bored to the max

i was bored and did this "survey" to kill time. haha.

here's the result to the survey. wake up call for me too.

Is He Marriage Material?

Is your partner really worth walking down the aisle with?

Your Results

This guy needs a wake-up call!

This is a hard pill to swallow, but your current guy is taking you way too much for granted. Neither is he thinking long-term about the two of you. "If his designs on his future go too far without mentioning you and the life you want to live, then in fifteen years' time he may be living solo," says Susan Swimmer, author of Is He The One?

His spending habits probably tell the same story, too: That he's pretty nonchalant about the future. "It doesn't matter if he's a gazillionaire or a minimum wager, what makes all the difference is how he handles what he has," adds Swimmer, and you want a guy who works honestly, saves responsibly, and spends sensibly.

Bottom line: If you truly love him, it's time to have a serious talk about your future together -- where you're headed, what your plans are, and what you expect from your partner. Hopefully, this will be a wakeup call for your guy. But if he's not on the same page when it comes to your relationship, stop wasting your time and get outta there -- you deserve better.

copied from : http://msn.shoppinglifestyle.com/sg/quiz/marriagematerial/result.asp

i dont want to be sued of copying, so i shall just copy down the webby i got this from .. =p

i need to stop worrying.
I re-organized my room AGAIN today. just because, i want to distract myself and keep my mind and time occupied. I think i just did that last month. and i re-do the whole room again today!
I was in a super bad mood throughout the day, cause, i cant stop thinking about my results and how it is going to be. really, really, i need to stop worrying and start believing that it's all going to be good.

thinking.

Sunday was bad to me, or rather period wasn’t being nice to me this month. Last month I was good, this month it was so bad. I shall cut the details. It’s pretty much the same old thing. What’s important is, I am good, better and a little bit healthier now =)

I’m going back Singapore in September, should be mid Sept, most probably on the day school starts. Cuz air tickets only starts to get cheaper from 20^th Sept. any days before that are super expensive, unless I really need to be there earlier, else, I won’t pay more just to get myself ready for school over there. =p

Too many people passed away just within days. One of them is my customer’s grandson, only 14 yrs old, died because of bike accident. Another one, cousin’s grandma also just passed away. This birth and death thing is kind of scary. It just makes everything seems so unreal. One thing may be here now, it might be gone tomorrow. Let’s just treasure whatever is happening?

I have been having weird dreams, and having a lot and lot of dreams almost every single day. About a lot of different events, about a lot of random people, people I don’t even really think about, it just makes it even weirder why I even dream about them. My Mom says she don’t even dream about anything, every night she just goes to sleep and then wakes up and then start the day and ends the day. No dreams, nothing. I seem to be the only one in the house having lots and lots of dreams.

I always think back, I always think back. Let’s stop thinking, it won’t happen anyway.

I am really worried about my result. I really am. I would be lying, if I say, I am not at all worried. I probably think about it day and night. I really won’t know what I could do, what I would do, if, if I don’t do well. I really don’t know. Getting a diploma and then getting a degree in Singapore? I really wish, I really wish, I could do without a degree. I really wish I can just move on without a freaking degree. It’s making me go crazy really. All the worrying, all the guessing, all the waiting.

Ok good, I cant sleep tonight, I am still so awake now. This is no good. =(

Nvm, shall not feed the mozzies. Im off to sleep!

And I miss my Bestie! I hope I could fly back and spend time with her more before she fly off and we probably won’t even get to meet once a year. Argh! This is so frustrating. =( but if her leaving is for her own good and happiness, I will be happy for her too. I will visit when I could, hopefully I can go over to visit soon! I still can’t believe, she’s moving away. Oh wells, what’s going to happen, will happen. If it’s for the greater good, then, why not?

Am I making sense? Alright, I shall stop. Good nights! 

Some updates! =))

I finally have some friends and I am doing quite good in keeping in touch with dear friends =)

Had dinner with Mirna & Gita yesterday night! =) after so long, I finally meet up with Gita. She is in the corporate world now. How’s being in the corporate world? I am kind of wondering. It seems fun though, from what I hear from her. It’s definitely true that, over here it is so much more relaxing and not so stressful and fast pace as it is in Singapore or probably any other country. People here seems to just relax – chill and just do it at their own pace. That has its pros and cons too though. Haha. Yes, for now I do prefer the “chilax” kind of lifestyle. =)

I’m doing good with the shop and everything. One thing for sure is, when I quiet down I can’t help but to think about my two major problems. I know they are there. I am just choosing not to think about it.

Oh wait! Something for me to be happy about, Mom actually told me she can attend Bestie’s wedding with me! =D I am so happy la!!! That way, I wouldn’t have to feel awkward and attend it ALONE.  Cause I don’t really like the idea of attending a function alone. Plus its a wedding! I haven't been to many wedding so i wouldn't know how to behave. =X If i go alone, i tend to want to give myself excuses to just show my face and leave and save all the awkwardness. :/ but I know its my Bestie’s wedding and she is the first and very first friend of mine who actually got married. So yeaps, its really important to me too! =)) 

so I am really happy when mom said that she probably can attend Bestie wedding with me. Thank you Mommy!! =D

End Aug, early Sept seems so far away but then, not really so far away too. =/ I am still thinking thinking thinking. If i made it or not. if i got some pretty presentable result or not. how did i do actually. I am envious of people who already finish their studies. got their degree and bla bla bla.. i am really envious. cuz that means they got off the hook already. They don't have to do the studying anymore! seriously, studying is a waste of time when you just don't get the real fruits of your labour.

getting into a University made me hate studying so much. I prefer to do anything as long as its not studying. but oh wells, whatever, I need to get that degree, that piece of paper. so, okay.. suck thumb. 

and next, my relationship with Stan. People, everyone has been asking me the same question again and again. and telling me the same thing again and again. I really agree with what they tell me. I really do agree, but sometimes, really, I am the one stuck with the situation and its probably really just me who knows whatever is going on and I am the one who will actually choose the right time to end it all. or probably maybe, I hope Stan reads this and ask for a break up with me. I might cry for a day or two. I might feel really lost for a week or maybe a month or two. I might miss his companion a lot. but I am sure, it will all pass. The only thing I hope for is, I hope we didn't make the wrong decision to be together and then to part in the end and treat each other as strangers. 

Regrets regrets, its something everyone is afraid of. EVERYONE. And i have made a lot of wrong decisions, which is why i am really scared of making the wrong decisions now. I don't want to be the one suffering in the end. I know I am selfish, by saying so, but who wants to get hurt?

end July is coming soon. =( one more month at home and I probably got to go back to Singapore. With Bestie soon (very soon) leaving Singapore. I am back to be with all my other friends who will be busy with school, with work and I am back on my own. It just seems to me that, everyone in Sg is pretty much busy with their own doings and then, its really really difficult to even find yourself a true friend. I can't wait to leave Sg. But i know i need to get a degree first. I can't wait to get over with this "boring" life and move on to my next phase of life. I know it takes time, I am getting impatient, but I know i just need to wait.

oh wells, whatever. life. suck thumb.

i chatted with Mom till we slept yst night. talked a lot. apparently i was being really grumpy yesterday. yups..
SO, i decided to heed Mom's advice and not go for the interview.. and after considering much and asking around about the whole thing. YES, i decided to letit wait. and not go for teh interview this Saturday. It will do everybody good.

So school will start on 20th Sept that week.
I am not prepared. or rather I am waiting for results to be released soon. Early Sept or end August.
My youngest aunt and my Mom has been asking me what would I do if let's say something bad happen.
and all i can say is... I've tried my best and if i am really that unlucky, i have nothing else to say also. but up till now, i am trying to be really positive. I will pass everything alright? yeaps... i really hope i will. I have been praying every single day. I hope God heard my prayers. =)
whatever it is.. 船到桥头自然直。。。
yups yups.. so yah.. like what heup say.. no point worrying about it now..
whatever it is.. i will try to be as positive as i can be. =)

Mom's back.. after going for her "rest" for ten days :)
Glad to have a companion to sleep. The 10 days that she was away.. I really didn't sleep much.. cuz i was really scared. =( Cuz I know there are "things" in the house.. =/

So i've been pretty much.. staying at home most of the time..
couldn't find the right time to meet friends either..
but I am glad Irene girl is coming back soon from China.. =))
SO finally i have a friend here...

I've been pretty much Irene girl's "love consultant". HAHA! ok, to put it nicely, her relationship consultant.
She's been asking me opinion about this and that.. and all i told her is my opinion, they maybe wrong, maybe right.. =/
so just take my advice with a pinch of salt.
in the end she is the one in the relationship, not me, so no one knows it better than herself.

Bestie girl is back in Singapore too! =)
and all i can say again is.. I hope everything went well.. I know separation is "disgusting" but through separation, we know how much the other person weighs in our heart. It makes both of you stronger too! =))
SIX months will breeze through very very soon! and then you three will spent every single day together, always. =)

just like now, my separation with Stan.. every year separate for 3-4 months... hahahaha.. i know how much he weighs in my heart. and how much i weighs in his. Oh wells.. let nature takes its course..

okay.. relationship thingy... as of now.. its really not important...
i just want to pass every single one of my subj.. and let me graduate next year! =)

pissed off with myself.

leave now if u dun wan to read, because what you are going to read next is nothing nice.

i really like reconnecting with my friends. but by doing so, it just made me realize that i am such a failure. i am so super useless. 
seriously. wtf. everyone has graduated! holding a stable job now.
what am i doing here? still waiting for the damn result! which i don't even know whether i do well or not.
seriously. i am so super screw up. i hate this so much.
sometimes i even feel that my whole family is screwed up.
none of us is a graduate!
now i am the only one left still hanging nowhere.
i seriously hate this situation so so much.

ok there are also others in the same situation as i am. whatever, i just hate myself so much. because i am just so screwed up.

what to do with all the uncertainties?

i've been living life like a lifeless human, pretty much.
everyday is the same old thing. still worried about exam results.
things to settle between me and Stan.
should i let him go?
actually this qns has always been on my mind for quite a long time already. maybe the sooner i settle it, the better it will be.
what will my future with him be like.
I really don't know.
so should i let him go?
i hope i pass every single of my exam subj. please. i need to pass everything.

its sad hearing all my friends already working, having pretty much a bright future ahead.
me? still thinking on what is in store for me? what will happen. tell me.. what will happen.
hais.

life. please give me a break. I need to know something. I need to know. give me just a little bit of clue.

hope Bestie girl n family is doing great in Brisbane. =)

actually i really dont know what to do with my life.
i always go back to the same thing again and again.
its not that i want to be like this. its more of.. it seems like i have to be like this. and i really dont like it.
i wake up every morning. shower, breakfast and start and end the day with helping out at the bakery shop. really nothing much. i feel really lifeless.
ok shouldnt compare whose life is more sucky. there r bound to be other's life who is suckier than mine.

everytime, i try to want to reconnect myself with my friends, i feel sad after being updated.
ok im updated through twitter, Facebook, blogs.
yah.. i am sad. cuz, everyone's updates is about being offered this job, bla bla bla...
going where for holidays..
or they are more or less aware of what is in store for them in the future.
where as me?
i am no where... not even in the middle.
honestly, i am still worried, every single day. i just get worried. i really dont know what is going to happen to know..
what my future will be like..

and i get pissed off over even small small stuffs. what they call PMS?
i get really impatient these few days. really impatient. i cannot stand a single mistake nor a single long winded conversation.
just get to the main point. full stop. as easy as abc.

ok.. im thinking too much.. pointless blog...
i feel like writing a long email to bestie girl..
but then.. nvm.. i'll just do it for another day...
not that i dont want to type.. not that i am lazy.. but i dont know.. i just have a very weird feeling about everything.
and silly me, even have the thought of not wanting to even be present.
because we all always have the same thoughts, she has all her other friends le, one less me wont make any difference.
but i guess a friend's presence is always important in bad times and good times...
in bad times, you really know who your friend really is, who is the one who complains, who listens, who really can go through all these nonsense with you.
in these tough times.. you really know who your friends are.

i miss my friends. =(

good nights world.
i shant think too much.

pointless blog.
i just wana rant.

random!

I've been back for almost 3 weeks till now. nothing much changed. still looking after shop. Sometimes dealing with retarded-unreasonable customers who think they can cheat me off my money just because they think they are rich and so they can do anything.
that is one of the most hated thing about doing business.
u have to take in all the nonsense from your customers.
u have to THINK they are right.
u have to swallow in all the unreasonable "wants" they have.

and one thing i have pretty much come to terms with about some rich people is, they are all very stingy. hmm.. maybe stingy is not really the correct word, if you know what i mean.
it's like.. they are already so rich, but they still want to cheat people off their five bucks.
its FIVE BUCKS not FIFTY BUCKS!
(converted the currency for easy understanding sake)
maybe they just want to feel that they can become five bucks richer. i dont know. whatever it is, rich people should stop being so.
and i have been emphasising this so much.
IF U WANT ME TO RESPECT YOU, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, THEN JOLLY WELL, SHOW ME THAT YOU CAN BE RESPECTED.

I've stopped having bad dreams for  few days now.
i still havent stop worrying though. still very worried and everything.
but i am sure i will do just fine. people have been telling me, believe and you'll get what you believe.
yes i will believe this time round. and please, don't, don't disappoint me! =)

i am a 23 year old girl who is pretty much not like any other girl who puts on make up bla bla bla, before we go out to meet someone. sometimes i dont feel like a girl. =p
watever, i'm going to learn some basics one, since i'll be attending dearest Bestie girl Big Day in December.
haha! December, seems so far away, but actually, its quite near. trust me, the day will just come very very soon! without us realizing it. just like how 10 years "poofed-by" just like that!

have a nice holiday! enjoy it! =)

i still hate myself for probably not working even harder to make this year the last year of my studies.
the feeling really sucks. =(

and now, every night, i still get worried about whether, i am going to pass all the exams in May 5th Till May 20th or not!

argh! i am so sick of this.. =(((

feelings.

i am at IT again. what's new right. this time, (ok lah not so new a feeling) rather i am actually admitting that i am having that feeling.

yesterday was at a Vesak Day event at Temple. There is a bazzaar, so i am just sitting around, eating, buying things, helped out at some stalls and chit chatting. so Mom's friend came over to chit chat and asked me if i have a bf already. and i actually said "NO". HAHA.
ok i have his permission that i can go find better guys. i am actually waiting for him to ditch me. but sometimes i also ask myself, what if he don't ditch me? what if we got married and then like what uncle say, after one child, we will wnat a divorce from me?
shit no! i dont want that to happen to me! I don't want. SO maybe can someone give me teh courage to leave him if i set my mind on it?

so! Mom's friend, actually said that she wana intro a good guy to me! HAHAHAH!
and she sounded like she really will bring the guy to see me or something like that.
so my mom told her that i have a boyfriend already. uz my mom is scared that her friend will bring the guy and haha! funny liao!
then i tell my mama! meet new friends nothing wrong what! LOL~~~

okay, lets keep it short.
i dont know why i said i dun have a bf when i have.. but actually.. to be really honest, i feel like i am single now. like i dont have any boyfriend. yups.
im sure u all know why.
we dont text, sometimes we dont even msn. so basically, we just dont communicate at all while i am back here!
its not weird at all. cuz i see this coming! haha. oh wells, maybe we r having a silent break up.
whatever. i feel like i am single, so i shall be. =)

nights! gona sleep!
bye!
have a happy holiday! =)

homed.

i've been home for almost 4 days now =)
everything is good. i should be contented. =)
kind of not used to the heat and the dust and mozzies!
so since we have helpers who will help my mom, so most of the time i will stay in my room, on air-con and watch movies.. =)
but of course i dont stay in there for one whole day.. i will still come down and help tend the shop =).
so the last few days.
finalissed the brochure.
for now till sunday. i gt to work on my CV for SIA.
actually i really dont know what i should with it, mom said sth which made me hold back. but then again, i just want to give it a try and at least at the end of the day, i wana say, i tried and i sent it my CV and did everything i could. =)

me and mom talked alot. apparently, ,things didnt really change much, my parents are still hoping i will finish my studies soon. and yes i do want to finish sooon. so that i can say, yes i got my degree.
so that mom and dad wont feel so bad also, at least the kiddos they sent to singapore to study since we were small kids have now graduated and got their degree. yups. i should at least do this for them and of course for myself.
I cant help but to get really worried.
I know the reason as to why i couldnt fall asleep everynight. i am really scared.
i really hope i pass this exam.
i hope i pass everything and then go on to the last year to finish my studies.
i will make sacrifices. i really will.
because i've set my mind into doing it. be it going home from school to the library or whatever. i just need to do it and make sure i pass the last year if i pass everything this year.
i really hope i pass. else i really dont know what to do.

life is really unpredictable.
my bro went to the other shop and his pri school mate came to buy breads! and  his friend's brother was also my classmate! from what i remember that boy used to be very naughty, don't do well in studies and just create trouble in school, getting into fights and all that.
who would ever think that, now this day.. he would be able to crave out a career for himself. actuallly he is his own boss. he owns a handphone shop and has his own house now, at the age of 23.
yeahs, u all might think that, a house and a shop in Indonesia dont mean much. i'm just trying to say, yeah.. even if we dont do well in school so what. in the end as long as you succeed in your life, its all that matters in the end.

look at me, at the age of 23, i'm still trying my best to finish school. and then, whats in store for me in future? i still have no idea at all. =(
but i guess i will just see some light some time soon? hopefully. =)

i haven't been replying people's sms to my phone. yes u all got the number correct. its me. i dont hold a single phone in indo. =p
its pretty good actually, in singapore i somehow is always there with my phone. replying sms-es instantly, over here, not that i don't wnat to reply, its i cant. cuz i dont have a phone with me. its good to be detached from all these technology sometime. =)

so, i've been good. hopefully everyone in singapore is good too.

hope everything will go on smoothly for you dear girl. the process will take sometime, but in the end, i believe you'll have a happy outcome. =)
i wish i could do something to help, but, well, i guess its obvious, i cant do much. =(
but still yeaps..
ALL THE VERY BEST WISHES FOR YOU. THREE! =)

their happiness.

I finally meet Bestie, Alicia & Mitch today! finally!
after meeting up, I am relieved. all i can say is, I am happy they found each other.
This is probably the don't know how many times i repeated this.
but yeahs, I am really happy they found each other.
He may not be the perfect guy, with the perfect personality and everything!
But, I must say that, at least, he's one of the better ones among all the guys i have ever seen.
the way he treat my Bestie, even, me after spending only 8 hours with them, I see that he is a guy, girls can depend on, and, I know my Bestie is in safe hands.
He is just so different from other guys. It's difficult to put this into words.Whatever it is, I am really happy my dear girl is in safe hands and they found each other.
Its really difficult for outsiders to comprehend what I am talking about.
Whatever it is, just give your blessings and wish them well. I am sure they will do well in future. =)
Lastly, I am really happy they found each other =)
When they got down the car just now, I really just miss them so much! I know its silly to say this! I dont know, i just feel that i lost something! then how am i going to survive not seeing my dear girl when she moves to Darwin?!
I should stop being silly and.. get use to it! they are welcome to visit me in Jakarta if they are free. always welcome =)
I guess I'll never forget how when I am holding Alicia hand, and every passer-by is staring at me with that-kind of eyes. I guess, that is exactly how my dear girl felt when she first started going out with Mitch.
Human's eyes are a powerful weapon. They really are.
Don't get me wrong, I don't feel hurt just now..  but if i am in bestie position back then and people are staring at me as if i am some weirdo, then really, I'll be really hurt. but throughout the day, I learnt to ignore their "harmless" looks.

I'm going back tomorrow.. but I am not feeling at all excited. I don't know why.. 
Its like I am even lazy to pack up..
It's probably because, I am scared of going back. I really hate how its really so pressurizing.
back at home to face the families.. and here to face the books..
I know the questions which i will get will be....

So how's exams? Can pass? When are you graduating? have u broken up with Stanley?

what kind of job will u be in, in future? do you think u can graduate next year? how's your friends doing? blablabla~~~~~~

I am really sick as to how this future thing is bogging me down.
I am really sick and scared about my future, how it will be like and everything...
I am envious and in fact, i am jealous at how all my friends have all graduated and I am still here, floating in uncertainty.
I really hate how I am in this stupid situation..

sorry no offense, but I hate how i am still in this country. still a foreign student, trying to crawl my way out of this shitty hole. I really hate it. period.

I really wish i could get out from here as soon as possible.
I just don't like the environment. it's not human. it's more of a robotic kind of life. devoid of feelings. everyone is doing their own thing. living their own world. I am even more hating my life, because I am still stuck, studying something which i really hate.


but then again, it's all in the mind.


while i am back home, if anyone wants to contact me...
sms to my +6598828316 number..
alternatively and safer...
email me at lily_zly@hotmail.com


alright, I hope lily will have a happy holiday.

=D

okay! yesterday was awesome!
I meant Friday!
met up with Heup! okay! his bday "gift" was really unexpected!
I would never guess he would bring me to go for FACIAL!
He just made me fell in love with the facial place! because i just kept praising the services there!
Its really highly recommended by me! =))
but i forgot whats the name ald.. Is it Royal Secrets? I know its something Secrets!
Its really just awesome!!! =))

and then we went lunch! okay! that FAR EAST "la mian" is no longer one of my fav food anymore! it just tastes yucky when i go there yesterday with heup! so, that will be the last time i am there! =)

then we went MOVIE! I haven't catch any movie in months! and finally watched a 2nd movie with Heup! "The Last Song" is nice! I teared! =)

and after that we parted ways and i went to visit my doctor! =(
looks like i have to feed on medicines every single night from now on =(
seriously, that kind of sucks.
but i don't want to be this unhealthy!

so anyways, meeting with Heup is really nice! talked a lot lot! as usual!
i'm glad we didn't succeed in turning our back against each other! =p
thanks you once again! =))

so fast! its now Sunday!
and I'm feeling lucky today because, I just chance upon SIA recruitment in Jakarta!
they want us to send in CV though. Its not a walk-in interview.
So, I am actually going to work on my CV and make plans to have a simple full-length photo of me taken.
My dream to be an air-stewardess is still on, I still don't want to give up on it!
I simply love traveling! and i love serving people! so being an air-stewardess is definitely going to make me feel contented! I'll get to travel!
I'll get to serve people! =))

So i guess, i need to go sleep! I need to do alot of things the moment i open my eyes later! =)

nights all! =)
Have a great Sunday! =)

over.

yay! exam is over! I DONT HAVE TO STUDY ANYMORE, at least for the next 3 months! =))
I am really happy! i no need to study for the next three months!
I'll definitely be happier if i dont have to study anymore for the rest of my life, but whatever.
and whats best is, these next few days will be just, fun fun fun! anything is fun as long as i dont have to face the books! =)
I'm meeting heups later for, something.. go city hall for sth, i din bother asking go there do what, cuz he wont tell me anyway.. i have to go there and see whats in store for me for myself!
then at night got to go see the docs. I skipped one week of visiting them and i am feeling kind of unhealthy.
cuz i have difficulty breathing and headaches is coming back far too often.and because of exams, and i dun wan the headache to bug me, within 2 weeks, i finished one whole strip of panadol. mmm... =(
but no worries, i am alright actually.
I can run, can skip, can jump, can laugh, can breathe. Just that I cant do too much of them.
just like sports car can run up to 200km/hr...
i am just like cherry qq, which can only run for 80km/hr maximum...
that is how the doc described my condition to me.. by heart isn't as good as other people's heart. Its not damaged or anything.. just that it cant do much, which explains all my other illnesses...
like even when i am sitting down, my heart will suddenly beat very fast! and then it will slow down again soon after! 
gasping for breath even when i am sitting here typing! i might just die if i forget how to breathe. haha! ok exaggerating! =p
I am really fine! so no worries! definitely not leaving earth that soon! =))

I am looking forward to monday! to meet bestie min! =))
and then, tomorrow is the last day of teaching! woo hoo hoo hoo!!! haha! i am happy for that too! =)))
and then, tuesday to go home!

sat and sunday.. hmm... got to go ade house collect clothes to be given to my little cousins at home..
and then hopefully spend happy times with stan.. hopefully ba! =)
i am crossing all my fingers, that hopefully we will spend some quality and happy time together..

i hate quarrelling!
okay! they are a also a way of communication.
but if u could communicate nicely, happily, then why would u wnat to quarrel right?! right??

okay! off to shower and then... go out out out!

its weird im trembling when its not even cold! =(

okay! Miranda Cosgrove - Kissing U ..
is replaying and replaying now! =)))

have a great weekend all! =))

new

I found a new song for myself le.
I've been replaying this song again and again on my ipod. =)
I just love it the minute i hear it! =)
It made my heart feels heavy but at the same time it made me feel better too. =)

and yeaps...
at some point in life, people around you are just going to leave you one by one...
maybe they wont leave you forever, maybe they will...
there is a point in time where, everyone will get busy and things just wont be the same anymore.
at least it wont be like how you want it to be.
so, in the end, all the people you love will just leave you one by one..
its sad isn't it?
but then again. there is nothing you can do, except, to just accept them as they come along.. yeaps..

and then, I also know..
when the time comes, Stanley will also leave me.
everything has got to do with fate I guess, when the fate between you and the other person has ended, you'll just leave each other.
not only couples, in friendship too..
so yeahs..
I really dont know what to say when people around me ask me when am i going to leave stan.
thing is, maybe i am not used to myself leaving others, so i dont know how to do it..
and maybe i am used to people leaving me, so maybe, i will let him leave me.
or when, i've had it.. maybe then, i will leave him.. yeapps...

and then yst, Irene girl asked me something..
she asked me how many best friends i have..
okay, i know it's kind of a childish question..
but then it got me thinking..

there is probably only one girl friend whom i really trust and whom i feel safe telling things to her.. and soon.. yeaps.. she is going to pursue her own happiness. i am happy for her.. and i really do wish her all the best..
maybe i wont feel so lost now.. but when the time comes, no matter how i feel, i guess, i just have to take it in. I am sure she will feel weird leaving all of us here.. but it's her new life, her choice. she got to do what she have to do. as long as she is happy i am sure, the people she leave behind here will be happy for her... We will just give her our best wishes..

and then, on my birthday...
it got me thinking.. yeahs.. i have very pathetic few friends in Singapore. as in really pathetic.
i actually counted the number of people who wished me, those who remembered...
and when i go down the list, i realised they are people who have been sticking by me all these while..
they are not my Hi-Bye friends.. I am pretty glad i have the small bunch of them still with me, for letting me know they remember.
and then.. I also come to realize that, those people whom i thought will always remember... they are all gone also.. those guys.. yeaps.. they are just gone, even when we exchange sms, i just dont feel the "bond" there anymore also.. yeaps..
Maybe i do miss them, but then again, I also realise that, people move on. They don't stop and look back at what has happened.

I kind of feel a little bit lost when I realised I only have so few friends.. yeaps.. I kind of feel sad.
but then also, what Mad & Heup said made sense..
Do I want a lot lot of friends, who are just superficial friends..
or do I want just a small bunch of friends, who really know me for who I am and accepting me for who I am..
I chose the latter.. so yeaps.. I won't complain about having too few friends anymore.. =)

okay. random.
have a nice weekend everyone. =)

last one.

so... its almost 2am. i am still not asleep.
at least for today, i am still not asleep not because i am still studying.
a day of rest for me.. tml got to start studying bit by bit for the last one on 20th! =)

the last few papers was.. all i can say is... i did my best, and honestly, i kind of let go already..
so whether i make it through or not, i guess i will just accept whatever outcome it is.
Of course! I hope I pass all of them.
everyone is having their last exam, bla bla bla.. graduation ceremony... and everything..
i am the only one left. ok maybe not exactly the only one left...
but in a way.. yeahs.. so i hope i graduate fast too!
i cant wait to get out from this boring life.

and then.. tada! i am happy to hear about the news.
Its another big step forward! a really big one! it concerns the rest of your life! well, i guess they must have been really sure about their decision, that's why they chose to move on to take that step. its not easy to have come to that step.
whatever it is, love each other, respect each other, tolerate each other & trust each other.
I wish you both all the best wishes! =)
better treat her nice! =))

and! i am going home soon! yay! yay! yay!

i wana complain.. im getting sick of staying here...
because of the cockroaches.. and all the unhygienic habits..
i hope i have my own house soon!
but oh wells!

and then..
thank you boyfriend, for sending me for exam, all the way at expo and waited for me... just because u know i am not feeling well bcuz of the monthly period!
that is why i still cant let go. because u still care for me.
thank you.

and i am happy! i met ade girl on tuesday!
the ride back to batok from bedok!
i miss talking to you ade girl!

next...
looking forward to
20th May -- last paper!
21st May -- meet Heups for whatever he said he wana give me!
27th May -- Home Sweet Home!
and in between!
meet ups with dear girl! must meet before i go back. promise! i'll go find u if u don't find me..
I'll be thick skin for once and appear at your door step! =p

alright!
good night world!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME :)

I had one of the simplest yet memorable birthday ever.
Thank you so much to Mad for tavelling all the way from AMK just to ring me the puffs, soya milk and had lunch with me and Heup. :)

Thanks to Stan's family, especially uncle, I really don't know if stan reminded them or what. Whatever it is, thanks for buying me a bday cake and hvg sakae dinner with me together with the family. I never expect it. Thank you :)

lastly, thank you to all the people who remembered. Thanks for the wishes. Thank you for making me feel loved and letting me know that I still have my close friends here with me. I am grateful for having known this small bunch of u. Thank you for doing these things which appears to be nothing but in actual fact they really made a huge impact on me.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Happy Birthday to me:)
may all my wishes come true:)
let me pass all my exams with flying colours:)

I'll be lighting up my "23" birthday candles today when I sleep:)
a new me, a new 23 year old Lily.
I'll be stronger, wiser & I'll love myself more. Be a nice & sincere girl to all the people around me.

And lastly, thank God for today:)

argh! as the day draws near, im getting more and more nervous.
the good thing is, it means it will all end soon.
and then, when people ask me qns they dun understand, i can explain and do it for them and make them understand.
so that should mean i also know my work right?
bad thing, and i really dont want it to happen.
i really am scared of having cold hands and feet again on the exam day itself and make all the memory go "POOF"
seriously. argh!

enough browsing on FB, it never do me any good.
makes me more sad.
haha.
oh wells, shall go back to studying then.
have a great weekend! great coming holidays to everyone! =)
 
and nope, monday is not my birthday! neither is it my 2nd year in being together with stanley.
oh wells, haha. LAUGH.
its TWO years already. What have i been doing with him.
LOL.
hope everything brightens up. hope everything goes well.
my exam, it had better go well.
as much as i dont agree that, that piece of paper means everything, i also believe that without that piece of paper my future as an independent woman is well gone too.
so no mater what, got to get that piece of paper. by all means.
God Bless me & all taking the exam. =)

and many many big thanks to Heups!
maybe its really silly as to why I am so happy. But really thanks my jie mei! =)
thanks for planning to want to meet me on monday so that you can give me whatever you wana give me. cuz that means you remember that monday is my birthday and you already planned sth for me. Thanks YOU!
it really means a lot to me!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I will meet you right after my exam okays!!! its been too long since i last seen or talk to you!!!
still thank you! thank you! Thank you! =)))

i am still the same old t-shirt and jeans girl, Lily. nothing is changed. I am still me.

oh ya! i designed this, for my Dad's bakery shop brochure. haha!

simple and to the point. =)

My brother was super surprised.
he said, when he received this pic, he was like "WOW!"
he couldn't believe i could come out with that. and its a waste that i didnt go on to pursue my designing ambition.
haha. okay. over-rated. exaggerated.


Now.
BACK TO BOOKS. =D

so i talked to mom for 40 minutes just now using Skype! =)
technology kind of save me quite a bit of money.

Dad's buddy bought my 2nd brother a Blackberry 9700. the new one.
haha. ok lah i am envious, cuz that is actually what i wanted compared to iphone.
but now that i've gotten use to using iphone. i am fine with using iphone now. they are of almost the same price anyways.
but its not about the price. haha. e and my brother are of the same type of people. if people buy for us, then okay lor.. we will use it.. we are grateful.. but even if we dun have it, we are fine with using the "can receive call, can receive sms" phone. =)

and.. uncle's son actually said that studying in singapore is damn easy. he meant. its really easy to study in singapore. I really dont knwo how he got into that conclusion. is it because he is doing his Masters? thats why he find it easy?
bcuz to me and many of my friends, studying in singapore is stressful and difficult. =(

I want my dreams to be realised.
The dream about flying. partly its the pay! next is I GET TO TRAVEL. =)

oh well, now.. better concentrate on the 5 modules first and believe that i can do it.
I need to work on that.
=)