missing H O M E

i am missing home so so much. =(
i miss my parents.
miss the food, i miss everything
i want to go home. =((
this sucks!
i don't get to go back at all, this time round.
not during xmas
not during chinese new year.

if i am lucky, i can go back when the lesson ends, after prelim in march.
if i am unlucky i have to wait till end of exam which is in june 2010!
wat the shiet.
i want to go home.
NOW. ='(

I HATE THIS HATE THIS HATE THIS!
I WANT TO GO HOME!

cabin crew

we have been discussing and asking around (when we meet ups) what our ex-classmate has been doing since we graduated from innova because she has been flying around to different places, all over the world.

so it struck me just now..
ad i thought maybe she is now an air stewardess!
i mean, it explains why she has been to many many places right?
so ta-da! yes.. my dear ex-classmate Latha is working as a cabin crew under SIA now.
wow! thats nice! Good job! =D
an occupation i have always wanted to have! =(

"ungrateful"

there is this one kind of people which i really dislike.
People who have been helped by others in any kind of means, and then turn their back and forgets about everything, as if they never owe the person anything.

I don't mean that you have to show your gratefulness after you've been helped.
I don't mean you have to repay what others have done for you.
at the very least, you should acknowledge what they have done for you and not talk rat behind their back, this is the very least you could do.

i simply cannot stand people who have been helped, then turn back to me and say "aiya! he don't know anything one lah! he should go to...."
seriously, damn it, i think you are the one who should go. even if your friend is not that fantastic, you don't have to talk about him like that! wth! you are the one who has been constantly looking for your friend asking him to accompany you this and that. and now, you tell me, he no use one. then jolly bloody hell make sure you never seek his help anymore.
i despise this kind of people! so crappy! act as if they so "li hai" they so great, when in the end, tehy are actually nothing.

i also don't like children who are not filial to their parents. they brought us up. so the least you could do is. not to make them worry or let them clean up your mess.
i believe in karma. one day it'll just get to your side. please wake up for your own sake. =(


the past few days has been GREAT, WEIRD but I feel great!
haha! so all in all. im doing good. the past few days has been great!
I love my darlings! yst day out with Bestie is so so nice! thank yous! =D
and i bumped into my Pri sch friend Yeow Chin!
and i also bumped into LH girl!! haha! so qiao!
nice nice nice!

enjoy your weekend peeps~ =D

im going to S T U D Y now. =(((((

hahah! its nice man! i've been bumping into people, i never expect to see. i mean, bumping into friends!
Today! i bumped into SUN ZHONG KAI! haha! its so unexpected lah! & i immediately called HEUP to tell him!!!!
really unexpected, though we didn't talk, but bumping into people you know is nice. =)
Then i saw Genieve in SIM today.. my SJAB junior..  think she is a junior, if not same batch as me, *forgets*..
its nice! haha! =)

last last week while gg out with cousin i bumped into Idhzuan & Shuang Ai!
i've been bumping into a lot of different people in my life!
Its really nice! =D

Good Luck for exams to all those having exams! you all will have your 1 month holiday soon! =D

Treasure the people who loves you, by treating them better and not expecting for more and more, i know we, humans are greedy, but sometimes, really, try to put a comma, before continuing.

Else, you'll regret it when they lose their patience and put a full stop to the relationship.

shiettt shiett! i duno y, my heart is beating so fast every quarter hour!? like within the past hour, i've felt it like 3 to 4 times already! and i don't like the feeling, it made me feel "asthmatic". it's like i can't breathe properly! =(
ah, whatever it is, i am still fine, i guess its the too-cold weather... yeap yeaps, i guess so..

and yay! i meet up with Heup today for lunch! thanks for making me wait 45 mins. i thought i heard him say 15 mins! but yuan lai is 45mins~~~~~ so anyways....
as usual, i talk alot! hahaha! and as usual, we talk about a lot of things! so in all, whatever i remembered very clearly was, its the small small things which can hurt people. haha! hopefully, i can move out soon to some plcae more comfy! i hope my cousin will faster get a house, and i hop eshe will let me move in with her. so i won't feel so "un-welcome" anymore. =)
the occasional feel of being "un-welcomed" is getting pretty irritating. =(( but.. i'll just bear with it. I know my place, i know i don't belong here.. so, i should have gotten used to it after so long la. =D
jia you to me! =D

HOHO! i thought i made someone angry again today, but it turns out that, maybe he understands why or maybe, he can't be bothered. Whatever it is, i think i made the right right and rightest choice of not traveling to his house and instead go home and rest. =D  
but but but.. i did apologise for my rude-ness. hehe! i was too straight-forward in telling the reason behind WHY i never bus to his place. NONO! he nv ask me why, is i backside itchy wana tell him. I thought i very li hai mah~~~!!! hahaha! oh wells, glad that he is not angry. hehe!

I am meeting mad mad mad girl next week! yay yay yay!!! that will make my weeek for next week!
Dear God, just letting me meet with one, only one.. of my dearest darlings every week, is good enough. i won't be greedy to ask for more. =) Thank you for looking after us. =)

and and, i saw Bestie's girl Mom at Plaza today too! very very long since i saw her! It's nice nice nice nice! made my day even nicer. =D

okay la.. to end this entry i shall end it off with...

We girls can be quite demanding, ba dao at times, but trust me, deep in our hearts, we want you all to be well too. and most importantly is, we love you all! else, we won't be so ba dao righttt?!?! hahaha! =D

oh yahs! Goody Lucks to all having exams!!! jia you!!! 4 papers only!
just POOOOOOTTTTT them all down! =D jia you!!!! *HEHE*

and, i am happy today! hope you all are too! *loves* :)

for Besties & him :)

this is going to be very random.
i just washed up preparing to sleep.
and while washing my face and brushing my teeth, i looked at the mirror and thought of something. =x
i dont knwo why, but i just have to blog about it.
i suddenly feel that i have been very very very selfish.

i like to MIA like nobody's business. like there is only me in my own world, that no one would care and no one would be affected. i really thought no one will be affected.
i totally forgot about, i have one darling whom i almost always talk to every single night on msn, because she in Jakarta and the cheapest way to keep in touch is thru msn.
and i have another person whom i am currently in a relationship with and this one too, though we don't talk every single night (surprisingly! =x), but i know he is there and he cares. and of course not to mention the other bunch of people, who don't know much and i don't talk to every single day, but they are my darlings too. =D

so anyway, me and my MIA act, has brought my 2 dearest person some... worries... im like.. pushing them to one side.. leaving them there, looking at me, wondering what am i trying to do. not replying them, not msn-ing, not replying sms-es and best of all, keeping my phone OFF.

Irene girl couldn't do anything. but the one in singapore can, he actually drove to the carpark opposite my block. made sure i am in my room, then messaged me and then he went home.
i am creating some unnecessary troubles right?!
so damn selfish.
im not going to promise i wont be doing this again. but i'll try not to and i really apologize for yesterday.
i made both of your days bad. as if mine wasnt bad enough. so i am sorry.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

next, i just want to say, whatever decision we make, whatever we are thinking about, whatever steps we take, they are all just part of a process. and we have to go through this process in order to get to know the outcome.
Thanks for enlightening me dearest Bestie. =)
I am so sorry, i kind of freak you out, with my worries. But, i know, we know, in the end it'll all turn out fine, whatever is going to happen will soon pass too. 
I wish you all the very best for everything, if anyone of us, ever fell, we know, we are there for each other, then it won't hurt as much.
We can't avoid what's coming, and since we are already in it, then just give it a try.
at least, in the end, we know, we tried. 

and..

Whatever is coming, will come. =)

i must say i have been having mood swings the past few days and all i wanted is to be left alone and i don't want any companion, so that i won't unknowingly, hurt anyone...
went to school today and left halfway through, because i really wasn't in the mood to continue with the lecture listening to the lecturer talk crap.
with him going on and on about "what the heaven?!" that is what i always hear him say, amidst the lecture.
so anyway.
i have been feeling rather and very frustrated recently.

yes, i know i have been worrying for one of my girls, that is one.
and i have been worried about my parents health and their well-being, that is another one.
and i am worried about another, what my so called elder brother is up to in msia, that is another one.
and i am racking my brain, on how to earn lots of money to provide for myself, so my mom will stop worrying for me. 

y must life be this complicated?
behind every smiles, you see another different story.
behind every happy endings, you see another person in pain.
y can't life be simpler.
childrens being filial and obeying their parents.
parents, honoring each others trust and honoring the relationship and respecting one another.
and there you go a happy family.
y must there be divorce cases?
y must there be, gf/bf cheating each other?
y can't gf/bf stop being so domineering, and start to understand each other, appreciate each other presence so that both will be happy in the relationship and not only ONE is happy?!
y must there be so many different kind of illnesses?
y must there be this and that?
y can't anyone be truly happy?

i am really very irritated, i can't go back home anytime soon, and the worst scenario is, i can only go back after next year's exam? and i am already home sick.
i miss my mom and dad. ='(
i miss home a lot.

by burying myself in my stack of notes, its not even helping. its making me more depressed. =((

now, then i realize that i haven't actually got over it.
I still bear grudges, in my heart i still "hate" him. I still don't like him, i still can't accept him.
I know, we are all family, I shouldn't bear grudges, bla bla bla...
but whenever i got reminded of how he spat vulgarities on me. I just couldn't accept it.
I couldn't. and i couldn't accept it either when my parents wants me to just "let him be", forgive him.
yeah yeah.. so much talk about "forgive and forget". but certain things, when u got hurt so deep, u just can't seem to forget. Maybe in my heart, i already did, forgive, but about forgetting, it's just too bad that i have good memory. =(

everyone knows how i hated it when people throw vulgarities at each other.
i don't know why, but i just don't like it when i hear people throwing vulgarities at each other, as if its one of their mother tongue.
whats so good about vulgarities?!
why are u so proud about using them?!
does it reflect how "gung ho", how "fierce" you are?!
i don't know why.
I just couldn't take it when i hear people speak in vulgarities.
i hate them even more, especially, when the vulgarities are used on me... ='(
maybe i need to learn how to let go.
maybe i should. but how to?
when you are hurt by your "supposedly" loved ones? =(

on a lighter and happier note,
i went to catch 2012 with Stan yesterday!
it's good! sad! scary when you think about whether that day will really come or not...?
actually i was thinking... why not 12.12.2012...? why 21.12.2012...?
hmmm.... to think i actually plan to get married on the 12.12.2012.. haha!
but only planning, haven't found the right guy yet. =X
anw, go catch 2012! it's a nice show! really nice. meaningful. it really made you treasure your life more!
and i was actually asking myself, if we are really facing that ''doom's day", what am i going to do? how am i going to spend the rest of the days till then?
think about it and go watch the show. =)

on another depressing mode.. 
i have so so many things to do.
i have 2 tests coming up next weds & thursday.
i have 5 tutorials to do.
i hope to finish all my revision for each topic by end December.

enjoy your weekend darlings! =)

hahaha! i am so proud of myself that i must post this up to make myself happy! =D
i cant believe my attendance is 100%.
YES. i did go to school and all, every single day! but haha! seeing the "report" on its own lift my mood by alot lot up up up! =D
i can become model student le. =D

i suddenly got mind block. i don't know how to continue my HRM essay. =X
this is not good.
i want to get away man.
damn bored.
i'm getting sick of this kind of life already, but i know in the end, i will still be on track, doing what i am supposed to do.


a lot of random stuffs happening recently!
I bumped into Hariz at Far East on Sat! after dont know how many many years!!!
I bumped into Valentino! my pri school friend just yesterday after driving class!
i rmb how we use to be kind of very good friend when we were in primary school before he flew off to Aust to study! now he is back! i bumped into him after my driving class yesterday! haha!
and we still click! and chatted as before!
I bumped into Bingren at SIM yst. my sec sch mate. haha! i don't know him la. just random seeing people everywhere nowadays..
haha! nice!


you know its weird, you keep bumping into people you don't plan to bump into.
but people whom u want to see, you just don't get to see them, no matter how much you missed them!
i miss my dearest darlings!
i hope their exams end soon! and meet me soon. =D
i just miss those days where we can all meet ups, sit down around a table, anywhere! and chit chats!


and i don't like going to town anymore, the place, is so out of the place now. i don't even think about going back there anytime soon, except for specific reason. the place is now too "atas" for me. and i don't like it. =x


back to HRM.

i realized, that i have been so so bad.
it struck me just now.
what he asked me really feels like a tight slap on my face.
I am so sorry for being such a girl..

have you ever wondered, how many of your old friends, current friends and future friends will grow old together with you? meaning, how many among them will u still frequently meet up with in future?


i am very greedy. i want to really be able to keep in touch with each and everyone of them in d future to come.


i suddenly feel very old and i want to do so so many things. i know i dont have as much time as i thought i have. =(

when i'm quiet and wants to be left alone. please respect my decision and do so.


sometimes i dont know if i am being practical or this is just me. i dun like to go out at 7 at night, walk to the bus stop in 10, wait for the bus for 30mins. travel for 45mins. reach ur place at 830. see each other for 1hr 30mins.
leave ur hse at 10 wait for bus for 30 mins travel for 45 mins.
walk back home for 10mins.
reach home at 1130.
shower den lie down to sleep.


what's the fun or what's so meaningful of the above? dont u think it's such a waste of time?
i'm sorry i'm so. but i really couldnt find anythg meaningful.

it's no big deal really. and. yeah. really no big deal. why am i so focused on thinking what will happen this n that. i've had my regrets. and the last thing i wanna do is to add on to my regret list..


i am really crossing my finger, i really hope that we can talk this over nicely. no shouting, no crying, no "pissing" each other off. just understanding talk. i'll respect whatever decision you make. n i hope you Too.


i seriously understand and i know that this sem of studies is very important and critical for me.
i'll do whatever i can to do well. i will. at the end of the day, at least i know i tried.
and i also know that, nothing is ever enough. so i'll do more, more n more.

all my close frens know that i have 1fren whom i sort of grew up with whose parents are divorced n whose dad is my dad's very close friend. and this uncle, i do respect him alot. so apparently, usually, when adults get a divorce, the one who will be hurt most is their children. most of the cases will be so. but in this case, from what i see, its the dad who is really hurt. from the day they got a divorce, he is left all alone, he lost his 3 daughters over night. he has a daughter who is 1 yr younger than i am and yes, she is my close fren.


so everytime i go back home, her dad will come by my shop, and ask about his daughter. =( and every single time, his eyes teared. it really hurts me alot. he missed his daughter to the extent of asking me if i want to be his god daughter or not. apparently, me n tt fren, we also hv alot in common. n her dad could see that. and everytime i go back, he would ask me to help him contact his daughter, ask her to give him a call, when her mom is not around.


i could remember very clearly how her dad dotes on her, how much he loves her and how much she USED to love him. i just couldnt accept the fact that everything could be changed overnight.
i kept thinking, your eyes could blind you, but your heart won't.


and furthermore i am very sure they know very well who is at fault. when they sided more to material things, i understand y, because we are all human. but to erase off almost 1/3 of ur life into a blank piece of paper, i seriously dont know how they could do that. a father figure, a father who brought them up, they could delete him out of their life, JUST LIKE THAT.


i could still rmb how she answered me when i ask her if she got call her dad or look him up when he came by singapore years ago. and she said,
"i ask da-jie to go with me, i am scared, i dont want to meet him alone, i dont even know what to say to him."
at that point in time, i only answered her, "he is YOUR father."


sometimes i really wonder how their mind works. :( how could they do this.
while they r hvg family reunion here n there, seeing other ppl with their parents, i often wonder, have thoughts of their dad ever crossed their mind. the fact that their dad is still alive and there living alone, without anyone of his family with him. have they ever thought about it.
i always believed that, no matter who is in the wrong, HE IS STILL YOUR
DAD AND SHE IS STILL YOUR MOM.
u r all connected by BLOOD.


yesterday, uncle sms-ed me from JAKARTA. he said he missed his daughter alot and wana see how she looks like now. so he asked for her facebook name. i texted him back immediately n gave him her email. then he replied me saying, he couldnt see her from d pic v well cuz she was with a bunch of frens on her dp. he asked me to ask my fren to contact him. just an sms will do. he really misses his daughter alot. =(((


i m really thinking, y must things be like that. people who r not with their parents are dying to be with them. here, people who have their parents are doing so much to hurt them.


life.

i just feel that its really nice and the feeling is really nice whenever u meet up with "old" friends! esp, aft so so long. i am a very lazy person.
lazy to go out, lazy this n lazy that.
but when i know i have to do sth, i know i just have to do it.
it's about responsibility, self-fulfilment n satisfying/ answering to the dearest people involved.


yes! i meet my another dearest girl today! ade girl! :D
its been sometime since i sat down n chit chat with her! :))
its really nice nice! thats the the thing with close friends! no secrets! i really treasure these people alot. how i trusted them and how they do so the same way. and how i know they will never judge me like others who don't know me.
so anyway, its all great, seeing her doing well. i'm sure things will turn out for the better and even better for her. i knoe things will just turn out fine. :)
and! thanks alot girl to u n SY for
listening and all the advices! it somehow, enlightened me.
and not to mention the gifts u bought for me!! thanksss!!!
n again! gundu n forgetful me! i alw 4get 2 bring the woody keychain i bought for all my close frens from Bali!
its nth expensiveee! but, i dont know what else to get! i'll make sure i bring the keychain the next time i meet my dearest girllss. :)



n then d talk, brought me back to reality again. i really should end my
own misery n i should be fair n talk this over with him. yups! :) thanks 4 enlightening me. :D


n really, nothing is ever enough.
i will do more, practise more, understand more. just more lah! n i'll do whatever i can. this time round must pass if not do better than a pass. i just don't believe that i am that stupid. i know i m not.
focus! :D

i sent my baobei vaio for repair yst! n im missing it now ald! :(
but also good. no lappy means no show means no msn, means can devote 100% of my time to finish the unfinished tutorials. haha. trust mel they are a lot!

n i finally straighten my thoughts again. haha, when im emo nemo, my brain really knows how to divert attention to i-dont-know-where. but now, im all good again. thanks to myself. :D


n i've been spending time reading my notes, listening to lecture recordings, doing abit of tutorial, praying n watching CSI MIAMI. haha!
i'm addicted to CSI MIAMI now. lol.
the show is really nice can.
THAT IS how i spend my free time.
i dont spend my free time by smoking, clubbing, drinking or wasting time on people who don't deserve my company at all.


have i mentioned about the mickry omouse jigsaw puzzle stan made for me all by himself?? haha. i salute him can. at the same time, i am touched. bcuz, seriously dont ever expect me to sit down, n put the puzzle into place one by one.
see! that is another reason, y i m still holding on to this relationship.
it's really not that easy to let go.
plus, he hasn't done anything unfaithful to me. except that he doesn't keep his words thats all. maybe that is good enuf a reason!? well, maybe when i couldnt tolerate it any longer, then that day will come. till now, i still want to be in this. =)

n life is really very fragile. u really wun know when u'll die or contract some deadly disease. i really hope her medical report is wrong. please let it be wrong. i want to see her healthy, grow old, see her children get married, see her grandchildren and enjoy her old days.


for this one time, again, please treasure our life. :)

the wisest thing to do is, never to tell anyone this sentence.
"i know how u feel, i really know."
this is nonsense k?
please don't ever say such things because, you are not the person and you'll never know how he/she feels. so, please, yeahs, wake up, get your thoughts right, THINK before u say anything.

i just remembered somebody asked me this question..
"if u don't drink!, don't smoke!, don't club!, don't flirt!, don't poker!,..."
then what did you do in your free time.


HAHA.
now that i think of it, are these what the people have been up to over here?
i mean, there is definitely so many other things to do.
bitch around with your darlinks! sleep! shop! watch shows! (which i usually do!) study! badminton(at times)! eat! stone!
a lot a lot ok!
so please, don't even think of "luring" me into drinking, smoking, clubbing, flirting, gambling, bla blabla...
yah yah! u may say that, i should try these since i am young.
BUT seriously! hell no!
haha! yeah! maybe i would, when i am not in my right mind.
and, you should probably try to be patient and see if that day comes.


lol~
good night world!

i get really pissed off when i thought of certain things.
it really just pisses me off a hell lot.
when i GOT REMINDED about all the empty talks.
I really. get very pissed off.
and i do a lot of other things which will distract me away.
arghs!
and it really amazes me how some people can turn the table around.
when they are at fault, yet they can make it seems as if U are the one who is at fault.
I really salute these people, at the same time, i pity them.
they really should stop living in their own world. =(


this is bad.
i am falling sick! =(
kept sneezing away and my body is starting to get warm.
boo! i don't want to fall sick.
just allow me to have good night sleep and everything.
its been very very long since i get to enjoy my sleep, my day and all.


money in the bank is decreasing at such a fast pace.
its scary.
when i haven't even started shopping on anything!
lets see what i paid for.
renewal of the stupid student pass.
rental!
ezlink!
the seriously DRIVING which really pisses me off BIG TIME! (i better pass the test at a time time taking! don't waste MY money. NOTE: MYYYY MONEY!)
herbal life for my health!
pressies!
that is all actually!
but u know what..
except for herbal life, nothing else is spending on me. its all on. whatever u call them.
all these.. depletes my money in the bank for almost 700+++ ald. within one month. GOSH~~
i think nx month i can practice to become "神仙'' ald, else, really, money not enough and thing is i m freaking NOT WORKING.


boo!
i miss home.
i miss my mom!
i miss my dad!
n
i miss my brother!
i miss H O M E!!!!! =((


time to try to sleep.
nights world.
sleep with me tonight.


and please, try not to irritate me. =(