I want to live happily.
there is really nothing wrong with whatever I am doing now.
I am just trying to make myself happier through shopping.
shopping really makes me happier. =))


Even when i don't have enough cash.
I am really willing to scrimp and save.
I am willing to forgo all my meals. SO that i can use the money in exchange to buy the things i like.
BUT don't worry.
I do eat when i feel hungry. =))


It's next week.
will really start next week.
Still in the midst of preparation.
I will make sure, I tell myself that I am well prepared. =)


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Last week has been a crazy week.
cried a lot, slept little, studied a lot, stressed a lot!
AND
I almost turn single.
Oh wells, shall not talk about it, what's important is the upcoming exam now.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I don't give a shit about anything else now.
Shall secure my own future.
I realise I really can't rely on ANYONE.
NO ONE except MYSELF.
All the talks about getting an able husband, is still there..
BUT..
I shall depend on myself also.
I still despise guys who use their woman's money, guys who hurt their woman, in whatever ways. I still do, up till now.
That's why I hope and I want my man will be more able and definitely better than me.
I mean, it'll TOTALLY turn me off.
If my man, turn to me and say...
"I don't have any/enough money, do you have any?"
I know i very lao tu. because, its all the talks about Men n Women being equal.
BUT seriously, man/men... please.. haha..
IF u can't even support yourself, then don't get attached.
I don't mean that, you need to pay 1000% of the time, once in a while asking your girl to pay isn't too much. BUT if 10 to 20% of the time u ask your girl to pay, then u should reflect if you deserve to have the girl's time or not.
haha. reflect.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I digressed so much.
Haha.
I believe my close friends, or should I say my darlings don't JUDGE me.
Because, they know me, they understand what I am doing, what I think and all.
If they don't i believe they will ask.
Just like, I don't judge them, I trust them.
So, if you judge me, then please don't think of yourself as anyone who is close to me.
Cuz u r not. and so don't act as if you know me inside out, you know what i am doing and all.
I really wouldn't mind my friends, I really mean friends.
coming to me to tell me off, or warn me about things i am doing.
I will really thank you. Because, real friends won't let you carry on doing the wrong things.
So I pretty thank my close friends who had come to me and tell me off.
( OF COURSE only when they know I am going the wrong way. =))) )


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


& I miss home!
I miss my HOME!
BUT I really wana go holidays 1st before going back home..
HMMMMM..
POSSIBLE..?


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


OH yah! I am turning 22 in a few hours time.
HAHA. NOT celebrating my birthday this year.
I'll be happy if my dear friends remember. =))
What should i get for myself this year??
I shall ask Mom & Dad for a shopping treat. HAHA! =D


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HAVE A GREAT & LONG WEEKEND MY DEAR DARLINGS.
JIA YOU FOR THOSE PREPARING FOR EXAMS.
&
I HOPE MY FEW DARLING FRIENDS ARE DOING GREAT AND DOING GOOD!
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! =)))
LOVE U GUYS A BUNCH!

Phone will be OFF from today onwards.
If u need me, then drop me a mail.

you've told me many times, so many times that it really sink deep in me now.
and now, i can't get it out of my head nor my mind.
i guess, certain things when you let go of it.
things will turn out better.

Im tired. tired. tired. =(
I hope this week will soon be over. then i can finallly really. get out from all the distractions and sit down to eat my notes. i need to. i need to. im so scared ald. really scared and very scared! =(


went to catch SNIPER after cousin in law's party yesterday!
It's quite nice~ quite cool~ as always my Edison is forever so handsome. =D


went to get Meideling pressie just now! (shopping alone, aren't that bad actually. haha.)
Got the the Lacoste bag I want. haha!
her birthday but i buy her the bag that i so really love! =x
because i'm very sure she will like it also. =D
but i didn't get one for myself though. lol.
can't buy. cuz i need to save money to buy something else. =(
there is an Adidas sale at Wisma Isetan also! I am so tempted to buy the bag n jacket! but then I didn't buy la. like i said, i need to save money. =/
Then, i went to Stadium at Taka to check if the Lecoq bag i want still there or not. BUT it turned out that. It's not available anymore. SADDED~~
oh wells, i promise, i will be granted to go on a shopping spree after exams. HAHAHA.


ok now.. lets see how my hand "healing" is progressing...




i hope by the colour change. it shows that it is healing.
and i do hope that, the affected skin will peel off and the new skin will grow and i will get back my beautiful hand. =D

i hate it when u accuse me of things that i never ever felt like doing.
don't force your assumptions into me.
i've never thought THAT way before.
In fact I am feeling the exact opposite of what you accused me of.
Hmphs~

I had a VERY bad day yesterday. right from the moment i wake up till the end of the day. =(
I shan't type and complain what i did yesterday.
but the only one still etched in my mind right now is the scar* on my hand!




It's the result of ironing my 7/8 halfly dried clothes because the weather is trying to play with me.
the moment it started raining. i took in my laundry, so i thought since they are half dried, i shall iron them so that they won't smell. while ironing halfway, i didn't notice the iron just right beside me. and THERE GOES MY HAND.
and as though that wasn't bad enough. after ironing for a little while, the sun came out!
I was like.. ok fine..~~
right then at that moment. i really so badly, want my maids with me.
to do my laundry.
to iron my clothes.
to clean my room.
to prepare my food.
do everything for me.
ok lah. i just want my nanny.


ok. so now i sound very pampered.
neverminds.


up till now, i am still hoping that it won't leave a scar.
really.
i love my bony-scarless-fair hand to bits.
i really love them.
now this scar. just spoils everything.
anyone knows any way to get rid of this scar? please do tell me. i'll be grateful.


*

and as if this wasn't bad enough, at night while trying to test use the mobile broadband thgy..
i had to place the sim card in the wrong way and thus causing the sim card to be stuck in the slot.
and i reproach myself the whole night.
cuz yesterday just wasn't the day for me.
all the way since i wake up..
to school..
to home..
to ironing my own hand..
to driving..
and testing the mobile broadband.. :(


*

I just hope today will be better.
and yes!
I guess, this morning everything has turned pretty better.
I successfully took out the sim card from the slot already.
and I do hope that my hand is healing. =)


okays~
today will be a better day. =))
i'll revise well
and
everything will be Great! =))


Have a great day people! =)

why must they wait until accidents happen then take the necessary action...?
why..?
HUMANS.
when it already happen, then do this and that. will that help..?
NO.


plain nonsense.
now, we can actually die from consuming our favourite food.
LOL.
how great is that.

sometimes its really not very easy to get through this.
but i know, i need to.
ha.
this is my life.
many times, i feel like giving up and doing things which i really like and love.
instead of sitting down here. still stuck to studying. :(
I don't know when it started, but as i grew up..
I grew to hate studying more and more.
especially looking at the tonnes of memorising work to do! =(


oh wells.
i know all these will end somehow.
at least i tried.


maybe, instead of asking an infinite number of WHYS,
we should just move on.
i know this is stupid and really nonsensical.
but i really cannot just sit down here and keep asking all the WHYS..
soon.
very soon. i'll realise and i'll understand my own question. :)


Jia you bahs!

received this fwd mail from cousin.. It's nice read it! =)


Y do we shout in Anger????
This one is a lovely mail and you should read it….. A good one too……..I am sure you will like it J.

A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'

'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'

Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love?

They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...'

The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all.

That is how close two people are when they love each other.'

MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.

Humans play with words, don't we?
we say one thing at one point in time and do another at another time.
it just proves, it really do prove, how we shouldn't.. or rather..
how I shouldn't trust all their words.
because it's just.. W O R D S..


I told myself, many times. not once, not twice, many many times.
It's ok, it's really OK. don't be such a petty girl. Just move on. If the other party doesn't even remember, so why should you. I always tell myself that they are not obliged to keep me as someone important in their lifes, even if I do keep them as someone very dear and important to me..
YES, this is how i always console myself, and it works everytime.
Being a part of your life was a bonus, not being remembered was what i never expect.
But, don't worry.. all is fine, i guess I'm already immune to it. :)


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AHA!
We got into that topic once again right!
I'M glad, this time you didn't ask me to find him faster.
You only told me to wait and see.
I'll wait and see. I will. I am curious as to what will happen to me in future.
I'm very excited actually. REALLY.
I am excited. I want to know more. I want to see more. And I really want to know everything.. of MY future! =)
I'm too greedy.
Oh wells, since I'm still here now.
I shall be practical and live my life now.. Instead of living my life in the future..


I can foresee that this week, will be a week of madness.
In fact, the following few weeks.. I guess, it'll be madness... hmm...
Give me more wisdom & determination.
I am determined to do well.
Jia You! :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SZE MIN GIRL! :)


Went for Min's 21st bday celebration yesterday! =)
Got to know a few new friends. nice. :)
and got to meet her friend whom i haven't seen for a very long time.
was quite surprised but not really surprised also. =/
am glad and happy that the both of them are getting along fine.
whether it is as friends, best friends, brother-sister or anything.
just don't do anything to hurt each other.
please continue to enjoy each others' companion.
please continue to be so. :))
Happy Birthday girl! =))


I had a very WEIRD dream yesterday! throughout the few hours of sleep.
My whole dream was about how the two of you met.. became friends.. what happened... and all the nitty gritty details i know.
Everything is just like an event happening in front of me.


I am happy to have met Min's family yst..
her Mom & Dad n her brother..
Been very long since i see them and talk to them..
I think the last time I see them was.. last year's Mother's day?
[can't rmb.. but i'm happy to see that they are very fine and healthy! =) ]
I feel glad that I am placed somewhere in their heart.
Thank you auntie for telling me that I can look for you all and seek for your help if I meet into any problem in SG since I am alone here.
Thank you =)
I really feel glad & happy! Thanks a lot! =))


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In the midst of all the celebration & happiness.
It's sad to find the uglier side of humans.
Its worst when u find that, you see them in those whom you thought are close to you.
really sad. oh wells. shall keep quiet. I'm just disappointed.
oh wells.. still..
have a great weekend! =)


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DEPEND ON YOURSELF! ; DON'T DEPEND ON OTHERS!

I really don't want to have anymore stomach pain. :'(
It's not those kind of normal stomach pain, when u need to go to the toilet.
It just hurts alot and caused me to perspire and vomit.
Vomitting is the last stage, after i vomit then i go sleep.. den hopefully, usually everything will be fine for the time being..
Initially i tot it's because of my period, but i realise it's not my period that's causing the pain.
It's something else and i don't know what.
Maybe there is a virus inside my stomach. it just loves to attack me as and when it feels like to.
I woke up early in the morning to find that my stomach freaking pain. :'(
Stan sent me a morning msg.. den I called him & i made him worried. =(
But it's really pain and i really don't know what to do, who to ask for help and how they can help me.. neither do i know, why is it pain in d 1st place. :(
I just feel very weak now.
But i still need to go for driving later on. PLEASE. no more stomach pain :'(

=)
went back to BBSS yesterday night for SJAB gathering! =)
most of us didn't change much! haha! everything is almost still the same with the exception that we've grown older! =((
oh wells... the whole uniform group changed by a real lot though!
shan't mention about it. too sian to meantion!


anw, it's great meeting the group of guys and girls again! laughed a lot! and had fun chit chattinG! =)))
see you guys soon! =))

hmm.. lets see. haha. i feel like gg shopping.

to get the le coq bag from stadium at taka. it's been on my mind since i first saw it! should have just bought it then! =x

i also want the longchamp tote! but its far too expensive to get it in sg and its not worth it at all! so shall put that aside first.

now. its more or less confirmed that i'm gg back home straight after exam in May. haha. i think i'm kind of bad. but since my bf don't mind not having me here for 3 months? then. yeahs. y not..? 3 months of holidays! haha! it's heaven! =D i'm gona learn baking! then shop shop shop again! =D

i just recently talk to Irene! my dear girl! she's my pri sch mate back in Jakarta! even though we don't keep in contact the past few years that i am here in sg.. BUT! we still rmb what we did back then! amazing right?! 2 ginas! remembered what they did when they are onli 7, 8 years old?

WE remembered! we used to have similar stuffs! everything! from hair accessories! pencils! bags! our mickey mouse ring! our school shoes! and many more! lol! i miss her alot! 

She told me she remembered how the both of us fell off the stairs together because she wanted me to play with her. honestly, i can't remember the part where i fell down. maybe i should go ask my Mommy! but anyway, she told me that, she regretted forcing me to play with her and caused me to fell. and she said luckily nothing happened to me.. otherwise she'll feel so bad! I feel bad now! because, i don't remember me falling now.. maybe because i always have this kind of small misfortunes like falling down blablala.. haha! so maybe i misssed the part where i fell down with her. =x

Anyways, 

initially, i thought, that this girl! with her status and happenings! i thought she has long forgotten about me! BUT NO! she remembered me! =)) I'm so glad! =D

and the shocking news she brought to me is! 

SHE IS GETTING MARRIED! 

most probably next year! 

and i am invited to her wedding!

I predicted she'll get married at ard 24-25.. BUT i didn't expect it to be next year!

Oh my! she's going to be a mother soon! yet! me, Lily! still here! struggling with uni!

and she's only a year older than me! oh my! she's getting married! I'm still quite surprised! =x

i'm glad that her hubby-to-be is quite wealthy, a business man! at least he is able to provide for her shopping needs, her manicure pedicure, can provide for the family and all! (as quoted from my dear girl herself!) this is so great right!

I'm so happy for her! she has found the man who is able to be there for her, go through thick n thin with her! provide for her! she has found her happiness! =)))

yesterday! she kept telling me that, she hope! we'll both stay at the same country together when we get married! now.. i'm wondering! when on earth will i get married! lol! when.. i can't even see anything now! not anything ok.. i can't even see the planning! 

anyway, she said, she hoped we'll both stay at the same country together! so that we can look after each other's child! we can be each other's child's God-mom! she say i can be her child's god-mom! hahah! can u believe it! we are at this stage now! talking about marriage and our children! 

Now, i'm all excited about her wedding!!! haha! =DD

I'm so going to fly back to attend her wedding! if...

it doesn't clash with my exam period next year! =D

Happy! =DD

and here's my all time favourite must have wedding song! =D

From This Moment by Shania Twain! =))

teach me how?

i really don't know what to do.

and all i can do is, sit down and sigh.

i really don't know how. 

besides escaping from reality, what else can we do?

there is a lot of memories kept within me which i will always remember.
i don't know when i will forget them. till now, i want to remember them, because, just thinking about them makes me smile :)
I still look at those presents and gifts people gave me during those days.
I still use them now.
It's a waste to ditch them into one corner. I still use them.
Those soft toys, whenever i go back home, I still take them out to hug them :)
I love soft toys, but Mom doesn't want me to play with them, cuz they collect dust. =/
so the only thing i can do is, take them out once in a while and look at them =)


those crazy secondary and JC days. i will always remember. very memorable indeed.
it's a waste that i don't keep in contact with those people anymore.
It's sad that we were once so close, now, we don't talk anymore.
but its alright, i know we have grown up and we are all busy with our own activities.
I wish all of you well. and i know, you all wish me well too. I do hope that, we can talk to each other soon. :)
Just want to let all of you know that, all of you are still in my heart.
I still treasure whatever all of you have done for me. :)

sian! i'm down with sore-throat, cough n slight flu for a few days now. =(
because of studying to much econs. haha.
lol. no la. it's because of the beautiful weather of morning HOT and mid evening RAIN. -_-''
I don't know why the weather is like that! =((
ah wells!
still in the midst of preparing and revising for the "fake exam" and the REAL one in May. =)


oh wells, take care people.
the weather is too good recently. =)

the ice-cream at sunset way is nice! Yum! yum! =D
I had the durian and lychee 1! and they tasted really great!
Go try go try! =))


have a great weekend yeahhs! =))

I've never seen a rainbow in my whole entire life and i missed it today!
I could have just looked out of the window and probably i can see it from here too. =((
i can only see it from the pictures now! =((


i hate myself a lot at this very moment.
if i could bang the wall and get amnesia, i would!
i am actually unhappy that the person whom i thought understand me.
actually don't at all.
what a joke.


if i could turn back the time, i swear, i will never ever have gotten myself into this shit.
it's giving me nothing, but unhappiness and disappointments after disappointments.
HAHA!
VERY GOOD LILY! WELL DONE!
i shouldn't have gotten myself into this.
but ending it now, isn't a choice nor is it an option.
i just have to continue with it. and see where it'll lead me into.
it hurts and it pains my heart now. ='(


still, at the end of the day.
I'll show and tell everyone that Lily is fine.

SO FAST! it's sunday already! =(

I've showered and all. 

now, starting engine to start studying again.

Shane inspired me sia! lol!

it's was one of the random days i went to read shane's blog. (i don't usually go read ppl's blog de. =x)

and i really got inspired! 

I mean really, if he can do it, so can I! =)

I believe I can, just like many others who think so too.

so i'll try. i'll try my very best. =)

so the next 2+ months.

i shall spend most of my time on revising my work. 

after that, want to play then play le. =)

Yeahs! and my Bf n his friends are safe in Msia! still enjoying themselves! GOOD! 

I'm happy for them. =))

called Mom n chatted with her for 1hr 40mins! haha! I realised i very long never call back le. =x but oh wells, anw, i'm glad everything back home is great. and Mom still insisted that, when I go back, that is, if i dont get a job here. when i go back. I have to, I HAVE TO learn baking. lol! I think she preparing me up so that, IF i can't get a job when i graduate. I shall be baking cakes at home. Good also! Imagine Lily! baking cakes! and decorating them! hahaha! I can't wait to see what i can do also le! =DD 

okoks... shall stop here! anw, the weather hasn't been good! take care yeahs! drink more water! =))

KKs. Have a great Sunday and the week ahead! =))

I'm gone to study again! Jia you Lily! Study! Study!

Boyfriend and his friends are now on their way to Malaysia, for their so-called road trip.
I don't wish for anything. I just hope that they reach there safely and come back safely.
That is all i hope for. :)


Now that he is there, this weekend.
I'll be studying doubly hard to prepare for the upcoming exams. =)
because after exams. I'm going to do a lot of things.
I want to go shopping!
ah! this reminds me that my cousin in Jakarta said that I am a shopaholic! just because on that day itself i spent like almost 2million of Rupiah which is about SGD$400 in one afternoon within i think 5 hours? hahas! Lol! I can't resist it la. My parents sponsored! so why not?! since i can't do crazy things like that in SG!
also! after exams! I wana play and have fun! =)))
I hope I can go Taiwan to Shop! but I know I can't so i shall be more realistic and focus on the right thing now. Lol.


Alrights! shall get back to books! have a great weekend people!
those who are studying too. Let's Jia You together! =))

if you can't bring back the past, then why not cherish the future?





no. no. im not emo-ing in d morning. just that this song is meaningful. =)


shall get back to studying now. =))


please please, pass me more strength and more determination and more knowledge and more wisdom. =))

Happy Belated V-day! =)


I'm happy yesterday! because, I'm glad everything works out fine.
this is my 1st v-day and also bf's!! =p
Who said that u need flowers n chocs for v-day?! lols! I don't need them.
lol! I'd rather have my Mickey Mouse Nightlight in exchange for that! =D
My long awaited, Mickey Mouse night light! yay! =DDD
Thank You Bf! for the V-day dinner! and also for getting me my bao bei Mickey mouse! =DDD
It's ok! I don't mind being said a GINA again. Lol.
I'm happy being a GINA and a happy Mickey Mouse lover! =p


TADA! SEE~~! THE LIGHT WHEN IT'S ON THE WALL! THIS AMAZING THING CAN ROTATE! =DDD




THERE! WHEN THE ROOM LIGHT IS ON! STILL AS NICE! =D




THIS ONE WITH THE BULB AND THE WALL! STILL AS NICE!!!!!!!!! =D





AFTER BEING PHOTOSHOP-ED BY ME! CUZ I HOPE THERE IS A PINK LIGHT! BUT APPARENTLY THERE ISN'T SO I PHOTOSHOP-ED IT TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPIER! HAHAH! =DDDDDD








And thank You Touty & Maddie girl for wishing me a Happy V-day!
Hope you 2 will always be happy too!
Thank you! =DD
Mad girl! I love you loads too! Thanks for the e-greeting card! and the sms! =D


I was disappointed yesterday for something.
But i shan't elaborate.
I've reached a point where, i don't wish to say or do anything at all.
If my efforts aren't appreciated then, so be it.
it's not once, it's not twice but many times. I am really disappointed.
Now i know where i stand in your heart. But it's ok. I just and still will always hope that you will be happy. always. because, to me, my friends happiness are important too. =))
Still, i carry you inside my heart always. =))


Happy belated V-day!

sometimes i get a bit emotional and stuffs when i am walking home alone or walking alone to anywhere.
i always wished that it'll be nicer if there is someone there beside me to accompany me.
walk home, walk to school together, go eat together or anything. it's always good to have companion.
but due to circumstances. i always have to do most of these alone.
because it'll be too much of a trouble to ask someone for someone's companion.
I realise as you get older, the people who surrounds you get lesser and lesser.
really.


take for instance, when we were young, in pri sch and lower sec days.
i will have my parents and aunts or cousins with me where ever i go when am in Indonesia.
when i am in singapore, back then, i'll be going to sch and go back home or go anywhere with either Dewi or my other room mates. It's almost always never alone.
So i also will always have companions when i have my meals and all. Even when we go down to the void deck, we'll have companion. It's so nice that way!


then in sec school, JC.. we still have our bunch of friends, we still do things together. we walk to school together. we go down to the canteen together, we go to toilets together. everything. It's also always never alone.


now that i am ald in Uni. I do everything alone. I shant elaborate on that. I'm sure, it has always been written and complained by me.


Sometimes i wish i will never grow up. I wish, i'll always have my friends companion, if i can't have all their companion, at least i hope i can have the companion of my close ones. That is why sometimes i feel very grateful that Heup stays quite near me and when i feel like having my lunch i will ask him to accompany me. Because he is the only one i can ask out for lunch and will almost always immediately agree. Otherwise, whether or not i eat my lunch or dinner doesn't really matter.


when you do things alone. it just. yeahs. defeats the purpose. it has no meaning at all to do things alone. unless you really want to be alone la.


you want to know why, i always don't take the initiative to talk to people i want to talk to?
even if in my heart i really want to talk to her, want to catch up with her? because, i don't like the feeling of not being replied. it's like, i already made the effort to talk to you. but you just ignored me. it just hurts la. i can never bring myself to do that. that is why i always wait for people to talk to me. because i am scared of being ignored. i am not able to swallow that. sometimes i am really disappointed. but then, i think again maybe its just silliness on my part, why think so much when he/she don't even bother. oh wells.


wells, back to books now. =))


jia you bahs Lily! =))

I had a better morning today. =)
A stranger, or rather my lecture mate was nice to me. all the way from when i stepped into the lecture hall and sat on the seat 2 seats away from him.


first..
without me even asking, he volunteered to lend me his notes, so that i could catch up with the lecture. very nice of him right?! thing is i don't even know him.


second..
while offering sweets to his friends, he passed me another 1 too! thing is, i don't think many others will do that. it's just very nice of him.


third..
he smiled and greeted me goodbye when i left.


you know, for the past 18 lectures for MM class. I've almost never spoken to anyone. I've been on my own for the past 18 lectures. Today, someone chose to be nice to me and yeahs, treated me as his friend. It just made my morning better compared to other mornings. =) and it even make me so much better because, i had a very bad day yesterday.
haha. but, i guess, it's just another friend for today. =) but still. Thank you! =))


speaking of which, he is the only person i opened my mouth to talked to until this time. =x


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yesterday was bad, because auntie-of-the-month visited me. =(
i had to stop driving. because the cramp was un-bearable. and so.. before accident happen. i should just skip the driving practise. and so i asked my instructor if he could give me a ride home. and he agreed. very nice of him. thank you! and as usual, when i get home..
it's immediately..
vomitting, tears, sleeping and something new is, i visited the Sinseh yesterday.
Took medicine. a horrible medicine. so smelly and tasted. yucky! =(
thank you bf! for fetching me to doctor! =)


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updates on what i've been the doing the past few days.


in short. i've been busy revising. relax abit here n there. but yes, i make it a point to do my revision every single day. :)


stayed over at cousin hse last friday!
she cooked spaghetti, very nice! I love it! =))
went to gym on saturday!
attended LingHui's 22nd bday bbq at east coast!
still hope she like the small gift i got for her.
went for a small chit chat session with Ade & shark!
meet heup up on tuesday for lunch.
bumped into rovin, on the bus twice, while on the way to school.
I think he work at SIM or sth. ah wells, din get the chance to say hi to him also. =x
what else?
hmm.. oh.. busy studying! haha! alrites.
take care people!


speaking of which, it's been months since talked to min.
hope she's doing great and well. =)


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and then, i think i made a mistake on monday which might cause me to lose a friend.
till she get to know about it, i think i shall just keep quiet about it.
i really meant well, i mean i didn't know things could be so complicated. i was just, i thought it's something good and so shared it with the one concerned. who knows? yeahs. oh wells, i already have the "xin li zhun bei" that i will get scolded by my girl friend. till then, i shall just concentrate on my studies.


i learnt that certain things when you can no longer do anything to help, its better to just let go and let the one concerned handle the matter themselves. i hope and will always hope to see a happy ending. =)


because humans are selfish being. i didn't know this until recently.
yes, every man for himself. but.. aiya. i duno. human minds are complicated. i shan't elaborate.
just be happy bahs.


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that's about it. =)
take care people. =)

i feel like killing myself.

i always do wrong things. i always believe silence is golden. from now on. i will shut the hell up. i will continue to keep things to myself. i shant talk so much. since whatever comes out from my mouth is always shit. 

to hell with all my nonsense.

to hell with all the inconsiderations.

to hell with this life.

to hell with everything.

i really hate living.

i am already so sick of it. so dont add on it. 

if i could have an early death i want.

i've been crying to myself alot lately. 

it's almost an every single day thing. 

i am also sick of myself already. 

i feel like slapping myself. biting myself. everything. anything to divert my attention from.

i've been really stress out. about everything.

and the last thing i want to do is pissed ppl around me off too.

so yeahs, if you are around me, then PLEASE stay away from me if u can. 

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

stay far far away from me. before i pissed you off too and u started hating me.

lets just have the beautiful memories kept in us. before everything gets out of hand. 

I really do hate myself alot. and wished myself already gone many times. but i am just somehow still here and always here. you hate my presence too. don't you? 

the only thing i am happy about today is, i see a FULL MOON tonight. 

She's my best friend. My only companion in every single night of my life.

She's the only one i managed to smile to, today.

i somehow wished that you'll find your way here and read this entry.
there is a lot of unhappiness inside me, which i really hope i could voice it out to you.
but then i know, if i voice it out. AGAIN you'll say that i am just being unreasonable.


1) i am very unhappy that you didn't even bother to show ur respect for my parents. will an over the phone wish of happy new year to my parents kill you? I don't understand why is it, i can show respect to your parents but you can't do so for mine.


2) I am very sian, that everytime, EVERY SINGLE TIME. you have to include Sanjay in our day out. not that i mind his presence. but if EVERY SINGLE time i meet you, i am also meeting him, den im so sorry. I dont want that. I am not greedy, i dont need 2 boyfriends.


NOTE: I AM NOT PISSED WITH SANJAY. HE IS NOT WRONG. I REALLY DON'T MIND HIS PRESENCE. IN FACT I ENJOYED GOING OUT WITH HIM. I REALLY DON'T MIND HANGING OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS. BUT IF EVERY SINGLE DAY OUT WITH YOU, I HAVE TO SPEND IT WITH SANJAY ALSO? SORRY. I CAN'T DO THAT.

3) Today! You called me 16 times! 3 smses. to find out where i was. You said i wanted to go out with you today, that's why u din go for scouts. BUT what happen in the end? you plan out the activity for the day. BUT without me in d picture. and you call that, you skipped scouts for me? i'm sorry to say this, but YOU yes YOU. skipped scouts for SANJAY not me.

ha. i realized, every month this day or a few day before this date. we are always quarreling.
not that i want it. but i guess certain things are inevitable.
i am tired of all the quarrels and everything.


anyways...


I had a great weekend at Kukup! Thanks a lot to Ade girl and her family.
It's my second time there.
It's still as great. This time round get to interact more with Ade's family, so I got to know them more, as in, I get the chance to talk to them more.
I had great time there! Thanks! =))



I find it really weird.
before every couple got together, they are always nice to each other, they will spare a thought for each other in everything they do. They'll try not to make the other party sad, cry, angry or anything negative you can think of.
BUT, when they became a couple.
It's endless and endless of quarreling, unhappiness and unhappiness.
weird eh?
a lot of people have been telling me, IF when you are dating each other and you always quarrel then it's better to end the r/ship early. TRUE? i guess so. Because, if until you get married, you are still quarreling then, whats the point? you'll get tired and then. boom! divorce? ha! I don't know. i don't want to know. i don't want to think. i don't want to think.
I just hate it when my efforts are not appreciated. because that just goes to show how important i am to you. hah.
I have a very bad attitude, i give people what they give me.
If u treat me nice, i can be nicer. If you treat me like shit, I'll make sure i return you that favour much much better. hah.


but i still want to hold on to this relationship.
I am silly, aren't I?
Hah. I wanted so much to let you know.
but i guess, i should just keep it inside me, because i know, nothing i say is anything to you. Whatever I say is nonsense to you. so much for being your girlfriend.


99 more days to finals.
it's all about notes now.

The CNY wasn't as bad as i thought it will be.
Thank you for the companion! =)


so the past few days of CNY was...
Chinatown, Fireworks, visit to Stan's Grandma hse, Roti Prata, Changi Airport, Inkheart movie & Bowling!


NOT bad. at least, i didn't spend it alone.


AND


I am very proud of myself, because I didn't cry today.
i was very upset and was kind of irritated because i was jealous and i almost cried, because i feel very terrible inside.
due to the fact that...
while i am in d room A L O N E, they were laughing and having fun outside.
NO! it's not wrong for them to be happy. But i was jealous.


However...
A smile from within my heart, made the day a bit more happier. :)

i seriously feel that.. i am the biggest fool alive.. -

Am i the only one who feels this way, or is it..
really, the festive mood is just not here?
can you feel it?


I can't.

SOMETHING is still a little bit wrong inside there...

SOMETHING made me reluctant to text my friend. 

haha.

it's funny isn't it?

I really find it amusing, ridiculous and so.. weird and i am actually a bit unhappy about it. 

there is no doubt that i put *...* dear in my heart.

but, there are a lot of moments when, i get really frustrated, to the extent that, i don't even feel like text-ing or even call. Because, I get really tired. It's not once, its not twice, it's everytime. there is always NO reply.

So i guess, what i can do now, is just.. wait.. 

THREE more days to CNY.

I don't feel a single tinge of happiness in my heart.

I can't even feel the festive mood.

there is ONE thing on my mind now.

only one thing.

S T U D I E S

yeahs.

that is the only thing on my mind now.

other things.

relationship..

friendship..

kinship..

I'm putting them all aside.

Not that i don't care.

I'm just trying to 大事化小，小事化无..

so in short, I will take it as if nothing happen.

i'll forget about everything the next day.

I always believed, 

if quarelling doesn't solve the problem then, don't quarrel. 

yeahs.

what will be, will be.

what's coming, will come.

just do it! :)

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went for a musical concert yst at Singapore Conference Hall with Stan!

IT'S very nice! the whole concert was GREAT!

I enjoyed every moment of it!

It's like, the band ( Sparks Wind ) is really great!

especially, when you see how happy they were bringing music to the audience!

you can't help but to enjoy every single moment of the concert with them! 

Thank you Sanjay for the tix!

Thank you Stan for bringing me there!

The next concert will be on the 28th June 2009, Sunday at 3pm at Esplanade.

Anyone interested?

It's FOC!

I suddenly have an idea!

S71 peeps, lets make that our class outing! HAHA! =p

I'm really bad, selfish, lousy, ugly, idiotic and probably the worst girlfriend on earth.
I mean.... yeahs...


All along, I've been telling people, that it's not that i hate them or dislike them.
It's I'm scared of them. I really am very scared of them and i really am scared of them.
The thoughts of having my own dogs running after me is really scary.
It's like, they can't wait to get a bite of you...
In the midst of me being scared, and very unwilling to try to have anything to do with them, somewhere deep inside me, i told myself. I need to try. I need to give it a try.
I don't know how i am going to do it, but I know I have to try.
But then, somewhere inside me, I also know what will or what might happen if he really adopts the Husky.
I am already scared of a Chihuahua, now u want me to get near a Husky?
Its a little bit, way.......
I really don't know what to do.
I am scared of what will happen, but at the same time, I want him to do what he loves.
What I had in mind is, I hope he'll just go ahead with the adoption and do what he likes.


I don't want everyday to be so bitter.
I don't want everyday to be so sad.


I want everyday to be happy filled with quality time spent.

I bumped into him on the bus to school this morning.
I was surprised.
at the same time, I am angry.
I don't hate him, but I can't accept what he had done.
Then, it brings back memories again.
Luckily, he didn't shift in and he probably don't recognize me, or maybe he do recognize me but, he don't want to say hi.
because, if he did recognize me, said hi to me.
i know i won't be nice and i would probably just ask him questions after questions...
why? why? why? and more and more why?
maybe probably, he didn't think what he has done is wrong, which is always the case with them.
but then, i want to make it known to him, that he is wrong.
you know what i think..?
if he really did say hi to me just now and talked to me, i think i wont make it to school.
i think i would just want to clarify everything.
I want to know why he did that, why he did something so hurting to my dear girl.
i cannot take it.
especially when, i've seen how happy she is when they are together.
I was grateful of his presence then. because he did something constructive to my dear girl.
I never thought he could be like every others who in the end just break people's heart, with no proper ending.
I mean, if you want it to end. at least end it properly.
Maybe, probably and again maybe, the hurt won't be so deep and she could have gotten on with her life.


It's not easy for two person to be together.
you really need to understand each other very very very well and you need to take in all their short comings, accommodate each other, commit to each other and a lot more.
I realize it is really not easy.
It is even more difficult to get into the stage of marriage.
I guess, until I am certain I am ready and i am very certain that my partner is ready, only then, will i take the courage to step forward. Otherwise, I won't.
Because we know, marriage is not a one month or 1 or 2 years thing.
It's a promise between two people which will never end.
and when , i realize that, even now, we don't keep our promises.
how on earth are we going to keep a promise that needs to last forever?

no amount of explanation will help.

no amount of talk will help.

i haven't done my best. 

its getting very confusing and complicated.

i wish i didn't get myself into this.

i wish things doesn't have to be this way.

It's pretty sad, when u realise that, it's all just talks. 

nothing but talks.

talking for the sake of talking.

saying things for the sake of saying it.

I don't know if u ever mean what you said, but I must say, as your friend. 

I do, am very disappointed with the things you do. 

I asked myself several times, if u r really my friend, do you see me as how i see you. 

If so, why is it, i feel that, we can be very close friends one day and stranger in most of the days. 

but, like what i've said before, i'll take a step backward from your life. 

I'll be happy as long as you doing nothing to hurt yourself. 

I'll be happy as long as you are happy.

It doesn't matter to me anymore, how you see me. 

Whether or not you take me as your friend. 

It doesn't really matter. anymore.

Lucinda added me on fb!
and FB
brings back alot of memories.
of pri school, lower sec and SJAB!
some unhappy and happy memories!
I realise i only have a teenny weenny bit of memory of my upper sec life.
nothing about the class. just mine and a few others.
pictures really speak a thousand words!


last year, i bumped into Dinie!
last week, i bumped into Shuang Ai at Clarke Quay!
I am happy that she recognized me and called me! thanks girl!
I realize, i am happy when people recognize me on the streets and called me!
it shows that I have friends and i am worth remembering! =)))
Really! I guess certain things just can't be erased from our mind.
I have a lot of friends, whom i don't usually keep in contact with, but when we bump into each other on the streets, a simple smile, a hi! and a bye! makes a lot of difference.
It doesn't really matter whether or not we are close friends, fact is, we did ever were classmates, if not school mates! and that is enough! =)


I am happy today!
Because, i felt that I actually, do have friends! =))


and


HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY TRICIA! =)

I realised, this year is a very important year to me. 

1) I need to revise & study well and get good grades for my final exam in May.

2) All my girls and buddies are turning 21!

3) I am turning 22, getting older and older, so i must get wiser and wiser too!

4) I need to pass my driving test.

5, 6, 7 ,8, 9.....

a lot of decisons need to be make and I need to make the right decisions.

I can't believe I am turning 22 this year! this is not good! 

真的不知道前面的路像什么。。
可是还是得勇敢的往前走。。
一直以为，我需要依赖一个人。。
但是， 我发觉到， 有时候，
独立并不是一件不好的事。


今天的我鼓起勇气， 自己离开了他的家， 心理所想的就是，
不想要打扰他休息。。
以前的我会，怕这，怕那。。
今天我不一样了。。
不想那么自私，不想太自我， 不想要只顾虑我的感受， 忽略你的感受。。
两个人在一起， 毕竟就是要互相体谅，互相爱护。。
很抱歉如果我的所作所为伤害了你。
我并不想的。


我不知道，我会坚强到何时。。
我只想要， 一步， 一步的走下去。。 :)

I AM PISSED!
There is something REALLY WRONG WITH MSN!
Before i went back to Jakarta some of my contacts are auto deleted.
NOW, TODAY! ALL MY CONTACTS ARE DELETED!
I really mean ALL!
like what the hell!
So, NOW, I can't talk to anyone on msn!
Because I don't have their email address!
So I can only talk to you, IF YOU TALK TO ME.
then I'll add you back to my msn.
SO yeahs. TALK TO ME on MSN. Thanks!
I'm so pissed lar!
Duno is BO LIAO & STUPID ppl hack my acct OR there is something wrong with the whole MSN!
hmphs! :(
who the hell wana hack my acct right?!?!

I'm back from home! :)

the past 12 days were GREAT! =)

SHOPPING! FIREWORKS! DINNER! FAMILY BONDING!

I'm happy and i'm glad i went back home!

and. haha. i am now back here again. got to study study well for exams!

a bit sian. but i got to do what i need to do. =)

will be fine. 

soon exam will be over and its break time again! :D

I know i am late! but Happy New Year! :)

I know it's not easy to get out of someone's life. it's really not easy.. 

but that is what i am going to do now... 

I think i am now trying to get out of my friend's life.. 

I think that you are already doing well. and i think you no longer wants me to bother you and stuffs. so i guess, i will take a step backward. when you need me i'll be here. but i guess i won't take the initiative to go find you le. I'm sorry, i guess all my friends know me le bahs. 

When i called my friends, i only let the dial tone ring for FIVE times. you don't pick up, i won't call again...

When I msg my friends, you don't reply.. then.. you won't hear from me until u msg me again. haha. i know sometimes there's connection error and stuffs. heee.. 

haha. yes yes! i am THIS weird! who on earth go calculate how many times the dial tone rings right? LOL. I think only me lehs! haha! yes I AM THIS WEIRD. Don't blame me. I've been like this since I don't know when. and... I am rather straightforward ba. 

If I don't want means, I don't want. 

because I myself HATED waiting and waiting for answers, so, when you want an answer from me, i'll give u a reply as soon as possible.

So it's the same for me too, if i ask u a qns i expect an answer.. and when there is no reply, i usually take it negatively.. NO its not having negative thoughts about you. It's just that, i take your answer as a no.. yeahhs.. :)

i hope and i always hope that you'll live your life happily. 

no more cries, no more tears. Just smiles and happiness.. :)