Happy Marriage Mitch & Dearest Bestie!

Bestie's wedding is over now.
It's the most simple, cozy, sweet, warm and romantic wedding I've ever attended.
and it's the first wedding I've ever attended for my closest friend.
It's more of a mixed feeling after the whole thing is over.
It's really hard holding back the tears and feelings.
Yes, I enjoyed myself. Even though, I really took a long long time to finish the food served. Not that I don't like them, it's just, i don't have the appetite to even eat them. =(
Made one or 2 new friends, after all they are Bestie's friend, so how "bad" can they be. =)
The most frequent Question I always get asked is, "Who are you to Sze Min?"
Next is, "When is your turn coming?"
lastly, "Why don't u look sad, aren't u supposed to be sad that she will be leaving soon?"

these qns.. I just gave them the most simplest one sentence answer i could ever give and thanks for being so insensitive.

The "unhappy" thing of all is, the next time i see my Bestie, it will be at the airport, she will be leaving for Sydney for good. =(
I really cannot imagine that day coming. I cannot imagine what it will be like when she is not in Singapore anymore, when she is not an-sms away, a few bus stops away, a phone-call away. I really cannot imagine. Well, you can say that, it's not as if, i meet her everyday, its not like we have always been meeting every single week or every single month for the past few years. it's just a mixed feeling of LOST, WORRIED and everything altogether. and i just couldn't sleep that night when i came back to rest. I just tossed and turn, until i don't know what time.

She is that one friend, I have always trusted, always hold dear to my heart, i always confide in. it's even more than a friend to friend feeling. and i can never thank her and her family enough for whatever they have done for me. It's really more than just a friend to friend treatment.
I know both of us will get married one day. and like what Rovin say, we just have to get on with our own life. I just didn't expect it to be so soon. This soon.

Well, and as contradicting as it can ever be, I am happy she is moving over to Aussie. Really, I've seen and experienced how life here can be stressful, demanding and just not nice. So, I am happy, she is moving there for a new life, everything new, just that, i know everyone she left behind here, will be worried for her and everything. because it's not a one month two month thing. It's a lifetime. I really hope Mitch will take good care of my dearest girl, she just cannot afford to feel sad, lost or down anymore. so please please please please please, take really good care of my dearest Bestie, make her the happiest woman she can ever be in her own life.

It isn't easy getting to know each other, accepting each other's shortcomings, accommodating to each other's needs, being patient with each other and then taking the big step towards marriage. All these, needs process, and it isn't easy at all. But what's even more difficult is keeping the marriage alive, till death, separates. And as I said, all these needs process. I wish both of you all the best, and I gave you my very best wishes.

and i miss her already, even though i know she is still here in Singapore. ='(

Happy Marriage Mitch & Mandy! =)

desperate

I realize i am really desperate to get into the job I've always wanted. as in really DESPERATE.
I really really really hope I can already be working as one, this time, next year. I really really really want to be one. Gosh I will be 24 next year. oh my.

and i also know, there and then, I will have to again re-consider the many possible pros and cons.
whatever. Life is just oh so difficult. so well, just live with it.

I will fight really hard to finish this degree. no matter what. i just have to finish it.
NO MATTER WHAT.

3 more days.
Singapore here I come.

HAHA.

scared

To be honest, I am really, SCARED.
I am really really really scared. I really don't know how to say what i feel, but i am just really scared.

ok.. what i'm going to say is about studies again. So if you don't feel like reading, then please, just leave.  don't continue reading, cuz it might just bore you. or you might even feel that.
"since you are so decisive and decided to take up the challenge of taking the remaining FIVE modules at one go and not split it up, then just shut the hell up." 


If you, my readers are going to feel this way, then please, just leave.

I really don't want Sept 20th to come so soon. In fact, as the day drew gets nearer, I am more and more "not excited" about school, (since when am i excited), okay. so yahhh. I just don't want it to come so soon. I am scared of the FIVE modules. No one can actually give me a picture of what's coming for me.
I only know i have to drown myself in notes, lectures and assignments. and nothing else. I just need to be more nerdy.
Ppl split them up to 2 years. I took all 5 core mods, in one year!
to be exact in SIX-EIGHT months.
OCT-FEB-MAY

what do you call me? brave? or just being stupid? or just being "itchy"?

I am so done with school. I just want to be done with school. I just want to be done with this whole education thing. as soon as possible.

I don't want another few more years of studying. i just want to get down to work and earn money and then continue my next few years of life. no more studying.
Don't ask me about taking masters now, when i am not even done with this darn degree!

okay. so main point is, i just want to get it over and done with school as soon as possible.

Wish me luck, Give me all your support and encouragement. I really need it.
Thanks.

Thank you

My Aunt & Uncle just called me.
I cried immediately at the mention "cling cling".
They said they are willing to lend me, if i am short of it.
Thanks. Really thanks. but really, if i can don't borrow at all. i won't borrow at all.
it's enough.
I don't want to owe anyone anymore. It feels really heavy.
But really thank you. when i really couldn't hold on anymore, yes i will ask for help.

I did reconsider again yesterday about taking 5 mods, because my aunt wants me to ask myself if i can do it or not.
I believe i can do it. because i don't want to waste anymore time.
And a lot of factors which led me to my this decision.

1) If i split my 5 modules into 2 years, I will have to incur extra payments to about 15K-20K a year.
Sim school fees, UOL reg fee, rental, food, transport, daily necessities and TIME.

2) Its actually not possible for me a foreign student to actually switch to part time from full time classes, because my student pass was granted by ICA based on my number of years to study. so even if i split my studies into two years, it'll still be I work part time, with really low pay and then slog my days away and then finish only 2-3 modules a year. then the amount of part time pay i get is only enough to pay for daily necessities and rental.

3) I'll already be 25/26 when i graduate if i split my studies. which is really a waste of my time. when i really want to graduate fast, as soon as possible and then hopefully I will get into the dream job i always wanted. =) and then it'll be time to pay off debts, start saving for my future and give my parents better living, ease their burden. =) and then it will be happy happy happy. =)

Furthermore, dad and Mom are getting old, I need to faster get a degree, get a job, then at least among the three of us at least one is a graduate, then Mom and Dad will feel so much better and happier and they will be able to hold their heads up high and not feel "bad" anymore. I want them to be happy, I want them to enjoy their next 30-40 years of life. I don't want them to be worrying about us anymore. SO.. yeaps.. all these reasons and a few more unnamed ones.. are the ones that led me to my decision.

I am not a really decisive person. when i want to make a final decision i think about all the relevant factors. what are the benefits and everything else. Then make the best decision, i can have. =)

It's hard coming to this decision when i know all the five core modules are really difficult.
and its really hard making this decision when i have no confidence in myself.
but when i think of the larger picture. it really motivates me. one year later.
I need to be in my dream job. =)
one year later everything will be over. one year later i will be 24!
Getting older and older and i just have to be really responsible for myself and my family.

with support from my big family and friends, I am really sure i can do it.
Thank you all! It really means alot to me.

still, my favourite quote:
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr Seuss.

Jia You Lily! =)

Thank you.

i haven't blogged about my results yet.
i am really happy and still am happy about the whole results thing. I couldn't believe i actually did it.
it actually also did boost up my confidence. =)
I did my calculations and with reassurance from Mom that i don't have to work at all to pay for my own food, travel and rental. I am sure I can put 1000% concentration in to studies and then do well. Of course, I cannot leave out praying. i just have to be more diligent in praying and more diligent in studying =)

and this results release. I just have to thank these few friends I have.
Thank you Bestie, Lh, Ade, Irene, Els, Heup, Dewi, Stan, Cousins, Dearest Aunts!.... Thank you so much.

Thank you for bearing with all my words of worries all these few months even before results are released. Thank you for keeping me company, for talking to me, and "entertaining" all my doubts and worries.
Thank you for giving me all the advices i needed, and thank you for helping me check my results. Thank you for sharing the worry with me. I know all of you are worried for me. Thank you so much for being really happy for me too, that you all just cant stop smiling away through the conversation! Thank you for giving me the reassurance again and again to tell me that everything will be fine. Thank you for helping me think of alternatives. Giving me the better advice i could possibly have.Thank you Thank You Thank You! =)

and of course Thank you Mom, Brother and Thank you for Blessing me Dear God. =))

Words, just cant express my feeling of gratitude. really. Thank you! I really wouldn't know what i would do without all your help. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you! =)

great! here's timetable till 1st week oct. what's below is scarier.
busy busy busy. oh wells, its all for the good! =)

I'm happy i'm going back soon cuz i'll get to meet my dearest darlings soon!
but i am unhappy also cuz.. i'll be leaving home again..
oh wells, like i said.. since its for something good. then... okay! i'll just live through it! =)

here's the summary of it all. =) 

I chose this timetable with the help of Miss Quek. and it's the first time that i chose to have all morning classes except for weds cuz there's no more morning slots! =(

but yeah. i just wana end everything fast so that i still have the rest of the day to do anything else. i'll sleep early and wake up early! =)

oh yahh! just click to enlarge. =)

All the best to me! Jia You Lily! =))

PASSED

ok. d worrying is over. i passed everything. now i have one more year to go. 5 core modules to clear.

when will it be our turn?

went to meet Irene girl 2 days ago.. half way through the shopping and resting and lunching. both our minds wonder off.
she was telling me, one of her classmate just got married and i said, my Bestie is getting married too, in a few weeks.
there and then both of us went really quiet.
i know what i was thinking, i know what i was wondering about.
sometimes, we just can't help it, maybe, like i said, in sg, people dont usually marry at a very young age, but over here, in indonesia, its normal to marry at 20+.
if u marry at 30. its considered, weird.
so, i really hope, i don't get to that age then marry, at least 25 or 26, will be good.
speaking of that, in fact, we really don't know when we will actually settle down.
no one is perfect and no one is , considered really good, good. because even the most "perfect" person has his flaws. No one is perfect.

at every of our relationship, we always ask ourself Is he/she THE ONE? how do you actually define THE ONE?
if u really already got married, blessed with Kids, then if later on you found out that she/he's not the one, you shouldn't and never should even think about getting a divorce. You just have to keep the marriage going, find back that feeling that tied the two of you together, find back the bond that made you say YES back then.

so, Mom's friend at the temple, actually is helping a friend matchmake her son. HAHA. that was the 2nd or 3rd time she asked my mom if she could bring the man to meet me. if we could meet and be friends, she even asked my mom what business is my bf in. in short, is my bf rich, have a factory or whatsoever. which is a norm here. and my mom said, nopes, they are just still friends. haha. good answer mom. I know what she meant by that. =)

so sometimes i really ask myself, when will it be my turn. when will i meet the guy, (serious), with whom i will spend the rest of my life with.

and like i said, it's really a blessing if you've found your partner early, someone willing to spend the rest of his/her life with you. It's really a blessing and you should be proud and be happy about it. Everyone has their own thoughts as perceptions about certain things, sometimes we agree to them, sometimes we don't. Just accept every single comment with a "big" heart, ultimately just bear in mind that, everyone has the freedom to say what they want to.

It's actually pretty tired getting into a new relationship after every single break up. I might not have tasted that kind of feeling, but i am pretty sure, i will soon. So, you really should feel happy, if you are already settling down. you'll be starting a new life. =)

Yeaps. oh wells, random. have a great weekend! =)

happiness

I've been diligently going to Temple to read Scriptures, 地藏经 to be exact, for about 4 to 5 days now...So usually and most of the time, our  法师 / 师傅 will give us a Dharma talk. and I am loving it. I didn't go today, as i need to look after shop. and I am kind of missing it :(

Today, this morning, those Taiwan "shi fu" went back to Taiwan. I actually teared yesterday, because, it was her last Dharma talk with us, until probably, I don't know when she will be back, or when will we ever see her again, or when we will have the fate to see here again.
Before she left, she said,
"Whether in life and death, no matter where we are, we are bound to meet again. We still don't know who belongs where and whose place exactly this is. We are all just passer-by, so enjoy the walk while you are here and don't worry about anything else. Count your blessings and continue to save up those blessings, whether it is for future use or now."

I've never had such "connection" with anyone before, I mean, to be exact, i don't even know her, i;ve only seen her THRICE. and i don't even talk to her. Because yeah, you don't just anyhow go to a "shi fu" and talk to her. so yeaps. to be exact, i don't know her at all. So this connection and the fact that i actually teared, amused me.
I still, question myself, the same question she asked us that one day.
"what is happiness to you?"
"do you think the line between life and death is clear or is it very blur?"


To me happiness, is being contented with what you have, count your blessings. Be happy that you have what you have now, cause, whatever you have today is already saved up for you. And whatever you have now is the fruits of your own labor.
and by asking for more, you are just making yourself and everyone else around you unhappy, so why make life so miserable.
and in actual fact, we are all really just passer-by we all have our own story here, when the time is up, you'll just go. You will have to move. So yeah, just live it, live for the day, make sure the day is fruitful, the day is happy. =)

and.
the line that separate life and death is in actual fact really thin and blur. You wouldn't know when and where you will leave. Just like when God wants to take you away, you won't be able to ask him to give you some more time because you have unfinished matter. So yeahs, just live your day as if it's your last day on earth. If you can be happy, why choose to be sad and miserable?

and I really believe there is something called Karma. 有因，必有果。
Good will be re-payed with good and evil with evil.

The uncle who has been sending me and my Mom to the temple. I've seen how he drives and how most of the time, he lets other vehicles pass through when they are turning and when he feels that letting them go first will allow the traffic to flow much more better. Point is, he always let others go first, instead of wanting to be the first in everything.
and you know what, there is a really bad traffic jam yesterday when we were on our way to the Temple, and guess what, while we were trying to "cut" into the other lane, a car miraculously just stopped for us to pass through, even though he could just move forward.
Okay, i know this might sound "silly" in a way. Maybe i don't know how to put these into words. =/

幸福就在眼前，放下所有欲望和名利。
无人能改变常言道：人生犹如南柯一梦。

okay.. i don't know if i am making any point above. but i am a much happier person now.
I still pray and still hope that i could finish what i started. and whatever is going to happen, will happen eventually. so yeaps. i'll just be contented for now. just watch and see where and which path i will be going towards.

We will all leave eventually, with nothing. =)

活在当下

tongues

I know people will talk behind people's back.
It's like that, when people start to question, they often gossip behind your back first, make guesses about their so-called truth, before they pluck up courage and ask us what's the real truth. life's like that. I have to get used to it. I see how they point their fingers,, i see their facial expression, when we said, we have someone to drive us home, a guy. it's been only 4 days. what do you think will happen after 5 full weeks?

I often say that people's tongue are even sharper than the knife.
When we got cut, it bleeds, that is all. Full stop.
But words that come out from people's mouth, will leave scars.

I've been going to the temple to read scriptures for 4 days now, I'm sure its good for me. It takes a whole load of things off my mind, it brings me peace.. :) SO i will continue going as long as i don't have anything for the day. It will take 6 weeks. Last day will be on Sept 19th. :)

by going to the temple, it made me think, made me understand, made me a happier and a better person.
All the Dharma talks. The Readings. I believe they've changed me in one way or another.

still very confused.

when people ask me what i will do when i get my results. i told them all my 3 plans. all the 3 plans i have in mind. 

but then yesterday, it suddenly struck me that, after wishing and hoping for my results to turn out good, i suddenly stop and think, if it turns out good, am i going to just go ahead and study full time and then die die be a 24-hour university student. Be a good "dog" and eat the books and eat up everything and then go through same freaking THREE MONTHS, worrying over the outcome? But this sounds like the best plan. it's just another year to go. I just have to slog like crazy and make sure I do well. Don't you think so?

IF i don't do well, it will be worst. I will need to "open" up my tiny weenny brain and think really hard what's the next step and never regret that step. Hmm.

I don't know. these 2 weeks towards results release, i will try my best, to enjoy myself as much as possible. yups.

Wish me luck. Pray with me. Hopefully, God will lead me towards the correct path =)

Have a great weekend. 

angstyyy

i have been feeling really really bad these few days. always so "angsty". always get angry really easily. 

so i re-organized my living room yst, (again). =x

Oh byw, results will be released by end of AUGUST. i don't know which date, but end of august, means a few days away.

which means, i am going back to Singapore soon. =) for.. well... see the results first, then, i will announce. =))

i know we all hope it will be good news. GOOD GOOD news. =)

I am missing a lot of my friends in Singapore. to be exact, I miss having a friend to talk to, to sms, to call. 

I really miss having friends by side.. 

and i also hope i can go back to sg fast. BUT, I need to wait for results, so that i could arrange whether to book a one-way ticket or a return ticket. yups. 

so 2 more weeks. around 2 more weeks, everything willl come to light.

that day will be a big turning point in my life. its where I need to stick to whatever plan i have. 

Its the time when, there should not be any more regrets. I just have to move and look forward to everything. and make sure that everything turns out good. no more regrets. 

and i am loving this quote now..

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Dr Seuss.

tears

its been a long time since i actually have tears welled up in my eyes every single hour.
i am really worried. i hope someone could end this worries now.
i cannot take it anymore. its one more month. but its really taking forever.
i cried myself to sleep yst. i opened my eyes this morning and cried again. and i am practically crying almost once every hour now that i am staring into the computer looking for "back-ups".
 and discussing things with cousin, ade and lh..

maybe all i wish now for now is, i get my results immediately so it will end all these "uncertainties", so that i know exactly what i should really do.
or someone rich could actually take me in. ask me to be his god daughter or anything and fund my degree.
or someone dependable could actually support me for the rest of my life while i seek the path towards happiness.
or someone could actually offer me a job now, so that i could have an income and not depend on my parents, on anyone ANYMORE.
or God could just take me with Him any minute, in any way He wants, now.
I am willing to go now. to end all these. cuz i am really really sick of this now.

dresses!

alright...

so I don't have any decent dress. the last time i wore a skirt was when i was in JC. I believe that was the last time. SO now. I need to get a decent dress that i could put on to a wedding. 

Having Bestie's wedding as the 1st one i will wear a dress to. =)

I am not exactly a tomboy or a chor lor girl. but honestly and really. i don't like wearing anything too girly or yeah.. whatever, i don't feel comfy in them. haha. im more comfy and feels more confident in my jeans and pants! =p

but i will start wearing dresses to go out, if that makes me more feminine, then, okay.. i will start wearing those. but first, i need to go find and get a decent and simple and elegant dress first. that would make me look pretty and not like a dumbo. =p

oh wells, i believe it won't be all too bad or anything. i will learn not to be so chor lor from now on. =)

I am happier today. maybe because i have decided to let it go and leave everything to the one above. can't do much also. so yeaps... i will just wait for time to tell me what's next. I am leaving it all to Him. 

and i am going to get back my Iphone tml! Dewi's coming back JKT so im gg her place to get my iphone tml! =))

and i am probably going to shop for dresses tml too. hopefully i can get a decent one. =D

and i am also going to get busy. with the cakes. =)) 

bored to the max

i was bored and did this "survey" to kill time. haha.

here's the result to the survey. wake up call for me too.

Is He Marriage Material?

Is your partner really worth walking down the aisle with?

Your Results

This guy needs a wake-up call!

This is a hard pill to swallow, but your current guy is taking you way too much for granted. Neither is he thinking long-term about the two of you. "If his designs on his future go too far without mentioning you and the life you want to live, then in fifteen years' time he may be living solo," says Susan Swimmer, author of Is He The One?

His spending habits probably tell the same story, too: That he's pretty nonchalant about the future. "It doesn't matter if he's a gazillionaire or a minimum wager, what makes all the difference is how he handles what he has," adds Swimmer, and you want a guy who works honestly, saves responsibly, and spends sensibly.

Bottom line: If you truly love him, it's time to have a serious talk about your future together -- where you're headed, what your plans are, and what you expect from your partner. Hopefully, this will be a wakeup call for your guy. But if he's not on the same page when it comes to your relationship, stop wasting your time and get outta there -- you deserve better.

copied from : http://msn.shoppinglifestyle.com/sg/quiz/marriagematerial/result.asp

i dont want to be sued of copying, so i shall just copy down the webby i got this from .. =p

i need to stop worrying.
I re-organized my room AGAIN today. just because, i want to distract myself and keep my mind and time occupied. I think i just did that last month. and i re-do the whole room again today!
I was in a super bad mood throughout the day, cause, i cant stop thinking about my results and how it is going to be. really, really, i need to stop worrying and start believing that it's all going to be good.

thinking.

Sunday was bad to me, or rather period wasn’t being nice to me this month. Last month I was good, this month it was so bad. I shall cut the details. It’s pretty much the same old thing. What’s important is, I am good, better and a little bit healthier now =)

I’m going back Singapore in September, should be mid Sept, most probably on the day school starts. Cuz air tickets only starts to get cheaper from 20^th Sept. any days before that are super expensive, unless I really need to be there earlier, else, I won’t pay more just to get myself ready for school over there. =p

Too many people passed away just within days. One of them is my customer’s grandson, only 14 yrs old, died because of bike accident. Another one, cousin’s grandma also just passed away. This birth and death thing is kind of scary. It just makes everything seems so unreal. One thing may be here now, it might be gone tomorrow. Let’s just treasure whatever is happening?

I have been having weird dreams, and having a lot and lot of dreams almost every single day. About a lot of different events, about a lot of random people, people I don’t even really think about, it just makes it even weirder why I even dream about them. My Mom says she don’t even dream about anything, every night she just goes to sleep and then wakes up and then start the day and ends the day. No dreams, nothing. I seem to be the only one in the house having lots and lots of dreams.

I always think back, I always think back. Let’s stop thinking, it won’t happen anyway.

I am really worried about my result. I really am. I would be lying, if I say, I am not at all worried. I probably think about it day and night. I really won’t know what I could do, what I would do, if, if I don’t do well. I really don’t know. Getting a diploma and then getting a degree in Singapore? I really wish, I really wish, I could do without a degree. I really wish I can just move on without a freaking degree. It’s making me go crazy really. All the worrying, all the guessing, all the waiting.

Ok good, I cant sleep tonight, I am still so awake now. This is no good. =(

Nvm, shall not feed the mozzies. Im off to sleep!

And I miss my Bestie! I hope I could fly back and spend time with her more before she fly off and we probably won’t even get to meet once a year. Argh! This is so frustrating. =( but if her leaving is for her own good and happiness, I will be happy for her too. I will visit when I could, hopefully I can go over to visit soon! I still can’t believe, she’s moving away. Oh wells, what’s going to happen, will happen. If it’s for the greater good, then, why not?

Am I making sense? Alright, I shall stop. Good nights! 

Some updates! =))

I finally have some friends and I am doing quite good in keeping in touch with dear friends =)

Had dinner with Mirna & Gita yesterday night! =) after so long, I finally meet up with Gita. She is in the corporate world now. How’s being in the corporate world? I am kind of wondering. It seems fun though, from what I hear from her. It’s definitely true that, over here it is so much more relaxing and not so stressful and fast pace as it is in Singapore or probably any other country. People here seems to just relax – chill and just do it at their own pace. That has its pros and cons too though. Haha. Yes, for now I do prefer the “chilax” kind of lifestyle. =)

I’m doing good with the shop and everything. One thing for sure is, when I quiet down I can’t help but to think about my two major problems. I know they are there. I am just choosing not to think about it.

Oh wait! Something for me to be happy about, Mom actually told me she can attend Bestie’s wedding with me! =D I am so happy la!!! That way, I wouldn’t have to feel awkward and attend it ALONE.  Cause I don’t really like the idea of attending a function alone. Plus its a wedding! I haven't been to many wedding so i wouldn't know how to behave. =X If i go alone, i tend to want to give myself excuses to just show my face and leave and save all the awkwardness. :/ but I know its my Bestie’s wedding and she is the first and very first friend of mine who actually got married. So yeaps, its really important to me too! =)) 

so I am really happy when mom said that she probably can attend Bestie wedding with me. Thank you Mommy!! =D

End Aug, early Sept seems so far away but then, not really so far away too. =/ I am still thinking thinking thinking. If i made it or not. if i got some pretty presentable result or not. how did i do actually. I am envious of people who already finish their studies. got their degree and bla bla bla.. i am really envious. cuz that means they got off the hook already. They don't have to do the studying anymore! seriously, studying is a waste of time when you just don't get the real fruits of your labour.

getting into a University made me hate studying so much. I prefer to do anything as long as its not studying. but oh wells, whatever, I need to get that degree, that piece of paper. so, okay.. suck thumb. 

and next, my relationship with Stan. People, everyone has been asking me the same question again and again. and telling me the same thing again and again. I really agree with what they tell me. I really do agree, but sometimes, really, I am the one stuck with the situation and its probably really just me who knows whatever is going on and I am the one who will actually choose the right time to end it all. or probably maybe, I hope Stan reads this and ask for a break up with me. I might cry for a day or two. I might feel really lost for a week or maybe a month or two. I might miss his companion a lot. but I am sure, it will all pass. The only thing I hope for is, I hope we didn't make the wrong decision to be together and then to part in the end and treat each other as strangers. 

Regrets regrets, its something everyone is afraid of. EVERYONE. And i have made a lot of wrong decisions, which is why i am really scared of making the wrong decisions now. I don't want to be the one suffering in the end. I know I am selfish, by saying so, but who wants to get hurt?

end July is coming soon. =( one more month at home and I probably got to go back to Singapore. With Bestie soon (very soon) leaving Singapore. I am back to be with all my other friends who will be busy with school, with work and I am back on my own. It just seems to me that, everyone in Sg is pretty much busy with their own doings and then, its really really difficult to even find yourself a true friend. I can't wait to leave Sg. But i know i need to get a degree first. I can't wait to get over with this "boring" life and move on to my next phase of life. I know it takes time, I am getting impatient, but I know i just need to wait.

oh wells, whatever. life. suck thumb.

i chatted with Mom till we slept yst night. talked a lot. apparently i was being really grumpy yesterday. yups..
SO, i decided to heed Mom's advice and not go for the interview.. and after considering much and asking around about the whole thing. YES, i decided to letit wait. and not go for teh interview this Saturday. It will do everybody good.

So school will start on 20th Sept that week.
I am not prepared. or rather I am waiting for results to be released soon. Early Sept or end August.
My youngest aunt and my Mom has been asking me what would I do if let's say something bad happen.
and all i can say is... I've tried my best and if i am really that unlucky, i have nothing else to say also. but up till now, i am trying to be really positive. I will pass everything alright? yeaps... i really hope i will. I have been praying every single day. I hope God heard my prayers. =)
whatever it is.. 船到桥头自然直。。。
yups yups.. so yah.. like what heup say.. no point worrying about it now..
whatever it is.. i will try to be as positive as i can be. =)

Mom's back.. after going for her "rest" for ten days :)
Glad to have a companion to sleep. The 10 days that she was away.. I really didn't sleep much.. cuz i was really scared. =( Cuz I know there are "things" in the house.. =/

So i've been pretty much.. staying at home most of the time..
couldn't find the right time to meet friends either..
but I am glad Irene girl is coming back soon from China.. =))
SO finally i have a friend here...

I've been pretty much Irene girl's "love consultant". HAHA! ok, to put it nicely, her relationship consultant.
She's been asking me opinion about this and that.. and all i told her is my opinion, they maybe wrong, maybe right.. =/
so just take my advice with a pinch of salt.
in the end she is the one in the relationship, not me, so no one knows it better than herself.

Bestie girl is back in Singapore too! =)
and all i can say again is.. I hope everything went well.. I know separation is "disgusting" but through separation, we know how much the other person weighs in our heart. It makes both of you stronger too! =))
SIX months will breeze through very very soon! and then you three will spent every single day together, always. =)

just like now, my separation with Stan.. every year separate for 3-4 months... hahahaha.. i know how much he weighs in my heart. and how much i weighs in his. Oh wells.. let nature takes its course..

okay.. relationship thingy... as of now.. its really not important...
i just want to pass every single one of my subj.. and let me graduate next year! =)

pissed off with myself.

leave now if u dun wan to read, because what you are going to read next is nothing nice.

i really like reconnecting with my friends. but by doing so, it just made me realize that i am such a failure. i am so super useless. 
seriously. wtf. everyone has graduated! holding a stable job now.
what am i doing here? still waiting for the damn result! which i don't even know whether i do well or not.
seriously. i am so super screw up. i hate this so much.
sometimes i even feel that my whole family is screwed up.
none of us is a graduate!
now i am the only one left still hanging nowhere.
i seriously hate this situation so so much.

ok there are also others in the same situation as i am. whatever, i just hate myself so much. because i am just so screwed up.