You know, i am very very sad now. :(
I seriously feel like crying out loud.
I don't know why.
I have started preparing since weeks ago.
Even before April started.
YET.
I don't know to admit that i am stupid or i am just not cut out for the subject.
I felt like crying when i received the question paper.
I don't know what to say.
well yea, i should stop being such a stupid kiddo.
I am 21 years old, this is not the first exam i ever had.
this is the dunno which number of exam i have ever had in my life.
But apart from physics.
I have never been so desperate to get a PASS before.
This is the 2nd subject.
I am desperate to pass.
Please let me, just pass.
Let me pass please.
I don't want to retake the paper and start all over again. :'(


I know they have high hopes on me.
I know that.
I know i can't disappoint them
sometimes all these pressure are weighing down on me and i can't really breath.
Honestly I am sick and tired of everything.
Studies, Money.. all these nonsense. :(
I don't know how long i can hold out.
I don't know.
I hope when one day I can no longer take it.
It'll all just somehow pass or maybe something bad will happen..?
I don't know.
I miss home.


Tomorrow's Statistic.
I am ok for it.
I mean, I am prepared.
Shouldn't have any problem.


I am just so disappointed. :(


I need an urgent miracle.

I couldn't sleep very well last night.
and it's nobody's fault. It's my own fault.
I just felt very apologetic.
I felt very bad towards him.
I really feel very bad.
I mean, i really should stop being such a moron and always saying things which i think pisses him off. :(
I didn't apologise immediately yst.
the whole thing was on my mind all the way till i wake up.
and when i woke up, i wanted to take the phone and leave him a message.
I thought he would be angry.
Because we didn't end off well yesterday.
I thought he was angry.
BUT no.
he wasn't.
He left me a message, before i even do so.
I immediately apologise.
he said it's ok. he know me well enough and he wasn't irritated.
see! me and my nonsense. someone can put up with it.
i am not going to push my luck too far.
i am not going to do anymore things which will piss him off again.
i will stop the unhappiness.
i don't want to lose this person for whatever silly reason.
what ling hui told me yesterday, made me even more certain that.
this person is a nice guy. he really is. he has done quite a lot for me.
what i have done for him is i think only 1% of what he has done for me.
and that is not very good.
after exams, i will make it up to u k..? :)


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


so i will be having my 1st real exam in my university study, tomorrow.
Please Bless me.
I need loads of luck.
I need loads of blessings.
I need loads of love.
I need everything.
Hope everything will go on smoothly.
God Bless Me.
&
Good Luck To me. :)

I have been studying since morning and i am super tired now. :(
or rather i already felt very very tired since yesterday when i reached home at 1245..
as soon as i hanged up the phone.
replied Bestie msg, & offed my phone.
then sleep.
i am like yawning for duno how many times when i was on the phone. =x
i am just very tired after the whole thing. =x
I promised him, myself and my parents that i will put 100% concentration on my studies for the next 19 days.
very important 19 days.
it's either
i buck up, concentrate, study and pass with flying colours. :)
OR.
I continue to play, day dream, fail and repeat. :(


I've decided to take the 1st one! *duh!* =p
I know my limits, i know i can do it if i want to.
i just need more concentration.
yeahs! :)
so for the next 19 days,
it's purely studies!
studying and studying!
studying and studying!
nothing else.


and
i will be off-ing my phone in d day,
will only turn it on at 5pm. :)
so any messages, i'll reply them when i see them okays? :)
I am not MIA-ing or what,
i just want to concentrate on studying. =)


Thank you Gerald for the comment on FS. :)
yea! no one can leave any comment on my blog.
and no one can leave any message. =p
thank you for being understanding too! :)
am glad u did enjoy some parts of the party. :)


yesterday, i admit that i am a bit emo. :x
people who talked to me can sense it.
or rather he can sense it.
and i told him why.
somehow, i feel much better.
he told me, i didn't spend much time with him and he didn't blame me at all.
not at all.
he said the party is for me. not for him.
i should spend time with my friends instead of him, since i haven't meet up with my friends for very very long already. It's a time for me to spend time with my friends. :)
Thank you for being so understanding! :)
now that i think back,
i am actually proud of whatever i have done.
because.
yeahs, it's hard but at least i did try my best in trying to make my dear friends feel comfortable and happy.
so thank you once again to those who came. :)


Thank YOU to
Mad, Mel, Ying, Touty, Mirna, Bash, Gerald, Heup Seng, Yu Zheng, Ling Hui, Ade, Shark, Auntie, Cousin Lowie, Yao Zheng, Mir's bf, Stan and Myself. :D
Thank You for celebrating my birthday with me.
It's one of the best birthday ever. :)
Thank You! :)


I know there are people who are unable to make it on the day. =)
It's ok, I understand.
After exams, after my last paper on the 23rd May.
I am a free girl once again. =D
I will have time for everyone.
What i have said still holds,
All of you are still very very important to me.
I mean it,
I will think of ways (after exams) to balance everything up.
I don't want to lose contact with anyone just because I have him.
You guys are always as important as ever. :)


I can't wait for post-exam activity. =D
I am going to first meet Bestie up, that is also if she is still in Singapore.
Hopefully she is in Singapore. :)
I have so many things to tell her.
A lot of things.
I am going to probably go to Ubin.
I am going to meet Mad, the girls and probably people from the usual "clique".
I am going on a date with Dewi girll.
I am planning to find a job or go back home.
I just need a good holiday! =D


yesh!
so now, back to books.
party is over now.
its studying time again. =)
exams rocks! =D

I am 21 now!
Finally! :)
I am very very happy for the past 2 days.


BUT then again.
there is still a small part inside me that doesn't feel happy at all.
I am very very sorry for the screwed up party.
very sorry.
It probably was a mistake?
was it?
I don't know.
I can't find the right definition of close.
I never regret inviting you guys over and he didn't regret it too.
I am sorry if his attitude or personality pissed you guys off.
I am also very sorry, if i wasn't a good host.
lesson learnt.
I AM VERY VERY SORRY.
Anyways, hopefully you guys did enjoy yourself at some parts of the day.
even though not throughout the whole thg.
I sincerely hope you guys did enjoy yourself.
Thanks for coming.
Thanks for all the wishes.
Thanks for everything.
I really hope you guys did enjoy yourself.
:)
and all of you are still as important as ever. :)


Bestie didn't turn up yesterday.
I am not upset.
I somehow understand.
Stanley told me that she wasn't feeling very well.
I kept asking him why.
I thought he bluffed me when he told me.
I was thinking, why didn't she tell me herself.
and after a few hours..
and he finally told me, "I should know, I know her better and should know the reason why."
yes.
When he told me, i was rather disappointed, because i am actually looking forward to her coming.
but after a while,
i understand.
I really do understand why she didn't turn up. and i don't blame u at all bestie girl.
after exam, i will meet u up or sth k? :)


Humans are selfish.
I don't know.
we prioritize people.
everyone do prioritize people right..?
and If Bestie girl did come yesterday, i would probably devote most of my time to her and Stan.
and then leave the two of them to talk, since they haven't meet for quite sometime.
and, this Bestie is my Bestie, she is very important to me.
Everyone knows.
Honestly, i felt very very bad yesterday.
I felt like finding a hole to hide myself in.
I know i created much unhappiness yesterday too.
It was probably a mistake to invite such different categories of people.
I guess it was a mistake.
I am such a let down.
I am such a disappointment.
I felt very bad that i couldn't wholly and fully entertain every single "close" friends of mine.
I hope you guys can understand.
and IT IS DEFINITELY NOT BECAUSE STAN is there and i can ignore every single one of you.
IF any of you guys do realize, I spent most of my time with you guys and not him.
I can't totally ignore his presence
I don't want anyone to be unhappy.
I don't want him to be unhappy too.
I guess i made some people unhappy yesterday.
I am sorry.
Apart from apologizing i don't know what else i can say.
I somehow can feel it.
I somehow can.
anyways, it's over.
there are certain things that are best unexplained.
what ever it is,
hopefully you guys won't blame me.
I am just very sorry.
sorry.


he asked me a few qns this morning when you guys left.
and i didn't answer him, because i don't know what to say and period.
he knows he shouldn't probe further.
and no, he didn't bad mouth any of you at all.
I swear. He didn't badmouth any single one of you.


party is over.
it's now time to study.
I am very very tired.
19 days.
I will survive this.
this time round,
we are going to stick to our promise.
and not meet.
:)


Thank you to you! :)
Thank you to every single one of you! :)
Thank you for the wishes, loves, messages, company and everything. :)


P.S:
Thank you Mad & Ying for accompanying me sleep for the past 2 days.
Thank you very much. I appreciate it.
Thank you Cousin Lowie for coming!!! =)
I am surprised you came.
I thought you didn't want to come. =p
Thank You Ling Hui & auntie for preparing the beehoon & super nice agar agar!!!!
Thank You loads!

it's been very very long since i got gastric.
after getting gastric so many times.
i don't really know where is the exact place that indicates i had gastric.
so i went to check it out.
the exact position and stuffs.
*sighs*
it really is gastric. :(
pain.
i vomited all my food yesterday.
i don't like vomiting. :(
and today whole day.
i don't feel v well too. :(
Cause the pain is still there. :(
should have heeded Stan's advice and see doc to get medicine yesterday.
*sians*


but still..
no matter what..
i still must study.
*sighs*
exam stress!
super stressed! :(


but there is something to be happy about today. :)
I finally talked to Mad girl after 1 week.
I thought it's been very very long.
BUT she told me,
we just talked last week la. =p
but i missed talking to her la! :)


and of course there is something else to be happy about also. :)

super stress.
=((
very stress la! =(


hmm..
those who are going and i din msg u de...
remind me k? as in call me or msg me to ask d details. =p
i will send out the messages by 2nd May. =)


thank yous!

I felt a lot lot better when i woke up. :)
let's just treasure the time spend with each other. :)
I'll study very very well for exams.
I definitely will. :)
I am a happy girl now. :)

I don't know why,
I am suddenly very very sad.
I just feel like crying.
yet i can't cry.
i don't want him to worry.
but then again.
he somehow know.
my eyes are teary.
but i am not crying in front of you.
I'll be very fine.
so no worries.
there are some things in life which i come to realize now.
i really treasure this person a lot.
I really need to thank Bestie.
we need to thank her.
I thank her a lot.
Thank you Bestie girl!
all the best for all your papers k? =)


I got my first 21st birthday pressie!
Thank You Ling Hui & Ade girl!!!!
I really like the pressie!!!
Very nice and sweet of you girls!!!
They know that my Creative MP3 is dying and they bought me an Ipod!!! =D
Thank Yous!!!! :)


I really must say that Ipod is GOOD la k..
seriously.
Stan accidentally left his Ipod swimming in the washing machine.
He thought and we thought his Ipod died.
BUT NO!!!
after 3 days left untouched.
His Ipod came back to life.
Like nothing happened!
So i shall now say that.
Ipod is really good.
Thank you Ade girl & Ling Hui for getting one for me. =DDD

very fast.
very fast.
time really flies.
it's Sunday again.


life is cruel.
humans are evil.
how can you watched something that is alive.
on the floor.
struggling to live.
you did not help.
yet you slowly watches it die off?
humans are evil.
very evil.
i know it's just a fish and a small prawn.
but it has a life also right?
just like you and me?
how can you watch it die off like that?
you are so evil.


i don't know how am i going to spend the next two weeks.
i am going to live it and spend it away.
whatever it is.
good luck to me.
good luck to you.
good luck to us.


i don't want things to be complicated.
i want things to be simple.

yesh yesh.
nonsense is the word. =x


i am so glad i realised that..
actually, i have quite a number of very close friends.
friends who really dote and care for me and are really concern.
I must thank Ade for introducing Ling Hui to me.
She really helped me a lot.
In a lot of ways.
although sometimes, things she did, pissed me off.
but other than that.
I really love her a lot as my friend.
There are things she said and things she did which really touches me.
U know those kind like a big sister talking to her small sister.
LOL. and i really love this girl a lot! :)
I know i have no one to depend on in Singapore.
(because also like, got relative like no relative lidat. =x)
she said, i have friends. so no matter what. whenever i have anything.
whenever i am out late.
I have to tell anyone of them.
So that if anything happen.
they will know. :)
thank you!
like what i tell Heup, you guys will always be first compared to any person i just got to know.
like please, you guys have known me for about 5 to 6 years, some less, some more.
you know what kind of person i am.
i won't change.
i won't.
it's just very hard to change a person la k. :)
so don't change.
no matter where we are!
Just be ourselves! =D
if he can't accept it, then too bad. =x
it's really just us and our nonsense. :)
i am very sorry for saying things which, might hurt you guys in one way or another.
I realised my mistake and what you guys said is true la. :)
and.
all of you are very very important to me. :)
you know who you are la.
i shan't name people. =p


this song is nice! =D





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i know someday, we will somehow quarrel,
i know someday, things might just not turn out the way you want it to be.
i know someday, a lot of things will come to light.
so let's stop thinking.
just enjoy the moment.
stop getting headache, because of some nonsense.
i am not who you think i am.
it's more complicated, not so simple.
i told you.


let's sit back. relax. and see what happens. :)

1st day of studying at library with Shane, turned out to be quite productive. :)
studied and of course talked!
but we studied most of the time! :)
now i know more about him already.
haha! :p
Thanks for enlightening me with so much stuffs ar! :)
He also told me that we are LSE ( London School Of Economics ) student
and NOT SIM student!
haha! yeah! we are LSE students! =D
that sounds so much nicer than saying that we are from SIM.. =p
So i am so going to go to the library to study for the next few weeks. :)
away from tee-vee.. away from lappy.. and away from bed! :)


and he came to surprise me!
Shane was surprised too!
that is very sweet of him (according to Shane)
I know i am very bad la ok...
but i am only surprised. =x


Eating out is sooo ex! oh my god!
serious!
everything is increasing and increasing. :(
scary!


bought heup his pressie! hope he likes it!
I mean he better like it!
haha!
i first time buy shirt for a guy sia!
thanks to Shane for helping me try it out. :)


I am very very tired.
and i m so going to sleep some time very very soon.


Hope Ade girl is fine! :)

i promise i will treasure things..
i really will treasure things that i have now..
i know when certain things are lost..
it will never come back.. =)


my birthday is coming very very soon.
reaching adulthood very very soon.
seriously, i am very scared.
also don't know what i really want. =x


I'm getting a new phone for myself.
I'm going to shop around for bags as soon as i go shopping.
I'm also going to shop for more clothes.
what else...?
I am looking forward to everything..
but then again..
i am also very scared... =x


i am suddenly very moody.
don't know why.
i just suddenly have that kind of "not good feeling".. :(
have been very very moody since just now..
i also don't know why. =x
Thanks Ade, Lh & Stan for calling.
Thanks! :)

econs still in process.
i am very stress.


damn it.
i got another bad news yesterday. :(
life is just so not beautiful la ok..?
i hate it and i super don't like it when i received news about people passing away.
yesh, these people who passed away are not very related to me.
but hearing it one after another makes me very very sad and unhappy.
yesterday, LH told me her uncle just passed away. *sigh*
last week, it was SM's uncle.
Yesterday, it was LH's.
what the hell man.
WHY is all these people dying away one after another.
what will happen to the people they left behind?
and they are not very old.
not very old and sickly.
LH's uncle is only 50..?
hais.
crap.
i don't know.
i can only say.
hopefully they passed on peacefully.
一路好走


i always ask S,
why is it there is so many people who dies every single day,
yet i am still here. doing whatever i am probably supposed to do..?
why is it i am not one of them..?
and every time i ask this,
i know he gets very irritated.
ok la.. i should stop this.
it is very unhealthy to always say the word "die"
because somehow, those stuffs will follow you and it somehow might happen.
yahs.
so don't say the word "die" unnecessarily.
I guess, when people leave us, they have finished whatever business they need to do on earth.
and so, we should be happy for them.
because probably, leaving means, happiness to them.
yeaps.
so all the best to them in the other world.
i have been hearing the word "paradise" for many times these few days.
yeahs.


kk..
time to go back to econs. :(
reality always hurts la. :(

i ponned stats lesson today. =x
i mean i went in d morning.
THEN...
the lecturer is super waste time n super draggy.
so i went off during lunch hour. =x
tml n sunday got econs. :(
super scared.
hopefully, all will be well.
It's nice knowing that he might be coming. :)
at least got people accompany.
I shall see how later. :)


jia you jia you!
focus!
study study! :)


hopefully, like what you said, with you around, almost everything will be well.
thank you.

My heart really sank after what i read.
As in yeahs, i suddenly feel very sad.
very very sad.
My bestie girl, Sze Min is a very very brave and strong girl.
She really is.
I am very proud of her and i really salute and respect her a lot.
if those things were to happen to me.
I don't know,
i don't think i will be able to survive till now, like how she did.
I won't be as strong and as brave as she is.
I hope He will give her the strength and the wisdom to go through everything in this life.


life is just very weird.
a lot of people is dying every single day like nobody's business.
but at the end of the day, life still goes on.
whatever happens life just goes on.
why is life so ever cruel..?
I mean why is it, He created life to be like this..?


everyone has their own problems.
some very very trivial and not important problems.
but they are still problems which some how bug them every single day.
I don't know.
I don't want to think.
I don't want to know so much.
I guess it's better that way.
I don't care if i am some suaku kuku shit in the whole wide world.
whatever it is, i don't want to know so much.
because i know, the more i know, the more problems i will get.
this is why i always never ask.
because, there is no point asking.
there is no point knowing.
because, when i know it, it will only become a problem.
become some worry on my mind.
it will only yahs! somehow, become my own problem.


why the hell do people care about that certificate which everyone is working hard for.
it's just a piece of paper!
I mean, it really is just a piece of paper.
do you measure how competent you are just because of that one piece of paper...?
now you know why humans are weird..?
why am i even here..?
this place is weird..
i am weird too.
i don't know what am i doing.
and.
i don't know what i want.
i am just also very weird.

it feels really nice to have someone to shower you with care and concern.
sometimes, it feels really nice when you allow yourself to sink deep into such happiness and remain asleep for sometime.
after all, being happy is what matters.
and, just being happy for that moment is probably good enough. :)


have been feeling quite good recently.
when we are not talking.
it seems like everything is so fake.
but when we are talking.
everything came to life again.
this is what i probably feel.


that is all.
what matters is, i am good now.
doing quite good. :)


school's been fine.
except that i am again feeling very stressed up. :(
exams will start in 30 days.
to the 1st econs paper.
and i must pass econs with very good result.
cannot do badly.
i haven really told anyone,
but i want to get that Honours Degree.
yeahs.
i need to get that.
can a not...?
hopefully can la hor..?
nothing is impossible right..?
yeahs.. :)
hopefully hard work will pay off.


there is always a time to play and a time to study.
and.
i am old enough to be able to manage my time. :)


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


i don't know la ok..
sometimes i feel that SIM people are super weird.
as in, most of them are older than me by what... 2 to 3 years old..
some are WORKING ADULT.
yet they can ask me very stupid and childish questions.
as in..
WHY CANT THEY USE THEIR BRAIN TO THINK..?
why can't they yeahs, if you wan to go for lesson then jolly well GO!
no need to ask,
"the lecturer good or not.."
"how was the lecture bla bla bla.."
cuz it.. yeahs! can get kind of irritating at times.
and i don't like to answer silly questions.
especially when i am busy doing things.
especially when i am concentrating on something.


i have a number of friends.
quite a number.
but there are only A FEW which i will talk to or rather entertain or rather answer to,
no matter how busy i am.
humans prioritize right..?
i am sure you also do.
so don't come and ask me silly questions like..
"eh! why you never reply my msg ar..?"
if you are my friend, and you are worth my explanation,
i will tell you that i am busy at that moment.
if i simply can't be bothered with you i will tell you...
"oops! i think i didn't receive your message. "
(but sometimes really la, i really din recieve. =x)


yahs! sorry la! I have serious attitude problem.
if you don't like my attitude then too bad.
just stay away from me and hate me.
if i am and i have to take everyone's nonsense.
i don't know what will happen to me la. =x


there is a time for nonsense and a time for serious matters.
so please.
use your brain to think k?
when i am busy, means i am busy la!

Now finally, i can fully concentrate on my studies.
because with that on my mind, i just somehow cannot concentrate.
now that things are pretty clear to me, i can put that aside, and just fully concentrate on my exams.
the fact that i can be honest about everything and wants you to be honest with it.
i am prepared to accept the consequence.
even if after this, we are going to stop talking to each other,
i will be fine with it,
i am perfectly ok with it.
i just don't want things to drag on.
but i know you are not going to ignore me. =p
cuz yeahs, we know it.
yeahs, hopefully.


thank you for helping me. :)
thank you for being honest. :)
thank you for seeing me as who i am. :)
thank you for not judging me wrongly. :)
thank you for your companion. :)
thank you for being nice to me. :)
thank you for everything. :)


for now, we are just friends.
nothing more than that, i don't like the neither here nor there kind of feeling.
so yeahs, we shall just remain as friends now.
let's not cross over the line.
for now.
heed my advice, don't let yourself, nor myself sink deeper.
I don't know how did u actually do it when you tried to restrict yourself,
but when i restrict myself, i somehow am able to make our relationship of 'more than friends' to just purely friends.
which means, i am able to make myself not fall for you and remain on the line.
which means i am blocking you from entering.
I don't know if this is good or bad.
I guess it's better for me.
I really don't want to get into the whole shitty hole again.
I just don't want to.


and 7 months is pretty long.
anything can happen during that period.
and i somehow know and think that we might somehow change.
what is going to happen after that, is not for us to guess.
so let's not be naive and tell ourselves to wait till that day comes and we will be.. blablabla..
when we don't even know what can happen the next second,
so why predict and believe what will happen after 7 months?


i know i haven't been myself recently.
i am very sorry about this.
from now on, lily is back again.
i am back to normal.
sorry for confusing everyone.
because i, myself, am confused.


i found a place for me to escape after the exam.
i am not going anywhere.
i am just going to go home.
i don't want to think about anything anymore.
i am tired.


yeaps.
now is really really really really revision time for finals.

Ini saatnya gue harus belajar untuk menghadapi perasaan gue sendiri.
karena gue..
beneran udah terlanjur suka sama dia.
emank seh, rada bego begitu.
gue aja blom pernah ketemu ma dia, ga tau orgnya kaya gimana.
trus gimana coba gue bisa suka sama dia ya nga?
malah, setiap hari yg ada di dalem pikiran gue itu dia dia & dia.
gmn dunk?
bego kan gue?
Yah Tuhan tolongin aq dunk, gimana ini semuanya bisa terjadi.
gue ga tau.
gue dah nga mau dhe.
Please dhe, loe tugh kalo bukan siapa2 gue, jangan begitu bae sama gue, karena gue bisa jatuh cinta sama elo.
skrg kalo udah begini loe mau suruh gue gimana lagi?? :(
Yah, semoga, mudah mudah-an.. perasaan ini bakal pelan pelan hilang.
Tuhan tolong dunk kasih aq petunjuk okie?
Please.

*sighs*
Early in the morning, the 1st thg that comes into my mind is what?
gue kepikir dia lagi dia lagi.
wake up lahs Lily!
omg!
I should stop dreaming.
I am not what u assumed.
I am not like what you think i am.
I am just a girl remember?


Because I am a girl.


oh yahs! one more thing.
I won't be celebrating my birthday anymore.
so, chalet and bbq is all off.
sorry arhs!
so you guys are free to do what you guys want on the 3rd of may. :)

the problem lies in me and not you.
i must say that i am a complete retard, a joke.
seriously, who would ever do that?
luckily, i din make any wrong step and no one knows about this except the 4 of us.
enough, its time to stop this nonsense.
somehow i get kind of turned off?
probably i got turned off by the whole draggy thing.
i want things to start and get it cleared and yeahs! save all the confusion.
save all the troubles of guessing.
but the weird thing with humans is, we have to wait for the best time. -_-''
the best is yet to come?
or
the worst is yet to come?


i always get into all kinds of stupid troubles.
and i don't know why.
yeahs! i am doing a good job in protecting myself.
i am.
but then deep inside somehow somewhere, i know something isn't right.
and i got very fed up.
no! no! it's not his fault.
It's mine.
more of my fault than his la.
i was the one who got crazy and started things up.
whatever.
i just want you to stop saying certain things to let me put my hopes high.
don't just say something for the sake of saying it.
because there is some gundoo here who takes your words seriously.
don't just say anything and don't carry them out.
I've had enough of it.
and it takes time to forget all about it.
i just want to get a clear picture of the whole thing now.
nothing else.
just give me an answer.

nOt nice!
My body finally cannot take it anymore and fell sick.. :x
luckily, the medicine, mom bought for me is still use-able & eat-able.
I am feeling much better ald. after popping in 3 pills yst night b4 i sleep. :)
yesterday was the first day i reached home before the sky turns dark..
last week, i really superrr...
go out almost everyday..
accompany-ing people and accompany-ing people..
and i wasnt really doing my things. :(
then yst night, i finally need to take a break from everything.
i slept at like 11??
haha! the earliest time in the past few weeks ehhs?? :)
good!
i shall do that again tonight. :)
when i come back from lesson.
it's time to lie down and sleep again. :)


but then again.
last week was really fun la.
like finally i stay away from house.
go out early in the morning, reach home late at night. :p


last thursday, as usual, i am very nice.
help jor work, cuz he wanted bball on that day.
but then, the day din go on very well.
i was quite alone the whole day.
not that i am lonely or what la..
i just don't feel like talking to anyone.
so i was very anti-social the whole day.
so the day din go on very well lo..
nvms i'm glad it's overr.. =p


last friday.. i went mad girl hse! her family are very nice host!
I got treated to an ice-cream "conetto" which costs like $2.40???
siao 1.. y so expensive siaaa... -_-''
i feel as if i'm in my own house la!!!
thanks yous!! :)
thanks girl!!! hopefully your daddy din scold u much ookays!
if i dun have to go meet friend. i will stay to have dinner b4 i go.
so i am really sorry sorry sorry... i feel really baddd.. :(
then after that.. went accompany lh went orchard to get her stuffs..
and as expected. really don't have la... i told her ald.. cfm dun have one.. but she dun beliv..
but anyways, haha! thank you so much girl for driving me around for the past 2 weeks. :)
and she is so sweet, she drove me to work on last Thursday.. haha! how nice!
lol actually is she wants to go there get sth. BUT! haha! couldn't get it..
so the trip became, she only drove me there for work.. :p
this is the only thing that makes me happy on that very day la.. :)


On saturday, went all the way to Boon Keng (her bf hse) to play mahjong..
cuz cousin and her friends lack of one player.
so they ask me go there..
and they taught me mahjong..
lols.
haha!
actually i also not bad 1 la. :p
and we played till 11.. and i took the last bus home. =)
and i boarded an lrt at midnight sharp lehs!
so scaryyy!
i tot i was the onli girl still roaming about in midnight!
but NO!
i was wrong!
still got a few others.
BUt then still, it's quite scaryy larhhsss..
i'll try to avoid reaching home so late at night next time.
yeahs.
it's scaryyy! :(


so last week was quite extreme ehss!
this week.. i am going to remain L O W..
not going out.
resting and studying time liaos.


been talking quite a lot to bestie girl. :)
at least now i know, i am quite ok la.
not very bad. =p


now i still thinking whether to have a birthday chalet or not..
or should i just do away with it??
we shall see how... =p
most prob is wont have de bahs. =x
cuz i dun wan to ma fan so many ppl also..

Think yesterday was the very first time i played mahjong on my own, with betss.. :P
not too badd..
tho i lost.. :p
but ok la..
quite fun! :p


and that pig! so useless!
make me so disappointed.
actually fell asleep. -_-''
nvmss.
u better make good of your words.
don't anyhow anyhow say things out to me.
and then in the end. it really is just saying hors!
enuf damage done to me the past few years.
u better make good of ur words!!!
i will haunt u down 1.
lol.
actually also neverminds, i only took in 5% of what u said.
I don't want to let history repeat itself. :p
so i am a bit sorry, if my way of saying things is a bit too harsh.


Omg la!
today, i can guarantee with u that, university guys are soo CHILDISH.
they went to toilet to settle things some more la.
wth right.
they even shouted at each other in front of lecture hall.. -_-''
they even say what. "don't let me see you outside.."
haha! please lo!
i think they are ald 25 or 26 years old already la..
still do this kind of childish things.
want to fight then just fight la.
lolss..
then i got nice show to watch. :p


k le.
nth interesting.
when i hv sth interesting den i share share.
hahas. :p

it's been ten days already.
things are going.. i guess.. pretty fine.
Honestly, actually yeahs, i really want to know how long this is going to last.
how long will this will continue until.
hah.
i am not being pessimistic.
i just want to protect myself.
maybe i am very mean, but yeahs, i just want to get myself prepared.
I don't want things to repeat itself like what happened b/w .. n me.
so this time around.
I must try not to fall in too deep. :)
I must not let my imagination run wild.
just let nature takes its course. :)


school's ON tml.
sian.
but no choice. :(


k le.
take care! :)
it's always nice to be loved. :)

ok la..
i noe i am uper duper irritating and i really dont know what i wantt.. -_-''
i will just let nature takes its course okies?
hais...
i duno what sia.
i really dont know what i am doing.
and i dont know why the toot am i so distracted.
i really dont know la.
sian.
but again at the same time
i guess, somewhere deep inside..
i am rather happy?
but wells, i must control myself.
must control.
cannot let myself get into trouble.
cannot.
cannot let myself fall deeper. =(
cuz i dont want to get into trouble. =(
as much as i want to believe i am forcing myself not to beliv so much. :)

I don't know.
I am getting confused.
the fact that, i GOT distracted, tells me that something is quite wrong.
Cannot.
Cannot.
This cannot happen.
I just got to know you remember?
And we are really NOT VERY CLOSE.
but how come.
things are going on in this weird way?
as in again.
it's..
Clear but not very clear again.
We barely know each other, not even 7 days!
but!
I don't know.
I don't want to think.
I am just confused. :(


The past few days i am really very happy.
In fact, I am seldom THIS happy for so many days continuously.
VERY Seldom.
So what is it?
The dream?
MY guess?


I seldom can get along with a stranger this fast.
I seldom readily say YES to an almost stranger.
I seldom put my guard down this way.
I seldom do things this way.


So what happened?

i am SO tired..
also dont know what i did yst...
just so super very tired..
i turned in as early as 1230 yst la.
haha.. actually also not very early la.. :p
when i finished revising for the day's POA i went straight to sleep. :)


and..
i had a very nice dream yst!
i dreamt of LH and S.
Both of them did very sweet stuffs for me.
such sweet dreams.
if only it really will happen. :)
then how nice will it be le. :)
haha!
very nice!

2 days of continuous happiness.
good good!
thanks! :)
everything's going very smoothly and very fine! v gd!
haha! hope wish will come true before 21st birthday! :)


Honestly, these 2 days am feeling very great.
or rather the whole week of break was almost great.
even though i din do much.
must thank bestie loads.
i also dont know if it really is becuz of tt.
cuz, hmm..
duno lehs.. i wasnt and din expect and din even wait for anything to happen.
i just wana let everythg go on smoothly.
if wana talk then talk. dont want to talk then dun talk. nth to talk then, a simple HI! will do!
so yahs lo.
It's nice to know you!
we are talking.. i think almost everyday now.
I don't want things to happen too fast too.
Just let nature takes its course la k? :)
:)


I am clear of my stand now.
I re-emphasized it to them also.
we are NEVER together. AND will NEVER EVER be.
so STOP misunderstanding us.
cuz it's pointless.
IF he is good enuf, maybe you shud recommend him to ur own daughters.
we are PURELY just FRIENDS.
At least for now and in the near future, i must say that i will definitely stay in the line.
I don't want to lose a good friend just because of some silly thoughts.
so yah!
my stand now.
Clear!
no more silly thoughts!
somehow, the more they ask me, the more certain i get! =D
Thanks for asking me again and again!!! =D
Because it makes me more and more sure of the whole picture! =D


52 more daysss! :(

怎么办？
心里有种特别闷的感觉。。
我是不是又再一次闯祸了？
我的心真的很闷。。
真的又再一次觉得自己就像一个傻瓜。。
原本很确定我不会再次陷入那个祸。。
但是感觉上我好像真的无可救药了。。
怎么办？
真的没有人懂， 也没有人会知道吧！
说出来也应该没有用，没有任何意义。
我也不想继续这个样子。。
我们到底是什么关系？






有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
旧情人给的问候比陌生人还尴尬
昨天远了明天还长回忆模糊但巨大
这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下

my happiness don't last! :(
let go. let go and let go.
i must stay firm with my stand.
Must stay firm.
cannot feel more beyond than.
cannot.
i thought i've made it clear with myself yst.
clear.
cannot think so much.
cannot.
stay in the line.
don't cross over it.
cuz, if i cross the line again.
it'll be really very sian again. (lyk wat bestie said)
cuz i will just fall deeper and deeper.
stop saying that i am his.
cuz i am not.
no i am not.
AND.
i don't stay with him.
stop misunderstanding us.
we are in the line. and we wont cross beyond that ever.
we are both singles and not available.


very tiring day.
leg is breaking.
but i want to work more!
i want money. :D

i am very very happy today... :)
cant stop laughing! :)
lols!
i don't know why.
but everything started and ended truly very well today!
hahas!



Thanks arhs bestie!
lols!
u contributed to my happy day!!! :)


I am just so very happy la k? :)
good nights! :)

one more paper. and all will done.
then is time to also start preparing for finals.
yeaps.
just one more.
so must do very very well for this paper. no matter what.
must try my best.


it's time la.
get rid of all the excuses.
i have to do it no matter what.
it really is a fact.
cuz i have been wondering about how my future will be like.
i must have a bright future.
i must live the kind of life i want.
yeahs.
furthermore i am turning into an adult le.
if i don't start planning now.
when is the time?
an adult should behave like an adult too.
no room for mistakes.


somehow, i cannot always say "aiya, still got tomorrow..still got time."
cannot cannot.
i cannot waste my time away like this.
i cannot be like this.
cuz my future is in my own hand.


i think i wont celebrate my 21st bday le.
i want to save all the hassle of organising.
cuz like v bo liao also.
where gt ppl prepare for own bday 1.
plus, its ard exam period. wrong timing.
so just make it a very simple 1 and i also will be happy.
use the cash meant for celebrating to buy things i want. :p
lolls.


kk bye bye.
time for accounting.
=D

v bad.
v down.
v depressed.
v disappointed.
dont come and irritate me.
hais.

Yah Tuhan!
Gimana dunk??!
stress! stress!
selamanya kalo ulg pasti gue stress abiz.
like what the..
hais.
Called mommy today.. talked for about an hour!
Miss home loads!


Blahs! stupid exam! drag until so bloody hell long!
Fang's exam started later than mine! But hers ended like TODAY!!
and mine will end only NEXT MONDAY!
argh!
and that crap PBF is so shitty hard to memorise!
154 pages of font size 10.. full of words. with close to NO pictures AT ALL.
how to memorise????
hais.
Bless
Me
Please


求您开我的智慧吧！
给我力量去克服所有的困难。


3 more papers to go. :(

i am about to go crazy anytime soon.
I am very bad at memorizing things.
how am i supposed to memorize everythg.
Someone please help me.
It has become my bible somehow.
i've been reading and reading it.
YET, nothing seems to enter my brain.
like what the hell.
i also duno what i should do.
if i get more and more tensed up , more and more worried. i'll be getting nowhere.
so i will just study.
study.
and leave the rest up to the above.
I've been high on Coffee and cereals and biscuits these days.
Hahahs! simply becuz, i need to study. and i don't want to waste time to go down and buy food which is not nice.


then, i've been having weird dreams also
whatever.
hope exam will soon be over.
and i will pass with flying colours.
God Bless

Mr Lim posted this on my facebook! haha! very nice! shall share. :D


When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind. When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply. When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around. When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.


When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it.
When a GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.


Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....
Find a guy ...
who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
who calls you back when you hang up on him.
who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who ...
kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Who turns to his friends and says, " That's her!! "


nice right??? haha! will there be such a guy???