Ok! I've been posting a lot. I just needed to spit it out! :)
I've always wanted to move into a small island or a peaceful and quiet place and build my own family there! Of course when I've settled down I would have my whole family come over! :) so according to Elson, New Zealand is the place suitable for mr to lead my simple and peaceful life! And I think I've heard about it before do now I wana go into NZ!
Then I realised instead of hvg to rely on finding a rich hubby! Strike toto lottery 4d or anythg of the sort! It's better if I depend on myself! :D so first and foremost what I must fo is.. Get my freaking degree first! Then.. Find myself a job! Then hopefully I can get transfered there or I can just straightaway get a job there and start my so called plan to moving over!
Or rather better still if i could have a few try outs at a few places and see which place is the best place for me :)
sounds good? I finally found my purpose in life! At 22yrs 10 mths and 11 days old! But at least I found this purpose before I m 23!
Alright nothing is too late!
So yah! I've always wanted to faster get my degree to show the adults! But now I'm doing it for myself! It founds slot better and it makes more sense and motivates me more! So yeaps!!! Go all the way! :)))

have a great week ahead! :)

revision - exam period!

I don't know why but during this exam and revision period, I just tend to want to blog and type whatever I want. Maybe its a way of de-stressing! I guess so.
I've come to one simple conclusion that I cannot study with people at the wrong place.
I can study and get things done when i am studying with people at NTU or at some study place area!
but not at inappropriate place like people's house or sth like that. because i have done it once, and its super ineffective!
I just need a proper environment to study.
away from tv away from computers away from all those distracting stuff! FOOD! one of them! =D
but then I seem to be able to handle it well in my own room!
maybe because I have "divided" my room into "relaxing" area and "studying" area!
yups! my room is basically "divided" into half! according to yours truly! =))

yay yay! a new week is coming! hahaha! they are coming! okay!
I honestly don't know why i am so excited! i really don't know! Maybe i can't express it in words! but I am really excited, happy and everything!
maybe I am excited to see the three of them standing together as a family!
maybe I am excited to meet the big, nice, matured man and the small little girl!
maybe I am excited to see what's coming next, all i can imagine is happy days after another happy days and (ok la! lets be true to ourself and acknowledge that life is not all that perfect, maybe a little bit of arguments here n there! little girl throwing tantrums! just a little okay! they are very understanding people! so, arguments and tantrums wont stay long! )
and more more more more!!! There is alot running through my mind! i just can't express them in words!
In short! I am just HAPPY! EXCITED! (okay! lack of vocab! happy and excited should say it all!)

okay now! tomorrow is Monday! that makes Tuesday my driving practical test date! and
I AM hmm... not really nervous in a sense! I just hope everything goes well that day! =)
I MUST PASS THIS TIME ROUND! =)
like what my dear Yik said "i'm sure u will pass, provided you are not nervous!"
yah! I am sure to pass EVERYTHING if i am NOT NERVOUS!
so i am taking away all these "nervous nonsense" in me! =D
just be confidence!!! =D

next week! I also am going to go visit the Chinese doc! to cure my "weird" illness! =(
I hope she can cure it! I don't want any more pains during my 1st day of period!
no more! i am not in labour every month! so i dont need all the vomitting and lying down on the bed one whole day! =)
So dear doctor, I have 100% confidence in you to cure my illness! please cure it! =D

okay now! a few minutes has passed! now its time for dating time! =D

all my LOVERS! I am coming coming coming! I shall dedicate all of my 49 days! to you! =D
just so that we can have a PERFECT date on the 5th, 7th, 13th, 15th and 20th of MAY! =D

Have a great Sunday everyone~~ =))

=))

okay! call me crazy or whatever! but I am really happy that they are coming over next week! =)
It would mean a lot for my dear girl. =)))
how many around us have guys who is willing to go to this extent for a girl.. i think none. even those right beside us isn't even that sweet or rather that nice towards us. Bestie is right! even those with perfect histories cant do things right! so we shouldn't think badly on guys who has had flaws on their history! this is one thing i learnt! and it is so super and very TRUE! =)

sometimes i really wonder why am i in this relationship. i really wonder.. and when i wonder... it spells trouble. because even I am not sure why am i in this relationship, in this mess. arghs! nvm whatever.
when people ask me.. "why leh? what did he do?" in my mind, there will be a string of flashbacks! but i just dont know how to say it out. cuz its not always that he is the one at fault. bcuz i can be bitchy at times too! or maybe i am at fault at times too! but i am pissed off bcuz he triggered it!
anyways, i  really hate hate hate guys who shout and play rough at their girl! i honestly hate such guys. I really do.. and i mean it in any kind of circumstances, guys shouldn't do that.. haha.. okay! girls shouldn't too!

okay! not a very good post to put up on a mid evening saturday! whatever! whatever! have a great weekend everyone! =)

Mitch Albom !!!

okay.. this was taken.. I dont know when.. quite sometime ago. Stan got his book. and i persisted to queue up to get his signature! okay! stan bought his book and got his signature! I got to take the picture!

okay! people who know me, will know that I almost never buy books or cds or vcds or dvds unless i really have to. and reason behind is simple. I think the money can be use for other usage. =)

What will be, will be... =)

I have mixed feelings right now..
I've just blogged.. i dont know when.. but i know i did a few days ago.. or was it yesterday..? oh wells.. i dont know.. i just feel like blogging today..

I have been. I don't know.
Last week was bad. these few days when i am looking at the mirror. I look at my skin. I just feel. "gosh! what have i turn into.."
sleeping late at 2, 3am has been the current trend in my life cycle now. and its doing damages to my skin and of course my life! =( even Yiks knows that i used to sleep very early and she really ask me to go back to "last time" that kind of life... thanks Yiks!
I went to the gym today to work out! i spent one and a half hour there.. but i think i worked out for only 40 minutes. bcuz as usual, i just cant take the work out. be it jogging.. slow jog of 3 minutes makes me difficult to breathe! now i m thinking how did i actually manage to finish 2.4km in JC.. =/ so i just stop everytime my heart is beating very fast and when i got chest pain and cant catch my breathe. whatever it is.. i just slow down..
den did quite a number of things. all i hope for is.. tomorrow.. I hope my body dont ache. =D

And people I am not really close with are asking me weird qns like...
"are u still a virgin?"
"have u ever had a fling?"
1st, i know what is a virgin.. 2nd, i really dont know the exact definition of a fling..
I mean.. these kind of qns.. once u hear it.. I don't know.. I was quite ok when answering them.. it was until i told Stan about it that he got a bit pissed off bcuz he thinks that they are very rude to ask that. and then.. i also thought, if they are really my friend, without asking, they should know the answer already, wouldn't they? and to a certain extent, yes, i feel that they are kind of rude.. but okay lah. wasn't really bothered by it.
as the years go by, i kind of grow up as the minute and seconds go by. now i don't want to be ignorant anymore. even though i still do think that ignorance is bliss. but sometimes ignorance can turn into stupidity. so yeah! I've decided to wisen up and not be so stupid.. =)

I am happy for my few girls who have i think at this moment found their "the one" in their life. =)
I really hope things will work out for them. 

First pair! MY DEAREST BESTIE & Mitch..=)
since the day I've decided to stand by her and support this relationship she is in.. I am very happy over the little things He did for the two of them, I hope things will work out. Don't take me as crazy ok? but I somehow think that one day my dear girl will just pop by my place and pass me a wedding invitation card!  
And NO! its definitely not shot gun, whatever, I just think that, they both will probably decide to settle down when they have think through things properly =) I know some of u will give me the reaction of.. "SO fast? shot gun ar?" please don't be silly and jump into this kind of conclusions.. thanks! but even if it is.. also none of our problem right? don't make other people's problem, your problem. =)
I just want to see my dear girl lead a happy life. =)

Second pair! my dear pig girl! Ade & Shark! haha! I can see and feel that she is doing great with shark! I hope u two will settle down soon! ok lah.. i know not so soon! haha! but who knows a surprise maybe??  but I really hope things will work out for the two of you too! very long never see my pig girl le! i shall book her for a lunch soon! =)

Third pair! Irene & Harry! these 2 are now separated by distance! my Irene girl is now in China pursuing some Chinese degree while Harry is in Jakarta waiting for her to return.. Take this one year as a test to your relationship ba. If things works out then its good. If its not, then I really hope she will meet a better one.. =)

Fouth pair! Ahmir and her new bf! =D okay! i still don't know who is this lucky boy boy! I will dig the information from her when i meet her on the 19th! Hope this relationship of hers will work out too! =D

Fifth pair! Me & Stan! okay. I don't know where our relationship will go until. So far so good. I hope things will look good. Someone told me that we have to try to make things work. But oh wells! I don't know. See how. I don't have the mood to even think about it! Let's just see what God has in store for us. Back to the same saying.. What will be, will be.. =)

and the rest of my dearest! we will all meet our partner one find day! NO RUSH! the most important thing is,
If you can't commit, then stay single!
If u are ready to be loved and love someone, then go for it! =)

okay! last prelim paper on..
12th, Friday! Management mathematics!
16th, Tuesday! Driving Practical on 16th March!
Let me pass both with ease! =D

and I haven't talked to a lot of people recently!
I hope my dearest Cousin Lowie is doing good! oh ya! do support her blogshop at

www.the-fashion-olshop.blogspot.com

help me spread the word! thanks! if forget the link! please text me and i will let you know! =D
I hope Heup has been doing good too! its been very very long since i had a proper talk with him! oh wells, wait till he is ready to talk to me again then see how bah.. I miss "talking" to him! =)
I also hope that SzeHong has been doing good too! haven't had the time to text him! still! hope he is doing great! =)

I miss having companion to sleep in my room! :( I miss my mommy! I miss talking to her before I sleep.. I miss alking to someone till I fell asleep. Te doctor has actually ask me why is it I don't sleep early. Yah.. I don't know why I just can't sleep and I don't call anyone at all because even if I do call, I don't even know what to talk about.. So let's just forget about the whole talking chit chatting thingy.

I miss talking to my friends but I don't make the effort to go talk to them. It's a Saturday and here cones Sunday.. I'm not going anywhere though.. It's a stay at home weekend. No Stanley, no friends, just me on my own. I have a feeling I am losing my close friends.. But I don't know what to do with it.. Ok la.. Maybe I am thinking too much.

Blessed are those people who have found people they loved and loved them. Treasure that relationship. Appreciate ur one another. This doesn't happen all the time so yah. Appreciate them.

Alright.. Gd nights. I miss having companion. :(

monthly thgy..

Whenever I am having my period. That kind of feeling always visit me. I just tell whoever is listening that I'd rather die than having to endure the pain :( yah every single month!

It's only during certain months when I-don't-know who decided to be good to me then I have no pain nothing. Just losing blood. And I love those days! I'll tell God, thank you so much.

Yesterday was bad! As usual, vomitting everything i ate. It doesn't even want to let go of the water I drank -__-" so it's really basically vomitting till everything inside is empty.

I don't know what's wrong also! So I went to see the Chinese doctor yesterday. And she bring me good news!

THIS CAN BE CURED! 

but I have to be diligent and determined enough to cure it. She even ask me. 

How on earth did I manage to endure this kind of pain every month. Why didn't I come earlier to seek help. "....Because the other doctors said that it can't be cured!" 

she said RUBBISH! which doctor said that..

She said I need to get rid of this illness fast! Else it'll just continue to bother me till she don't even know when. The kind of pain I am experiencing, I think no 5th person will ever know/feel/understand.. Only my dearest Dad and Mom and 2 of my cousins have seen it. 

it's a sight no one will ever want to see.. but i also because I don't want anyone else to see la.. things will turn really ugly when i am having that..  :p

So how to cure? The process?

I have to visit her TWICE every week to toa pa yoh! From bp! I really don't know how I am going to do it.. :( I haven't decide to go for it or not.. Hmmm.. Should I?? Should I not?

oh wells, whatever it is.. its just a msg going out to anyone you know who is having the same problem as i am.. that it can be cured.

as to how to cure. will update when i am in the "curing" process already okay? 

good news is.. i am feeling ok now.. except that i still feel restless.. stomach still feels bloated and head stills feels dizzy every now and then.. and i love the doc's medicine. it really put me to sleep within an hour! and its the kind of sleep I've haven't had for a very long time since i came back here. =)

another good news is... i can go get my pay at EB already... =))

another....

good news is my birthday is coming in 8 weeks time! I'll turn 23 then! old~~~~~~

and that also mean that exams is in 8 weeks time too! 5th of May! 

God Bless me! I'm doing good with revision. Its progressing very well. =)

That special bond :)

Last day of Chinese new year! Time really flies! And I don't like the way things r progressing! It's just too fast! too scary to be true!

But I am happy for sth though. I am happy for my Bestie Girl! People might not approve people might not agree with what she is doing. People ask qns. People gets worried. Yes I used to be one of those people. I used to really worry over her relationships. Because I Dont want to see her sad. Yah. That's the word the feelng. I don't want her to get hurt. But thing is, if she
don't try.. How would she know if this will work out. True enough we never know what will happen in the future. But I guess we should all just live for this moment. The present is what is important the rest no longer matters. We all just want to be happy, don't we? (ok I think im digressing!)
so whatever it is I just want to say, I m happy to see my bestie happy, not only me, I guess all the people who cares n loves her are happy for her too :)

back and unhappy

well well. i am back here again. sometimes i really feel weird. really weird. i really hated being alone here. yet i know i have to be here to finish my education and to work here.
its like i really hated being alone here. i would probably love here more, if my whole family is here to accompany me. or my dad or mom or brother comes to visit me a few times in a few months!
i know, that is so impossible, but oh wells, just let me dream.


Chinese New Year this year meant a lot to me. It's really special. Believe it or not, I haven't sat on the table to eat any meals with both my parents and my kor kor ALTOGETHER, all in one table!
not even during chinese new year! so we are all always here and there and not always together. So this CNY really meant a lot to me.
Me sitting around the dinner table with Dad, Mom and Brother! it really meant a lot. I hope to have such sessions more~~~!!!

and again. not to mention! i am missing home a real lot now! =((
I am back to sleep alone in my room!
I am back to be a loner again here to fight war war war on my own.
I made some promises to myself. i will do it. i will try my very best. even though i am really not sure if i can do it or not. but then.. i just have to tell myself that i can do it! i can do it! and then yesh! i can do it and i will do it!

I miss my mom! I miss my Dad! I miss my kor kor!

HOPE TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY FOR EVERYONE!
Dear God,
Please Bless my Parents and my grandma with good health. I want to see them healthy and happy.
And of course bless all of us too. =)

alright! good night world!
I m going to lead a helthy lifestyle, by sleeping early and waking up early!
so good nights! =)

wedding dress

this vid is soo awesome!

where is the respect?

this is an out-of-the-blue feeling!
but seriously, where is the respect. where is it...
Just tell me straight if you don't want to make use of what I have done!
just tell me straight!
you don't have to totally disregard it and then tuck it one side!
especially when YOU know that i have spent hours and hours and hours and days doing it! 
I am so sad!
hais!
neverminds, I just have to come to terms with this, that some humans are just simply, LIKE THAT...
that there is really no such things, such as, 好心有好报... =((
Oh wells, what to do right!!!! =((

If it's not right, It's probably left..

life has been.. rather fine..
engine is starting again.
back to studies and all.. exams coming in about 107 days?
dang! it's time to STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!

and i am really grateful for everything that has happened.
and i really thank you for being there for me, really.
I never expect you to be heer, after so so long.
getting angry for me.
getting pissed off for me.
i can feel it.
Thanks. =)
and big big thanks for yesterday!

apparently, I am just one super timid girl!
I really don't dare to take cab home on my own, late at night!
so really! thanks for giving me a ride home, whether you did it willingly or you've been asked to!
thanks a lot! =)

more and more memories to be collected..

okays!
now..
back to ACCOUNTING =D

I quit

yeah! I am quitting from EB.
today might be my last day... or maybe next Saturday is my last day, if i want to be responsible and fulfill my duty..
OR maybe, i might just decided to be irresponsible and just quit and let today be my very last day.
oh wells, lets see how today goes. =)

Thanks Heup & Thanks SH for the long talk! =)

Too much unnecessary cryings!
Too much unnecessary heart-breaking moments!
Too much unnecessary nonsense to take in!

I don't know man. My dad may not own a very big business or whatever, but we have our own 2 bakery shops to attend to..
and no matter what I am still a Boss's daughter..
So thing is, even me as a Boss daughter don't do horrible things and play stupid "games" with my workers.
I keep a very good relationship with them, I respect them for their work and they respect me as the Boss daughter.. 
So I don't see why, someone who is not even the Boss of the company has to treat his subordinates like a dirt, playing them around... bossing them around..  when he is not even the one giving out our pay. -_-''
ok lah. he is the manager, so what say me right? so the best thing is to just. Q.U.I.T.

it's just too much to take in.
I am done.
I'm going to concentrate on studying.
It's all for the better.=)

Study Study!
Do well for this year!

I learned a lot at EB!
Met some really nice people, whom I won't forget. =)
Met some really nice customers whom, I never thought I will meet..=)

We really can be nice beings, its about whether we want to be nice or not...
YEAPS.
So..
YEAH! I think I am done!

God will watch over the rest of the crew! =)

ok im not good. i am breaking down any moment soon.
I don't know when is the next time i will cry, when is the next time i will break down at work AGAIN.
but i am really very stressed now.
I really dont know if i can do it or not.
I really dont know.
I can still remember how i cried so badly when i failed my driving test.
I still remember how i couldnt stop and no one understood why i cried.
till now i still remember.
i am so stressed.
so stressing me.
I really cannot work under stress.

the last thing i want is to have an idiotic manager who does nothing and all he wants to do is to piss me off and make me cry.
the last thing i want is for people who really dont understand to come to me and say things which i really dont understand why they said that too.
i need to be alone.

i freaking need money.
let me strike 4d tomorrow.
and i will fuly devote 2000% of my time on studies.
let me strike 4d! enough to finance all my education and my rental and all teh necessary necessaties.
let me strike 4d.
please.

oh well. dumb ass. that is just not happening and i should stop dreaming when i am awake. ='(

maybe he is right.
maybe i have a serious personality problem.
and that, whoever is my bf is just plain unlucky to have me as a gf. yeah, i guess he is right.
I have a serious personality problem.
and
whoever is my bf, is just plain unlucky to have me as a girlfriend, cuz i am nothing but a mess.
apart from being stubborn, i don't know what other else problem i have.
I  know i am very stubborn and i am have a very bad temper.

seriously. I really don't know.
but thing is, who are you to judge me.
you've known me for only 6 days?
dun mention people who know me for 6 days!
I have one, who knows me for almost 2 years already and still don't know a shit about me.
maybe he thinks he knows, but actually, he doesn't
such a sad truth, in the end, only i know myself, and only yours truly can hurt her own self.

I got sick of my job already. And I dread going to work now. :(
6th day of work isn't the same as 1st day of work anymore.
I am dreading the environment so so much now. =(
I wish I could just quit and get the hell out of there. BUT..
I needed the money.
Wells, poor people always doesn't have a say in anything.

From now on, I can only rant here...
I can't rant, complain or whatever, to my bf anymore, and it looks like i am going to set him free soon too..  and..
so I don't think I will want to rant to my close friends also, I guess, it'll also bore them off.
So from now on, I only have me, myself and my dearest blog.
So get out of here if u dunwan to listen to me rant, complain, whatsoever. and just don't ever come back.

I never expect anyone to understand me, know me and everything.
You think its easy, to live alone, having to fend for yourself for the past 13 years of your life.
You think it's easy? maybe you should try, but too bad, you will never get the chance.
yeah, ok i shouldn't indulge in self pity and I should maybe just try to understand people who don't understand me.

but! 
I never expect things like...
SO..
Whats your personality?
What do you think of yourself?
Whats your family upbringing?
to be thrown straight to my face!

FYI, I really don't know how to answer the questions above. I really don't know.
I just think and know that, as long as people don't come to disturb me, i am actually fine living on my own.
I always hated being accused and scolded for anything I didn't do.
Worst! I am a very fragile person and I can easily cry.
I cry when I watch sad ending show.
I cry when I get scolded for something I didn't do.
I cry when I am sad.
I cry when I miss my parents.
I cry when I feel helpless.
I am just generally a cry baby.
Yes, I am.
I admit that I am.
I am not as strong as what people think I am.
I am not that strong.
It's all fake.
I fake it all out.
I really did that quite successfully (i think)..

01.01.10

Happy New Year everyone! =)

to start off the year!
I'm down with flu, sore throat and slight cough!
I count myself lucky though. =)
I'm sure then the rest of the year I will be very very HEALTHY!

My new year's resolution!
PASS EVERY SINGLE EXAM I HAVE IN 2010!
At least, I will try my very best not to feel nervous, worried, this and that during exams! =)
Of course! I would do the necessary stuffs I have to do before the exam even starts! =))
And then.. I will earn loads and loads of moneyys! =)))
I will have a great 2010! =)))

kk! have a great year everyone!

I'm off to work. =)

LAST DAY

FINALLY, its the last day of the year!
FINALLY!
to sum up, 2009 isn't a good year for me.
Almost everything doesn't go my way.
AND even on the last day, I just have to make it worst by failing my driving test! ='(
Sometimes I really couldnt stand myself.
Darn! I just have to be sooo worried, anxious, nervous on EVERY single exam I have.
wth!
I made NO mistakes at all throughout my all the lesson in the circuit and today I just have to screw it up, by failing while i am inside the circuit!
Screw up right?
I am going to learn man! really learn how to not feel anxious, nervous and everything during exams.
I have  to overcome the fear of exams. Else, I think I will just continue to fail. and I really don't want that.
I really need to just face it.
It sucks when u have the skills and all the knowledge and then in the end, you just have to face failure because of your stupid nervousness! =(
Its not only silly, its a freaking stupid act!

and 2009!
Its a really dumb year!
all the decisions I have to make! everything!

I promise I will make 2010 better!
yes! 2010 will be a good year!
I am going to PASS every single test i have in 2010!
I will!
Sometimes being too confident isn't that good also!
I will try my very best to make 2010 a GREAT year for me!
and everyone around me. =)

Happy New Year 2010! =)

2nd last day of 2009

So fast its going to be the end of the year le. =)
It's good, cuz, I want 2009 to end, FAST.
I will make 2010 better, I want 2010 to be a better year!

I am sleeping late again! this is not good!
I hate tossing and turning on the bed and then can't get to sleep! =((

And, finally at last, I couldn't keep them inside me anymore and I just pour all of them out.
maybe it's good in a way.. =)

MOVIE! =D

AVATAR(3D) is good! go watch! haha!
it's definitely worth it! cuz the play time is about 3 hours! hahaha! =p
the movie is really good! that explains why they took so long to produce it! =)
I like everything about the movie except! the stupid glasses! TOO BIG! TOO HEAVY!
I dont wear specs! so i couldn't get used to putting on the glasses for 3 hours! so i kept fidgeting throughout the whole movie! hahaha!
Those who cant get used to wearing specs! bring tissue paper! so you can support the big glasses by putting the tissue paper on top of your nose. this sounds wrong! but whatever! I hope you know what i meant! =D

i have night class today!
econs tml late afternoon till night!
work at night on thurs till sunday!
this is good! no more. lily and lily only! =D

i'm good! =D

I have been feeling great the past few days!
I guess devoting a few hours of my time to go work and make some friends, is better than locking myself in d room, keeping to myself and all! It's so much better! and I've really become more cheery. =)
now my days is not just, me and me alone. there is me and my colleague. I'm so happy! I'm so glad I got this job! I hope, it will continue to be so. I hope, nothing will change. I hope things will remain as it is. I really hope so! I hope the people there wont turn bitchy and stuffs! I hope they will remain as nice! =)
and i really thank SH for getting me the job! =D

I dreamt of Ade girl yesterday! haha! i dreamt of her telling me she bought my masks for me ald! and waiting for another 1 to come out so she can buy me a full set sth like that! lols! Thanks for the Xmas card girl! =) Hope you are enjoying yourself now at Korea! =D

and i dreamt of sth else too yesterday. =)

I cant wait for Bestie and Ade girl to come back so that i can tell them things! hahaha! I miss them already! =))

=D

In the end i went to msia (Malacca & Port Dickson) for the weekend! yayness! i'm glad because we reached there safe and sound, had fun, and came back safely toO! and most importantly, i also came back in ONE piece and nothing bad or nothing that shouldn't happen happen. so in short nothing happen. I am proud of myself and i am proud of us. =D

I enjoyed the shopping! the walking! and the eating! and of course, the great companion with Pei Jun, Amanda, Debra, Vipul, Sathiya and Stan.. 7 of us set off on a road trip to Malaysia on Saturday morning..
photos will be up soon.. here.. soon.. =)

I'm practically walking and buying almost every "Mickey Mouse" items i set my eyes on. HAHA!
Most of the stuffs i bought are really. MICKEY MOUSE. lol. =p

neverminds. shall put them up next time i blog. =)

watched twilight today! =(
disappointed! not as nice as i thought it should be, the whole show was quite boring and i don't know.. maybe the 2nd one shouldn't even come out. because its seems that they are trying to capture something out of nothing. meaning, in the end, what they showed was quite kind of extra. not necessary. oh wells. I'm glad they aren't making the 3rd twilight or anything, because if there is, i don't think much people will go catch it..
haha. ok. enough of my complaining. =x

Bestie is in Darwin already. I hope she is having a great time there! and hope everything will be good and great! =D

a trip not possible.

i have been looking forward to this weekend trip to M'sia with Stan and his group of friends.
I really was looking forward to the trip, because i've been wanting to get away from Singapore.

GET AWAY FROM HERE. GET AWAY FROM HERE. 

who i go with is never important, what's important is.. i get to go away from here.
I really wanted to go. just anywhere. as long as i can get away from here. from this suffocating room. this suffocating place. away from the books and the school and the environment. i just need to get away. anywhere, with whoever. but now, i am stuck here. STUCKED.
i just so screwed.. i am still stuck here in the end.

i was thinking back, if i could conclude if my past 11+ years here, was it a happy or unhappy one..
and i concluded that i have been unhappy and the life here sucked since i was here.
i have cried more than i smiled or laughed.
i had more sleepless nights than early nice, sweet dream nights.
the only happy times was when i am spending time with friends and nothing else. other than that, its as if i am locked up in this small suffocating room. every single second..
i know i know. in the end, i need to study and get the damn cert and show it to those elders who thinks a great deal of the cert.

i am still troubled over something else.
its really tiring and really hurting when your loved ones, the person whom you really wanted support from is actually objecting and discouraging something you are putting effort on.
its really tiring. when every time we talk, the question that will pop out is, "still together?"
till now, i am still thinking if all that is said will come true.
if what those "tellers" said made any sense or not.
i know i need to get this done as soon as possible, else, i will be the one getting drained from it all.
they never knew that their support meant a lot to me. they never knew and i guess they never will.

be grateful that your parents are supporting you in the relationship. because family support really means a lot.
else, if you have to hold on to it alone. it gets pretty tiring.

Bestie girl is going overseas tomorrow. Have a safe trip. Have a great one. I'm sure you will have a great time. I am happy for you girl..

missing H O M E

i am missing home so so much. =(
i miss my parents.
miss the food, i miss everything
i want to go home. =((
this sucks!
i don't get to go back at all, this time round.
not during xmas
not during chinese new year.

if i am lucky, i can go back when the lesson ends, after prelim in march.
if i am unlucky i have to wait till end of exam which is in june 2010!
wat the shiet.
i want to go home.
NOW. ='(

I HATE THIS HATE THIS HATE THIS!
I WANT TO GO HOME!

cabin crew

we have been discussing and asking around (when we meet ups) what our ex-classmate has been doing since we graduated from innova because she has been flying around to different places, all over the world.

so it struck me just now..
ad i thought maybe she is now an air stewardess!
i mean, it explains why she has been to many many places right?
so ta-da! yes.. my dear ex-classmate Latha is working as a cabin crew under SIA now.
wow! thats nice! Good job! =D
an occupation i have always wanted to have! =(

"ungrateful"

there is this one kind of people which i really dislike.
People who have been helped by others in any kind of means, and then turn their back and forgets about everything, as if they never owe the person anything.

I don't mean that you have to show your gratefulness after you've been helped.
I don't mean you have to repay what others have done for you.
at the very least, you should acknowledge what they have done for you and not talk rat behind their back, this is the very least you could do.

i simply cannot stand people who have been helped, then turn back to me and say "aiya! he don't know anything one lah! he should go to...."
seriously, damn it, i think you are the one who should go. even if your friend is not that fantastic, you don't have to talk about him like that! wth! you are the one who has been constantly looking for your friend asking him to accompany you this and that. and now, you tell me, he no use one. then jolly bloody hell make sure you never seek his help anymore.
i despise this kind of people! so crappy! act as if they so "li hai" they so great, when in the end, tehy are actually nothing.

i also don't like children who are not filial to their parents. they brought us up. so the least you could do is. not to make them worry or let them clean up your mess.
i believe in karma. one day it'll just get to your side. please wake up for your own sake. =(


the past few days has been GREAT, WEIRD but I feel great!
haha! so all in all. im doing good. the past few days has been great!
I love my darlings! yst day out with Bestie is so so nice! thank yous! =D
and i bumped into my Pri sch friend Yeow Chin!
and i also bumped into LH girl!! haha! so qiao!
nice nice nice!

enjoy your weekend peeps~ =D

im going to S T U D Y now. =(((((

hahah! its nice man! i've been bumping into people, i never expect to see. i mean, bumping into friends!
Today! i bumped into SUN ZHONG KAI! haha! its so unexpected lah! & i immediately called HEUP to tell him!!!!
really unexpected, though we didn't talk, but bumping into people you know is nice. =)
Then i saw Genieve in SIM today.. my SJAB junior..  think she is a junior, if not same batch as me, *forgets*..
its nice! haha! =)

last last week while gg out with cousin i bumped into Idhzuan & Shuang Ai!
i've been bumping into a lot of different people in my life!
Its really nice! =D

Good Luck for exams to all those having exams! you all will have your 1 month holiday soon! =D

Treasure the people who loves you, by treating them better and not expecting for more and more, i know we, humans are greedy, but sometimes, really, try to put a comma, before continuing.

Else, you'll regret it when they lose their patience and put a full stop to the relationship.

shiettt shiett! i duno y, my heart is beating so fast every quarter hour!? like within the past hour, i've felt it like 3 to 4 times already! and i don't like the feeling, it made me feel "asthmatic". it's like i can't breathe properly! =(
ah, whatever it is, i am still fine, i guess its the too-cold weather... yeap yeaps, i guess so..

and yay! i meet up with Heup today for lunch! thanks for making me wait 45 mins. i thought i heard him say 15 mins! but yuan lai is 45mins~~~~~ so anyways....
as usual, i talk alot! hahaha! and as usual, we talk about a lot of things! so in all, whatever i remembered very clearly was, its the small small things which can hurt people. haha! hopefully, i can move out soon to some plcae more comfy! i hope my cousin will faster get a house, and i hop eshe will let me move in with her. so i won't feel so "un-welcome" anymore. =)
the occasional feel of being "un-welcomed" is getting pretty irritating. =(( but.. i'll just bear with it. I know my place, i know i don't belong here.. so, i should have gotten used to it after so long la. =D
jia you to me! =D

HOHO! i thought i made someone angry again today, but it turns out that, maybe he understands why or maybe, he can't be bothered. Whatever it is, i think i made the right right and rightest choice of not traveling to his house and instead go home and rest. =D  
but but but.. i did apologise for my rude-ness. hehe! i was too straight-forward in telling the reason behind WHY i never bus to his place. NONO! he nv ask me why, is i backside itchy wana tell him. I thought i very li hai mah~~~!!! hahaha! oh wells, glad that he is not angry. hehe!

I am meeting mad mad mad girl next week! yay yay yay!!! that will make my weeek for next week!
Dear God, just letting me meet with one, only one.. of my dearest darlings every week, is good enough. i won't be greedy to ask for more. =) Thank you for looking after us. =)

and and, i saw Bestie's girl Mom at Plaza today too! very very long since i saw her! It's nice nice nice nice! made my day even nicer. =D

okay la.. to end this entry i shall end it off with...

We girls can be quite demanding, ba dao at times, but trust me, deep in our hearts, we want you all to be well too. and most importantly is, we love you all! else, we won't be so ba dao righttt?!?! hahaha! =D

oh yahs! Goody Lucks to all having exams!!! jia you!!! 4 papers only!
just POOOOOOTTTTT them all down! =D jia you!!!! *HEHE*

and, i am happy today! hope you all are too! *loves* :)

for Besties & him :)

this is going to be very random.
i just washed up preparing to sleep.
and while washing my face and brushing my teeth, i looked at the mirror and thought of something. =x
i dont knwo why, but i just have to blog about it.
i suddenly feel that i have been very very very selfish.

i like to MIA like nobody's business. like there is only me in my own world, that no one would care and no one would be affected. i really thought no one will be affected.
i totally forgot about, i have one darling whom i almost always talk to every single night on msn, because she in Jakarta and the cheapest way to keep in touch is thru msn.
and i have another person whom i am currently in a relationship with and this one too, though we don't talk every single night (surprisingly! =x), but i know he is there and he cares. and of course not to mention the other bunch of people, who don't know much and i don't talk to every single day, but they are my darlings too. =D

so anyway, me and my MIA act, has brought my 2 dearest person some... worries... im like.. pushing them to one side.. leaving them there, looking at me, wondering what am i trying to do. not replying them, not msn-ing, not replying sms-es and best of all, keeping my phone OFF.

Irene girl couldn't do anything. but the one in singapore can, he actually drove to the carpark opposite my block. made sure i am in my room, then messaged me and then he went home.
i am creating some unnecessary troubles right?!
so damn selfish.
im not going to promise i wont be doing this again. but i'll try not to and i really apologize for yesterday.
i made both of your days bad. as if mine wasnt bad enough. so i am sorry.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

next, i just want to say, whatever decision we make, whatever we are thinking about, whatever steps we take, they are all just part of a process. and we have to go through this process in order to get to know the outcome.
Thanks for enlightening me dearest Bestie. =)
I am so sorry, i kind of freak you out, with my worries. But, i know, we know, in the end it'll all turn out fine, whatever is going to happen will soon pass too. 
I wish you all the very best for everything, if anyone of us, ever fell, we know, we are there for each other, then it won't hurt as much.
We can't avoid what's coming, and since we are already in it, then just give it a try.
at least, in the end, we know, we tried. 

and..

Whatever is coming, will come. =)

i must say i have been having mood swings the past few days and all i wanted is to be left alone and i don't want any companion, so that i won't unknowingly, hurt anyone...
went to school today and left halfway through, because i really wasn't in the mood to continue with the lecture listening to the lecturer talk crap.
with him going on and on about "what the heaven?!" that is what i always hear him say, amidst the lecture.
so anyway.
i have been feeling rather and very frustrated recently.

yes, i know i have been worrying for one of my girls, that is one.
and i have been worried about my parents health and their well-being, that is another one.
and i am worried about another, what my so called elder brother is up to in msia, that is another one.
and i am racking my brain, on how to earn lots of money to provide for myself, so my mom will stop worrying for me. 

y must life be this complicated?
behind every smiles, you see another different story.
behind every happy endings, you see another person in pain.
y can't life be simpler.
childrens being filial and obeying their parents.
parents, honoring each others trust and honoring the relationship and respecting one another.
and there you go a happy family.
y must there be divorce cases?
y must there be, gf/bf cheating each other?
y can't gf/bf stop being so domineering, and start to understand each other, appreciate each other presence so that both will be happy in the relationship and not only ONE is happy?!
y must there be so many different kind of illnesses?
y must there be this and that?
y can't anyone be truly happy?

i am really very irritated, i can't go back home anytime soon, and the worst scenario is, i can only go back after next year's exam? and i am already home sick.
i miss my mom and dad. ='(
i miss home a lot.

by burying myself in my stack of notes, its not even helping. its making me more depressed. =((

now, then i realize that i haven't actually got over it.
I still bear grudges, in my heart i still "hate" him. I still don't like him, i still can't accept him.
I know, we are all family, I shouldn't bear grudges, bla bla bla...
but whenever i got reminded of how he spat vulgarities on me. I just couldn't accept it.
I couldn't. and i couldn't accept it either when my parents wants me to just "let him be", forgive him.
yeah yeah.. so much talk about "forgive and forget". but certain things, when u got hurt so deep, u just can't seem to forget. Maybe in my heart, i already did, forgive, but about forgetting, it's just too bad that i have good memory. =(

everyone knows how i hated it when people throw vulgarities at each other.
i don't know why, but i just don't like it when i hear people throwing vulgarities at each other, as if its one of their mother tongue.
whats so good about vulgarities?!
why are u so proud about using them?!
does it reflect how "gung ho", how "fierce" you are?!
i don't know why.
I just couldn't take it when i hear people speak in vulgarities.
i hate them even more, especially, when the vulgarities are used on me... ='(
maybe i need to learn how to let go.
maybe i should. but how to?
when you are hurt by your "supposedly" loved ones? =(

on a lighter and happier note,
i went to catch 2012 with Stan yesterday!
it's good! sad! scary when you think about whether that day will really come or not...?
actually i was thinking... why not 12.12.2012...? why 21.12.2012...?
hmmm.... to think i actually plan to get married on the 12.12.2012.. haha!
but only planning, haven't found the right guy yet. =X
anw, go catch 2012! it's a nice show! really nice. meaningful. it really made you treasure your life more!
and i was actually asking myself, if we are really facing that ''doom's day", what am i going to do? how am i going to spend the rest of the days till then?
think about it and go watch the show. =)

on another depressing mode.. 
i have so so many things to do.
i have 2 tests coming up next weds & thursday.
i have 5 tutorials to do.
i hope to finish all my revision for each topic by end December.

enjoy your weekend darlings! =)

hahaha! i am so proud of myself that i must post this up to make myself happy! =D
i cant believe my attendance is 100%.
YES. i did go to school and all, every single day! but haha! seeing the "report" on its own lift my mood by alot lot up up up! =D
i can become model student le. =D

i suddenly got mind block. i don't know how to continue my HRM essay. =X
this is not good.
i want to get away man.
damn bored.
i'm getting sick of this kind of life already, but i know in the end, i will still be on track, doing what i am supposed to do.


a lot of random stuffs happening recently!
I bumped into Hariz at Far East on Sat! after dont know how many many years!!!
I bumped into Valentino! my pri school friend just yesterday after driving class!
i rmb how we use to be kind of very good friend when we were in primary school before he flew off to Aust to study! now he is back! i bumped into him after my driving class yesterday! haha!
and we still click! and chatted as before!
I bumped into Bingren at SIM yst. my sec sch mate. haha! i don't know him la. just random seeing people everywhere nowadays..
haha! nice!


you know its weird, you keep bumping into people you don't plan to bump into.
but people whom u want to see, you just don't get to see them, no matter how much you missed them!
i miss my dearest darlings!
i hope their exams end soon! and meet me soon. =D
i just miss those days where we can all meet ups, sit down around a table, anywhere! and chit chats!


and i don't like going to town anymore, the place, is so out of the place now. i don't even think about going back there anytime soon, except for specific reason. the place is now too "atas" for me. and i don't like it. =x


back to HRM.

i realized, that i have been so so bad.
it struck me just now.
what he asked me really feels like a tight slap on my face.
I am so sorry for being such a girl..

have you ever wondered, how many of your old friends, current friends and future friends will grow old together with you? meaning, how many among them will u still frequently meet up with in future?


i am very greedy. i want to really be able to keep in touch with each and everyone of them in d future to come.


i suddenly feel very old and i want to do so so many things. i know i dont have as much time as i thought i have. =(

when i'm quiet and wants to be left alone. please respect my decision and do so.


sometimes i dont know if i am being practical or this is just me. i dun like to go out at 7 at night, walk to the bus stop in 10, wait for the bus for 30mins. travel for 45mins. reach ur place at 830. see each other for 1hr 30mins.
leave ur hse at 10 wait for bus for 30 mins travel for 45 mins.
walk back home for 10mins.
reach home at 1130.
shower den lie down to sleep.


what's the fun or what's so meaningful of the above? dont u think it's such a waste of time?
i'm sorry i'm so. but i really couldnt find anythg meaningful.

it's no big deal really. and. yeah. really no big deal. why am i so focused on thinking what will happen this n that. i've had my regrets. and the last thing i wanna do is to add on to my regret list..


i am really crossing my finger, i really hope that we can talk this over nicely. no shouting, no crying, no "pissing" each other off. just understanding talk. i'll respect whatever decision you make. n i hope you Too.


i seriously understand and i know that this sem of studies is very important and critical for me.
i'll do whatever i can to do well. i will. at the end of the day, at least i know i tried.
and i also know that, nothing is ever enough. so i'll do more, more n more.

all my close frens know that i have 1fren whom i sort of grew up with whose parents are divorced n whose dad is my dad's very close friend. and this uncle, i do respect him alot. so apparently, usually, when adults get a divorce, the one who will be hurt most is their children. most of the cases will be so. but in this case, from what i see, its the dad who is really hurt. from the day they got a divorce, he is left all alone, he lost his 3 daughters over night. he has a daughter who is 1 yr younger than i am and yes, she is my close fren.


so everytime i go back home, her dad will come by my shop, and ask about his daughter. =( and every single time, his eyes teared. it really hurts me alot. he missed his daughter to the extent of asking me if i want to be his god daughter or not. apparently, me n tt fren, we also hv alot in common. n her dad could see that. and everytime i go back, he would ask me to help him contact his daughter, ask her to give him a call, when her mom is not around.


i could remember very clearly how her dad dotes on her, how much he loves her and how much she USED to love him. i just couldnt accept the fact that everything could be changed overnight.
i kept thinking, your eyes could blind you, but your heart won't.


and furthermore i am very sure they know very well who is at fault. when they sided more to material things, i understand y, because we are all human. but to erase off almost 1/3 of ur life into a blank piece of paper, i seriously dont know how they could do that. a father figure, a father who brought them up, they could delete him out of their life, JUST LIKE THAT.


i could still rmb how she answered me when i ask her if she got call her dad or look him up when he came by singapore years ago. and she said,
"i ask da-jie to go with me, i am scared, i dont want to meet him alone, i dont even know what to say to him."
at that point in time, i only answered her, "he is YOUR father."


sometimes i really wonder how their mind works. :( how could they do this.
while they r hvg family reunion here n there, seeing other ppl with their parents, i often wonder, have thoughts of their dad ever crossed their mind. the fact that their dad is still alive and there living alone, without anyone of his family with him. have they ever thought about it.
i always believed that, no matter who is in the wrong, HE IS STILL YOUR
DAD AND SHE IS STILL YOUR MOM.
u r all connected by BLOOD.


yesterday, uncle sms-ed me from JAKARTA. he said he missed his daughter alot and wana see how she looks like now. so he asked for her facebook name. i texted him back immediately n gave him her email. then he replied me saying, he couldnt see her from d pic v well cuz she was with a bunch of frens on her dp. he asked me to ask my fren to contact him. just an sms will do. he really misses his daughter alot. =(((


i m really thinking, y must things be like that. people who r not with their parents are dying to be with them. here, people who have their parents are doing so much to hurt them.


life.

i just feel that its really nice and the feeling is really nice whenever u meet up with "old" friends! esp, aft so so long. i am a very lazy person.
lazy to go out, lazy this n lazy that.
but when i know i have to do sth, i know i just have to do it.
it's about responsibility, self-fulfilment n satisfying/ answering to the dearest people involved.


yes! i meet my another dearest girl today! ade girl! :D
its been sometime since i sat down n chit chat with her! :))
its really nice nice! thats the the thing with close friends! no secrets! i really treasure these people alot. how i trusted them and how they do so the same way. and how i know they will never judge me like others who don't know me.
so anyway, its all great, seeing her doing well. i'm sure things will turn out for the better and even better for her. i knoe things will just turn out fine. :)
and! thanks alot girl to u n SY for
listening and all the advices! it somehow, enlightened me.
and not to mention the gifts u bought for me!! thanksss!!!
n again! gundu n forgetful me! i alw 4get 2 bring the woody keychain i bought for all my close frens from Bali!
its nth expensiveee! but, i dont know what else to get! i'll make sure i bring the keychain the next time i meet my dearest girllss. :)



n then d talk, brought me back to reality again. i really should end my
own misery n i should be fair n talk this over with him. yups! :) thanks 4 enlightening me. :D


n really, nothing is ever enough.
i will do more, practise more, understand more. just more lah! n i'll do whatever i can. this time round must pass if not do better than a pass. i just don't believe that i am that stupid. i know i m not.
focus! :D

i sent my baobei vaio for repair yst! n im missing it now ald! :(
but also good. no lappy means no show means no msn, means can devote 100% of my time to finish the unfinished tutorials. haha. trust mel they are a lot!

n i finally straighten my thoughts again. haha, when im emo nemo, my brain really knows how to divert attention to i-dont-know-where. but now, im all good again. thanks to myself. :D


n i've been spending time reading my notes, listening to lecture recordings, doing abit of tutorial, praying n watching CSI MIAMI. haha!
i'm addicted to CSI MIAMI now. lol.
the show is really nice can.
THAT IS how i spend my free time.
i dont spend my free time by smoking, clubbing, drinking or wasting time on people who don't deserve my company at all.


have i mentioned about the mickry omouse jigsaw puzzle stan made for me all by himself?? haha. i salute him can. at the same time, i am touched. bcuz, seriously dont ever expect me to sit down, n put the puzzle into place one by one.
see! that is another reason, y i m still holding on to this relationship.
it's really not that easy to let go.
plus, he hasn't done anything unfaithful to me. except that he doesn't keep his words thats all. maybe that is good enuf a reason!? well, maybe when i couldnt tolerate it any longer, then that day will come. till now, i still want to be in this. =)

n life is really very fragile. u really wun know when u'll die or contract some deadly disease. i really hope her medical report is wrong. please let it be wrong. i want to see her healthy, grow old, see her children get married, see her grandchildren and enjoy her old days.


for this one time, again, please treasure our life. :)

the wisest thing to do is, never to tell anyone this sentence.
"i know how u feel, i really know."
this is nonsense k?
please don't ever say such things because, you are not the person and you'll never know how he/she feels. so, please, yeahs, wake up, get your thoughts right, THINK before u say anything.

i just remembered somebody asked me this question..
"if u don't drink!, don't smoke!, don't club!, don't flirt!, don't poker!,..."
then what did you do in your free time.


HAHA.
now that i think of it, are these what the people have been up to over here?
i mean, there is definitely so many other things to do.
bitch around with your darlinks! sleep! shop! watch shows! (which i usually do!) study! badminton(at times)! eat! stone!
a lot a lot ok!
so please, don't even think of "luring" me into drinking, smoking, clubbing, flirting, gambling, bla blabla...
yah yah! u may say that, i should try these since i am young.
BUT seriously! hell no!
haha! yeah! maybe i would, when i am not in my right mind.
and, you should probably try to be patient and see if that day comes.


lol~
good night world!

i get really pissed off when i thought of certain things.
it really just pisses me off a hell lot.
when i GOT REMINDED about all the empty talks.
I really. get very pissed off.
and i do a lot of other things which will distract me away.
arghs!
and it really amazes me how some people can turn the table around.
when they are at fault, yet they can make it seems as if U are the one who is at fault.
I really salute these people, at the same time, i pity them.
they really should stop living in their own world. =(


this is bad.
i am falling sick! =(
kept sneezing away and my body is starting to get warm.
boo! i don't want to fall sick.
just allow me to have good night sleep and everything.
its been very very long since i get to enjoy my sleep, my day and all.


money in the bank is decreasing at such a fast pace.
its scary.
when i haven't even started shopping on anything!
lets see what i paid for.
renewal of the stupid student pass.
rental!
ezlink!
the seriously DRIVING which really pisses me off BIG TIME! (i better pass the test at a time time taking! don't waste MY money. NOTE: MYYYY MONEY!)
herbal life for my health!
pressies!
that is all actually!
but u know what..
except for herbal life, nothing else is spending on me. its all on. whatever u call them.
all these.. depletes my money in the bank for almost 700+++ ald. within one month. GOSH~~
i think nx month i can practice to become "神仙'' ald, else, really, money not enough and thing is i m freaking NOT WORKING.


boo!
i miss home.
i miss my mom!
i miss my dad!
n
i miss my brother!
i miss H O M E!!!!! =((


time to try to sleep.
nights world.
sleep with me tonight.


and please, try not to irritate me. =(

u know what, thank you so much for not replying my sms-es and all my msn conversations with you.

you just woke me up and made me decide on just breaking the string that tied us together.

thank you so much.

after the 1st time, i can think u r busy.

2nd time, i can think u r tired.

3rd time, when i really needed your help while i was having my monthly stomach cramp.

all you can do is not to reply me.

thank you so much.

if u don't reply me then, then don't reply me ever again.

i will make my own way to school. tap the bloody card for attendance and i will travel back home on my own.

just like usual time when i am single and have to fend for myself and bloody take care of myself.

thank you so much for the hell lot of time we spent wasting time on each other.

had a very long talk with Irene girl yesterday!

she gave me a very big surprise!

my girl... the mommy & daddy's girl... is actually offered by her dad to go Germany to take her Master. how nice is that!

when she asked me! i immediately say... YES YOU SHOULD GO!

i mean! ITS GERMANY!!!

its a whole new envoronment!

new things! new people! new everything! she will love it there! i will love it there too! (i think =p)

anywhere is better than here la! seriously! i think she should go.

but but! haha! i discourage her in the end! bcuz, she has never left her parents or stay away from home for the past 23 years of her life! so now.. ask her go Germany?! 3 years! alone! how is she going to survive?!?!?!

well well, anw her going to Germany is still not yet confirmed! she is thinking to go or not to go!

because if she go, she will have to risk calling off her marriage with her husband to be.

because, her bf ald proposed to her and marriage is supposed to be mid next year or end of the year, if not early 2011.

now if she is going to Germany, what do you think???

HMMM.....

IF its me, i will definitely say yes to my dad! and just! fly off!

nothing else to think about.

really.

hahas. bf! if he loves me, he will wait for me. or rather if he wants to be with me, he will wait for me.

there is no such thing as, he will me very much, i shouldnt leave him aloone.... blablabla..

no such ting..

hahaha!

ok le. im off to facial! and medical check ups!!! =D

its a almost perfect day yesterday! =))


i had my 1st LORRY ride. =p
yes its really my very FIRST LORRY ride. sitting in d front seat.
I've taken once a few years ago, but i was sitting at the back.
This time round i sit in front.
not very nice leh! maybe because the lorry was too lokkk kokkk! and dirty!!
tt's y i din enjoy the ride.
who says all diesels vehicles are nice to ride on?!
nonsense.
only my dad's diesel family car is nice to ride on k???
=DD
Boo! i miss home alot lot lot!!!
i wonder how things are going on over there.. =(((
I hope everything is alright though. =))


Yesterday! nice!
i get to spend some time with Mad girl, though we didn't talk much about anything but! its just nice seeing her again after so long. =)
then went for Gerald's party. quite a successful party.
Congrats! thanks for inviting! & Happy Birthday! =))
met lots of friends!!! happiness! =)))
finally met a lot of people i havent seen for very very long time!!!
its nice! nice meet ups!!! i'm all smiless!!! =D
then after the party! went TOUTY room for a sleep over!!! nice nice!!! went with ahmir!!!
its so nice can! we had, pop corns! ice cream! and movie! and then i medicured my fingers! haha! after so so long!.. =p
and and and!!!
the condo is so spacious! her room, i realise, longer than mine by 1 whole ceramic width!
haha! bigger than mine~~! nice nice! but the rental is so ex!


I am actually looking forward to staying in my own house.
I know its quite impossible in the next few months, but yesss... in the next few years after i work and all... ta-da! i will get to decorate my own house! buy my own furniture!!! I always tell Stan, i will want a room! decorated with MICKEY MOUSE! and painted the whole room PINK! and fill the room with loads and loads of soft toyss! hahaha! I can re-live my childhoods days when i have the money to buy my own house ald!!! hahahaha! I just get excited thinking about it. =D
Oh wells, for nowwwww.....
NOW, im waiting foR cousin to faster buy a house, then hopefully! i can move in with her.
HAHAHA~! duno she will let me move in nots lah.. but i think she might... =D


i want to travel travel travel.
i know my turn will come!
ade girl is travelling in Guangzhou now!
i hope she is enjoying herself!! =)))

!I MISS HOME!
I MISS MY MOM & DAD & MY EDI KOR!
SHIT!
THIS IS NO GOOD!
HOME-SICK-NESS AGAIN! ='(((


whatever i do now, i just want to make myself happy and make my life meaningful at the same time.
is that very difficult to achieve?


and now! what makes things worst is...
NO MORE BKK!!!! =((((((


i thought i could do some CNY shopping! but now! hais! =((( GONE! GONE!
sobs!
oh wells, i guess, my chance will come next time! =(

i have been thinking about this actually and yes.
one part of me wants that and another part of me wants another.
so which is which.
we have concluded that yes. he is negative. =x
but we also cant let his negative over throw his positive sides.
oww mann! how?!


what i think now is.
I just want to let things flow. just let it be. i really regretted asking. i really do. but in actual fact! i didn't ask, i was more worried about my studies than anything else.
other than studies and family, the rest of them, i can put them all aside. i will lie back and see what happens.
but if u r ald warned and you dont heed advice. what do u think will happen?
i dont know the answer. only He knows.
oh wells. i dont know lah.
whats more important is the present. isnt that what we always say? so y bother about the future when u dont even know if u can survive the next second of ur life? -_-''
sometimes, i really think that all this is really. BULLSHIET.
there is always somehow, something to counter-fight what we believed in. -_-''
life..


i really want to put this aside.
let nature takes its course. when problem arises then we'll c how oks?
=(
i really hated this.
i really hated all these things.
let me have my peaceful life back.
not knowing anything..
who told you that when u ald know about the future it will make your life easier?
i tell u. its all bullshit. it gives u more troubles, that is.


i really hope the stupid student pass comes soon.
its pretty retarded that i am in school. attending lessons, yet i cant mark for attendance! -_-''
and then i go home, i have to appeal for them to count my attendance bcuz its not my fault that i cant attend school. -_-''
they are so so inefficient!
they r so fast in receiving money. yet so slow in processing all the necessary stuffs. ARGHS!


i am looking forward to my BKK trip with cousin! =DD

badminton on friday with coussies was great. =) finally exercised! =)
and sleep over at coussies house was great too! =D
I'm looking forward to the trip me n my cousin will have! =D


n then the sms from Ms Chu, really made my day. really. Thanks Ms Chu.


and then, the mood swings i have is kind of horrible. =(
haha. i can smile this moment and dont feel like talking at all, the next moment. =(


and i know i will do just fine on my own too.
it's no problem.

Last week Wednesday, something.. hmm.. something happened. I wouldn't call it weird.
There have been many times when, Christians ( I apologize if referring them as Christians would be quite rude. but i dont know what other word i should use, so please pardon me.)
so Yeah, there is this 2 girls from the SIM Christian society or something who came to approach me while i was waiting for Stan to come pick me up.
They asked me several questions actually..
Asked me if i have read the Bible before.. and YES i have... and personally I kind of like reading them, because to me they are inspirational and reading them really warms my heart. =)
And then they asked me again if I know about how Jesus passed away, how He sacrificed HIS life for HIS children ( us ).. then i didn't say YES... neither did I say NO.. i just said.. "heard before, seen the "play" during one of the Easter night."
Then she asked me, If she could share a verse from the Bible with me, I said.."Okay! Y not.. =)"
So she shared a verse with me from the Bible. I can't remember which "chapter" it was from.. probably "John or Mark" I can't remember but.. I know.. I have read it before.. the content was about.. "God will not forsake any of His child ...." I shan't continue further, as I'm scared I will be typing the wrong one up.
So she asked me, if i have read it before and if i understand the meaning. I said yeah.. and told her what i think the verse meant.. I just said.. "as long as we believe in Him, He will show us the way out and we shouldn't worry, as He is there."
and the girl smiled to me. maybe it was some kind of approval? I don't know. but she continued to ask me, if i would be interested to join them to read the Bible together. I didn't reject her, because I know it would be rude.. So, I just smiled to her.
Then probably she got what i meant and she said.."y not.. ?"
I said, "... hmmm... because, I am not a Christian, I am a Buddhist..."
maybe the situation would be better if she didn't ask me why.. =x
and then she continued to ask me, if i am a Buddhist by choice or am i just following my parents religion. and i said. I am a Buddhist by choice. =)
then she politely say.. Okay.. thank you for your time and we'll see you around. I said, thanks to her back and said, see you around in school too. =)


the content of the verse is still there in my mind and up till now, i am still wondering why.. she came to approach me instead of many others who were there... and.. the verse she shared with me is just like telling me.. "THERE! stop worrying, everything will urn out fine, He is there just believe in Him, He will show you the way out."


You know! I am really glad she came to approach me, and it really lightened my mood then. and yes, people must be wondering why am I a Buddhist reading the Bible. I can't explain that too. But.. i just pick it up to read when i want to read it. and my brother is a Christian, so He has a Bible. I see it there every single day.. but I don't pick it up to read every single day. so u get what i mean? I only pick it up to read when my heart tells me to. =)
and yes, i am definitely a Buddhist by choice. As a matter of fact, I enjoyed going to the temple to join in the prayers and read the Scriptures, they call it 经书. Yeah.. and as always, I respect every single religion, I believe every single religion taught us to be GOOD. So every religion is really, all the same. It's just that the method they use to teach us is different. =)
I am glad the girls who approached me wasn't like what other whom I have encountered before. I am glad, they aren't. I really thank them for approaching me. really.
There was once someone told me that I make a better Christian then she is. I forgot who she is, but yes, she told me that. I have too many Christian friends, I don't know who told me that.
My boyfriend is a Christian, my best friend is a Christian, my brother is a Christian and there is a lot lot more.. and, there is nothing wrong with me being a Buddhist and still being around with my loves. =)


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


and now.. you know what. I am having a HOLIDAY yet again. well.. maybe not holiday. BUT i am not supposed to go school for a few days or maybe a few weeks until i get a student pass. that institute of money is screwed. oh wells..
so i cant attend lessons. so meaning. i cant go to school. so meaning. i am quite free. but not exactly free, cuz i know i need to study and do my revision too.


the past few days in school has been really. exhausting. not that the lesson is. not that the work load is. but having to face the same text and everything for the third time is exhausting. i am quite ashamed of myself really, and i haven't got into terms that i have failed for the third time now. and this is my last chance, i know i am not that stupid.. with more and more and "never-say-enough" practices. i am sure i will do well this time round. If not. really, i should probably consider quiting school for the rest of my life. because to me, still education is rubbish. memorising all those nonsense.. is kind of rubbish. really. its the application and experience that is more valuable. oh wells, no matter what, this time round i just have to do it, for my parents, for myself. GET THAT DEGREE! =D


I've been back in Singapore for 2 weeks + 1 day now. and i haven't seen any all of my darlings!
Bestie! LH! Ade! Mad! Yiks! Heups! and some some more.. lazy type.. =x meet up soon okss!
but i got to know something through FB! haha! even though my heart feels weird when i got to know it, especially when we were once so close.. but ohwellls... anyways.... i wish u happiness! =))


and i left my another darling Irene girl in Jakarta! and she is troubled! whether to accept her boyfriend's marriage proposal or not. oh wells, even though, i want to see her settle down soon with someone she loves, and stop changing bfs ald.. but yes yes.. i hope she will make the right and heavy decision. i wish her.. all the best!


and i miss home! ='(
and i still now.. over here.. i have something else i have to do. =(
I am waiting for the right time to do the right thing.


God Bless everyone.

y couldn't it be simpler?
y can't i just live through this and when the time comes, just take it away from me, without me knowing? at least it wont hurt that much.
I really don't know how i should go about doing this.
u tell me.
someone tell me.
i really don't know how.

back in Singapore.
the feeling inside kind of sucks.
everything i have down here since then, seems wrong.
i know i need to do certain decisions. i need to carry out that decision, but i cant bring myself to do it.
lets wait and see, lets see what happens.
it's something, which, i need to bear the consequences if i dont follow or whatsoever.
lets see how.
the sight of the school makes me sick.
whatever.


i need a saturday and sunday job. any job lobangs?


anyways... i now have a PINK mouse to match my PINK lappy. how nice. at least this made me happier a little bit.


i miss home.
i miss BALI!


arghs. whatever, got to start tidying up my stuffs.
got to start tidying up my notes.


p/s:
if u don't like me updating my blog, don't like reading whatever shit is in here... then please KINDLY, don't come anymore. That will be better than, you reading and then coming to me to kbkb..

5 more days. I dont feel like going back there. HOW?
Ade girl once told me that, since i dislike staying in SG so much, have i ever thought of leaving there and come back to jakarta with my parents.
Actually, yes, i ever thought of that before.
but i know the place here and everything, dont really suit me. I cant go out on my own, I cant do much here. well, yes yes, if i really have to stay here, i will learn to adapt to the situation here. WHatsmore, i have learnt how to be more independent here. i dare to go out on my own ald. so, it's really, yeahhs.. sooner or later i will learn.

sometimes, i really ask myself, what is it about singapore that i dont like.
actually there i sonly one reason why i hated that place, why i hated going back there.
It's all because, i hate being alone there.
I dread having to do everything on my own.
I have said this a lot of times. So yeahs.. I just dread being alone there, not staying in my own house and everything.
I hated being alone.


whatever it is, no matter how much i hated going back there and having to fend for myself alone..
i know i have to go back by the 23rd and that is it. I just have to go back..


I know in the end, no matter how i dislike certain things, when it comes my way, i just have to do it. I have no choice at all...


wish me well bahss...

sometimes, its not really about what people say, how people want me to do this do that, it's what i want to do and how i want to do it.
I also wish, i could pick up the courage to do things i want to do and face whatever outcome. It's funny how certain things can happen and then POOF! everything is gone again.


what my cousin said is right. I can only choose between A or B.
If i choose A, i will lose B and vice versa.
Its the rule of the game. No one can have the best of both worlds.
So now, i need to do that, no matter how heavy my heart feels, no matter how sad i am, no matter how difficult the situation will be, I know, i will need to go through this again.
I haven't been honest with anyone, i haven't been honest with myself also. Deep inside me, I really know what I should do and how I should do it, but I am afraid, I am scared of the consequences. I cannot afford to fail again.