now. :)
so thank you! :)


i hope he'll come back NEXT WEEK.
please do.
it's been 2 and a half months.
Don't you miss Singapore? =x


I need to concentrate on my studies.
I've been doing pretty well.
compared to last year.
i guess i am more concerned now.
cause i am working doubly hard now.
read through lecture notes before lecture even starts.
finish up tutorials after every lecture.
haha! lily is so guai.
she is finally a uni student now.
I'm so proud of myself. :D


and for now, i want to ask the one above to let me pass my BTT tomorrow.
Thank you very very very much. :)

it's been some time ago since i had full 5 days of school in a week.
this week was my first. :( tiring lehs. :(
but still hai hao. because lessons are only like 3 hours. :)
I can't imagine how it'll be like when i have 6 days of school. PLUS tuesday long day.. from 830 till 10pm..
I think i'll be 3/4 dead by the time lesson ends. =x


I don't know if it's appreciated..I guess it's not..
I haven been thinking a lot. Just doing what i think i should do. :)
Be it for myself. for you, for us, for them or whatever.
I hope what i am doing is right. :)


I have school tml! :(


I was counting how many friends i had in Uni..
oh my... the counting stopped at FIVE..
haha..
is that good or bad..?
i guess it's good in a way bahs.. =p


I am now learning to be responsible for my own words and actions.
Must grow up ald. am already 21+++...
cannot be so kiddy anymore.
How to get matured?
teach me..?

Happy Birthday Ade girl & Stan! :)


I'll be having a full week this week. :(
Lucky it's all just 3 hrs of lesson.
Jia you bahs! :)
I changed quite a bit after failing. =x
More hardworking than before bahs. Yeahs. which is good right? :)


There has been a lot of unhappiness.
I don't like it. :(
Hopefully, there'll be less quarrels from now on bahs.


He told me yesterday that he MIGHT need to stay back there for another TWO MORE WEEKS!
TWO more weeks would mean. exactly ONE MONTH later from now! :(
He better not. Or else. I really don't know what i'll do.
Nothing good i guess. He better not...!
It's bad enough that we haven't seen each other for TWO AND A HALF MONTHS.
Now he tell me he might need to stay back for another TWO MORE WEEKS.
Please Please. Don't.


Things back at home wasn't very good.
But i know Dad & Mom could handle it.
Hais.
3 of our female workers left at 1 go. Which means, now we are only left with 1 female worker.
Hais. Hopefully we'll be able to get another few workers who will stay and stand by us for as long as our bakery shop still exist. Please please. :(


Met the 71s last Saturday. :)
(Mad girl, Mirna, Touty, Jason & Mervin)
Nice chats and food at our favourite hang out place. FISH & CO.
lols. Hope to meet up with them again soon! :)


And Please get well soon! :)

I am not asking for a lot.
I just hope that my econs lecturer wun be the same 1 anymore, and therefore, i chose very very carefully so that i won't get that lecturer anymore.
YET
that stupid institute of money. anyhow change MY chosen lecturer into that same 1 again.
This is bad. :(
I hate it.
I really hate it. :(

there's a lot of things on my mind now.
i can't help it.
i really don't want to think about them.
but they are somehow there bugging me. :(
ah wells, i am good today.
I finished revising yesterday's POA lesson. :)
Shall start on Econs later. :)
Bless me. :)


we didn't really talk much.
much disappointments.
not only yours towards me, but also mine towards you.
I haven't really voiced out mine, cause i think certain things should be voiced when the time is right.
I didn't know things could go on like that.
whatever it is.
up till now.
everything is good.
everyone's been saying this and this and this.
but i still continue to stand by.
i still hope things will change for the better.


I need to finish what i started.

I'm back in SG now.
No longer at Home.
No longer at ease. :(
I miss Dad & Mom and almost everyone at home.
School starts today.
which means I need to start mugging from today.
no more silly nothings.
no more complaints.
just do it.
because life goes on no matter what.


It's nice seeing my dearest friends again.
Met up with Heup & LH ald.
more to come. I miss the company.
at least when i am with them, i don't feel empty.
Yesterday, when i got down he plane, i got the same feeling again.
It never changes.
I know i need to study and study and study, get through the exam, then go back home again.
Its a routine. there's nothing special.
Just studying and studying and when the time comes.
I go back home again.
I can't wait to go home again....:(


there is a lot of things on my mind.
I don't know where to start and what to do.
I'll just take one step at a time.
cash is limited.
time is limited.
haha.
Bless me.

it's great isn't it.
My life is just too great.
at this point in time when i have so many problems, financial, family,debts, etc....
there is another problem for me again, my studies.. and i have to settle it.
my life is just too great. i always have to go through the hard way to get things.
when others who goes clubbing, party all day long can pass ALL the subjects.
me miss nerdy who almost always study all day long, have to fail.
it's great isn't it?


now... i guess for the next 2 years... my life will be like.. hell...
who in d right mind would cram all 6 subj in 1 sem..
i have to..
bless me..
hopefully..
i can survive..

Registered for my theory test today...
Bumped into Lester & Heup! :)
Very long never see Lester already. 2 years..?
Hmm.. glad to see him.. Was very surprised!
he didn't change much! :)
didn't get to talk much to him also..
whatever it is, glad to see that he is fine. :)
& Lucky Heup, he passed is BTT!!!
Congrats! Hope i'll pass it in my 1st attempt too. :)
I'm glad i bumped into him, before i go back home. :)


then..
i got news from Ms Choo already...
She is in Europe now.. will be coming back to sg in July. :)
so those who are wondering where she is..
she is there in Europe enjoying herself...
want to know why?
ask me..
haha. :)


weekend is here.
enjoy yourself.
i definitely will. :)
2 more days to home sweet home. :)
yayness!!! :D

Okays Okays.
Breath in.. Breath out..
Relax...
Those who've read my past entry. relax. i really wasn't shooting at anyone in particular. =x
If I've made anyone unhappy, I sincerely apologize.
I've decided to take it out.. in case i offend more people. :)


Anyways, I went to get my air ticket today.
So it's confirmed that i am going home next Monday (070708).
wanted to postpone it. But then, cannot keep postponing already.
I made up my mind.
I just want to go home fast. :)
Of course, I am lying if I say that I am happily going back.
There is a small part of me, which is actually quite unhappy.
Yeahs, quite.
But that won't stop me for going back.
I will still go back as planned.
I am sorry, I don't want to postpone it anymore.


Actually, am really quite sad.
Very few people know this.
This time I go back, when I come back, he won't be in sg.
So we won't be seeing each other until October.
It's only July now.
October is about 3 months away?
Yeahs.
I don't know to smile or to cry.
So now, I am treasuring every minute that we can spend together.
whatever it is, I promise I will try to be happy. :)
This matter is too trivial compared to what many others out there are facing.


Be happy.
Weekend is coming.
Have a great weekend!!!
Have fun & Enjoy! :)


(: It's been 2 months. :)
Thank you for everything. :)

M2M - Our Song


I’m lying in my bed, all alone
Called you once again, no one is home
It’s raining outside, on saturday night
Turning out the light, again I tried


My friends say I’m too good, too good for you
And maybe that is true, well I don’t care
What do they all know, they got it all wrong
This is so unfair, they’re playing our song


Nobody gets too much heaven no more
It’s much harder to come by
I’m waiting in line
Nobody gets too much love anymore
It’s as high as a mountain
And harder to climb


Something’s going on, what is wrong
I want you to be here, why won’t you come
And spend some time with me, can’t you see
Have we come undone
Is this the end of our song


Bridge
How do I deal
With how I feel
How to reveal
Oooh... what is real love
As another day fades away
So I say

Chorus 2x

I am closing and opening and locking and unlocking my blog for several times in a month.
Don't ask me why, i just feel like doing so. =p


Last week has been very very bad.
the past few days was pretty fine.
Because i had companion of my Bestie girl, Stan and I meet up with Heup today.
Thank you loads.
I don't know why i thanked.
But yeahs, just, Thank you.


You know, I am really glad that i have these few FRIENDS around me, whom i really trust 100%, whom i really call friends and who really care about me.
They won't say nasty things to me unnecessarily.
I don't know how to describe the FRIENDSHIP between me and these FEW close people around me.
I am just very glad that they understand.
I am just very glad that they know what i am doing.
I am just very glad that they will tell me the reason why i am wrong and why i am right.
I am just very glad that they treat me very very sincerely.
I am just very glad that they gave me very constructive advices.
This is why, even if we don't meet, don't talk for very very long time, we still can somehow talk non-stop when we finally meet again.
I am very glad. Thank You. :)


I still cannot come to terms with certain things.
I still can't accept certain things.
I will try.
Because what Bestie & Heup say is right.
I don't really have to care about what they say, really.
I mean, if their words, hurt my feelings, then why bother to listen.


I once said that i can't please every single one of you around me,
by being the girl that you all want me to be.
I am just me, there are certain things that are beyond my control.
All along, I am fine in being just me.
That girl, who don't really care about anything and everything as long as i feel good and i feel fine.
But the past months, I have been taking in too much of what people say.
I have been listening too much.
I know comments are good.
I know that when people say certain things about me, they want me to be better.
That is IF what they say are true.
That is also IF they are close to me, and that they have weighed the comment they said.
I mean, I am sure my BEST FRIENDS. MY very very close friends, friends who really care about me wouldn't want to hurt my feelings by saying unnecessary things which they knew would hurt me a lot and those words are just for fun and not true.
IF people who knows me very very well, and wants the best for me, said otherwise, then i don't know why that bunch of them, keep saying unnecessary things to hurt me.
I was wondering, if they did reflect on themselves first before putting their message across to me.
lala~
whatever it is, I just want to bring a message across.
I don't know what makes you all say so.
I don't know why you all said so.
If i can't do this, can't do that, then what do you guys want me to do?
Remain, the same? Heck care? Still stay at home during weekends?
TELL ME WHAT TO DO LA.
don't just anyhow anyhow shoot shoot shoot.
say that i have changed this and that, blablabla.
I am sick of listening to the same thing over and over again, yet not knowing why this came out.


Silence is golden.

Friday was quite bad for me, because i had to lie down on bed the whole day and make several trips to the toilet. =x
It's the period of the month and i am having it again. :(
I am one of the few of very unlucky people who have to suffer this kind of pain almost every single month.
But then again, compared to my another friend, I am considered quite lucky already.
I only have to suffer one or two days every single month.
Yet my another friend have to suffer the whole month. (this is what i heard)
Considering that she missed ONE whole month of lessons and her A'level paper, just because she had her period and the pain is unbearable.
I guess her condition is very very bad.
I heard she needs to go for operation if she wants to totally get rid of the pain.
BUT i don't think mine is that serious la.
SO BESTIE GIRL.
NO WORRIES. :)
But then again, i want to find a cure for this.
The feeling really sucks.
U will feel like dying.
I mean, sometimes I'd rather die than endure the pain. :(
the pain is, i don't know how to describe.
It's best if you can't experience it.
Those who experience it, you know what i am talking about. =p


Thank you loads to my 2 super dearest who are very concerned. :)
Thanks yous!
No worries k?
I'll be fine. It's over for now, at least. :)


Class Outing today with a few of the S71-s people.
Hopefully, it'll be fun.
Don't know where some of the people go la. MIA in progress bahs.
I don't know.
Sometimes, I am super sick and tired of "organising" a class outing for the class.
Not only me, Mad is involved to.
We are sick of thinking of where to go eat, where to meet, what time to meet, who to call.
really super sian 1.
Oh wells, hopefully, it'll be fun later bahs. :)


I heard from auntie that my very super ultra rich Uncle and Auntie and cousins came from Medan yesterday.
They wanted to meet me. *nonsense*
I'll be most willing to meet them since i very long never see them already.
Thing is, they never tell me that they are coming.
They never inform me, nothing.
Then don't bother the fake-ness of asking about this and that when you never had the intention of meeting me.
What's so difficult about picking up the phone to call me, to see if i am free or not?
aiya, whatever.
Hopefully they are doing fine, as usual.
So it's not my fault that i went out in the end right?


so fast.
It's Sunday again.
the days are going by in a super boring and meaningless way.
I miss home.
I want to go home. :(

I was thinking of what to blog about.
Then i thought of happy things.
After all, life is short, let make it sweet. :)
So here it is... :)


This Hp "key chain" or what we usually call HP strap??
Was given by my Bestie girl as my 21st Bday pressie! Thanks loads girl!!! :)
Have yet to use it. I'll use it on my new phone. :)




This was given by Mad girl for me. Small small gift from Thailand. :)





Dewi bought this for me. From Singapore i guess. =b.
she just gave it to me today. :)
It's my very belated 21st Birthday pressie. :)





This one. Came as a surprise. :D
Given to me from my Dearest, for i don't know what occasion.
Thank You anyway. :D
I love it!!! It's PINK!! =D
I'm finally putting on a watch now. After 2 years. =b
Thanks love for everything! =D




p/s: Han Bin also bought me something from Taiwan the other day. I kept it in my luggage le. =x I'll take a picture of it when i dig it out. It's very nice also!!! =D


==================================================================================


I am a happier and happy girl today. :)
Sorry if i made anyone worry yesterday. Which i know i did made someone quite angry and worried. *SORRY*
Anyways, yeahs, i felt a lot lot better today.
The gifts & presents were additional things which adds on to me being a happier girl today. :)
I realize that receiving gifts made me happy. =D
HAHA! Actually Just a small note or anything can make me happy. Because, in that way, i know that someone still do care about me. :)
I am really easy to please. =p
Oh ya! I got to eat my favorite cheese prata again today. =)
Thank Yous!!!! =D
Then, I am also happy because 4 of my dearest darlings ( Mad, Stan, Dewi & Bestie girl) called me in 24 hours!!! =D
unexpected! that's y i am sooo happy! Thanks loads!!! =D


Now, it's time to sleep. =b
I hope when i wake up, it'll be another happy day!!!! =D


And, i have another wish.
Please Bless My Family, My Bestie, My Darlings, My Love & Everyone with very very good health. :)

今天的我，哭了。
还以为， 自己很坚强， 自己可以不用那么依赖父母了。
但是，
我终于还是真的受不了， 我终于哭出来了。
我好想念家，好想念爸爸和妈妈。
我真的很想回家。 我真的很想念他们。
现在的我因该是在家里， 而不是坐在这里哭的。


因为没有人会了解， 没有人会懂，
所以就算说出来， 也没有任何意义。

You know there is this small part inside me, which is very very scared.
back to the whole thing again.
It's the exam i took in May.
I don't know.
BUT I always had this very uneasy and negative feeling.
A lot of people has been telling me la. ''THINK POSITIVE! THINK POSITIVE!"
But, somehow, somehow.
I don't know la i can't.
I know i am screwed. I don't need people to tell me that.
I just feel very very stressed up.
I am super scared of the result.
I hope it won't turn out as bad as how i thought it is.


I am scared to the extent of wanting to start studying now again.
After a few weeks of doing nothing.
Now i feel like going back to studying.
yes!
I think i am crazy.
I don't know what have I been doing.
Everything seems to be going wrong.
hmm.
God Bless Me bahs.


I miss home alot.
But, I really want the job.
I want to work.
I need the money.
I also need my parents. :'(


because no one understands.

Happy Father's Day!
I know I am late by few hours. But never minds.
Thanks loads to my dear Papa for everything.
And Happy Father's Day to all Fathers. :)


Didn't do much on a Sunday.
Almost slept through the whole day.
Played game, Watched show and went dinner with their family. :)
Didn't want to join them as i feel kind of very weird, but got invited by his mom and so i went.
So yeahs. It's nice. Didn't turn out bad. Everything went fine.
I guess now she and they, know me better already. Which is good. :)
Thanks for the dinner. :)


I don't know why, but i somehow think that i will be going back home this week bahs.
because i have the feeling that, i won't be able to get the job. =/
so if i don't get the job. then bye bye friends, bye bye sg. =p
Hmm. I don't know why the feeling, but yeahs, somehow i can sense and feel that i will be going home to enjoy life in a few days time.
So when i go back, what will happen to my dearest friend..?
I don't know la. Life goes on. :)
It'll be ard 5 months before i see him? or is it 4 months?
somewhere there bahs.
I will sure miss him loads.
BUT bo bians. I have to go back.
I can't stand the life here of doing nothing and slacking at home everyday.
It's torturing.
So it's decided.
If i don't get the job. I guess the last day I'll be here will be next Monday, 23rd..?
yeahs. or maybe i can't even survive this Monday and Tuesday. then i'll just leave this weds. =p
oh wells. shall see how bahs.. =D
I am definitely looking forward to going back home. =D
In fact i can't wait. =p


okies. now. good nights. time to sleep. :D