I've found a place to stay... =)))
I think the place should be alrite...
My Bestie girl.. came to see the place with me too.. =)
&.. She drove me out ONCE on Tuesday...
just the TWO of us on the car ALONE... hahas...
hope her sense of directions will improve..
i believe it'll improve over the months.. =))
I went out with her today too..
We were walking aimlessly...
No shopping... just eating...
Cuz we dun wan spend money...
Thanks for all the treats girl!!! =)))
Then bumped into Jor's mom on d bus home.. so qiao..

tml am gg back HOME le.. =))
haha..
nice.. fly here n there.. lOlx...
oh wells.. i guess i am enjoying it...


I realise i'm not really looking forward to my new life in august... =X
I'll be really on MY own when i get back..
gota do EVERYTHING myself...
eat alone... wash everythg myself.. buy my own fruits..
clean up everythg myself...
gota buy the basic necessities (detergents, bla bla bla) evry month..
so much to do..
Hope i'll be able to survive all these..
Hope i'll be able to adapt...
Hope i'll be able to live well in the new house.. new room..
I really hope everything will go on smoothly..
I've had enough of unexpected stuffs happening to me...

I really don't understand ONE thing.
I somehow just can't get to sleep when i am HERE in sg..
i think there is sth wrong with the "feng shui".. =X
when i am back at HOME..
i doze off at like 10 or 11 every single day...
woke up at 8++...
took afternoon naps...
the thing is... i dun sleep in comfy bed there, i slept on d mattress tt i placed on d floor...
{somehow i REFUSED to sleep in my own room.. cuz it's so dark.. and i'm scared...=X}
so i squeezed in my parents room... =X
but i still can sleep so very soundly...


but over here.. gt comfy bed and all.. still i just cant sleep..
and i wake up at an even early time...
8++ every morning..
what is happening???
i just need a good sleep..
i can like yawn throughout the day and when i lie down on my bed,
somehow, i just can't fall asleep..
can't take naps... can't do anything.. eyes still WIDE open...
argh.. watever, i shall just bear with it for another few more days b4 i have my beauty sleep again.. =(


thanks to my dearest bestie..
i found a new job... =)))
thank yous bestie girl!!!! =))


i need lots and lots and lots of money for myself...
i guess I'm like going to work my ass off for the next 3 years...
and of course study at the same time...
argh.. whatever! I just hope i will NEVER get sick of it and continue to move on
and hope that things will just get better and better.. =)


i didn't know that finding a room to rent is sooo damn HARD...
i seriously feel like giving up..
i called like how many agents???
blahs... money is THE BIG PROBLEM...
moneyyyyy..
i seriously feel like just picking up my phone...
scroll down to THAT very familiar number and call..
........................................ dun worry i din call......................................


i guess this is enough... i shall go try to sleep..
shall try run away from this place later on..
tml THIS house will b very crowded... =X


wish me luck in finding a room... =))

i duno where touty n mirna is at.. msg them and din reply..
nvms... i dun think i'll get to share a flat or room anymore..


just now.. i duNo why..
suddenly, i somehow convinced myself that everything is going to be very fine even if i move out to stay alone by myself OUTSIDE.
yepxxx..
i am worried about this whole issue of
moving out - staying alone with stranger


in fact, out of the 10 people who knows about
"lily is going to move out to stay on her own"..
all of them have the SAME reaction.
"wahh, u very brave arh.. not scared mehs... stay alone.. dangerous leh.. better not.. go share room with ur frens... or move to ur frens house.. DON'T rent a room and stay by urself.. very dangerous..."
YES... i have the same thoughts.. same worry..
but after sometime... i really cant do anything about it..
the thing is..
I HAVE TO MOVE NO MATTER WHAT..
and since i cant share room with anyone i am familiar with..
i just got to take care of myself.. =)
i somehow believe.. nothing bad will happen...


so... come later morning... i am going to pick up the phone...
pluck up my courage, call up the owner...
arrange a time to view the room..
and make decision...
after all, i am already 20 years old..
i should be doing what a 20 year old should do..
shan't be a mommy & daddy's gal anymore...
they have enough problems at hand, i shouldn't let them worry.. =))


so fast... a few more days.. I'm going off again..
i realize i have so many things to pack..=X
i've thrown away so many stuffs...
but still those stuffs i have might take some space..


this time around i reach HOME, i shall be a good girl..
be more sensible...
shan't anyhow throw my temper...
spent quality time with them..
and live happily and in harmony with my dear parents.. =)))


wad Ade & Linghui said are very true!!
thanks girlsss...
i thought through everytthing u 2 said... yepx...
very true...
believe me... i think it will not happen...
{still at this point of time i cant cfm anythg... u 2 taught me... 不要把话说的太早... =X}


i still have doubts about myself..
i really duno if i can do it or not..
i really tried..
somehow.. certain things are easier said than done..
one thing for sure..
i dun wan to be stuck there anymore..
its time to move on.. =)


anw, Linghui is another friend i made on Fri..
nice & funny girl.. i think we can click.. =)
thankx 2 Ade.. i have a friend now at SIM... =)))


wish me all the best in finding a room to move to...=)))
hope i'll be able to find a nice-comfy-cheap-affordable-homey-SAFE environment to move to..


只要勇敢地去面对，我知道我一定做的到。。

i didn't know finding a place to move to can be so troublesome..
i hate finding a place to move to..
blahs..
i still dun dare to pick up the phone to call the person to view the room..
still very scared.. *useless me*
Touty... where u do u wana rent house/room at???


isnt there a ready-safe-available-nice-comfy environment for me to move to??? =(((

i went back Innova just now with heup..
talked a lot to him... gossips and all.. hahas..
&&& u better stop scolding me n my friends as sluts k..
anw thx 4 accompanying! =)


this is weird but.. i MISS Innova... =X
sch din change much..
except that there are so many new stuffs that WE din get to enjoy and our juniors got to...
i guess the school looks so much more comfortable to be in now... =)
i din bump into any teachers... i saw Mr Chu tho...
i bumped into Shawn... good to see him... =)
anw, went back sch to get back Graduation Cert.. =)))
hahas... my testimonial looks so nice... =)
i didn't know i am such a girl.. =X *haha*
anw, thanks Mr Teo... =)
[shawn told me that he was at sci lab, but i din go n find him..=X cuz weird la.. hahas.. so yepx sorry..]
lol.. like what everyone says... oh well, YES...
he is a nice & hardworking teacher... :)
i hope to have a class gathering soon.. i miss my friends.. =X


i went to library to borrow acct & finance books.. =X *im HARDWORKING*
anyone wants to give me a headstart on acct n finance??

its AGAIN one of those very emo morning...=X
its drizzling... very windy.. nice.. =)
but i miss home..
i miss my parents so much.. =X


i'm that very stupid gal who doesn't really know how to treasure what i have when i have it.
when i am back home..
i got into frequent quarrels with my parents..
cuz stupid me.. just doesn't know how to control my temper...
i got frustrated at the slightest thing that irritates me..
in short i am just a very stupid person who doesn't know how to treasure what i have.
not only in this case... in many other cases..
i always make it seem that i DON'T CARE and don't give it a damn...
when actually i CARE.. and i REALLY DO...


i still have doubts on whether i can do it or not..
seriously, i haven't tried living ALONE..
i somehow got used to staying home with my parents d past few months.
having them to care for me and stuffs..
i don't know if i can survive 3 years here without anyone.. =X
blahs.. enough..


certain things once lost, will be lost forever..

went for the enrollment talk just now.
and i left halfway, cuz its way too boring..
i dont know how am i going to survive a three hour lecture talk every week... =X
anw, somehow the place doesn't look friendly to me.
i have a feeling that throughout my 3 years there i might not have any friends.. =X
because everyone have a different timetable.
and i don't see ANY familiar faces AT ALL. =X
so oh wells, wish me all the best..
good luck to me... =)


my dear BESTIE came to pick me up..
she drove.. 1st time i sit on the car she drove..
ok.. overall.. GOOD... hehe.. cuz i wasn't at all scared..
which shows that i trust my bestie to drive me to the next destination safely.. =)))
hope can meet her soon... then can talk more le... =)))


i went to meet cousin up too at her place..
and we talk and talk and talk and talk...
till cannot stop.. i finally leave her hse at 2315...
the streets was super ULU... omg..
i think i wun ever go home alone at such a time le...
SCARY...
anw.. talking to cousin was nice too!! =)
very long din chit chat with her le.. =)


I think everyone is worried about me renting a room at a stranger's house..
i am worried also.. BUT..
what can i do..
i hope i can stay with people i know too..
BUT...
haiyas..
i duno.. i am super frustrated.. irritated.. by this whole thgy..


HOPE HOPE HOPE...
i will be able to find a very nice place.. nice owner..
and a safe place to stay and study in.. =)

i got cheated... =X
not really cheated.. BUT...
actually i dont really need to be here this week... =(((((


the REAL orientation is in july...
got chalet n stuffs...
which.. i think im gg to give a miss..
cuz... i dun own an aeroplane..
and i cant fly here n there as n when i feel like it...
blahs...
nvm.. will make new friends when i am ald in sch... =X


n my cousin hse... look so so much NICER...
becuz its in a very babyish PINK!!!!!!!!
love it so so much...
VERY NICE!!!!!
but im onli gg to be here for a week..
so bye bye to pink.. =X


the air in singapore is so so much fresher... =X
The air in Jakarta is so so so so so POLLUTED.. =X

i'll b in sg for abt a week... from 14th...
will be in sg for the orientation... =(
need register at UOL...
find a place to stay...
move house...
God Bless Me...


i hope i will be able to survive my another 3 years in singapore...
must save save save... work work work....
sianx...
i dun like working and studying at the same time...


bestie.. if u gt read this... msg me k?
need tell u thgs... =)

i duno if that orientation thgy on the 14th is impt not..
cuz i dun wana go back sg that earli.. =(


now i have sth else to worry about.
PLACE OF STAY..
thanks arh.. i always have endless thgs to worry about...
school is no longer a problem but now.. place of stay...
wth...


i hope my bestie girl is doing very fine..
bestie girll...
miss talking n crapping with u...
& oh my god... i am the one who actauli says i dont wana stay there.,.. will tell u more yea1!!
tc!

life hasnt been good...
it's expected.. those letters... most of u have received yea???
im now landed at SIM...
good thg or bad thg...???
i also duno... im still having second thoughts about studying there...
msg me... to tell me if i shud just study there nots... =XXXX
really still having second thoughts...
blahhs... so ma fann...


anw.. hope mad girl.. is well already...
girl... dun tink so much k??
got anythg just msg me lo...
im just a phone call's away... =)))


hope bestie girl & ade is doing fine too... =)

so many people are falling sick.. =/
my dear yik ping & mad are not well too...
get well soon yea!!!
yst was the very 1st time in almost 2 years that i talk to yik ping again..
its not tt we quarreled or what...
just din really contact each other d past 2 years...
we are busy girls u see... =/


she still dare ask me... "u noe u how long din talk to me ald not?"
i shud ask her d qns back also ryt...
y must i be d 1 to contact her??? LOL... *childish*
in friendship it doesn't matter who contacts who first...
what matters is...
no matter how long we din get to talk to each other,
as long as when we get together again and the bond, spark is still there...
u can be sure that u will have this friend of urs for LIFE.... =)))
I'm glad i have these wonderful girls in my life...
just like my bestie n me... after primary sch..
we practically din meet up at all for the whole of sec 1 to sec 3..
its onli until sec 4 after we had our prelims that we meet up..
but our Friendship is still so strong.. =)))
so fast.. 3 years has passed... =X
and we've known each other for how long???
about 8 years le.... =p
meet up soon k bestie!!! =)))
dont always sooo sian!!!! =p
anyway talking to her has always been fun..
we reali can laugh at anything... =)))


well well..
those who have been busy with work + projects + exams..
My dear pig girl... dun overwork yeahs... take care!!! dun stress up..
divide d work.. dun do EVERYTHING urself...
for goodness sake u r not a superwoman who can finish everythg urself...
dont stress yea!!!
take care! =)


She who is having relationship problem..
u noe who u r... get over it soon yea!!!
believe me u can do it derhs!!!! =)))
jia yous!!!
hope u will get over it soon!!!


Mad girl... get well soon yea!!! drink more H2O... =)))


lalas.. btw.. there is altogether 20 songs in my blog..
those who are too free..
hehes.. enjoy it!!! =)))
have a nice day!!!

had a great talk with Dewi just now..
its nice when u have friends who supports what u says.. =p
hahas..
tuition later... =/
i guess... letters wont be coming in again today..


this cousin of mine gona have her house renovated next monday n tuesday...
new sofas.. new cabinets.. new look..
their house seriously need a new look...
as in..
like this is d 1st time i c a house whose paint has the same colour as the whole block's colour.. =X
a change is definitely good... =)
hope it'll look more homey.. more cozy...
so i'll be homeless for monday and tuesday.. =/
hmm...
mayb i should just go back on thursday.
to avoid all the unnecessary troubles...


should i or should i not??


my heart still wants an answer...
bestie girll... i din succeed in THAT... =X

I scribbled a lot of stuffs on my diary today.
A LOT.
super emo again.
i am super scared that i can't get into any university (including SIM)
i called dewi, but it doesn't help.
then bestie sms-ed me.
but when on msn.
i am really sorry, i just wasn't in d mood to talk
i hang up d phone on my parents.
i was very upset.
and my sms reply to dad didn't help much.
i practically ask my dad not to reply my messages.
i'll know what i should do and not bother them with my stuffs.
i was really upset.
i just sit down there at one corner, crying and crying. like what's d use??
i so upset that i really don't know what i should do.
i promised my mom that i'll never utter the word "suicide" again.
yet today, i had the thought again.
i even had the thought of not schooling anymore.
this whole thing is really freaking me out.
now it's not bcuz of this house.
it's me.
i'm at it again.
i'm so sick of myself.


remember during outing night.
mr sim was saying, i looked very stress and
everything on my blog is either complaints or posts that scolds people.
i think my whole life is so screwed up.
the only thing i wana do now is.
go back HOME.


i knew and know all along that life IS very very unfair,
but is there really nothing that i can do to change anything?
there are a lot of W-H-Y-S in my mind now..
i duno who to ask.
cuz i noe no one will know the answers.
we've been guessing and guessing, we'll never know the right ans.
unless i make the move to ask him myself.
i cant beliv that i actually told his friend about it.
i am grateful that he din blurt it out when they met up on sunday.
i just hope he'll stop pairing me up with him.
cuz yeaps.. im almost there in forgetting about everything.
not onli this.. there are other questions. not just this thingy..
family politics?!?! *crap* i duno y they care so much..
is money really the root of all evil???
are those alphabets really THAT important??

Damn.. i really wasted 3 months here doing CRAP.
all those stuffs that i put up with..
all those tears i shed for..
all those stress i put myself into..
all the money i earned all gone down the DRAIN.
In short, i just shouldn't be here.
I made a grave mistake..

yesterday's class dinner.. was OKAY... =)
at least a number of us turned up...
mad, bash, ying, gerald, mervin, idhzuan, shawn, ttc, calvin & Izwan...
plus Mr Sim too..
thx 4 coming guys!
thanks to Mad.. for sending out all the sms-es too..
We should go eat sth else next time k? no more fish & co... =X
more varieties of halal food please.. since our class is so multi-racial.. =p
I duno when i'll get to see all of them again..
anyways.. was glad we had gathering yesterday..
I miss the OAC camp, class chalet and S71.. =X


Mr Sim says i look fatter... =XXX
lalala.. but ppl been saying i lost weight... =X
haha.. watever the case.. im so going on a diet... =p


my cousin passed me 2 free spiderman 3 tix todae...
she asks me if i wana watch not.. bring my nephew along..
and i immediately rejected her offer... =X
1stly: i wasn't interested in Spiderman 3..
2ndly: watch a movie with my nephew while they go shopping?? NO thanks!!! and i have to take care of him... NO thanks... =X


believe it or not... i'm really over it... not 100%.. but at least 80% over it.. =)
just don't let me get reminded... i guess everything will fall back in place.. =)


I really hope i can go back this week..
I miss home...
i need to receive more love... =p

eeee!!!! i am soo free...!!!
cant the letters come in faster?!?!?!?
i wana go back..


went dewi's hse todae.. =)
hehes.. went gym with her..
it's more healthy, counting that i haven exercised for half a year???
BUT i've been walking a lot...
still i am FAT...
DIET please.. =p


i guess someone's playing a prank on me..
it's always like this.. always like that!!!
when i am about to be all well and everything...
something needs to pop up, out of nowhere to pull me back again..


anyway,
CONGRATULATIONS to my BESTIE!!! =))))
i knew u can do it...
i shall go brush up on my driving skills too..
i hope i still remember how to drive.. =p
then i can finally drive when dad allows me to..


i dropped my dear mp3 player!!!! =(((
*saddedddd*
it's now scratched...
the paint is off!!! *sighs*


i don't know what i am feeling now..
neither sad nor happy..
there are certain things that i really wana say out..
i really wana get it off my chest..
doesnt feel good to have it inside me for THIS long.. =((


hope mad girl will get well soon! =)))
saturday's class outing... those who wana come, COME..
those who doesn't want.. den dun bother... =X


urghsss... what should i do tomorrow????
less work = too free = sian-ness = sadness = lifeless

so happy!!! =)))
thank you bestie & family!!! =)))
nice chat!!!! super nice!!! thanks thanks!!!
thank you for ALWAYS listening!!!! =D
i am really happy...
thanks for making my weekend MEANINGFUL!!! =))


HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL MAMAS!!!
THANK YOU MAMA FOR EVERYTHING!!!!
I LOVE YOU!!! =))


life is so unpredictable..
its really so dangerous. we'll never know what happen.
hope no accident like yesterday will ever happen again.
loss of life due to human error is really hais..
just don't ever let such things happen again.
guys, please take good care of urself and keep a lookout for all ur mates too k?


all these happenings makes me treasure life and people around me a whole lot more.
i don't like losing things, whats more losing people who are dear to me.
i don't like separation.
Please cherish everyone around you.
we'll never know what happens tml or even the next second.
what is important is today.
live with no regrets.


Pig girl, hope trip to Aust will be meaningful & fun!!! I know U nid to work, but dun overwork yea!!! have fun during the whole process. dun stress! bon voyage!!! =)


i'll try to let go.
stop thinking.


p/s: oh yarhs.. does anyone uses Firefox 2.0 to view this page??? if yes, pls leave me a msg.. i want ask u sth.. thx thx.. =)

--09052007--
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR MOMMY!!!!!!!!! =))))
Hope Mommy will be blessed with good health, free from all worries and may she receive endless happiness... =)))))
Love my MOMMY!!! =)))
Ma's bday is tml.. a few mins later..
BUT i cant wait to wish her Happy Birthday!!! =p

it's reali nice to be rich yea??
like seriously RICH people don't count, don't care about any amount of money they spent each day..
to them THOUSANDS are like CENTS... oh my..
well well, i shall stop being envious of ppl..
i guess, every1 has a different life..
i should count my blessings.. =)
i must be blessed and bear in mind that i am already leading a life much better than many others..
at least, i onli started working at the age of 19+++, 2-3 mths b4 i turned 20.. =p
a life of luxury.. mayb i'll get to enjoy that in years to come or perhaps in my next life.. =p
simple is beautiful ryt?? yes it is.. =))


Class Outing on the 19th is almost 99% confirmed k?
so S71 ppl, even IF it's not FULL attendance.. we'll still go ahead with it.. =)
so pls try to come.. full attendance.. i dun think we'll have another 1 anytime soon..
should i invite our CT??
anyone wants to invite our "dear" civics tutor?? =XXXXX


was talking to my dear brother about uni stuffs..
i told him tt, if i reali cant get into any university here and hafta go somewhere else to get my degree.. i think it'll change me quite a lot.. maybe a whole brand new lily. =p
oh wells, again kor ask me go US.. =X
i would love to.. but i guess i can't..
i still prefer to continue my studies here..
y? FRIENDS..
like almost 90% of my friends are all from singapore... =XXX
so if i were to leave here.. i really have to start making new friends..
**which i hope won't b a problem.. =p**
oh wells, still i wana stay in singapore for STUDIES... =))
so please.. LETTERS FROM UNIVERSITIES.. let me have some good news.. =))


should i thank YOU for ALWAYS taking me on a ride, only to dump me halfway?